Chaos Theory

I am the pirate Bob!

Awww!

So true.

10 Most Cliched CharacterTypes in Sci-Fi

Why weres and vamps?

Discussion over at Smart Bitches.

"I’ve talked about why paranormal romance is so popular and related that to the 9/11 terrorist attacks in the US, and I think that same resolution of fear is, in part, what makes vampire romance so continually interesting to readers. I think (and many people disagree with me here) that paranormal romance became superbly popular in the US market following 9/11/01, for two main reasons. First, the evil is easily identified. Either he wants to exsanguinate you, or he gets really hairy in compliment to her lunar cycle, but the otherness and the potential intent to harm is pretty easy to spot. Contrast that with the kid and a backpack on the subway who might be a student or might be ready to blow himself and his neighbors to bits. The easily identifiable evil is a comforting contrast.
Then, there’s the resolution of that otherness. Either the Other is tamed by the Power of Lurrrrve™ and the protagonists united through conversion (she becomes a vamp, he becomes a were, etc) or the Other is destroyed because it’s the antagonist preventing the happy ending. And when a paranormal creature is destroyed in romance, it’s not just a duel with a handkerchief in the dew. The offending Other is chopped into pieces, set on fire, beheaded, and possibly sent to an entirely other dimension, depending on the world building and mythology at work. There is no ass kicking like paranormal villain ass kicking."

Some interesting remarks in the comments:
"Every “new” element in romance (whether time-travel, paranormal, werewolves, vampires, fairies, robots, what-have-you) is an attempt to up the conflict quotient and thereby make the resolution that much more intense and satisfying (in more ways than one). The key is always finding the right combination (and it does tend to be a zeitgeist thing) to enact the eternal dance of attraction-conflict/sexual tension-false resolution-more conflict/sexual tension-final resolution. Many of the “old” tropes that gave the romance its conflict and sexual tension (nobleman/commoner, yankee/rebel, patriot/tory, rancher/farmer, settler/Indian) have been played out, so “new” ones have been introduced. Eventually, they too will get old and something else will replace them. I remember about 15-20 years ago, every other romance involved time travel. You don’t see so many of those anymore. At some point, even vampires and werewolves will give way to some other exploration of what-makes-the-world-go-round."

"I was rereading Patricia Briggs the other day and thought of it as a bit like paranormal romantic suspense. In contemporary romantic suspense there has to be a reason not to go to the police. But when you add monsters, weres or vampires, then of course the human police can’t help, and the hero gets to kick butt, instead of just picking up the phone to call the local cops."

"I seem to encounter a lot of wimpy men in the real world. Men who stand by, refusing to tell a woman they like her, waiting for her to make the first move. Then when she goes off with some guy who was brave enough to say “I think you’re attractive and I’d like to get to know you better” stand there and whine “Women only want a**holes!” Not realizing it’s not a matter of women liking jerks, it’s a matter of the woman liking a man with a backbone.
These same guys tell me it’s my lack of confidence, not my weight, that keeps me dateless. Yet can’t accept that their own lack of confidence also keeps them dateless. They equate being a wimp with being “a nice guy.” Plus their fear of rejection keeps them afraid. If they’d just man up and say “I like you” they’d have more dates.
Vampires don’t lack confidence. Even the most tortured one goes for the girl if he’s attracted to her."

Glee, Veronica Mars, Buffy, and the Internet

Interesting changes with the passage of time.

Hooray, Guild!

Best Loot Episode Ever!

More from Felicia Day, too.

Awww.

"We were pen pals who lived 1951 miles apart, got the chance to meet in a different state, paddled backwards in a kayak, jumped off a bridge, and fell in love."

Eat me, I'm cute.

Heh.

Ragging on social networking: a roundup

(a) You lose the ability to tell stories:

"If the culprit i"s obvious, so is the primary victim of this radically reduced attention span: the narrative, the long-form story, the tale. Like some endangered species, the story now needs defending from the threat of extinction in a radically changed and inhospitable digital environment.

Last year Hollywood veterans and scientists from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology teamed up to create a laboratory aimed at protecting the traditional tale from oblivion: the Centre for Future Storytelling. However ludicrous that may sound, they have a point. Storytelling is the bedrock of civilisation. From the moment we become aware of others, we demand to be told stories that allow us to make sense of the world, to inhabit the mind of someone else. In old age we tell stories to make small museums of memory. It matters not whether the stories are true or imaginary.

The internet, while it communicates so much information so very effectively, does not really “do” narrative. The blog is a soap box, not a story. Facebook is a place for tell-tales perhaps, but not for telling tales. The long-form narrative still does sit easily on the screen, although the e-reader is slowly edging into the mainstream. Very few stories of more than 1,000 words achieve viral status on the internet.

Plot lies at the heart of great narrative: but today, we are in danger of losing the plot. Paradoxically, there has never been a greater hunger for narrative, for stories that give shape and meaning to experience. Barack Obama was elected, in large measure, on the basis of his story, the extraordinary odyssey that begins in Hawaii and ends in the White House, taking in Chicago and Kenya along the way.

The news stories that compel us are not the blunt shards of information, but those with narrative: the tragic mystery of Madeleine McCann; the enraging saga of parliamentary scandal; the strange decay of Gordon Brown’s premiership. Reality television, The X Factor, Strictly Come Dancing, all are driven by personal narratives as much as individual talent.

Our fascination with other people’s stories is as great, if not greater, than any time in history. This year I am judging the Costa biography of the year award. The astonishing range of biographical writing is testament to our appetite for narrative. Reading several dozen lives, one after the other, has been fascinating, but also unfamiliar, and exhausting. Like Carr and, I suspect, many others, I too have become used to absorbing lives in Wikipedia-shaped chunks.

What is needed is a machine that can combine the ease and speed of digital technology with the immersive pleasures of narrative. It may not be far off. Japan has recently seen an explosion in the popularity of thumb novels, keitai shosetsu, book-length sagas that can be uploaded to the screen of your mobile phone, one page at a time.

These mobile telephone tales are written in the language of the net: scraps of text-speak, slang and emoticons, but these are still unmistakably narratives, stories with a protagonist, a beginning and an end. They are also hugely popular: sales of books in Japan are dropping, but half the Top Ten fiction bestsellers started on mobile telephones. Here is proof that the ancient need for narrative, hardwired into human nature, can sit comfortably with the wiring of the newest technology."

(b) Or read nonverbal cues:

"At least phones, cellular and otherwise, allow the transmission of tone of voice, pauses and the like. But even these clues are absent in the text-dependent world. Users insert smiley-faces into emails, but they don't see each others' actual faces. They read comments on Facebook, but they don't "read" each others' posture, hand gestures, eye movements, shifts in personal space and other nonverbal—and expressive—behaviors."

Where are the grumpy old vampire men?

This is right up there with another thing I've thought about vamps: why the hell would a 100+ vampire want to get romantically involved with 20something humans? How much of a freaking age and experience gap IS that? What the hell do they have in common besides blood and sex? What would they talk about? 

The Ten Most Annoying Things About Being...

...a time traveler's wife:

"Separates coffee grounds from other trash and buries them wrapped in plastic sealed with duct tape; won't explain why except by shuddering and saying, "You'll know soon enough."

...a vampire's girlfriend:

Never sleeping means spending extensive time buying coffins on eBay and updating Facebook status with "Sooooooo bored and thirsty." ("Dracula and 609 others like this.")

Constantly tries to win arguments with, "When you're six hundred years old, you'll understand."

Companion with sparkling, marble-like skin likely to overshadow "bling" at prom and wedding.

The Ulimate Dealbreaker

Don't marry a chick who wants kids if you don't, dumbass.

Faking Twilight fandom

A helpful guide.

"Pick A Team: You're either Team Edward (sparkly Volvo-driving vampire) or Team Jacob (that's the 17-year-old werewolf who never wears a shirt). If a Twihard approaches you in the street and asks you which team you're on, you MUST choose one of these options. Just pick one! It doesn't matter! Lie about it! Don't try to be clever and say something like, "I'm Team Bella, because I like to support other women," because that will get you sent to Twilight detention, where everyone is forced to write a 10,000 word essay on why "Renesmee" isn't a stupid name.

Keep Supplies Handy: Remember that body glitter you wore to the club in 1998? Well guess what? It just might save your life. Be sure to keep a bottle in your car at all times, so that when the Twilight army approaches, you can slather glitter up and down your arms and yell "I believe!" until they leave you alone."

Short Circuit was not as good as you thought it was, even if the robot is cute.

Plus, it did brownface. WTF?

RPattz gets treated like a girl

"Robert Pattinson talks shit about the projects he is in. Robert Pattinson is honest about the fact that he is not the best actor. And Robert Pattinson’s main source of employment is facilitating his own objectification, which he does, but also complains about all the time. Robert Pattinson is… Megan Fox, basically! But, you know. A man version.

Because we have no problem with objectifying Megan Fox, really! We just have a problem with everything she says, and specifically the things she says wherein she takes issue with being objectified. We just hate her. Whereas people don’t hate Robert Pattinson, really."

More (Salon):

"It's just that I think they're perfectly reasonable questions to ask about the objectification of Megan Fox, and every other Action Movie Girlfriend in history, as well. Treating a man just as poorly as women have long been treated in films made for young male audiences is not the kind of gender equality that gives me hope for the future. But thinking critically about why folks become so offended when they see that happening might, in fact, lead to a bit of progress. Why is it so unsettling to see a young male actor dehumanized, but not his female counterpart? Why do we sympathize with a man saying it's hard to be nothing but a pretty face, but vilify a woman who says it? Whether or not you can answer those questions, if you can at least spot the difference, you are obliged to do one of two things. In Doyle's words: "Be less weirded out by the fact that ladies are getting all freaky about Robert Pattinson. Or be MORE weirded out by the dudes getting all het up about various lady movie stars."

Holiday chat with Emily Yoffe

"You aren't charging everyone? You aren't making a scene? You aren't revealing your children's secrets to the table? You're just grateful to be with your loving family? What are you doing in this chat?!"

(Washington Post)

Oh, you Glee dorks

Sign graffiti.

Vanish: the roundup

• Here's what happened:
• Evan's daily costume changes
• Stories from the hunt

Scrooge is without honor

A Klingon Christmas Carol.

Oh lord.

Man marries his imaginary game girlfriend.

AWESOME title

Glitter and Doom.

OMG TEH DRAMA

Stupid thread drama about the damn toilet seat and whether or not a guy no longer putting it down is being p/a about getting married. I feel like I'm reading a thread about a cat.

If it's a conspiracy, it's a lame one.

All teenage girls HAVE to like Twilight!