Saturn Return Can Bite Me

Moon-Saturn--this stuff is so true

"Adrian Ross Duncan describes the tremendous need inside the Moon/Saturn person. When they finally decide that it’s safe to unlock Saturn’s iron cage, a clingy, vulnerable person jumps out. Suddenly, they demand constant reassurance. They appear to need (Moon) more support than anyone can provide. If the Moon/Saturn person receives a whiff of hesitation from their partner, they will interpret this as rejection. The cage door slams shut, and the Moon/Saturn person abruptly withdraws, becoming Mr. or Mrs. Cool once again."

Oh lord, this describes me and my mother in a nutshell.

Aspects to avoid when dating men

Elsa's got a good point here.

"I have concern when I see both the Moon and Venus beat up in a man’s chart. My number one rule is to run with men who like women and when I see this stuff in a man’s chart, I am very, very careful."

Good point. Never date a heterosexual who hates women. I have a cousin like this (if I remembered his birthday I'd be checking this now) and I feel very sorry for the women he's dated/been engaged to/married.

Then again, I have those beat up in my chart and I don't hate women...I just don't fit with traditional women's behaviors.

New Moonin'

So the next new moon (Sunday night/early Tuesday morning, ish) should be squaring my AC/DC axis and Sun/Chiron and opposing Mars. This does not sound like fun times, does it?

I am currently in Reality Anvil Mode, as it looks like I will not be able to get a car loan due to my credit stupidity and I may have to resort to more distastful methods. I also feel sick at the thought of dealing with car dealerships and sleazy salesmen. I despise salesmen and frankly, the only reason I didn't scream/punch out the sleazeballs my mom went to listen to over the years was that they weren't pitching the giant load of bull directly at me. Now I'll be the number one target. UGH.

Can I stand this? Oh god. I don't think so.

So now is that time of the month where you need to think of what you want to manifest. Some suggestions from online:

Ruby Slipper:

Aquarius is about liberation so this Moon will be a chance to free yourself from some chains.

Think about what Jupiter in Taurus symbolizes: material gains, expanding security, hoarding. It can be positive, but when it forms a difficult (square) aspect like this we see freedom (Aquarius) versus stubborn security (Taurus).

New Moons symbolize beginnings so think about what you can start to loosen your grip on. Or, what/who do you need to get away from?  Taurus is the conformist who bases his/her self-sufficiency on material status. Aquarius is the rebel who bases his/her independence on outsider status.

Planet Waves:

The outcome of what starts for you with the Aquarius New Moon will therefore not be as contingent on what you do, so much as how you do it. If you can manage to remain aware of a scenario with the outer world on a roll and your inner conscience at a crossroads, you will recognize the corresponding events, impressions, and feelings for what they are, and see them in their place. Following that vision with action will, in turn, be your means to an inner resolution.

Moon Pluto Astrology:

So for this New Moon try setting some intentions around… not taking it all so personally. For this New Moon, try setting some intentions around… the energy of mid-winter. (Damn I want to quote that Wallace Stevens poem The Snow Man right now. Google it, okay?)

And for this New Moon, set an intention and do it in a way, with a ritual, that’s different than you’ve ever done before. Very different. Weird. Break patterns. Create new ones. Saturn builds. Uranus breaks. They both rule Aquarius.

Elsa:

There are times when you can open throttle towards a goal. But there are some things that can only be accomplished by planning and slow progress. For example, you are not going to be able to run up Mount Everest, I don’t care who you are.

The new Moon is a time where we set an intention.  The intention should be associated with the house in your chart where the new Moon falls. It should also consider the sign of the Sun and Moon as well as the planets that aspect them so keep the Jupiter/Saturn Everest concept in mind when you set your intention.   These keywords might help:

• Long range goals
• Beliefs or a philosophy that supports you
• Committing to your vision

With Aquarius, we’re talking about change and innovation.

I'm going to have to think about this. Right now I need to work on long term stuff and committing...but I'm having a hard time sticking to that commitment when reality is punching me in the face and going, "This is probably way too fucking hard for you to do alone and you kinda do have to do it alone."

BLEAH.

Neptune in Pisces

I'm not particularly Neptunian. Aquarius is in my fourth house and only has an asteroid in there, so I haven't had any planets getting kicked by it directly for a long while. Venus was getting squared by it, but since I have no love life...well, hm.

But oh goody, now it's going to be squaring my moon till 2014. Awesome. Oh wait, not.

Neptune will also square planets between 0-4 degrees Sagittarius. This transit will challenge what you believe by expanding your urge for exploration in relationships. This could mean a time of wandering without a map in new relationship territory. It could also be your Dark Night of the Soul. Watch that the search for meaning doesn’t get you tangled up with a partner who takes advantage of you.

If your Sun is in Sagittarius, your ego is healthy and your will is focused on the future. You see no reason why a relationship can’t work out. If you’re single, it’s okay because you’ll meet someone when it’s meant to happen. Neptune’s square can undermine this fiery energy. You may find yourself questioning what you bring to a relationship and how special you really are. When faith in yourself vanishes, where do you look?

For many Sagittarians, this could be the first time without your optimism to keep you warm. The ensuing search might make you do some interesting things. Potential romantic partners who come into your life during this time should be viewed as experiments, not saviors. Your faith hasn’t gone anywhere, you’ll just be questioning it. This is what will make it stronger and turn you into a more empathetic partner.

For any sign, the rule of thumb during a hard Neptune transit is to hold off on new romantic commitments until the influence is over (although of course there are exceptions to every rule). Neptune’s influence on planets between 0-4 degrees will continue (roughly) until early 2014. Many people wake up after these transits and wonder what they ever saw in their Dream Lover. Some are fortunate enough to experience a capital “R” romance that is positive and healing. Everyone who goes through this transit will be gifted with the opportunity to transcend their relationship limits.

You know what annoys me? It's like there is constantly some "omg awful, please wait until that transit is over to find love" thing going on with me, one right after the other right after the other. This will probably surprise no one, but it gets fucking old. I especially loved (not) a Vedic astrology reading I got once saying "don't even bother until your late 40's."

It's a good thing 50% of me wants to stay single, because apparently I'd just lose if I tried otherwise.

Eclipse fears

The next eclipse is on my moon...and oh god:

"Eclipses closely conjoining, opposing, or squaring your most stressed natal planet or aspect can coincide with dramatic external events — the death of someone close to you, an illness, a job change or relocation, a great romance, a divorce; like depression. In any event these times or simply profound internal events,are often marked by events so dramatic they seem to take place in a dream state of suspended animation; when we regain consciousness the entire landscape of our lives have changed.

Look to “personal” planets, particularly the Sun and Moon, in difficult aspect to the outer planets (Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto) to find your most sensitive planetary combination. My Moon/Pluto square, for instance, is extremely sensitive to eclipse aspects, inevitably heralding profound events which force me to confront my fear of loss. On the other hand, eclipses aspecting my fairly happy natal Venus (trine Neptune, sextile Pluto) usually presage fairly pleasant transitions.

Unless an eclipse triggers a “high tension” planet or aspect in your natal chart, or one of the angles, you are likely to experience it as a subtle or psychological influence. About every nine and a half years the pivotal planet will receive a solar or lunar eclipse conjunction or opposition, and each time you navigate this pivotal eclipse “season” you have another opportunity to face your fear — perhaps a fear of anonymity (the Sun), of disconnection (the Moon), of authoring your own life (Saturn), of sudden change (Uranus).

Not all eclipses are associated with what we think of as unhappy events. Many coincide with events which are joyous — a marriage, say, or the birth of a child. These eclipse events are in some ways more traumatic than tragic ones, because we don’t expect to be frightened or disoriented by them, and receive little support from others for our feelings (“For heaven’s sake, can’t you even enjoy it when something good happens to you?”). But the energy of eclipses is crisis, a crossroads, a turning point. Choosing something good for your life — a partner, a child, a high powered career — necessarily means closing the door on something else (life as a single person, total freedom, relative lack of responsibility). It’s normal to mourn loss, even loss that’s necessary to clear your path to joy."

Since mine is in the second house...you know, I know my money is going to go away if I am planning on getting a car and moving without a job. So I am planning on doing it to myself, really, eclipse or no eclipse.

Mine is equally stressed (in a T-square) and unstressed (two trines), so...yeah, it'll probably be bad. Giving up on having the amount of money I have been comfortable living on in order to move. Ugh. Not something I want to think about in the Season of Spending.

New Moon in Scorpio

It seems like everyone is posting very good articles on this topic this week. So many I'm not even gonna try to round up all of the links (just go look at Astro Dispatch anyway).

But it's gonna be a real lulu for me because it's RIGHT on my ascendant. Hoo boy. The last time anything astrologically kicked my ascendant it was an eclipse on my ascendant for my birthday in 2005... and that led to my dad going into the hospital for the rest of his life. FUN TIMES. So I wonder what kick is gonna happen now.

So far today I went to a class in interviewing for jobs this morning, where I ended up having to announce to the class (including my poor career counselor who had no idea, gulp-- I haven't seen her one-on-one since the spring) about my moving plans. I felt bad saying it, plus it does sound kind of bad to say "Yeah, I plan on giving up a stable job, if I still have it by then, to move to do...uh, I have no idea what." I also have three classes back to back tonight, so I wonder how THOSE are going to go if today is supposed to be zooey.

My intention for this mostly revolves around money, because while I still have it steadily coming in, I need to stop shopping so damn much and save more of it. I upped how much I put into savings each month, but really I should be trying to live on total austerity...which is extremely fucking difficult for me, especially during my last year when I want to be able to buy stuff while I still can. My main hurdle is that the stuff I buy is usually of the "now or never" variety because I am at a craft fair or in a town I don't regularly go to and probably can't return to, so I can't sit and wait and think on it and change my mind later. So I usually end up with "now." I don't regret very many of my purchases and god knows I do think it out beforehand to see if I can live without, but I still shop a lot anyway and I don't know how to stop myself without acting like a dieter who beats herself up mercillessly if she looks at a cookie.  And dear god, I don't want to do that. But guilting myself with "You need the money to move!" hasn't stopped me whatsoever either.

I did, however, see an idea about taxing yourself a few bucks every time you buy something. I actually kind of like this idea. Keeping track of the math may be a problem, but in a way it's kinda like spending...which obviously I'm a fan of.

Mostly I don't worry about money on a day to day basis because maintaining my lifestyle as is on my salary goes just fine, thanks. But then again, I don't have a car. And at the very least, even if I don't move but do get a car, I'll be a LOT BROKER due to insurance, maintenance, gas, etc., etc. even if I don't drive the car except on weekends or something. God knows I'm not gonna be used to that. Or for that matter, being unemployed. *gulp*

Even more fun is that the next eclipse (Thanksgiving-- oh goody, let's amplify everyone's family drama in America) is gonna be on my moon in the second house.  So I'm gonna get hammered on money no matter what... plus there's always Uranus hitting my sixth house to dread. Right now it's still hanging out at the tail end of my fifth, but...

I always have to remind myself of that Uranus transit coming: that even if I changed my mind and decided to stay here and keep my stable job, odds are I'll get booted out of it somehow in 2012, whether it's layoffs or they finally figure out a way to make technology do it all instead of me. This is not a job I can maintain until retirement age when technology WILL get good enough to replace me, and my skill set here is so rarified that I haven't been able to get into another job in the last 9 years (you really can't get a job here now unless you've already done that job before) anyway. So one way or another, I'll have to deal with The Boot From Stability.

And in the meantime, enjoy having a regular income...but stop actively enjoying it by spending money.

Argh.

TV Astrology: Switched At Birth

So I'm a big fan of Switched At Birth, which is rather ridiculously good for a family show. People are sympathetic and mostly sensible and you feel for everybody and it's awesome. I highly recommend it (go look on Hulu, the pilot's online).

Anyway, the recent episode "The Persistence of Memory" was just plain excellent. AND it also featured one of the switched-at-birth characters finding her birth certificate. Of course, Daphne's real birth certificate is actually for Bay, so... it's Bay's birth time and information. The show has stated the two girls have the same birthday, so I'm interested in looking at their birthday. Alas, Daphne's actual birth time hasn't been mentioned yet, so I'll have to guess.

For those who haven't seen the show: Bay Kennish is a brunette teenage artist type. She's tempestuous, dabbles in getting into trouble, and seems to move quickly when it comes to men. She's the one that got raised in a wealthy family but originally came from a poorer one. She's the one whose birth time we'll be looking at. Her birthday twin, Daphne, is the strawberry blonde athletic type. She's generally sweet and more of a people pleaser than Bay, a wee bit of a showoff herself at times, and has been deaf since the age of 3. She was the one born to the rich people, but got raised by a poorer mom.

I totally guessed that Bay must be a Leo rising, and by god, she is! The drama is very obvious with her. (Plus she loves Frida Kahlo. Both she and her biological mom Regina are really into bright colors.) I'd guess Daphne is probably born around 6 a.m., making her a TRIPLE Libra. Both of them are at least double Libras (sun and moon), but Daphne is clearly the one more interested in making sure everyone gets along.

Both of them have a lot of planets in Libra, with a Libra Moon/Chiron conjunction. That says "mommy issues and pain" like nothing else, which totally fits with the swappage. They both have Sun conjunct their Libra North Nodes, which I think bodes well for them learning Libra issues of partnership and cooperation. Certainly both of them pick up love interests left and right and are very attractive girls! Passionate too with Venus in Scorpio. They also have a Mars/Pluto conjunction, which I find kind of nervewracking. That does tend to bring on... well, physical accidents, maybe being a bit of an anger/violence magnet. That hasn't played out yet on the show, but it's a TV show and you never know when a show might resort to something crazy. I think it bodes a bit better for Daphne (rather than the uninterested Bay) that she is into sports, so she's got an outlet for physicality. (Bay, on the other hand, does graffiti and fake ID's.) They both have Mars in Sagittarius, which in my experience tends to mean that they're both going to be SUPER interested in travel. They both have Jupiter in Sagittarius, which should be pretty lucky. They also have a Neptune/Uranus conjunction. Saturn is in Pisces.

Looking at the placement of the houses in Bay's chart for certain, most of them are below the horizon. Nothing in the first or second houses, but the Libra stellium is in her third house of communication and siblings. I find this funny considering that she biologically has no siblings, but by adoption she has a brother and Daphne is probably more or less an honorary sibling. The Moon/Pluto conjunction lands in her fourth house-- trouble in the family, indeed. Jupiter is in her fifth house, so she has luck with creativity. The Neptune-Uranus conjunction is in her sixth house, so I'd imagine that could be ... interesting... in her work life. The planet of dreaminess and imagination combined with unusual events should mean she has an interesting art career, even if I doubt she'd get massively famous for it what with most of her planets not as on display as her Leo rising. Saturn is in her eighth house of other people's money. Maybe that's an indicator that the money she grew up with wasn't hers, after all.


I'm going to do an imaginary house placement for Daphne with a Libra rising to see how that plays out. It'd give her the stellium of planets in her twelfth and first house, so she is more publicly prominent than Bay despite Bay's Leo rising. (Indeed, her deafness may make her more noticeable in public.) Venus and the Mars/Pluto conjunction fall into her second house. Maybe the Venus in second means that she'll get money via love-- or that she was the one destined to be a rich girl. Except for the Mars/Pluto kaboom. Jupiter falls into her third house = luck with communication and siblings. Hm. Communication is an issue with her, being deaf and all, but for the most part she seems very skilled at all of the methods she uses to do it. The Neptune-Uranus conjunction would fall in her fourth house, and Saturn would fall into her sixth. I'd imagine Daphne will have a harder time getting a job. As for dreamy + unusual, maybe that describes the home life she grew up in, or the unexpected windfall of turning out to be from rich people?

Anyway, this may all be a lot of bull, but it's kind of fun to think about.

So, this full moon sucks!

The weather really sucks here. I am still feeling rather crappy about recent life developments. And I suspect I'm getting friend-dumped once again, as 2010-2011 seems to be the year(s) for this. And according to Elsa, today appears to be a drama-bomb sort of day. Sure 'nuff, I whined to my shrink for an hour and whined to one of my remaining friends when she called and whined over e-mail to another one.

I remember last week. I was in a good mood last week, even when I was figuring out that I probably hadn't gotten the job. Boy, is that gone, baby, gone. I hate the world, I hate everybody, it's that kind of week so far.

Everyone keeps telling me to call the friend-in-question, but I am afraid that if I call her I'll drama-bomb all over her. Odds are very highly likely that I will right now, who are we kidding? But since e-mails and texts are so easily ignored (she ignored one that under normal circumstances, she would not have... BAD SIGN, that coupled with a general disappearing act from something we mutually do makes me think it's happening again), I should make a call. Probably tomorrow before she flakes for the 4th consecutive week and people keep asking me what happened to her when I have no idea. Of course, if she doesn't pick up and never calls back, I guess that's my answer too.

Then there's this post, which points out that the full moon is smacking opposite my Venus. No love here. And it's gonna be a whammy for me specifically to boot:

This set of aspects will show via "cosmic visitations," as well as what steadily grows as a result of the "electrical storm" that transforms us in the house where we have early Taurus. For many, a personality, relational, or crisis of understanding and/or view, and probably shifts in who we relate to and why. Some will find "fated connections," and others will see irrational ideas fall apart. Remember that often the old must end to create the space for the new to appear.

The spans most affected by this aspect are 1-4 Taurus, 23-26 Gemini, 14-17 Leo, 5-8 Libra, 27-30 Scorpio, 18-21 Capricorn, and 9-12 Pisces. This means birthdays in late April, mid-June, early August, late September, mid-November, mid-January, and early March will see major mental and interpersonal shifts in the two weeks to come.

That's pretty much me and the friend right there. I'd like to think reading this that it might be good shifts, but given the current circumstances, I'm thinking...no.

That said, taken together they indicate a clarifying stability of understanding, a penetrating insight into how the Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Virgo, Libra, and Scorpio parts of our lives are linked or need stabilizing, and clearly indicate some things of our past need to be discarded to open the doors of self-renewal. For some, liberating ordeals; for others, guardian angels and inner powers come forth. For all, imagination rules everything and shows us how to begin a self induced movement that could lead us to some form of initiation.

So yeah, I think I'm getting disposed of. Again. As my friend on the phone put it, maybe I should choose my friends better. But frankly, they're all good people until they get sick of me or Move On. God, I hate those words.

Three more long-ass fucking days to go this week and I wish I could fake out sick for all of them. I'm not going to, I'm not really that type of girl, but still.

 

 

 

Mother issues

On a related note, I liked this post by April Elliot Kent:

"For example, astrologers looking at my chart for the first time invariably note the Gemini Moon square Pluto in Virgo and assume that my mother was harsh, critical, and mean – a Momzilla. When I assure them that the exact opposite was true, and that I loved her dearly, they assume that I’m in denial. But anyone who knew her will attest that my mother was loving, inclusive, forgiving, brave, and indomitable. And while it’s true that there has always been one harsh, critical, and mean female presence in my life, that presence has, in fact, been me. I can’t lay the harshness of that planetary aspect at the feet of my mother; on the contrary, she showed and tried to teach me patience, forgiveness, and transcendence of my own nature."

Hah. That's how I feel about the Moon/Saturn in my chart. My mom was not a cold, unfeeling person. But compared to her, I sure am. I think that's an option that most people don't think about with regards to these things: it's not always the mom being the problem, it can be you compared to your mom.

 

April 2011 birthdays

So somebody I know had a full moon baby yesterday. I've been saying all along, "man, this kid is going to have an interesting life." (And probably not in the good way, more like the child is going to be a massive hardass. I can only hope he finds a way to use it for good rather than evil.) Naturally when I found out the birth time I had to do a chart.

• Capricorn rising, Pluto rising. Hoo boy, kid's gonna be INTENSE.
• Aries stellium in 3rd house... and there's a whopping T-square between Pluto at the apex, the stellium at the bottom and the moon/Saturn at the top in the 9th. His mom is very nice, so I'm sorry to see that moon/Saturn conjunction there.
• And Mars/Mercury/Jupiter are all conjunct/opposite that moon/Saturn conjunction. So the kid's going to have Mars/Saturn AND Moon/Saturn. Darn it. With a whopping Aries stellium. In the third house, and the kid has a ton of siblings. HOO BOY.

...Yeah. I kind of feel sorry for the parents here. I suspect this kid is going to be a walking drama bomb, in charge of everyone, at BEST. Nervewracking.