Saturn Return Can Bite Me

Sagittarius eclipse today

Mystic Medusa:

So this Full Moon in Saggo Eclipse is like a circuit-breaker, rut-buster deluxe bit of astro-weirding. Yes radical candor but high chance it is mostly to your self.

And it’s square Neptune so there is also a strong sense of delusions cracking, omg psychological insights unavailable to you during normal transmission and a haute degree of awareness around any addictions.

Moonkissd:

Neptune, like Twelfth House planets, is accompanied by that vague and fuzzy, dazed and confused feeling. If we want to nail down anything, a relationship or health problem, we won’t be able to. We can’t see very far into the future. Nay, we may only barely be able to see the next few feet in front of us.

Sagittarius is the sign of overarching perspective, of the big picture, and Gemini is the sign of information, data, questions and more questions. We may want more information, to have our questions answered, and maybe we even think if we had all the right answers and puzzle pieces in place, the answers would save us. But Neptune, square this “searching for answers” axis, doesn’t work that way.  At this full moon, there is no one right answer, because what’s required in order for our confusing situation to shift is not a solution or answer per se, but an expansion of consciousness. This doesn’t arrive via email, Amazon.com or another person; you can’t clear things up with a big relationship talk, at least not right now. Instead, it’s a sloooow inward process of surrendering and opening. We may want to make a move but feel immobilized, paralyzed, uncertain about the future. At this moment, that’s exactly as it should be. Sometimes the only answer we can trust for sure is, “I don’t know where to go, what to do.”

Oh god, this is so how my life is going right now. It's freaking terrible. Or at least, I am so incredibly sick of being a slow, late, non-bloomer that I could vomit. I'm angry that my prediction didn't fly, and I got told recently that I cannot find true love until I am 40 years old--I specifically have to be older and wiser, with an older man (I have had heinous experiences dating older men and I DON'T WANNA).

I don't want to believe it, but let's face it: that's how my life is going, that's how my astrology goes, and even though I doubt most of what this psychic told me, that's probably the one super true thing in there for sure.

I am definitely not going to know what the hell I'm doing by the end of May. I don't know anything other than here I am, stuck beyond stuck, slow beyond slow. I want out of this, I want out of being me, and I don't know how to do that and don't think I ever will know.

Planet Waves (plus monthly horoscope)

As such it may relate to an old question that’s coming up again. To me that question is: what do you believe in? The answer to this question has more influence than you might think. In many ways our beliefs are the filter through which we perceive very nearly everything.

The problem with beliefs is that they are often driven by security needs rather than by what we perceive as real, or as necessary. If you eat meat, you have to believe that eating meat is OK. If your husband is a staunch conservative, you may need to believe in conservative values in order to meet an emotional or environmental need.

My take on this eclipse is that it (that is, the circumstances it describes) may prompt you to question something you thought was true, or that you thought mattered to you. You may find yourself unable to believe in what you know is not true for you. If you follow that in (as they say in some kinds of therapy) you may find yourself with an actual question on your hands — a question of faith.

Plus monthlies...

Taurus (April 19-May 20)
Seen one way, the focus of your life is on communicating your feelings, and slipping into a way of being where that comes more easily than you might expect. By ‘feelings’ I mean your point of view, your desires and the sensation of what it’s like to be alive. By ‘communicate’ I mean with others, though more significantly, with yourself. While I would not want to deny anyone consciousness, it often seems like we live in a world where many people have no idea what they feel, and I would say that most humans would be a lot better off if they did. You may, at first, experience the transits this month as magnification or exaggeration. If so, that’s an invitation to pay closer attention to the nuances and the cycles that seem to run your emotional experience. You still seem to have a disagreement with yourself over something, a potential grudge, judgment or inner dilemma where there may indeed be two sides of the story. If so, I suggest you get those two sides into a discussion, perhaps even a negotiation. Do your best to understand both points of view. Neither is strictly true; neither is incorrect; the two added together don’t tally up to the truth. Yet a new depth of understanding can emerge from an extended inner dialog, particularly if it’s gentle and emotionally grounded. This is as much about what is true as it is how you feel about it. Listen to your mind and your body.

 

Transit of Venus

From Mystic Medusa:

"But it’s interesting that the Transit of Venus is happening in the middle degrees of Gemini – it’s the highlight of the Venus Retro cycle from April to August – and the very same degrees will have Jupiter going back and forth over them for a year from mid-June. So this is more something being seeded; a new attitude, a new art concept, a new romance. Yes, any romance that springs up between April & August is most likely karmic. Llike you met them in Byzantine times or whatever – see the How Did I Know X In A Past Life Oracle question.  But this phase is JUST as likely to involve some of those o.m.g. break-ups or the release of an addiction as it is some sooky goo-goo soulmating."

How to cope with your current crazy

Medusa has some interesting tips.

"* Look to the house with Taurus on the Cusp and note how you HAVE done pretty damn well there. Congratulate yourself and know that area of life is going to get even better by May 2012.

* Check the bit of your chart with late Libra, where Saturn lurks and do something rigid, linear and planned there.  Instant angst relief.

* Where you have early Aries, cut yourself a LOT of slack. Don’t try to be ‘straight’ in this regard. Individuate. Grok that the irritation/slo-mo sensation now is actually your helpful omen as to where/how you want to be. It speeds up real soon."

Eclipse

Let’s say you’ve got Gemini on the MC (or Gemini anywhere) and let’s say you are a writer and you have to write, are compulsive, are obsessive, not bad at it either. But a writer needs an audience. No Emily Dickinsons here. And let’s say you try to write kids’ books and no one wants them. And say you try to write songs, and no one wants them. And this happens over and over, genre by genre. And in the meantime you get obsessed with, say, surgery! And you start writing for a television medical drama (yes, I know I made a leap here, but bear with me) and THEN money comes and you’re doing your thing and ahhhh flow. You had to give up first.

My point is this: with eclipse season coming, be like Gemini. Have two. Have more. Have a back-up. Know when to give up. Or when to click over to the other thing. The summer 2011 eclipses may close doors and open new passageways previously unimaginable. Jettisoned.

This thing isn't even hitting my chart really (it's about 3 degrees off from my vertex, but since that's a point in space I don't think it counts), but right now I feel like just giving the fuck up about EVERYTHING. Just be the walking dead already. I can't figure out how to solve my own problems for shit, nobody can help me and I have to do it alone. And I can't seem to figure it out by myself either. I am so sick of that feeling and I can't get out of it.

On a related note, Michael Lutin:

TAURUS AND TAURUS RISING

Even the brainiest economists have to be scratching their heads these days, especially if they are Tauruses. .Doesn’t it gall you to see the money running out like water through a leaky faucet ? Every time you fill up the tank, the needle still points to empty. It’s not all that comforting to be told it’s just a cycle and not to worry, but the nightmare of becoming dependent on someone else for your bread and butter could certainly wake you up sweating.

SCORPIO AND SCORPIO RISING

You’ll be so much happier if you get it into your head that neither the horse in the next race, the lottery or your Fairy Godmother is going to save you from having to become better at your business. This is the perfect moment to do so, mainly because you are ravenously hungry for gratification and satisfaction you are not able to find on other levels at the moment. Instead of prowling the streets at three A.M. looking for something that isn’t there, how about turning to your creativity?

Gah.

TAURUS

You’re not totally in control any more (as if you ever were). It’s starting to dawning on you that there are forces way more powerful than you that you may eventually have to give in to. Not when it comes to the money thing, though.  No way are you going to loosen your grip. Good luck with that.

SCORPIO

When a Scorpio gets hooked on dark fantasies, it can be a hellish free for all. So easily could you start chasing your tail in more ways than one. Hang on to your inner life and spiritual values and beliefs, whatever they are, and go find somebody who won’t let you screw around (too much).

Unfortunately too accurate.