Saturn Return Can Bite Me

Saturn in Scorpio: this one worries me

As well it should, I suppose.

• Be prepared to lose something, even if it’s just your sense of control. Saturn will confront you with fears of loss, abandonment, powerlessness and betrayal. Note that the anticipation may be greater than the actual loss.
• Focus on what’s left. What can you do to heal yourself? How can you make the situation work for you? Hint: it will not involve obsessing over what you no longer have.
• Confront what scares you. This could involve deep intimacy, sharing and merging your resources (financial and emotional).
• Identify energy that you’ve directed towards stalking, controlling, manipulating or holding grudges.  Take all that energy and point it in a direction that is brand new and does not involve control over someone else.

New Moon in Scorpio

It seems like everyone is posting very good articles on this topic this week. So many I'm not even gonna try to round up all of the links (just go look at Astro Dispatch anyway).

But it's gonna be a real lulu for me because it's RIGHT on my ascendant. Hoo boy. The last time anything astrologically kicked my ascendant it was an eclipse on my ascendant for my birthday in 2005... and that led to my dad going into the hospital for the rest of his life. FUN TIMES. So I wonder what kick is gonna happen now.

So far today I went to a class in interviewing for jobs this morning, where I ended up having to announce to the class (including my poor career counselor who had no idea, gulp-- I haven't seen her one-on-one since the spring) about my moving plans. I felt bad saying it, plus it does sound kind of bad to say "Yeah, I plan on giving up a stable job, if I still have it by then, to move to do...uh, I have no idea what." I also have three classes back to back tonight, so I wonder how THOSE are going to go if today is supposed to be zooey.

My intention for this mostly revolves around money, because while I still have it steadily coming in, I need to stop shopping so damn much and save more of it. I upped how much I put into savings each month, but really I should be trying to live on total austerity...which is extremely fucking difficult for me, especially during my last year when I want to be able to buy stuff while I still can. My main hurdle is that the stuff I buy is usually of the "now or never" variety because I am at a craft fair or in a town I don't regularly go to and probably can't return to, so I can't sit and wait and think on it and change my mind later. So I usually end up with "now." I don't regret very many of my purchases and god knows I do think it out beforehand to see if I can live without, but I still shop a lot anyway and I don't know how to stop myself without acting like a dieter who beats herself up mercillessly if she looks at a cookie.  And dear god, I don't want to do that. But guilting myself with "You need the money to move!" hasn't stopped me whatsoever either.

I did, however, see an idea about taxing yourself a few bucks every time you buy something. I actually kind of like this idea. Keeping track of the math may be a problem, but in a way it's kinda like spending...which obviously I'm a fan of.

Mostly I don't worry about money on a day to day basis because maintaining my lifestyle as is on my salary goes just fine, thanks. But then again, I don't have a car. And at the very least, even if I don't move but do get a car, I'll be a LOT BROKER due to insurance, maintenance, gas, etc., etc. even if I don't drive the car except on weekends or something. God knows I'm not gonna be used to that. Or for that matter, being unemployed. *gulp*

Even more fun is that the next eclipse (Thanksgiving-- oh goody, let's amplify everyone's family drama in America) is gonna be on my moon in the second house.  So I'm gonna get hammered on money no matter what... plus there's always Uranus hitting my sixth house to dread. Right now it's still hanging out at the tail end of my fifth, but...

I always have to remind myself of that Uranus transit coming: that even if I changed my mind and decided to stay here and keep my stable job, odds are I'll get booted out of it somehow in 2012, whether it's layoffs or they finally figure out a way to make technology do it all instead of me. This is not a job I can maintain until retirement age when technology WILL get good enough to replace me, and my skill set here is so rarified that I haven't been able to get into another job in the last 9 years (you really can't get a job here now unless you've already done that job before) anyway. So one way or another, I'll have to deal with The Boot From Stability.

And in the meantime, enjoy having a regular income...but stop actively enjoying it by spending money.

Argh.

TV Astrology: Switched At Birth

So I'm a big fan of Switched At Birth, which is rather ridiculously good for a family show. People are sympathetic and mostly sensible and you feel for everybody and it's awesome. I highly recommend it (go look on Hulu, the pilot's online).

Anyway, the recent episode "The Persistence of Memory" was just plain excellent. AND it also featured one of the switched-at-birth characters finding her birth certificate. Of course, Daphne's real birth certificate is actually for Bay, so... it's Bay's birth time and information. The show has stated the two girls have the same birthday, so I'm interested in looking at their birthday. Alas, Daphne's actual birth time hasn't been mentioned yet, so I'll have to guess.

For those who haven't seen the show: Bay Kennish is a brunette teenage artist type. She's tempestuous, dabbles in getting into trouble, and seems to move quickly when it comes to men. She's the one that got raised in a wealthy family but originally came from a poorer one. She's the one whose birth time we'll be looking at. Her birthday twin, Daphne, is the strawberry blonde athletic type. She's generally sweet and more of a people pleaser than Bay, a wee bit of a showoff herself at times, and has been deaf since the age of 3. She was the one born to the rich people, but got raised by a poorer mom.

I totally guessed that Bay must be a Leo rising, and by god, she is! The drama is very obvious with her. (Plus she loves Frida Kahlo. Both she and her biological mom Regina are really into bright colors.) I'd guess Daphne is probably born around 6 a.m., making her a TRIPLE Libra. Both of them are at least double Libras (sun and moon), but Daphne is clearly the one more interested in making sure everyone gets along.

Both of them have a lot of planets in Libra, with a Libra Moon/Chiron conjunction. That says "mommy issues and pain" like nothing else, which totally fits with the swappage. They both have Sun conjunct their Libra North Nodes, which I think bodes well for them learning Libra issues of partnership and cooperation. Certainly both of them pick up love interests left and right and are very attractive girls! Passionate too with Venus in Scorpio. They also have a Mars/Pluto conjunction, which I find kind of nervewracking. That does tend to bring on... well, physical accidents, maybe being a bit of an anger/violence magnet. That hasn't played out yet on the show, but it's a TV show and you never know when a show might resort to something crazy. I think it bodes a bit better for Daphne (rather than the uninterested Bay) that she is into sports, so she's got an outlet for physicality. (Bay, on the other hand, does graffiti and fake ID's.) They both have Mars in Sagittarius, which in my experience tends to mean that they're both going to be SUPER interested in travel. They both have Jupiter in Sagittarius, which should be pretty lucky. They also have a Neptune/Uranus conjunction. Saturn is in Pisces.

Looking at the placement of the houses in Bay's chart for certain, most of them are below the horizon. Nothing in the first or second houses, but the Libra stellium is in her third house of communication and siblings. I find this funny considering that she biologically has no siblings, but by adoption she has a brother and Daphne is probably more or less an honorary sibling. The Moon/Pluto conjunction lands in her fourth house-- trouble in the family, indeed. Jupiter is in her fifth house, so she has luck with creativity. The Neptune-Uranus conjunction is in her sixth house, so I'd imagine that could be ... interesting... in her work life. The planet of dreaminess and imagination combined with unusual events should mean she has an interesting art career, even if I doubt she'd get massively famous for it what with most of her planets not as on display as her Leo rising. Saturn is in her eighth house of other people's money. Maybe that's an indicator that the money she grew up with wasn't hers, after all.


I'm going to do an imaginary house placement for Daphne with a Libra rising to see how that plays out. It'd give her the stellium of planets in her twelfth and first house, so she is more publicly prominent than Bay despite Bay's Leo rising. (Indeed, her deafness may make her more noticeable in public.) Venus and the Mars/Pluto conjunction fall into her second house. Maybe the Venus in second means that she'll get money via love-- or that she was the one destined to be a rich girl. Except for the Mars/Pluto kaboom. Jupiter falls into her third house = luck with communication and siblings. Hm. Communication is an issue with her, being deaf and all, but for the most part she seems very skilled at all of the methods she uses to do it. The Neptune-Uranus conjunction would fall in her fourth house, and Saturn would fall into her sixth. I'd imagine Daphne will have a harder time getting a job. As for dreamy + unusual, maybe that describes the home life she grew up in, or the unexpected windfall of turning out to be from rich people?

Anyway, this may all be a lot of bull, but it's kind of fun to think about.

Monthly Michael Lutin

Upon understanding (finally) how horoscopes work, I seriously do wonder if it is worth reading one if you don't know your rising sign/degrees of it in order to analyze yours.  How beneficial is it to read your sun sign when  the horoscopes are written based off of assuming your sun sign is in the first house of your chart, when it isn't? If you're born at dawn, awesome, but for everyone else, the placements and predictions are just gonna be off. I suspect the professionals say "read your sun sign as well as your rising" (and/or moon, why?) just because more people are likely to know their sun sign.

Now, being a born-at-dusk person, I just read the opposite sign's horoscopes for actual use info. I read my sun sign, but mostly just to see how opposite it's coming out from my rising.

All of that said, I read Michael Lutin's long blurb for Taurus in May and...wow. I am kind of scarily relating to it even though I have Uranus going through my 12th and Pluto in my 3rd instead.  And yet also thinking, "I'm not that bad..."

Life gets crazy sometimes, doesn't it?  Unless you are over eighty years old, you have never before experienced the transit of Uranus through your solar twelfth house and Pluto through your ninth. And it's wild. You go along thinking you've set everything up nicely.  It all appears to be solid and stable, and as far as you're concerned, you could go marching along toward forever, juggling business and family, keeping your little boat from taking on water. Then, all of a sudden, you realize you have been setting yourself up for a blow.

Out of the blue everything changes. Only thing is, it wasn't at all sudden.  It wasn't at all a bolt of lightning that struck you out of nowhere. The changes you are currently being exposed to have been long in coming. Fortunately, Jupiter passage the first half of 2011 have given you a haven of refuge and some much needed time to recoup, refresh yourself, and figure out what the hell you are going to do with the rest of your life.

Well, I'm trying. But I still have no idea. I didn't get the job I applied for, which kind of makes me think I'm shot for applying for anything else and I'm not seeing other options about to try for.

And figure it out you will.  Although it does irritate you to accept the fact that your previous way of life will not ever be the same, in your private and lucid moments even you would have to admit that it was getting pretty old.  And it's not that you abhor change just because you are a Taurus.  Lots of Tauruses move from place to place, change jobs or professions, and shift life styles, those are the changes THEY themselves make.  It bugs them to receive a sucker punch from life.  And nothing in this world hurts more than to find that the people they trusted and supported have gone and  royally screwed them.

I can't argue with that paragraph.

Actually this is all a blessing in disguise. Hard to see, though. Definitely sometimes really difficult to grasp it.  The journey on which you are setting out will turn out to be the most enriching and rewarding of your whole, entire life.  Don't worry- it doesn't mean homeless and starving on the streets of Calcutta. In fact, by mid-month when Venus and Mars return to your sign, you'll feel a lot stronger and more in control and the whole thing won't seem dire at all.  What does it all mean? That's exactly the trip you are going on. You are actually being liberated from the tyranny of all the parental, school, church, government and social conditioning that has told you what is right for you.

It's a brand new life style.  It's unusual.  It's a role against type. It's a total departure. It's an experiment.  It's an exploration into the unknown.  It's not about career or fame. It is the search for your place in the Universe, and to do it, you have to abandon so many of your beliefs about who you were supposed to be. 

Eek.

PROFESSIONALLY

No sane business person would ever be ecstatic to hear that their life is no longer about business. No actor likes to be told that their acting “career” is over. It is important for you to understand that this is not the case.  It is simply that your focus is shifting away from the pursuit of traditional goals toward achieving a sense of personal fulfillment.  That certainly does not mean that you have to give up your wishes for a sense of accomplishment and contribution in the world. It's just that you want something more out of life than the usual rewards that  are held out in front of us to make us perform like a bunch of seals balancing a ball on our noses so somebody could throw them one lousy fish.  There comes a moment in your life, if you're lucky enough, to be moved off the track you were sitting on and not budging. While it is disruptive, it may take years to realize that a train was coming down that track, and that it was Providence that came along and gave you the chance to do something meaningful  and really live- maybe for the first time. 

That's what I'm afraid of: getting booted off the track forcefully (because I couldn't get myself off of it to go elsewhere before the boot comes) and then STILL HAVING NO IDEA.

PERSONALLY

Even when the whole world is falling apart.  Nations rise up against their leaders. Global economic  crises may jeopardize everyone's long-held illusions about their future security, but here's what is great. People still fall in love. Tauruses now have a desire to make a difference in the world and seek a better life for themselves and their families-off the angle, out of the fray, away from the rat race we are all programmed to run in our whole lives. With the asteroid Juno going direct this month in your solar fifth house, the importance of love and children rises up to warm your heart and show you the power of intimacy, especially if there is a Virgo person in your life. What's that? You're not possessive? You?  You're not a jealous type? You? You're not competitive in love? You? Oh, that's really funny.

...okay, that part isn't relevant to me. Oh well.

Meanwhile, the week in review for Scorpio is...

Stress? Forget it. That is utterly unavoidable now. Stress is exactly what happens when the Full Moon hits you in the eye like a big pizza pie. Sometimes it’s amore. More often, however, at other moments the energy can sock it to you with just  a miserable head cold that heaves you into bed till it’s all over.  This is a week that culminates all the plans, hopes, wishes, passions, talents, tensions and control battles you’ve been dealing with for weeks.  Of course, communication can straighten it all out. Silence usually means war. 

I wouldn't go with stress so much as "emotional hangover" and "not much to do" and "wah, I suck." It's the ANTI-culmination of everything I've been dealing with for weeks. It's the giant fizzle. No wonder I spent Sunday on my couch vegetating.

Your Scorpio House

"So your Scorpio House – the one where it has Scorpio on the cusp – is where you’ve got secrets people would not believe…NOT that you’re going to be sharing them anytime soon. It’s where you’ve died and rebirthed yourself. Your Scorpio house is where you’re obsessive, no matter how much of a flake you might pretend to be about the affairs of that house. It’s also where you’re most likely perfectly happy to employ sexual wiles and/or the occult to get your desires realized. It’s kind of like where you’re Darth Vader. Or a Witch. Old-School. You do what you need to do but retain perfect composure the whole way through. Your Scorpio house is also where you have schemes going on (permanently) and a secret shit-list of people to whom you will one day be ‘rubbing it in.’ It’s also where you’ve got the most seductive mystique going on."

Hah. Very interesting reading when it's your first house. The witch thing, especially.

This gave me a laugh

"WHAT is his Rising Sign? Remember the rule for picking a Scorpio Rising – he or she has to look as if they could plausibly be a vampire."

Bwahahahahahahaah. I know darn well I'm a Scorpio rising and I uh... look like I could be on a kid's television show. Not playing The Count, either. Not remotely vampiric!

I hate to say it, but picking out a rising sign based on looks always makes me think, "Uh... are you really sure on that?" In my case, the whole Taurean cow thing clearly won out on my looks, rising sign be damned.