Saturn Return Can Bite Me

Faking crazy can make you crazy?

I was listening to another one of Elsa's videos and I rather related. Reminds me of the time I was LARP'ing- playing a Malkavian character with mood swings. I am not a mood swing-type person- I pretty well stay at one mood or another without a whole lot of sudden change- but I felt downright nuts playing that girl for the night.

Group Writing Project is up

Over here.

Astro-Barry

Venus Direct. This was interesting...

Perhaps you weren't sure why you weren't sure, only that you weren't.

You harbored vague suspicions something wasn't quite right. Triggered by phantom attractions to captivating new creatures, or recurrences of loves from days gone by. A surprising inability to trust that ordinarily-foolproof 'inner voice': Was she speaking from truth, or fear? wishfulness, or brute reality? the present, or the past?

So you questioned. That's what we do when we're unsure. We pose various hypothetical scenarios to ourselves, in private contemplation or to trusted friends (and therapists). What would we do if this happened… if that changed… if we tried a little bit more of this, and a whole lot less of that? But still, clear answers can be hard to come by.

You might have considered calling the whole thing off, in an attempt to alleviate the tension of being so split-minded. Maybe you actually did call it quits, replacing what didn't appear to be working with 'the next big thing' (only to be quietly labeled a 'relationship hopper') or, even more scarily, with that vast mat of detaching solitude otherwise known as loneliness (it may lack a marketable gimmick, but it serves its purposes, too).

Or did you realize the near-sighted error of your itchy thinking (more a problem of your own resistance to hanging in or pushing harder than anything wrong with the other person, it seems) and recommit to putting your whole self into the coupling? You get what you give, as they say… and it all could've been more an instance of not giving enough, rather than a legitimate litany of everything you weren't getting.

But something changed, didn't it? It may not have spawned huge ripples of externally shifting events, merely inner evolution. Then again, maybe it did—the newly romantic gestures or their sudden absence, the phone calls antsily anticipated or just no longer returned, doors opened wide or slammed shut, locks changed.

The journey, however frivolously roundabout or chaotically disorienting it may've been, led you on a path through options. 'See,' you reminded yourself, 'it doesn't have to be this way. It's my choice to participate in this manner, or that, or none at all. I am free to follow my heart after all.'

Who did you love… and who do you love now? How exactly do you love?

You knew these answers before, of course. They are as intrinsic to your being as the recognition of when to eat or sleep. You simply needed a reminder, one which can only come from a flip of perspectives. We've got to get outside ourselves to get back in.

And now you're back, where it always starts from—your heart's desire. 'Welcome home!' it exclaims, embracing you with its warm tingles. So profoundly obvious, it needs no rational explanation.

I can't say this relates to me much, but it was downright poetic.

Anyhoo, this week's horoscopes:

What you require to take good care of yourself is rather straightforward… and you, Taurus, are a rather straightforward person. So if you're opting not to embrace the clear black-and-white-ness of listening to your own needs, then something—or someone—is getting in your way. Do you feel ashamed for needing what you need?

Yes, always, especially if it's not easy to get or requires someone else to give it to me.

Oftentimes, we internalize messages that our individual necessities are somehow frivolous… perhaps because someone close to us (now or long ago) doesn't have a similar need, or because we're so accustomed (for familial reasons, probably) to sharing the limited resources 'fairly' (as if such a method exists) that we don't expect to get much. But now that you're an adult, and a crafty one at that, you don't have to settle for obeying others' dictates or going without, just because there are others in the world who aren't as lucky. And chances are, in the real-time present moment, there's probably another person who's showing up to help illustrate this lesson of sticking up for your own safety and security, with their own grabby hands or scornful judgments on how you're going about it. (If it's not an actual interpersonal dynamic, then it could also be the manner in which you're viewing somebody else—with envy or judgment of your own.) You may actually have to ignore this one especially overbearing individual and/or refuse to waver on seeking to satisfy your non-negotiables… though, please be forewarned, they might resist your brush-off. By all means, don't let 'em pressure you into some lengthy exchange in which they try convincing you that they know better about what's good for you. Remember? It's straightforward, not unnecessarily complicated. If you give in now, the bullying will only worsen later.

Uh...I'm confused.

Right as I'm about to launch into, yes, another Scorpio horoscope warning about the heightened possibility of conflict… I urge you to hear me out. It's hard not to come to such a conclusion, when glancing at the planetary outlook and discovering your two ruling planets Mars and Pluto in opposition to each other. But rather than continue by attempting to soothe your Scorpionic spirit with paltry appeals to 'tone it down' or 'watch your words' (so as not to injure all those poor defenseless creatures out there), let me offer a different approach in light of the current situation. How about: The conflict is wholly inside you. To be more specific, the reason that a certain person is driving you so friggin' crazy right now—and perhaps tempting you to tell 'em off, in a way only a Scorpio could—is because you are ambivalent about just how involved you want to be. (This could be a romantic and/or sexual dynamic, a familial one, or some touchy financial entanglement.)

Familial, definitely.

That is, you eagerly want to dive right in up to your ears (is there any other way?)… on some level. And yet, you fear (rightfully perhaps) what you will have to give up to get as deep as you desire. So, in the magnificently human move to entertain contradictory intentions at the same time, you're going to (consciously or not) try to go all the way into it with them and still keep a large chunk of the pie for yourself. In that frantic dance, of course, it's far too easy to lose sight that this is what you're doing and instead externalize the dialogue—claiming not to want what you want and then continuing to pursue it, blaming the other person for trying to take something from you when they probably aren't, knocking them down a peg or two so you're in a better position to pick and choose how it's going to go. (The potential permutations go on and on.) Obviously, Scorpio, you can see how conflict is liable to erupt. But remember this: You ultimately can't have it both ways, at least not without constant maneuvering and a big headache for all parties. You're either in and intertwined, or out and in complete control.

Ugh.

Venus Neptune vs. Venus Saturn

Annoyingly, I can't quote a video blog too well, but this is a good listen- what happens when one SO has delusion and the other has brutal reality in their charts.

That's your horoscope for todaaaaaay

Without getting into major details, I have a situation going on today about which I have been thinking, "I'd better keep my mouth pretty shut during this." It's just one of those things where I have a feeling that I should not be my usual Sag moon blunt self, because I don't think it'll go over well. Kind of like dropping an anvil on someone who's off in HappyMcShinyLand.

Then I checked Free Will Astrology for the week:

Here's the problem as I see it: You're not feeling sufficiently confident to trust your unique insights, and so you haven't dared to communicate them. But it's crucial that you do speak up. Even though you may not be as knowledgeable about the big picture as other people are, you possess a missing piece of the puzzle that they've got to have. You may even be an outsider or a latecomer with relatively little credibility in the eyes of those in the inner circle, but still: You know something they don't know and need to know.

Okay, that was freaking SPOOKY. And dead on, especially about the "latecomer, relatively little credibility" stuff.

What dogs you

More from Elsa.

My idea here is that each of us has specific energy and it’s going to play in our lives one way or other. I contend all energy is neutral until it is directed and if you have a pattern of having difficulty in relationship it’s a safe bet your energy is being directed into your relationships in a way that is destructive.

When someone loves you they can and will process your (negative) energy. But there is only so much a person can take and if you want to improve your relationships it makes sense to manage as much of your stuff as you can and cut the partner and/or the friends, a break.

And this means you have to find outlets for the energy you embody that is challenging. And astrology is a tremendous aid because you can tell with a glance at a chart exactly what the problem is.

Michael Lutin's monthly

Some Tauruses can’t get enough pleasure OR pain when it comes to affairs that go nowhere. Let’s hope you’ve avoided engulfment by your personal life, with family and “others”, and have turned your attention to higher matters of greater significance. And not just wills and alimony either. Now: a face lift at home.

I hate to say it, but the first sentence definitely describes my "personal life" of late.

Yeah, can't say I've avoided engulfment, exactly.. I never do.

"When you leave, my colors fade to gray..."

Numanuma

I got obsessed with a certain version of the Numa Numa song (the far right one), so I was amused to see this pop up on Michael Lutin's Daily Fix. Annoyingly, I can't screenshot the whole thing even on a big screen, but this is enough to give you an idea of why I was amused.

Interesting things found at DK Foundation

• House 1 placements:

A person with the Moon in House I has known considerable personal recognition in previous lives, the memory of which can come through into the current incarnation as a strong desire for renown. Only the overall pattern of the chart will show whether this yearning can be fulfilled. The position of the Sun indicates the area of life in which the person will need to excel in this lifetime.

In the absence of the real thing, people with the Moon in House I tend to settle into a Walter Mitty kind of existence in which they become the centre of a universe of their own creation. Those who do become accomplished some area or another, however, are usually able to use the past life memory to present themselves with great effect.

Hah. Yeah, I do the Walter Mitty thing...mainly because with my Saturn in tenth, I have no idea how to do it for real.

• House 2 placements:

When the dissolving effect of Neptune is experienced in H2, this materially focused house, the result can be heightened sensitivity to psychic energies. People with Neptune in H2 frequently have clairvoyant abilities, especially if the Moon is also present in this house. 

That explains a lot... (My moon is right on the cusp of house 1-2) I always wondered where that came from.

• House 10 placements:

Saturn in the 10th House is the planet of Karma in its Own House. Unsurprisingly its effect on a person’s life is very pronounced. The sign and position of the Moon will shed light on why there should be such a need to have to struggle against an undertow which threatens to pull down all-a-person builds in his life, and which is resisted only by constant effort, self-discipline and sound judgment. Saturn in the 10th House, as the lives of Hitler and Napoleon demonstrate, does not rule out eminence and acclaim but it means that a person will face the consequences of all he has put into motion during his lifetime.

A person with Saturn in H10 frequently starts life with obstacles blocking his way, including a father with a negative and critical attitude to the child or the marked absence of a father figure during the formative years. Either way the child’s self-confidence is seriously undermined. If the father is absent the child frequently feels a sense of shame and un­worthiness for which he may attempt to compensate by achievement. Alterna­tively there may be insufficient self-confidence for him to make anything other than the most hesitant of progress in a career. Amongst those who do strive to succeed, it is notable that they commonly become disillusioned with their choice of career at the point when they are in sight of the glittering prizes, or suffer professional disgrace. Either way they are perceived by others as having ‘blown it’.

Argh...

• House 12 placements:

With Pluto in the 12th House consciousness is opening up to a power which can 'will into being'. Pluto in H12 has access to the Creator’s power and the purposes to which he will use it will reflect his level of development: he can manifest what he lusts after or he can will into being what he knows to be of benefit to mankind. For whatever he brings into being he will be held directly responsible.

I keep getting stuff about manifestation in my card readings in the last few months. I don't know what to make of it. I'm very nervous about trying it... (see below)

A person with this placement of Pluto frequently knows much cruelty and abuse in childhood, be it of a physical, emotional or mental kind, and the perpetrators are usually the parents or guardians who have power over the child by virtue of their custodial role. From them the child has little opportunity to escape at the physical level and in order to get away he forces open a shutter in the mind which gives him access to enormous psychic power.

Okay, I dunno about that "forces a shutter open in the mind" and "enormous" thing, but... the rest of it, yeah.

It is the law of the 12th House that for what is denied at the physical level is compensated at the immaterial.

The power of a person with Pluto in H12 is most readily evidenced by their often unconscious use of what has become known in New Age circles as Creative Visualisation: if he can hold an image or picture an outcome and give it his emotional energy he can bring it into being.

Too bad I suck at mental pictures. I am attempting collage in order to get around this.

When used consciously, Pluto in H12 gives a person great charisma and the ability to make others into the agents of the outworking of his will. The responsibilities of this are enormous and the karma incurred through the use of the power conferred by Pluto in H12 is unlikely to be burned off in the course of a single lifetime. A person with this placement, if he is to work consciously with his powers, needs to be able to recognise and resist the voice of his desire nature.

Eeeeeek.

Off-topic...

This is brilliant. (I self-link so as to specify those particular paragraphs.)

Just think of how that stuff can be identified in astrology...