God, I could have written this. Her chart's not too far off from mine either (same sign/rising, partnership NN, sun in 7th, not-into-commitment moon, Uranus rising). And this line from Elsa's response:
"I am wondering what one is supposed to do when several important things in one’s chart just don’t agree. I mean, I know the short answer is “live with it”, but I thought you could find a slightly more enlightening way of putting it. I have several times been asked if I had multiple personalities. I don’t, but much of what I say and do does mystify me. I sometimes feel I should pick a part of me (a planet?), run with it, and too bad for the rest of me. My life is challenging in every area, so I feel I can’t “have it all” and must choose which part of life to be happy in. WWYD?"
--Yeah, I said something like this to my shrink last week, but it was much more violent, i.e. "I want to KILL that part off. I want it DEAD so it can't keep rising back up again." (No zombies!) Mainly because there was one point in my life where one side- the really irritating, clingy, needy one- was killed off dead for years. And I enjoyed it! I felt free! I reveled in letting the other side win out and didn't miss the other at all.
"I can understand your wanting to divorce yourself, it’s in your chart."
Alas, it keeps on coming back, zombie-like, banging on the door and drooling on the knob. *sigh* It's irritating.
I'm not sure if I understand (at all) Elsa's "Capricorn way" of resolving it, but here's the other one she mentions:
Anyhoo, just for kicks I decided to go through Elsa's archives and link to the other people with this problem (and apparently a lot of them are Taurean?!):
"You might get in a mirror and look at all the parts of yourself and I’m not kidding. Look at allllllllll the parts of yourself, check your own ass as I would say and decide you are going to own every single shred of who you are. I read this next bit somewhere, I like it a lot. I did this 10 years ago and it sure worked for me.
The instruction is the look at yourself in the mirror and say these words: “I will not forsake you.”
Do it once, do it again, do it until the promise is internalized and the problem will begin to solve itself. Because these people who are telling you things like you have multiple personalities… well maybe you do."
"So here we are two people who are very attracted to each other but both very hesitant to commit."
"I fantasize about belonging to someone (an extremely dominant and possessive Scorpio type guy, to be specific), but at the same time there are few things I hate more than having my independence stifled.""I have been in many long term relationships but they go sour because I feel as though my needs are not being met and I get bored."
"What you have is a chart full of oppositions. You have Venus opposite Neptune, various other sundries that all combine to create a hall of mirrors where the thing you are looking for is what you are and the thing that repels you is also what you are.
There is nothing to do but explore this your whole life."
"So you’re not dysfunctional but you do have a problem: you have a stellium in Libra (which wants to be partnered)… but you also have Uranus ruling the 7th house, which detaches and wants to be liberated from relationship. And this is what you are acting out, and why you are having this same experience over and over again.So to answer your question: no, there is no “right one” who will disappear this conflict for you but you can find a way to live with it. That is, you can own and accept the fact you do want to be partnered, but also own and accept the fact you need an inordinate amount of space and freedom in relationship."
"Yep, you have a profoundly commitment-phobic chart here (so does he) and I don’t know there is any way you are going to be completely content and satisfied. And I don’t meant this in a critical way. It’s just you want something that does not exist. You want someone you can count on, you want to be special to someone, but you do not want any baggage with that. It’s as if you do not want a commitment, but you do, but you don’t and I don’t think there is a cure.
And I say, you have to decide what you want. And if what you want is to be something other than a “Saturday night lay”, you are going to have to risk communicating this to this man. Because you need to know if what you want is compatible with what he wants, so you can decide if you would like to continue to invest or not. But I’ll tell you what the real risk is.
The real risk is admitting you have needs at all. And this is what I would work on. Because no one has to tell you how fast the next ten years will pass. And you’ve got your freedom, sure. But just how lonely do you want to be? The answer to that is personal, but this is the question to be asking.
I am not in my fifties yet but I will be soon enough. And I definitely don’t want to be fifty, fifty-five, sixty, etc. and sans a lover / friend I can rely on. So I am going to commit. My precious freedom is just not worth the price of loneliness to me. I have a need for companionship and I am going to do whatever is necessary to get that need met.
Do you have a similar need, or no? Figure this out and things should clarify dramatically."
"Is there something in my chart that reflects this tendency to feel suffocated? Or was it maybe that the men in my past were just not the right ones for me? I’m afraid that I’m going to be running from love my entire life, while at the same time craving it."
"Part of you wants to be in a relationship and part of you wants out! And you’re right. It has nothing to do with the man. You’re a commitment-phobic who craves relationships and this is hard-wired.
How you resolve it will be very personal, but I can tell you it can be done because I am just like you and I’ve done it. There is a way to be both partnered and free. So you’re on the right track with your consciousness of this. And hopefully the clarity will help to kick you to the next level. Bottom line, you need to make your own rules when it comes to relationships. Anything traditional will fail."
"I recently met a man who on the surface seems ideal for me, and the circumstances under which we met lends an almost ‘fated’ quality, though I am terrified of jumping into anything anytime soon. He is looking for a life-partner. Should I even consider getting involved?"
"Yes your conflict shows up very clearly in your chart. You have Saturn (commitment, serious) tied up with Venus (love relationship) that battles your Venus in Virgo (an unmarried woman) and your Aquarius Moon (Freeeeeeeeeeeeedom!).
So the new man shows up to highlight this conflict. You’re just getting out of a contract and here’s a guy who wants a contract...
So I think you are on the path towards coming to terms with your situation which makes it possible to resolve it. You want freedom and commitment, for chrissakes. And so what? This is okay. It better be, because there are legions of us out there who feel similar.
And if you make this conscious and learn to articulate your feelings to your partners or potential partners, you may be very surprised to find they have similar challenge and at that point you can start to innovate. You can work to structure (Saturn) your relationship (Venus) in a way that gives you both freedom and security. You’re committed, but live in separate houses. Or you’re committed, but Thursdays are “Independence day” and you both go out to run amok. You’re committed, but short term. 3 months and the see if you want to re-up."