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11/14/2011

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okay, so, i found this blog by googling "Libra silence." help.

it's just really nice to find a person on the interwebz who seems to be knowledgeable about astrology without being all new-agey and weird. plus you're funny. i don't like to give astrology too much credence, but when i'm in the rare pickle, sometimes it provides insight and truth that can help.

in reference to the above, i guess i should say i'm a pisces, gemini rising, aquarius moon. which means at any given moment there are at least 4 people in the room, and none of us cares. lol.

i've had several failed relationships - male & female friends, family members, even an ex-husband - who were Librans. I cherish three very special Libra friends but I think they're kind of special. Most Libras I know are fickle, unreliable, manipulative assholes. There, I said it.

However - I really, really like this Libra who I googled for help with. We've been acquaintances for awhile, thru mutual friends, and then he asked me to lunch. I went. It was lovely. He's so sweet, intelligent, funny, interesting, and did I mention beautiful, well-built, strong? About 2 hours into it he asked me, "So.... do you feel the magnetism?" I couldn't help but acknowledge it. Suffice it to say it was really strong; he was taking every opportunity to touch me, my hand, strong hand on my back, engaging but perfect gentleman.

He kissed me and it scared me to death, it felt so good.

We took a walk in the woods together the next afternoon. Shared a bit of history, holding hands, a couple of hugs... acknowledged we'd both like it to go on, but I had to admit I was pretty frightened because I'm less than 6 months out of a very bad breakup. I've moved to another state, have a completely different and wonderful life now, but I think that's why I'm so afraid. What if it blows up in my face like the last one?

Now it's been almost 3 days and nothing more than a couple of "thank you's" on facebook. Seriously, this guy and I were carrying on whole email conversations & phone calls every single day prior to this weekend. I've emailed him twice, said I'd like to get together again soon, thanked him for his patience, etc. - seriously, I think the ball is in his court.

Did I really blow it? And if so, how? I was honestly just trying to get a grip on how he made me feel. I didn't expect it to be so earthshaking. What is wrong with taking it slow? Does his age difference have anything to do with it? He's 11 years older; we're both adults.

Ugh. There isn't really anyone I'd like to confide in, so thankfully the interwebz brought me to you. If you have any advice for me I'd be grateful.

Thank you so much.

Sara

PS. If you didn't seem so awesome in print I don't think all these words would have tumbled out on my screen here. I hope you're not completely wierded out by my presumption. Thanks again, S.

Um, also - I should have said first: I hope your days aren't as bad as your horoscope seemed to indicate.

Wishing you well,
Sara

Hm...Well, I'll admit my Libra experience is mostly with females. I have one Libra guy cousin who's a dick, but given his gene pool that's somehow not a surprise. Then again, some are also lovely. So far it sounds like the fellow you were seeing started out well, but...he did the guy fizzle. I don't think it was YOU so much as it was him because sometimes guys, regardless of sign, suddenly lose interest. I call it "the snap." They liked you one minute and then they are magically over it. Fuck if I know why. I don't think you did anything wrong-- but sometimes they just flake and bail. It's entirely possible that he decided that you were "too much work" to wait, but really, if a guy's not willing to wait and work with you on your issues, is he worth it? No, he's not. Better they flake out early than later if that's the case. You want a guy to rule himself out of the pool quickly so you can move on, you know?

If it's any consolation, I had a guy bail on me before the first date-- said he had something come up, call him back-- and I said something like "Tag, you're it," when I left the message. And never heard back. I beat myself up over that one for years, but really? If he bailed over THAT? That's pretty ridiculous. It was probably more his issue than mine, when you think about it. He could have gotten back together with an ex or decided I live too far away or he no longer wanted to date a shiksa, I'll never know. But...a good chunk of guys bail early, and I guess we're better off than them spending 15 years with us and then bailing after realizing they don't love us and crap like that that I saw online a few days ago.

And you're right, the ball is in his court. You'll probably never hear from him again, I'm sorry to say, but...that's dudes for you. I don't think it's age difference necessarily, it's just his personality doing a flake-and-bail. Some older dudes or younger dudes would wait, but this one apparently had his own issues.

I am sorry this guy flaked on you. I hope you find better and non-flaky soon!

You want a guy to rule himself out of the pool quickly so you can move on, you know?

Well, yes. You're exactly right, and I hadn't thought about it like that.

But...a good chunk of guys bail early, and I guess we're better off than them spending 15 years with us and then bailing after realizing they don't love us and crap like that that I saw online a few days ago.

This is exactly what my husband did. One day after 6 years he just decided he didn't want to be married anymore. No reason - nothing personal - just decided he didn't like marriage after all. He did consent to go to counseling but since he was already disengaged nothing came of it. We'd been so happily together before that I still kind of can't believe it happened. You'd think there would be a reason, but apparently not. I had no closure, nothing finite other than his lack of interest. Because it came out of nowhere, there wasn't another woman, there wasn't really any change, just a sudden fizzling out. I hung around for over a year to be sure he wasn't going to change his mind, and then I let go as soon as I could manage it, moved to a lovely state I'd always wanted to live in where I have lots of family & friends & a great job, and am trying to move on. I felt ready to start dating again, but this kind of hurts.

And you're right, the ball is in his court. You'll probably never hear from him again, I'm sorry to say, but...that's dudes for you. I don't think it's age difference necessarily, it's just his personality doing a flake-and-bail. Some older dudes or younger dudes would wait, but this one apparently had his own issues.

I hadn't asked him to wait, but he said he could tell I was scared and implied it might be too early for me to get involved. But there was nothing definite said. I thought by emailing him a short sweet note to say it was fine and I appreciated his blah-blah-blah and looked forward to seeing him again soon, that he'd get the message I was definitely still interested. But nothing at all. I know he's around because he's commenting on other people's fb pages & posting links from articles he's read. So I guess what you're saying is, some guys are shit, and it's better to find out early. Even if you have a connection and there seem to be sparkles and lots of things in common, it's just a game to some of them? Because that's kind of what it feels like.

This is my frowny face. :(

Ah well. Thanks so much for your perspective, it's very much appreciated and makes a lot of sense. I'll be back to see how things are going with you!

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