Saturn Return Can Bite Me

Political predictions

Astrologers are going for Obama in the next election.

Uranus Pluto square dates

"Pluto in Capricorn and Uranus in Aries will form an exact square 7 times over the next 3 years. Will they hurt? Depends on where they hit your chart. Check the houses with Capricorn and Aries. Those are the areas of your life where old and new will collide. This will not be an easy transit. A literal death will not necessarily happen but a metaphorical death (say goodbye to an outdated relationship/lifestyle/habit/job) is in the works.  And some wonderful things can emerge.  Because if there’s one thing you can count on with Uranus, it’s the unexpected. Changes will come at you out of left-field, but so might new life."

Gulp. Most of them are on my south node or natal Mercury. Shiiiiiiiiiiiit.

On fate

"I believe this is a playful universe, one with humor and wit, which regularly tests the strength of our resolve to self-determine the course of our future.

Whenever we do what Fate claims to have destined for us, it's one more victorious point in its battle against Free Will. The more obediently we follow Fate's call, the more accurately that fortune-telling-style astrology will predict our future. It was written in the stars, after all.

When we buck the likeliest trend, though, and choose to co-creatively fight for a different outcome, Fate doesn't just throw up its hands like a poor loser and go running home to Mommy. It plays a different hand. It pulls out tricks from up its sleeve. It flashes options that are novel, yet with eerie familiarity to something we've known before—parallels or outright repetitions, apparent opposites that boil down to the flip-side of the same coin. The compelling charge of this familiarity, whether we immediately recognize it for what it is, beckons us. But is this just another side-street connector-road leading us right back to that main thoroughfare we thought we'd diverged from?

Assuming we haven't yet resolved our inner conflict—and are not as ready to adopt a single self-determined avenue as our own as we'd hoped—which way do we go? Is Fate plotting to re-entrap us on some path of least resistance, or might we engage the uncannily familiar conditions with different actions?

In my playfully poetic universe, Fate does not hold the highest roost in the land. From down one or another of the seemingly comparable roads comes a calmer, quieter, purely loving voice of God (for lack of a more concise and widely-understood label), whispering a call to any and all who believe in evolutionary purpose: to grow further toward conscious, open-hearted loving-kindness in all we do; and to grow away from inherited behaviors, motivated by pain or fear, that block this expression. Fate, an underling, reports to this God, its job to weave the testing-ground scenarios through which we may learn to lovingly choose what's correct for us.

Our minds, meanwhile, are often just self-indulgent miscreants who'll say anything to have us believe they are in charge, though they're not. When the mind lacks rational understanding of why a choice may indeed be the correct one, it reports back that we don't know what to do. But that isn't entirely true, is it?

We might not know why we should make this certain choice… only that we know we are being called to it. The voice of God speaks clearly, though softly: 'This is where your greatest evolutionary potential resides. Proceed, with love.'

This blows me away.

 

Juno and "the one"

I like this post.

"A Juno match is one where you see your ideal counterpart to balance your committed nature, but this can also bring out your seriously dysfunctional issues when thwarted in the relationship. If you can stand apart, you can see how this can be ultimately growth-producing. “The One” is also the one who brings out the worst in you. However, if you can tackle these issues and move through them, the growth is enormous. It is here you can see Saturn the father: Do the right thing and reap the benefits (or burn it all down and lose).

Juno in the natal chart, by sign, house and aspect, shows the nature of the “Jupiter” you seek. This is also reflected in what you seek to balance this nature in other ways, other areas of life. It’s not so much “You complete me” as it is “You bring out the issues in me that I must address in order to feel whole.”

Juno does not signify what you are “missing” or what they have to offer. Juno shows where the impetus lies to commit to a partner for the purpose of completing your growth.

So for example, I have Juno at zero degrees Leo in the 12th house. Do I want to marry a Leo? A Pisces? A drunken actor, imprisoned royalty? Well maybe, but I also see more complex patterns emerge. People with Leo and Neptune prominent in their charts raise issues that move me toward completion much more quickly than those who do not. People who have planets or angles that aspect my Juno do this as well. The Juno attraction, my Juno, brings me into contact with people who will challenge me in ways I need to be challenged. But the side effect of this that is so wonderful is the magical feeling of attraction itself. It’s like catnip! Or doughnuts. It’s the blissfully hypnotic lure. It gives us a reason to follow that call to grow. It is what gives you that feeling that they’re “The One.”

More eclipse linkage

Realized that the one on Sunday is opposite my moon. That's, um...significant, right?

• Susan Miller on eclipses.
• Molly's Astrology on what to do around eclipses.

For the Northern Californians

How to view the eclipse on May 20.

More on the astrology of the eclipse.

"This one will fall (appropriately) at the very start of Gemini. So think new agenda, new chapter, new way of listening and learning and making choices. Gemini is the information/communication sign so the eclipse could offer a big reveal. It won’t be falling close to Venus retrograde but it could still push that karmic relationship agenda ahead. It might trigger the entrance of a past-life lover into your life. Or maybe you’ll discover something about a past relationship.

This eclipse will throw a square to Neptune at 3 degrees Pisces. Truth (Gemini) will be challenged (square) by illusions/ideals/lies (Neptune). What you thought you knew could be blasted to smithereens (eclipses are merciless). Note that this applies to self-deception as well. On the bright side, it could kick off an intensely creative period/project for you. The key will be seeing beyond the veil and deciding what to do with the new information.

Some ways this Solar Eclipse could manifest:

• Discovering old love letters/emails that shatter an illusion (or confirm what you sensed)
• Being presented with a new opportunity that is not what it seems: make sure you read between the lines and scrutinize the fine print before you sign anything
• Having two relationship/financial/creative options and knowing you must select the one that’s real

If I had to sum up this Solar Eclipse in one sentence, it would be “Choosing the Truth”. Forget what you know and look at the facts instead."

Planets conjunct the MC

Some pages from this month's The Mountain Astrologer (perhaps not a permalink).

You know, I'm really tired of hearing how since I have Mars on the MC, I should be an Alpha Male, Big Man On Campus, an athlete, in the military, a Leader Of Men. I'm the dead opposite of an alpha anything.

Stubbornness

This is definitely an issue for me. As a Taurus...yeah, I'm stubborn. (Or as my friend said when I was asked this question, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"). But apparently not stubborn in the right, proper, and correct way. Too much on #1--change of course freaks me out, which is why I tend to be a Tower card magnet--and definitely not ANY on #2 here:

"We must strive to discern between our stubbornnesses: (1) those that instinctively arise when we confront a strange new reality that rouses our discomfort, the defensive emotion, the self-protective resistance to opening our minds and psyches to foreign input, though its integration is mandatory for furthering our personal evolution, and (2) those that we consciously commit to, on proactive behalf of a life-quality we passionately desire to foster, knowing we will need to steel our resolve in order to resist the expected influences of those who'd seek, with intention or wholly unconscious, to sway us from our commitment. One holds us back; the other secures us in an objective.

This second stubbornness is, as I've described it, nothing more than a commitment we make to ourselves to pursue a goal at all costs because have determined it is that important to attain. We will lose that twenty-five pounds. We will stop drinking. We will stop cheating. We will get a new job, move out, leave our suffering marriages—no matter what collateral upset we cause in the process. We are willing to anger or confuse those affected by our stubbornness, though they may feel threatened by our commitment to change (and its effect on their self-perceptions), perhaps even lash out or lob bombs in an attempt (conscious or not) to create sufficient chaos to subvert our efforts. But we will not be subverted. We know, deep in our bones, we must stay the course. We yearn to feel the satisfaction of commitment."

I find it really hard to sustain stubbornness for the second one, big time. It's incredibly difficult to plug along on something against all odds and all logic and reason. It's incredibly difficult to plug along when you are upsetting the shit out of people. It's incredibly difficult to not be swayed back at the damage you are doing to other people in order to Get What You Want, Dammit!!!! It's hard to keep wanting what you want when other people are paying a price and you are feeling like a giant asshole.

Not to mention the practical logistics of this, which I have been failing at.

And frankly, there is very, very little in the world that I want soooooo badly that I will go through hell and high water no matter what to chase after. I feel the calling thing badly, but uh...not THAT badly that I have that level of NO MATTER WHAT determination. I've never had that about much of anything. And why is that?

I honestly think that not getting my driver's license until my 30's kinda broke my brain, or at least it did not develop properly as an adult brain should have. I've spent my life in situations where I literally could not escape if I wanted to, so I was stuck putting up with it. I don't really know how to solve problems other than "put up with it." There's a lot of things I wanted to do, but since I couldn't get myself there and most of the time, couldn't talk someone else into taking me, I didn't go. I am very limited in job hunting or living arrangements without a car now still. So I am used to having to let my dreams and goals go because I was too inadequate to be able to go after them.

And now, trying to adjust my brain into "technically you can go where you want...ish..." is just weird and hard. It's fighting against a broken brain some days. Some days it's exciting to go other places, other days it's frightening. Most days it's all of the above and me trying to move past fear and/or inertia.

I am forcing myself to do driving practice once a week. Frankly, sometimes I am renting a Zipcar to go to the ATM or the post office or the grocery store for an hour, rather than some big trip. It's cheaper to rent on weeknights, there's less to do on weeknights, and I am finding it hard to come up with stuff to do that motivates me enough to drive out of town, and I'm almost out of places to go in town that I normally can't get to sans car and would be excited to see. Which is kind of sad, really. I need to do my practice today or else I don't have time to do it this week and I am not even interested in hopping in the car to go somewhere today. There's nowhere I really want to go on a Monday night at the moment, I've been to the stores I wanted to go to and I'm saving my cash for a whopping shopping weekend of festival fun. I just kind of want to piss off and stop doing it...but I'm still forcing myself for now whether I want to or not.

And shoot, if I am having a hard enough time motivating myself to drive around town once a week, how am I going to get FIRED UP ENOUGH to move away? I don' t know. I'm not on fire to do a move, that's for sure. I am not on fire enough to conquer all of the hurdles between here and there.

Which leads us to...

"But what about the grey areas, the in-between spaces, the 'just how sure am I?' questions? Life is full of these subtle complexities, which often play the proverbial shell game with our decision-making capacities as we consider pro-and-con ramifications. Engaging with these shades-of-grey is central to how we ultimately decide what we want and don't want. This process must occur before we make a commitment (or as much as that's possible, considering everything changes and we don't always know what we're going to find until we find it); otherwise, the very premise of 'having committed' is already being compromised.

And yup, that turned out to be true. I committed and then it meant nothing because I couldn't judge the practicalities before I actually was able to start working on them. And then failing them.

The mind is a crafty, corrupting scoundrel who will say almost anything to us to muddy our gut-level clarity. To commit yourself with this steely self-supporting stubbornness is to honor the wisdom of these feelings in your gut, which communicate, in stark wordless terms, what is right and wrong for you. Once this clear communication has occurred, there's little solid ground on which the crafty mind can argue its adversarial case. The wiggle-room disappears. The words become 'just words'.

Well, I dunno about that. The gut says one thing quietly, but the OH SHIT I CAN'T HANDLE THIS and the "really, do I want to move to a giant city? not really really even if the gut says to" are all very loud about it.

We know what we've got to do. Now it just boils down to consistency and perseverance: getting up every morning, resolve intact, committed to repeating this same step as many times as it takes to attain the result, each new day another confrontation with subversive influences, a confrontation which we stubbornly refuse to let defeat us."

...Yeah.

Well, at least I'm still doing the driving. For now, anyway. Some weeks I am just waiting to see if this is the week I keel over and quit renting the car unless I need to. And then I think I'm really giving up.

This week's Aquarium Age

"The planets tilt the routines of daily life toward even greater intensity this week, so don't be surprised if you find yourself increasingly skewed toward how things "should" be. These leanings could include opinions, decisions, or actions you never imagined you would embrace or embody; or, conversely, you might find yourself clinging to established positions with a fierce and poignant loyalty that refuses to be budged by reality. We're in a process of transition, in preparation for an even longer process of transformation, and the next several weeks represent a "that was then, and this is now" threshold between what was, what is, and what will be. Figuring out how to move through these shifts is going to take skill. Transitions are often uncomfortable, especially when they require a change of mind or a change of heart — or both. Anticipate feeling vulnerable or exposed. Do whatever it is you do to protect yourself, but make sure you stay open to the potential for profound change. Personal pole shifts require courage, but they are almost always worth the energy and effort.

The astrological threshold we're standing on opens into several years of squares between Uranus and Pluto, the two most powerful change agents in the astrological system. The first exact square is June 24, and while that sounds as if it's too far in the future to have an effect right now, from the perspective of cosmic time we're already in it; Uranus and Pluto signatures are always present in times of revolution and evolution. Protest thrives under this influence, and as the next several months unfold, we are certain to see an increase in dissent. Expect those demonstrations to be more than political; personal revolutions are just as likely, as individuals chafe from restraints, real or imagined. Over the next several weeks, as this square tightens its grip, daily life will preview what needs to shift. Pay close attention to what you are resisting the most — that's usually the first sign that something's gotta give."