Continued from here. Now there's a counterpart article on the Moon/Venus/Saturn cursed woman.
Now it's all about me, me, me, and my misery! Whee!*
* okay, I am actually in not a bad mood right now, but this topic, man.
As with the Moon/Saturn man, the Moon/Saturn woman probably had a difficult relationship with her mother. She was either responsible for her mother, or did not have access to her mother’s unconditional nurturing. Her emotional expression was frozen in childhood, and a shell was constructed around it. We have the lady who is cool and controlled on the outside, but starving for hugs on the inside.
Much as I gagged at "starving for hugs on the inside," I can't really argue with it either. "Responsible for her mother" is definitely the case. My mom is actually rather overnurturing, but if she's upset she can't nurture and then things aren't pretty.
"In a woman’s chart, this aspect also creates a hard boundary between her mother (as primary female role model) and herself. This is true whether she is gay or straight. Saturn’s limits create distance, which can result in a woman who is not comfortable expressing the Moon’s energies of care and nurturing. Any resentment she feels for her mother is internalized, so she ends up resenting her own “softer” instincts. She is the partner who may refuse, point blank, to take on anything that remotely resembles a nurturing role. "
Yup. I did not go the "Super Mother" route she mentions (my mom has Moon/Saturn and did, though), I am totally anti-cooking, anti-cleaning beyond the bare minimum I have to do in life. I don't "make a nice home," I rarely have people over and when I do it's stressful as hell to have someone (usually Mom) complaining in my space about how she doesn't like anything. I pretty much think this dooms me out of getting married, but then again, ain't nobody wanting to either. I'm not even sure if I want to--it's more like I could get married but I don't want to have to be The Wife either.
The other extreme can result as well, as she becomes the Super Mother, focusing all her emotional energy on her children and domestic concerns. Sometimes her partner can take the place of a child, and he or she becomes the obsessive focus. Saturn can overcompensate when something is denied; this is an ambitious planet, with nurturing becoming a goal that must be achieved.
Yup, my mom is Super Mom and hence why I'm her partner, like it or not, these days now that she's single.
No matter how this aspect manifests, the key for Ms. Moon/Saturn is to differentiate between what she feels about herself and what she feels about her mother. This can be challenging, especially with a Moon/Saturn conjunction (where the two energies are fused). But it’s essential for her to use Saturn’s focus to draw boundaries. These aren’t boundaries between herself and her partner, or herself and her instincts, but between herself and her experience of her mother. This will lead her to a place of emotional maturity that does not involve denial or overcompensation.
Yeah, I have no idea how one does that (I have the square, Mom has opposition). I mean, much as I like to read astrological advice, I usually have no effing idea how to DO it.
But in a woman’s chart, Venus/Saturn also has a tremendous impact on her vision of herself as beautiful and worthy of love. Venus’ energy of self-worth, attraction and value is refracted through Saturn’s cold lens. This woman just knows, on a deep level, that she is neither attractive nor worthwhile. It doesn’t matter if she receives positive messages from friends and lovers. The message she received when she was young overrides everything else.
Yeah...well, I think I'm average to cute, which is fine. I'm not to most people's taste, but then again most people aren't to mine either so that's rarely a problem.
When Saturn’s overachieving energies kick in, Ms. Venus/Saturn can chain herself to a partner out of duty, even if (and usually because) he or she makes her miserable. If Ms. Venus/Saturn does not consider herself worthy of happiness, she will be drawn to a relationship where she is not happy.
And that's a good reason to never get married there.
At the other extreme, there is the Venus/Saturn cliche of the single woman, isolated for years from all romantic partnerships.
The truth is, the only thing preventing Venus/Saturn from being in a relationship is herself. While being single may seem preferable to opening herself up to pain, it’s the risk of pain (and possible rejection) that is the lesson all Venus/Saturn women must learn. The first go-round (in childhood) was not the actual lesson, it was the introduction. Most people experience the bitterness of that introduction, but then forge ahead anyway, working their way through the more advanced lessons. But the Venus/Saturn woman aborted her education at the introductory phase. The full lesson of love is this: despite pain, rejection and ugly moments, loving someone also leads to beauty, joy and ecstasy. Venus/Saturn tries to separate the desirable experiences from the hurtful ones, but they are all part of the same, non-negotiable package.
The Venus/Saturn woman has to dig beneath Venus’ surface. Shadow Venus is covered in the brittle shell of appearance, and painted with the hard reflection of worth assigned by other people. Saturn crystallizes this, creating a superficial barrier that blocks Venus’ deeper truths: genuine beauty rooted in self-worth, self-love and values that are not compromised. The Venus/Saturn woman must access these truths, which will only happen once she opens herself up to what fears the most – vulnerability in love. Once she does this, she can manifest her Venus/Saturn strengths. These formidable qualities include rock solid self-esteem, independence that is based on confidence (not fear) and the ability to commit herself completely to a loving, healthy relationship.
Eh....you know, I don't think "she wasn't vulnerable" was the issue with me. My exes generally complained that I was Too Much. Too needy, too clingy, too naggy in the case of the one who didn't like working. I have had to learn to hold myself back and not go overboard with wanting attention because I stupidly thought that was okay to do in an official relationship and I had permission. I'm not a believer in that whole "Cool Girl" thing bitched about in Gone Girl because I've never been cool, but I probably should have been doing more of that being "laid back" thing I do now than I did then.
At this point I am pretty much like, fuck it. I'm married to Mom whether I like it or not, anyone else can easily bail especially when they don't like that aspect of life, and it's not worth the fights, especially when I don't like anyone and haven't in over a decade. Nobody is missing out on a wonderful opportunity to partner with a nondomestic, non-nurturing, childfree woman whose mother is frequently in and out of her business too much.