First I saw this post:
"I had a new Venus square Saturn thought the other day as I was reading a list of what Saturn rules and Saturn rules beggars among many other things and I thought: AHA! Venus Saturn must beg for love. Like the dog she (or he) is
Begging leads one to embarrassment which leads one to shame which leads one to… well, it just goes on and on. Rejection, self-loathing."
I would not argue with this. Asking = embarrassment = rejection = shame that you even asked in the first place. This is why I don't flirt or show any interest in a guy whatsoever on the extremely rare occasions that I have any. I will ignore him entirely if he doesn't show interest on his own these days. I have been completely repulsed by certain people having interest in me in that way at times, I am aware that I am not most people's cup of tea, and I don't want to make anyone else have that feeling of UGH OH GOD NOT YOU WHY IS THE BIGGEST CREEP IN THE ROOM THE ONLY ONE WHO LIKEY-LIKES ME, about me. God, no.
Don't get me wrong, way back in the dark ages when I used to date, even the blind chicken picked up a grain of corn now and then. But they're gonna have to go first about it. Which most dudes will do regardless of your interest anyway, right?
I was listening to Janelle Monae's "Many Moons" the other day and the above lyrics popped into my head while reading this post. I then went and looked up her birthday (wow, that girl is really super-Sag-stellium), and she has a Venus/Saturn conjunction. I got all smug at myself for pinning that down...then I looked at the actual lyrics and they are "Are you bold enough to reach for love."
I'm not particularly Neptunian. Aquarius is in my fourth house and only has an asteroid in there, so I haven't had any planets getting kicked by it directly for a long while. Venus was getting squared by it, but since I have no love life...well, hm.
But oh goody, now it's going to be squaring my moon till 2014. Awesome. Oh wait, not.
Neptune will also square planets between 0-4 degrees Sagittarius. This transit will challenge what you believe by expanding your urge for exploration in relationships. This could mean a time of wandering without a map in new relationship territory. It could also be your Dark Night of the Soul. Watch that the search for meaning doesn’t get you tangled up with a partner who takes advantage of you.
If your Sun is in Sagittarius, your ego is healthy and your will is focused on the future. You see no reason why a relationship can’t work out. If you’re single, it’s okay because you’ll meet someone when it’s meant to happen. Neptune’s square can undermine this fiery energy. You may find yourself questioning what you bring to a relationship and how special you really are. When faith in yourself vanishes, where do you look?
For many Sagittarians, this could be the first time without your optimism to keep you warm. The ensuing search might make you do some interesting things. Potential romantic partners who come into your life during this time should be viewed as experiments, not saviors. Your faith hasn’t gone anywhere, you’ll just be questioning it. This is what will make it stronger and turn you into a more empathetic partner.
For any sign, the rule of thumb during a hard Neptune transit is to hold off on new romantic commitments until the influence is over (although of course there are exceptions to every rule). Neptune’s influence on planets between 0-4 degrees will continue (roughly) until early 2014. Many people wake up after these transits and wonder what they ever saw in their Dream Lover. Some are fortunate enough to experience a capital “R” romance that is positive and healing. Everyone who goes through this transit will be gifted with the opportunity to transcend their relationship limits.
You know what annoys me? It's like there is constantly some "omg awful, please wait until that transit is over to find love" thing going on with me, one right after the other right after the other. This will probably surprise no one, but it gets fucking old. I especially loved (not) a Vedic astrology reading I got once saying "don't even bother until your late 40's."
It's a good thing 50% of me wants to stay single, because apparently I'd just lose if I tried otherwise.
"* Look to the house with Taurus on the Cusp and note how you HAVE done pretty damn well there. Congratulate yourself and know that area of life is going to get even better by May 2012.
* Check the bit of your chart with late Libra, where Saturn lurks and do something rigid, linear and planned there. Instant angst relief.
* Where you have early Aries, cut yourself a LOT of slack. Don’t try to be ‘straight’ in this regard. Individuate. Grok that the irritation/slo-mo sensation now is actually your helpful omen as to where/how you want to be. It speeds up real soon."
I never paid attention to this case, but this is an interesting nodal discussion of Amanda Knox.
As for me:
(a) decided to move in a year, even if I have no clue how
(b) spent way too much money buying craft supplies on vacation
(c) made a lot of bling with said craft supplies.
Okay. So I am not a person who really buys into Mercury retrograde. Now, I got born with it so perhaps it doesn't apply to me in general-- at least, I don't have broken shit more than usual or travel problems or whatever when others do. Before this I had one major MR-type incident happen during an MR and otherwise it has been uneventful.
I have, however, been expecting August to be a month where shit is likely to start flying. Not even due to astrology, mostly because my mother and my shrink are going to be on vacation in the first two weeks of August and when everyone goes AWOL, shit is likely to go off. If I had a boyfriend right now I'd be expecting an impending dumping under these circumstances or something (it's happened before), but at least I don't have to worry about THAT.
But JEEBUS H MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST DID I GET DRAMA BOMBED within the last 24 hours.
(a) After having The Talk, my mom's boyfriend is really super not willing to commit and she still doesn't want to break up. I have been attempting to talk sense into her. Like "you're in your 60's, if you want another husband, do not be monogamously committed to an out-of-towner for 4 years waiting for him to change his mind" kind of sense. I don't really expect it to last because this is the first time she's been in love in 40+ years and thus she is crazy.
(b) You know how they say all the ex-people come back during MR?... Yeah. I DID NOT NEED THAT.
Especially mindfuckery to me is that a bunch of ex-friends have re-occurred again last night and I just don't know what to make of it. Are they possibly back for good now or what? Am I welcome amongst them on a regular basis again or was it just a one-off thing? Or a casual thing? What is going on?
I just don't get why someone would utterly dump another human being and then sortakindavaguely change their mind and contact them again. Especially when they seem to be doing it in a "just to say hi" sort of way and disappear again. I do not like it. Either come back for good or let it go, man, but don't poke me with a stick and then run away. I'd rather people just outright hated me than be all, "yeah, I still like you, I've just moved on and don't care if you are in my life again. But hi!"
I found this kind of funny today because I am avoiding some people and yet I had to rewrite an e-mail 3 times because Yahoo kept deleting it.
So I'm a big fan of Switched At Birth, which is rather ridiculously good for a family show. People are sympathetic and mostly sensible and you feel for everybody and it's awesome. I highly recommend it (go look on Hulu, the pilot's online).
Anyway, the recent episode "The Persistence of Memory" was just plain excellent. AND it also featured one of the switched-at-birth characters finding her birth certificate. Of course, Daphne's real birth certificate is actually for Bay, so... it's Bay's birth time and information. The show has stated the two girls have the same birthday, so I'm interested in looking at their birthday. Alas, Daphne's actual birth time hasn't been mentioned yet, so I'll have to guess.
For those who haven't seen the show: Bay Kennish is a brunette teenage artist type. She's tempestuous, dabbles in getting into trouble, and seems to move quickly when it comes to men. She's the one that got raised in a wealthy family but originally came from a poorer one. She's the one whose birth time we'll be looking at. Her birthday twin, Daphne, is the strawberry blonde athletic type. She's generally sweet and more of a people pleaser than Bay, a wee bit of a showoff herself at times, and has been deaf since the age of 3. She was the one born to the rich people, but got raised by a poorer mom.
I totally guessed that Bay must be a Leo rising, and by god, she is! The drama is very obvious with her. (Plus she loves Frida Kahlo. Both she and her biological mom Regina are really into bright colors.) I'd guess Daphne is probably born around 6 a.m., making her a TRIPLE Libra. Both of them are at least double Libras (sun and moon), but Daphne is clearly the one more interested in making sure everyone gets along.
Both of them have a lot of planets in Libra, with a Libra Moon/Chiron conjunction. That says "mommy issues and pain" like nothing else, which totally fits with the swappage. They both have Sun conjunct their Libra North Nodes, which I think bodes well for them learning Libra issues of partnership and cooperation. Certainly both of them pick up love interests left and right and are very attractive girls! Passionate too with Venus in Scorpio. They also have a Mars/Pluto conjunction, which I find kind of nervewracking. That does tend to bring on... well, physical accidents, maybe being a bit of an anger/violence magnet. That hasn't played out yet on the show, but it's a TV show and you never know when a show might resort to something crazy. I think it bodes a bit better for Daphne (rather than the uninterested Bay) that she is into sports, so she's got an outlet for physicality. (Bay, on the other hand, does graffiti and fake ID's.) They both have Mars in Sagittarius, which in my experience tends to mean that they're both going to be SUPER interested in travel. They both have Jupiter in Sagittarius, which should be pretty lucky. They also have a Neptune/Uranus conjunction. Saturn is in Pisces.
Looking at the placement of the houses in Bay's chart for certain, most of them are below the horizon. Nothing in the first or second houses, but the Libra stellium is in her third house of communication and siblings. I find this funny considering that she biologically has no siblings, but by adoption she has a brother and Daphne is probably more or less an honorary sibling. The Moon/Pluto conjunction lands in her fourth house-- trouble in the family, indeed. Jupiter is in her fifth house, so she has luck with creativity. The Neptune-Uranus conjunction is in her sixth house, so I'd imagine that could be ... interesting... in her work life. The planet of dreaminess and imagination combined with unusual events should mean she has an interesting art career, even if I doubt she'd get massively famous for it what with most of her planets not as on display as her Leo rising. Saturn is in her eighth house of other people's money. Maybe that's an indicator that the money she grew up with wasn't hers, after all.
I'm going to do an imaginary house placement for Daphne with a Libra rising to see how that plays out. It'd give her the stellium of planets in her twelfth and first house, so she is more publicly prominent than Bay despite Bay's Leo rising. (Indeed, her deafness may make her more noticeable in public.) Venus and the Mars/Pluto conjunction fall into her second house. Maybe the Venus in second means that she'll get money via love-- or that she was the one destined to be a rich girl. Except for the Mars/Pluto kaboom. Jupiter falls into her third house = luck with communication and siblings. Hm. Communication is an issue with her, being deaf and all, but for the most part she seems very skilled at all of the methods she uses to do it. The Neptune-Uranus conjunction would fall in her fourth house, and Saturn would fall into her sixth. I'd imagine Daphne will have a harder time getting a job. As for dreamy + unusual, maybe that describes the home life she grew up in, or the unexpected windfall of turning out to be from rich people?
Anyway, this may all be a lot of bull, but it's kind of fun to think about.
The weather really sucks here. I am still feeling rather crappy about recent life developments. And I suspect I'm getting friend-dumped once again, as 2010-2011 seems to be the year(s) for this. And according to Elsa, today appears to be a drama-bomb sort of day. Sure 'nuff, I whined to my shrink for an hour and whined to one of my remaining friends when she called and whined over e-mail to another one.
I remember last week. I was in a good mood last week, even when I was figuring out that I probably hadn't gotten the job. Boy, is that gone, baby, gone. I hate the world, I hate everybody, it's that kind of week so far.
Everyone keeps telling me to call the friend-in-question, but I am afraid that if I call her I'll drama-bomb all over her. Odds are very highly likely that I will right now, who are we kidding? But since e-mails and texts are so easily ignored (she ignored one that under normal circumstances, she would not have... BAD SIGN, that coupled with a general disappearing act from something we mutually do makes me think it's happening again), I should make a call. Probably tomorrow before she flakes for the 4th consecutive week and people keep asking me what happened to her when I have no idea. Of course, if she doesn't pick up and never calls back, I guess that's my answer too.
Then there's this post, which points out that the full moon is smacking opposite my Venus. No love here. And it's gonna be a whammy for me specifically to boot:
This set of aspects will show via "cosmic visitations," as well as what steadily grows as a result of the "electrical storm" that transforms us in the house where we have early Taurus. For many, a personality, relational, or crisis of understanding and/or view, and probably shifts in who we relate to and why. Some will find "fated connections," and others will see irrational ideas fall apart. Remember that often the old must end to create the space for the new to appear.
The spans most affected by this aspect are 1-4 Taurus, 23-26 Gemini, 14-17 Leo, 5-8 Libra, 27-30 Scorpio, 18-21 Capricorn, and 9-12 Pisces. This means birthdays in late April, mid-June, early August, late September, mid-November, mid-January, and early March will see major mental and interpersonal shifts in the two weeks to come.
That's pretty much me and the friend right there. I'd like to think reading this that it might be good shifts, but given the current circumstances, I'm thinking...no.
That said, taken together they indicate a clarifying stability of understanding, a penetrating insight into how the Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Virgo, Libra, and Scorpio parts of our lives are linked or need stabilizing, and clearly indicate some things of our past need to be discarded to open the doors of self-renewal. For some, liberating ordeals; for others, guardian angels and inner powers come forth. For all, imagination rules everything and shows us how to begin a self induced movement that could lead us to some form of initiation.
So yeah, I think I'm getting disposed of. Again. As my friend on the phone put it, maybe I should choose my friends better. But frankly, they're all good people until they get sick of me or Move On. God, I hate those words.
Three more long-ass fucking days to go this week and I wish I could fake out sick for all of them. I'm not going to, I'm not really that type of girl, but still.