(I'm going to be doing a series (of sorts) on nodes. This is the first in the series.)
I've been meaning to do some sort of review of SunShines on here, but of course forgot about it. For now, let's just leave it as, YOU MUST GO FUCKING BUY IT, PERIOD PERIOD PERIOD. It should be one of the top books someone should get on astrology. (Some day I should do a post on that.) He has it structured based on a combination of sun sign (or rising sign) and your nodes, and you're given a speciflc number entry to check on yourself, and then are recommended to read two chapters in particular in the back of the book about what you do and what you should be doing.
Instead, I wrote some entries on ye olde other journal on this topic (mainly because I was doing a daily posting schedule that month there and needed some freaking writing fodder), mainly related to my reactions to the "Independence" chapter in the book. In general, it was both scary accurate and deeply depressing for me.
I had a very depressing conversation with my mother on the phone Thursday night. It pretty much started out with the usual: "Whyyyyyy don't you like to talk on the phone? I love talking on the phone. I want us to be Oprah and Gayle and talk on the phone EVERY SINGLE DAY. Why don't you check your phone messages often?" (Because you leave me 12 at a time, dammit, and now I don't want to check them AT ALL when I have to wade through all that to see if anyone else fucking called.) "Why do you even have a phone? Why won't you turn your phone on so I can call you? Talk to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!"
I said that I don't like talking on the phone, I don't like being interrupted by phone calls, I have a hard time listening to conversations without visuals attached. So, no, I don't want to be Oprah and Gayle. (And frankly, when I did talk to her Every Single Day for OVER A YEAR, I was incredibly miserable, and perked up noticeably once I cut her phone calls. There is only so much bitching about her work I can listen to after awhile.)
This led into a big ol' lecture out of her about how I should really want to ask about someone's day, and how I'm self-centered, and I really need to choose people and put them first and live my life for them instead of myself.
And let me just say, it was pretty well fucking dead on the same kinds of stuff about me from SunShines. I guess this is the kind of thing you get when your mother has the exact same opposites nodes as you. I bug and bug her to LEARN SOME FREAKING INDEPENDENCE ALREADY, and she ignores it and bitches at me to start looking for other people to take care of, y'know, like HER.
It was a kick upside the head in general, though. And yet, I still want to say, "But when other people are letting you know that you suck all of the time, why the hell should I be seeking them out? Why the hell should other people be my only source of joy and happiness if all I hear about is how I suck?" I wouldn't have those voices in my head if others hadn't installed them there.