Saturn Return Can Bite Me

Today's Michael Lutin

Here.

Where do you go from here? Once you have faced a raw truth, you must deal with the grief or red-faced embarrassment you feel when you wake up,

how do you adjust to reality? You have to keep moving forward. You can't just collapse paralyzed in shame.

It's not always easy to rejoice in what is and not keep writhing in pain for what will never be, no matter how true that is.

Once your fantasies have been amputated, you have to rehabilitate yourself and come back to joy, by finding a

passion and a dedication that reminds you how lucky you are to be alive.

We all kid ourselves all the time. It's just tough to confront that moment when the final piece of the puzzle flips over

and the whole picture fits together. Ouch.

But every day the Sun rises, even after a Full Moon.

This Full Moon is not the end of anything. It is, however, a crisis of faith. Whether you are a Christian, Jewish, or follower of any moral philosophy, or if you believe in absolutely Zilch, grab onto something quick and bow your sweet little head in a moment of silent prayer for all those less fortunate than you,

then make a nice wish for yourself.

The trick is to hang on and let go at the same time.

You can neither push Fate nor avoid it.

If your heart is true you need fear nothing. All will be resolved.

Do not entertain for a moment the notion of manipulating the outcome.

There are many ways this whole story could go.

You cannot know what's on the other side or what the plan is, but one thing is sure.

If you falter for one second,

if you slip offthe path for one second,

if you doubt for one second.....well....who can say? Don't hold Mikey responsible.

Partnership, and the lack thereof

So last weekend I got a tarot reading and an astrology reading done. It was a real lulu of a weekend.

I can sum up the tarot reading with this quote from it. "You REALLY need to focus on your career." I have specifically been told that no man is going to come into my life ("See the Knight of Pentacles? If it was upright, I'd say that a man is going to come into your life. But since it's reversed...it's NOT.") and nobody is going to come along and rescue me. I don't have a prayer of a man coming along until/unless I start getting my career shit together.

Since the career thing has ... not been going...despite my looking and going to career counseling and applying for other jobs and actually transferring jobs....for five years now, this makes me feel like IT WILL NEVER FUCKING END ALREADY.

Now logically, I know that's true--especially if I am supposed to be doing a career in another place entirely--but...it's just another Thing to have to Wait For. Another THING in which I have to be fully self-actualized and adult and fulfilled as a human being or just fucking perfect or whatever before I can finally get the cookie. (I'd like to point out that I know of plenty of people who did not have to be fucking perfect before getting the cookie, either. So how come I'm stuck? Were those people born perfect?)

And considering how damn slow this process is going...well, let's just say it's a good thing I've never intended on having children, because ain't no way this is going to all get done before the fertility goes. I guess that saves me a lot of arguments with people about why don't I have a baby yet (when you are permanently single and haven't had a date in most of a decade, at least I don't get that question) upon getting a man, but still.

I am just tired of waiting with no end in sight and knowing that it'll probably be forever before I am deemed perfect enough by the universe.

As for the astrology reading...here's the bullet points.

• looking at my solar return chart, 2012 is when I need to be making long term plans.
• I am looking for others to help me.
• I can't do it alone. (GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH)
• Doing data entry is fine for now--Uranus in Aries is all about computers--and it gives me income and an outlet and whatnot.
• "You definitely want someone to talk with!"
• I want to be in charge of a relationship--which ah, may be a problem with men.
• If I do want someone--how can I empower them (rather than sucking them dry, I'm guessing)
• I want someone who is stable and rich--better take care not to be a gold digger. Give them more of who I am. (Um, since when do I even know anyone rich? And frankly, I'd settle for "ain't broke.")
• Look for someone who is more of a friend. Friendship first for staying power. (Since I've never done that in a relationship, uh, good point.)
• Direct quote: "You like bad boys, don't you?" I said, "FORMER bad boys." (Which is true. I have no truck with the drugs or whatever else my exes got up to before me and probably wouldn't have gotten involved with them during those times of their lives...but they did get up to shit.) I apparently like a little bit of excitement.
• I need someone who has a similar belief system/approach to life as mine--look among those of my religion
• "Have you thought about volunteering?" Well, yes. Already do :P

As for career:

• Spokesperson, acting, jewelry business, teaching.
• Scary intensity on my part may freak people out. (Seriously, do I do this? I think I come off as all sweet and innocent, not brooding Goth...)
• Right now Mars being in Scorpio wants to trigger relationships through the subconscious--consider sharing that.
• You need to have a partner who can do the money stuff.
• Have to put yourself out there.
• May be *some* risk taking involved.
• Don't put *everything* on the line--I'd freak at doing that anyway--but step where you haven't before.
• Look for someone similar to me but with money skills.
• I should see where jewelry takes me.
• Things may not flow easily into the proper slots for me, but may line up elsewhere/otherwise.
• Uranus transits are about deconstruction and reconstruction-- in Aries that's about technology.
• Reach out to the masses.
• Again, volunteering.
• Aries as my 6th house-- may always feel like you're starting something new.

September Planet Waves

Just so you know.

Taurus (April 19-May 20)
You are seeking freedom, and it looks like you encounter the same obstacle over and over again. This is an attribute of your character, as it’s currently set up. Something has suddenly shifted over the past few weeks, where you’re aware of this obstacle in a new way, and more determined than ever to let it go. What you’re doing in these weeks of your life can serve as a foundation or entry point to the process. You have the potential to see and understand the issue in a new way. This will prove to be helpful if you remember what you’re learning. Unraveling whatever block, interference or past injury you’re working with may take a while — figure about 18 months from now, if you stay with yourself.

Aaaaauuurrrgggghhhh. 18 months? Okay, so that's probably *short* timing for me, but still.

What you’re working with goes back longer than you may recognize. To work it out in so short of a time will be a miracle,

...Yeah....

and your willingness is essential to that happening. I suggest one thing. What you think the problem is may be incorrect. What you think the solution is may not actually be the one. It’s essential that you consider your situation as a moving dynamic, and that you consider yourself a work in progress. I would share with you some lines of the poet T. S. Eliot, who understood a lot about the human condition. He wrote: “I have heard the key / Turn in the door once and turn once only / We think of the key, each in his prison / Thinking of the key, each confirms a prison.”

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 22)
Be mindful of your tendency to expect disaster in matters of the heart. Nothing else would serve to create that more dependably than negative expectations. This works differently from superstition or ordinary paranoia. For example, the fear that your house might burn down is not particularly incendiary. You can check your extension cords, the stove and candles. But similar fears projected onto a relationship can have a profound effect on the emotional dynamic. Your fear will tend to increase as passion, interest and vulnerability become more real to you. This is a situation calling for mindfulness, and for honesty. Yet the one thing that is not called for is control, which will only stoke your fears. And nihilism — expectation that all is for naught, so what’s the point anyway — is a form of attempted control (mainly, of your own emotions). Your fear level will drop as you set yourself free to have the experience. If someone in your life means a lot to you, be willing to go where the situation takes you. Be willing to share yourself in a way that’s more generous than you might ordinarily, and by share, I mean generosity without expectation. Withholding is yet another form of attempted control that will serve only to strip you of your influence. I would remind you of this: we tend to love who and what we take care of. When you subtract that from the equation, you’re trying to limit your own vulnerability, which is like trying to have sex in a Tyvek suit.

Transiting nodes in Taurus and Scorpio

"Speaking of food, the South Node enters the sign of Taurus (and the North Node enters Scorpio) on September 2. Now, our Taurus behaviors, collectively, have grown into problems. Like over-eating… or fear of change. The shadow of Taurus is keeping everything so stable and predictable that nothing gets to truly transform, an over concern with financial stability, and a dangerous conservatism born of financial, sexual, personal insecurity. Imagine a person so concerned with being happy in their partnership that nothing ever gets honestly addressed. Or a person who is so afraid of losing financial stability, that despite being called to do differently, they never take that leap into a life that would truly speak to them."

"The risk of Taurus South Node is: fear of change. A naïve moralism, a sort of easy addiction to the pleasures of physical, material and emotional security. Ultimately, the area of life Taurus South Node transits is an area we are most afraid to change, but where we may be “paying too much” for our personal security; the house Scorpio North Node transits asks us to leap into the fire, to totally relinquish what is no longer true for us, and to reinvent our self in an area of life. Always, the South Node is a path of least resistance and its rewards are always empty, while the promise of diving into the risky, psychological Scorpio North Node is having a more complex & whole relationship to our self, to shadow, others, life."

*gulp*

 

 

 

The astrology of naked royalty

The astrology of getting naked in Vegas with Prince Harry. (Note: naked pic within, but no genitalia.)

I am tired of being lost.

Seriously, I feel like I have been lost FOREVER. I am tired of having no idea really what to do about anything.  I am tired of not wanting any one specific career thing to shoot for, only vague ideas. I am tired of wanting what I can't have. I am tired of everyone else Moving On and me doing jack shit. I am tired of not knowing and (still) not being ready to do anything even if I knew. I am burned out.

So let's hope this one is true:

"SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): Lo and behold, here comes your competent wherewithal. Though recently misplaced, it arrives triumphant, like a long-lost hero returning from some battle he never quite understood why he was fighting… riding atop the back of your ruling warrior-god Mars, who arrives home to your sign midweek, to stay through early October. Hail and welcome him, Scorpio! He will assist you in finally being able to do something with this strange situation you now find yourself in, after your having wandered through the proverbial desert for what seemed like 40 years. Might this be the Promised Land after all? That determination's on you to make: not just the explanative judgment, but the actual reality of its Promise. See, you're perfectly set up to create amazing circumstances out of whatever raw materials sit in front of you, embryonic and jonesing to be birthed. And I suspect that, over these coming six weeks, you'll either (1) dive into beginning to frame the structures of a new-and-improved self-image that'll attract lots of interesting opportunities and experiences over the years ahead or (2) fairly quickly conclude you need to take some large step toward somewhere else in order to make that happen. In either case, dynamism is now on your side. No more waiting. Exercise your power."

Today's Michael Lutin

You've been under a spell.
A spell that has lasted thirty years. Even if you weren't born back then, the spell was put on your mother and father.
Now you can break it. It's time to break it. You must break it.
Way back then the Saturn Pluto conjunction started a chain reaction that put you under a spell.
There was separation, betrayal, rejection or even death.
Some strong alliances were formed then,
but many were unholy.
Other relationships were fractured and never healed.
Now it's time to wake up.
This aint gonna be easy.
You're probably desperately hanging on right now
to a person, a job, a house, a memory,
something that has come recently to matter sooo much and it seems to be giving you security
as if it were the last crust of bread in the world.
Are you clinging to someone or something? Have you been escaping some pain?
probably indeed.
The pain you were escaping came from thirty years ago.
The spell you were under is what has been eating at you.
The story you are living through now
is a direct result of that spell.
There's a parallel that may not be obvious.
When you comb through the wrecakge of the past, however,
you'll find it.
THIS IS NOT THEN.
THIS IS NOW.
DEALING WITH THE PRESENT SITUATION SUCCESSFULLY
CAN ONLY HAPPEN WHEN YOU DONT CONFUSE IT WITH THE PAST
THINK ABOUT IT.
SOME THINGS THAT HAPPEN FOR THE FIRST TIME///
SEEM TO BE HAPPENING AGAIN.................

The "Law of Attraction" Degree

Okay, so there's a lot to freaking wade through here. I'll cut to the chase:

"By utilizing the astrological methodology of “Midpoints” the science of finding the “middle” point between two planets or angles we can calculate what I call the Law of Attraction Degree or Angle in the Natal Chart. Midpoints are mathematical points or locations that are considered the equilibrium or balance between these energies, or the ultimate culmination point between them

Now because the zodiac is 360 degree circle there are two midpoints, one the shortest middle point the other the longest. I like to call midpoints “Remedies” because it is here that energies whether harsh or easy meet and it is here at the meeting point consolation, and cooperation between the energies begins. 

Finding the mid point between Jupiter and Venus ( the equal mathematical point between two planets, locations or points In a astrological chart, exp; Venus at 10 Degrees of Libra and Mars at 10 Degrees of Sagittarius, equals 10 degrees Scorpio as the Midpoint) In one’s chart will illuminate that individuals “Law of Attraction Point or LOA Degree”

These locations in one’s chart when by progress or transit cross the angles or cardinal points, or when planets rest on these points, is when that individual can most effectively utilize the principles of the Law of Attraction for their personal benefit and growth.

My theory is that during the times this LOA DEGREE crosses the Ascendant, Midheaven, Descendant and Immoli Coli that these are the most auspicious or effective times to do the meditations, activities, and affirmations and gratitude’s associated with the Law of Attraction philosophy, or pursue actions and events that pertain to your personal growth and expansion."

Hmm. Mine comes out at 14 Gemini--same as my vertex.

This week's Aquarium Age

"SCORPIO Be patient as you sort through an almost overwhelming amount of details related to work. Make as many lists as necessary, but also understand that some surprises cannot be anticipated."

Oh, so true.