Saturn Return Can Bite Me

Let's try this again...

Seven steps to finding your vocation. Yes, I've tried this before.

Step 1: The Hemispheres

    Emphasis on the eastern (left) hemisphere: everything that concerns the "me" or "I" aspects of life
    Emphasis on the western (right) hemisphere: everything that concerns the "you" aspects of life

I have half and half on that one.

Emphasis on the (top) day hemisphere: "what comes to the light"
Emphasis on the (bottom) night hemisphere: "what lies in the dark"

Emphasis on top.

    Step 2: Distribution of planets in the elements (triplicities)

    Emphasis on fire signs: corresponds to Intuitive Type - active, impulsive, enthusiastic, interested the meaning of         things.

    Emphasis on earth signs: corresponds to Sensation Type - practical, interested in realising things, perceives with     the senses.

    The polarities: Is there an emphasis on opposing elements? In what ways could they conflict, in what ways are they     complementary?

Complimentary...??? Mostly strike me as being conflicting.

Step 3: Distribution of planets in the qualities or modes (quadruplicities)

Fixed: Stamina and stability; the horoscope person may lean towards a certain indolence. Tendency towards approved, routine professions.

Which goes SO well with the earth side, but not the fire side. No wonder I have issues.

Step 4: Planets in and rulers of the "professional" houses 2-6-10
2nd House: material security

Moon(?) and Neptune

    6th House: work and health

Mercury

10th House (MC): profession / vocation, position and reputation in society

Saturn.

Step 5: The Ascendant (AC), ruler of the AC and its aspects
Public appearance.
How does the person present himself/herself to others?
Which role does the person play?
How does he/she react to his/her environment?
The ruler of the ascendant shows the way and the areas in which the person wants to present himself/herself.

Scorpio Rising...so, secretive, not giving it all up in public, hanging back and watching things.

Step 6: The planets - their meanings in signs and houses, and their aspects
Sun: What is the central theme in life?

Apparently, "I wanna boyfriend!" *sigh*

Moon: What does the person need to feel fulfilled and content?

Freeeeeeeeeedom!

Mercury: What is his/her mental attitude?

WHEEEEE buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Venus: What are his/her artistic and social qualities?

Hiding out in Craft Corner, or snacking at the food table. And see Sun.

Mars: In what areas does he/she use his/her energies? Where does he/she become active?

In a dramatic sort of way...

Jupiter: In which areas can the person expand and develop himself/herself?

I hate to say "home and family, home and family!" (I hate Cancer), but what else answer can one give about Jupiter there? I am not exactly WANTING to work in this area, though. (Empty fourth and fifth houses)

Saturn: Where does he/she carry responsibilities and fulfils his/her duties? Where does he/she meet obstacles? What are his/her fears?

Fear of a lack of security (10th house), insecurity about being a showboat. Responsibilities at work.

Uranus: Where does he/she show a need for variety and change? Where does he/she express his/her intuition, originality, sudden insights and impatience: Where does he/she show a need for variety and change? Where does he/she express his/her intuition, originality, sudden insights and impatience?

First house, so...in my very nature and in who I am, I'm weird.

Neptune: In which areas does he/she use inspiration, instinct, sensitivity and imagination?

Uh...it's in the money house, but I can't say I use those with regards to money. Not sure how Sag-ish that is.

Pluto: Where does he/she express or feel control, power and powerlessness?

12th house....uh....

Step 7: The Nodal Axis / Moon's Nodes
The Moon's Nodes can add to the knowledge about a person's development. This axis is related to the relationship between personal social developments. Therefore, aspects to the nodal axis can give interesting insights on this issue. Especially important are planets conjuncting the North or South Node.

No planets conjunct nodes.

Hm. Still don't know.

Saturn relationships

Another Lindaland thread...

"I met a guy at a social event and had a fun time talking to him most of the night. We have run into each other at a few other social events and spent a lot of time talking and laughing. But there was no follow-up w/ him. No, "hey we should hang out sometime." I know he's single and he's said that he thinks I'm attractive and fun to hang out with. So I thought what gives? I was talking to a friend who said that I should ask him out if he doesn't ask me out. But something just kept me from doing it. I had a sense that once I opened the can of worms it wouldn't be a light and fun relationship.. Can't explain it really, but I hesitated.

The feeling felt similar to the one I had in the early stages of getting to know my most recent ex-bf who I had Saturn contacts with. So I thought to look at the synastry contacts between me and this new guy and I found a few Saturn aspects, namely my saturn opposite his sun and his saturn conjunct my sun.
What the heck?? Am I just drawn to people I have "difficult" contacts with, or am I supposed to be learning something important with these people?
Its hard to say if we'll even date at this point since we're both being very hesitant.. But I'm just curious if other people have ever had a string of relationships w/ Saturn overtones/undertones and what their experiences were..."

"It doesn't have to mean marriage.. but it is usually a bond that the people won't break."

"I actually have a Venus/Saturn opposition going with someone and it is intense! The Saturn in Taurus person is 7 years older than me...I have Venus in Scorpio. The attraction is intense and disconcerting....I just KNOW if I relaxed for a moment, I'd end up feeling as though I am being help captive by this person."

"AND, alot of times, a relationship with a signifigant age difference is started during a Saturn transit of one or another. I know this was true for me!"

Me too.

"SATURN never made it easy for us. But it gave some "glue" to that relationship that made it last quite long. Maybe even longer than necessary or healthy ... And it made both of us "more mature", I guess."

"The object of my affection & I both have a history of non-commitment,,,we are both up in years and between us, we have way too many years of running..
So, as I mentioned, we do have Venus opposite EACH OTHERS Saturn-. We've been dancing around the idea of a relationship, but getting together is difficult for reasons I don't quite understand...we always have and, good time together, and it also feels scary."

"With me it's been more than a year, no progress or rather progress was followed by retreat every single time. A friend of mine also has the venus-saturn opposition with his girlfriend, but only one way. He also felt a sense of 'regonition'. But also huge problems in getting the relationship off the ground, took 4 years to be precise."

"I was wondering though after reading through your post and Anna's, do you guys have an issue with vulnerability? What is the roadblock to taking your attraction to the next level? Are you waiting for the other person to bring it up? Are there instances you find yourself subconciously making sure they won't pursue you? For me, I wrote an email to mine insinuating that he should hit on other women and leave me alone. I said it in a humorous manner but it was definitely a way of me staying "safe."

Codependent or not...okay, codependent

I'm catching up on the Lindaland forums, including this thread on people who can't be without a relationship.
Some quotes...

"But I realized that to be *truly* happy I just need that special someone. I know it sounds stupid and pathetic. But I can't help it. I just *need* to be in a secure relationship and feel loved. I mean, it's not like I'm always in a relationship or always looking for a guy I could date. I'm perfectly content being alone. I don't need a man to take care of my business. I can do this myself. But I'm not happy when I don't have that special someone. And I honestly can't see anything wrong about that."

"I felt so bad when I read your post. It does sound pathetic. But don't get offended please. Its just that to me we must be already happy then find a partner instead of believing that the relationship makes us happy. To me thats insane."

"True, we have to love ourselves first in order to attract someone else into our life. BUT sometimes people do love themselves but still they aren't happy ... You know, come to think of it, maybe "happy" is not the right choice of word here. I am happy with myself. But I feel kind of incomplete when I don't have someone in my life that I can give my love to."

"Example of happy but incomplete:

Couple months ago my best friend and I went to Bush Gardens and had the time of our lives, just like kids we run from one ride to the next, I was really happy, I forgot about the kids , work and everything else; I love him for that day, it was great; but there was a couple times while in line or walking I would look at him and wonder how much better would that day be if the guy I am in love with was there instead of him. In other words you can trick yourself into happiness and that is a way out, just like having people getting attached to material stuff or things to do so they will forget and be taken somewhere else(like Zala said) but at night when you lay down in bed and you hug a pillow instead of a warm body where you can feel you belong somewhere and there was a reason why you got up or you spent a couple hours making a great dinner etc that feeling you can not get on your own."

Opposite needs will drive you MAD

Today's Elsa...

"I am wondering what one is supposed to do when several important things in one’s chart just don’t agree. I mean, I know the short answer is “live with it”, but I thought you could find a slightly more enlightening way of putting it. I have several times been asked if I had multiple personalities. I don’t, but much of what I say and do does mystify me. I sometimes feel I should pick a part of me (a planet?), run with it, and too bad for the rest of me. My life is challenging in every area, so I feel I can’t “have it all” and must choose which part of life to be happy in. WWYD?"

God, I could have written this. Her chart's not too far off from mine either (same sign/rising, partnership NN, sun in 7th, not-into-commitment moon, Uranus rising). And this line from Elsa's response:

"I can understand your wanting to divorce yourself, it’s in your chart."

--Yeah, I said something like this to my shrink last week, but it was much more violent, i.e. "I want to KILL that part off. I want it DEAD so it can't keep rising back up again." (No zombies!) Mainly because there was one point in my life where one side- the really irritating, clingy, needy one- was killed off dead for years. And I enjoyed it! I felt free! I reveled in letting the other side win out and didn't miss the other at all.

Alas, it keeps on coming back, zombie-like, banging on the door and drooling on the knob. *sigh* It's irritating.

I'm not sure if I understand (at all) Elsa's "Capricorn way" of resolving it, but here's the other one she mentions:

"You might get in a mirror and look at all the parts of yourself and I’m not kidding. Look at allllllllll the parts of yourself, check your own ass as I would say and decide you are going to own every single shred of who you are. I read this next bit somewhere, I like it a lot. I did this 10 years ago and it sure worked for me.

The instruction is the look at yourself in the mirror and say these words: “I will not forsake you.”
Do it once, do it again, do it until the promise is internalized and the problem will begin to solve itself. Because these people who are telling you things like you have multiple personalities… well maybe you do."

Anyhoo, just for kicks I decided to go through Elsa's archives and link to the other people with this problem (and apparently a lot of them are Taurean?!):

"I fantasize about belonging to someone (an extremely dominant and possessive Scorpio type guy, to be specific), but at the same time there are few things I hate more than having my independence stifled."

"What you have is a chart full of oppositions. You have Venus opposite Neptune, various other sundries that all combine to create a hall of mirrors where the thing you are looking for is what you are and the thing that repels you is also what you are.

There is nothing to do but explore this your whole life."

"I have been in many long term relationships but they go sour because I feel as though my needs are not being met and I get bored."

"So you’re not dysfunctional but you do have a problem: you have a stellium in Libra (which wants to be partnered)… but you also have Uranus ruling the 7th house, which detaches and wants to be liberated from relationship. And this is what you are acting out, and why you are having this same experience over and over again.

So to answer your question: no, there is no “right one” who will disappear this conflict for you but you can find a way to live with it. That is, you can own and accept the fact you do want to be partnered, but also own and accept the fact you need an inordinate amount of space and freedom in relationship."

"So here we are two people who are very attracted to each other but both very hesitant to commit."

"Yep, you have a profoundly commitment-phobic chart here (so does he) and I don’t know there is any way you are going to be completely content and satisfied. And I don’t meant this in a critical way. It’s just you want something that does not exist. You want someone you can count on, you want to be special to someone, but you do not want any baggage with that. It’s as if you do not want a commitment, but you do, but you don’t and I don’t think there is a cure.

And I say, you have to decide what you want. And if what you want is to be something other than a “Saturday night lay”, you are going to have to risk communicating this to this man. Because you need to know if what you want is compatible with what he wants, so you can decide if you would like to continue to invest or not. But I’ll tell you what the real risk is.

The real risk is admitting you have needs at all. And this is what I would work on. Because no one has to tell you how fast the next ten years will pass. And you’ve got your freedom, sure. But just how lonely do you want to be? The answer to that is personal, but this is the question to be asking.
I am not in my fifties yet but I will be soon enough. And I definitely don’t want to be fifty, fifty-five, sixty, etc. and sans a lover / friend I can rely on. So I am going to commit. My precious freedom is just not worth the price of loneliness to me. I have a need for companionship and I am going to do whatever is necessary to get that need met.
Do you have a similar need, or no? Figure this out and things should clarify dramatically."

"Is there something in my chart that reflects this tendency to feel suffocated? Or was it maybe that the men in my past were just not the right ones for me? I’m afraid that I’m going to be running from love my entire life, while at the same time craving it."

"Part of you wants to be in a relationship and part of you wants out! And you’re right. It has nothing to do with the man. You’re a commitment-phobic who craves relationships and this is hard-wired.

How you resolve it will be very personal, but I can tell you it can be done because I am just like you and I’ve done it. There is a way to be both partnered and free. So you’re on the right track with your consciousness of this. And hopefully the clarity will help to kick you to the next level. Bottom line, you need to make your own rules when it comes to relationships. Anything traditional will fail."

"I am at a loss regarding this internal dance of extremes."

"If you refuse to define yourself, your wants, or your needs… if you insist on remaining utterly amorphous, how the hell is someone supposed to attach to you? Where should they grab?"

"I recently met a man who on the surface seems ideal for me, and the circumstances under which we met lends an almost ‘fated’ quality, though I am terrified of jumping into anything anytime soon. He is looking for a life-partner. Should I even consider getting involved?"

"Yes your conflict shows up very clearly in your chart. You have Saturn (commitment, serious) tied up with Venus (love relationship) that battles your Venus in Virgo (an unmarried woman) and your Aquarius Moon (Freeeeeeeeeeeeedom!).
So the new man shows up to highlight this conflict. You’re just getting out of a contract and here’s a guy who wants a contract...

So I think you are on the path towards coming to terms with your situation which makes it possible to resolve it. You want freedom and commitment, for chrissakes. And so what? This is okay. It better be, because there are legions of us out there who feel similar.
And if you make this conscious and learn to articulate your feelings to your partners or potential partners, you may be very surprised to find they have similar challenge and at that point you can start to innovate. You can work to structure (Saturn) your relationship (Venus) in a way that gives you both freedom and security. You’re committed, but live in separate houses. Or you’re committed, but Thursdays are “Independence day” and you both go out to run amok. You’re committed, but short term. 3 months and the see if you want to re-up."

Total eclipse of the moon

Given my username and all...well, I sure do like them moons. I went to an eclipse-watching party and had a good time.
Anyhoo, none of us had a decent enough camera to take pictures of it, but happily, there's always the Internet. Just thought I'd post 'em.

P.S. my userphoto features a much less clear eclipse that occurred on my birthday.

Job finding via astrology

Interesting...

2.) Forget about financial stability. I know, I know. Your dad will tell you I’m crazy. But I’ll tell you that some of the worst career decisions ever (and mistakes) have been made with money as the prime motivator. And by listening to dads (sorry dads).

3.) Follow your heart and the money will follow. I’m not trying to be cute here. And I totally recognize that you may not think you know what your heart wants right now. But your Moon is in the 2nd house trine Mercury/Venus in Scorpio. Your heart (Moon) is in your money house, trine your other heart (Venus) in the career house. You’ll only enjoy doing something you L-O-V-E. And what you love will make you money.

4.) Write your own job description using verbs and adjectives, not real world professions. No one wants one of those anyhow, least of all you.

Let astrology help you. Your Saturn is on your 5th house quincunx your Scorpio Sun in the 9th. Try this job description on for size: flexible stability, responsible adventuring, creative discipline, safe opportunist, possibility of chucking it all - and coming back. Now turn it into a faux help wanted ad to the universe:

“Looking for flexible stability? Boy, do we have a position for you. It’s full of responsible adventuring. But you will need creative discipline. We want an opportunist who loves safety. And if you live for the thrill of chucking it all and coming back again, we’ll keep your seat warm and awaiting your return.”

Saturn transits

Part 3.

More Saturn

Saturn transits, part 2.

Saturn transit primer

At Aquarius Papers.

This week's Astro-Barry

Okay, my bullish brethren… prep time is over. Hope you're prepared to take action, at last. I'm giving you a bit of crap, Taurus, even though I have deep understanding for how these big leaps usually need ample time to germinate inside you before they're ready to publicly present themselves. But sooner or later, you must swallow your fears and put your money where your mouth is. (Talking about all the amazing potentials is a blast, for sure, but it doesn't actually start any balls rolling.) Well, at this juncture, sooner is far preferable to later. You may run at a certain tempo, but humanity's rhythms keep on speeding up… and you don't have a zillion years left to continue chewing on every last what-if scenario like some architectural engineering expert who must test how each possible act of nature might impact his state-of-the-art skyscraper masterpiece. It's highly unlikely that whatever move you choose to make now will result in whatever embarrassment or catastrophe you dread—especially now that Venus is joining Mercury and Neptune in your house of outward earthly accomplishment. Over these next few weeks, you're due to ascend to some new 'level' of something. The factor likeliest to hold you back at the moment (as represented by a pestering Mars)? A split consciousness within you about your self-worth. Part of you believes you deserve it, while the other part has a decent argument to counteract this 'inflated view of yourself'. Don't let the naysayer win out. 'Inflate' away.