Saturn Return Can Bite Me

Eclipse

Let’s say you’ve got Gemini on the MC (or Gemini anywhere) and let’s say you are a writer and you have to write, are compulsive, are obsessive, not bad at it either. But a writer needs an audience. No Emily Dickinsons here. And let’s say you try to write kids’ books and no one wants them. And say you try to write songs, and no one wants them. And this happens over and over, genre by genre. And in the meantime you get obsessed with, say, surgery! And you start writing for a television medical drama (yes, I know I made a leap here, but bear with me) and THEN money comes and you’re doing your thing and ahhhh flow. You had to give up first.

My point is this: with eclipse season coming, be like Gemini. Have two. Have more. Have a back-up. Know when to give up. Or when to click over to the other thing. The summer 2011 eclipses may close doors and open new passageways previously unimaginable. Jettisoned.

This thing isn't even hitting my chart really (it's about 3 degrees off from my vertex, but since that's a point in space I don't think it counts), but right now I feel like just giving the fuck up about EVERYTHING. Just be the walking dead already. I can't figure out how to solve my own problems for shit, nobody can help me and I have to do it alone. And I can't seem to figure it out by myself either. I am so sick of that feeling and I can't get out of it.

On a related note, Michael Lutin:

TAURUS AND TAURUS RISING

Even the brainiest economists have to be scratching their heads these days, especially if they are Tauruses. .Doesn’t it gall you to see the money running out like water through a leaky faucet ? Every time you fill up the tank, the needle still points to empty. It’s not all that comforting to be told it’s just a cycle and not to worry, but the nightmare of becoming dependent on someone else for your bread and butter could certainly wake you up sweating.

SCORPIO AND SCORPIO RISING

You’ll be so much happier if you get it into your head that neither the horse in the next race, the lottery or your Fairy Godmother is going to save you from having to become better at your business. This is the perfect moment to do so, mainly because you are ravenously hungry for gratification and satisfaction you are not able to find on other levels at the moment. Instead of prowling the streets at three A.M. looking for something that isn’t there, how about turning to your creativity?

Gah.

TAURUS

You’re not totally in control any more (as if you ever were). It’s starting to dawning on you that there are forces way more powerful than you that you may eventually have to give in to. Not when it comes to the money thing, though.  No way are you going to loosen your grip. Good luck with that.

SCORPIO

When a Scorpio gets hooked on dark fantasies, it can be a hellish free for all. So easily could you start chasing your tail in more ways than one. Hang on to your inner life and spiritual values and beliefs, whatever they are, and go find somebody who won’t let you screw around (too much).

Unfortunately too accurate.

So, this full moon sucks!

The weather really sucks here. I am still feeling rather crappy about recent life developments. And I suspect I'm getting friend-dumped once again, as 2010-2011 seems to be the year(s) for this. And according to Elsa, today appears to be a drama-bomb sort of day. Sure 'nuff, I whined to my shrink for an hour and whined to one of my remaining friends when she called and whined over e-mail to another one.

I remember last week. I was in a good mood last week, even when I was figuring out that I probably hadn't gotten the job. Boy, is that gone, baby, gone. I hate the world, I hate everybody, it's that kind of week so far.

Everyone keeps telling me to call the friend-in-question, but I am afraid that if I call her I'll drama-bomb all over her. Odds are very highly likely that I will right now, who are we kidding? But since e-mails and texts are so easily ignored (she ignored one that under normal circumstances, she would not have... BAD SIGN, that coupled with a general disappearing act from something we mutually do makes me think it's happening again), I should make a call. Probably tomorrow before she flakes for the 4th consecutive week and people keep asking me what happened to her when I have no idea. Of course, if she doesn't pick up and never calls back, I guess that's my answer too.

Then there's this post, which points out that the full moon is smacking opposite my Venus. No love here. And it's gonna be a whammy for me specifically to boot:

This set of aspects will show via "cosmic visitations," as well as what steadily grows as a result of the "electrical storm" that transforms us in the house where we have early Taurus. For many, a personality, relational, or crisis of understanding and/or view, and probably shifts in who we relate to and why. Some will find "fated connections," and others will see irrational ideas fall apart. Remember that often the old must end to create the space for the new to appear.

The spans most affected by this aspect are 1-4 Taurus, 23-26 Gemini, 14-17 Leo, 5-8 Libra, 27-30 Scorpio, 18-21 Capricorn, and 9-12 Pisces. This means birthdays in late April, mid-June, early August, late September, mid-November, mid-January, and early March will see major mental and interpersonal shifts in the two weeks to come.

That's pretty much me and the friend right there. I'd like to think reading this that it might be good shifts, but given the current circumstances, I'm thinking...no.

That said, taken together they indicate a clarifying stability of understanding, a penetrating insight into how the Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Virgo, Libra, and Scorpio parts of our lives are linked or need stabilizing, and clearly indicate some things of our past need to be discarded to open the doors of self-renewal. For some, liberating ordeals; for others, guardian angels and inner powers come forth. For all, imagination rules everything and shows us how to begin a self induced movement that could lead us to some form of initiation.

So yeah, I think I'm getting disposed of. Again. As my friend on the phone put it, maybe I should choose my friends better. But frankly, they're all good people until they get sick of me or Move On. God, I hate those words.

Three more long-ass fucking days to go this week and I wish I could fake out sick for all of them. I'm not going to, I'm not really that type of girl, but still.

 

 

 

Mother's Day is gonna suck

It always does for me, but apparently it will for EVERYBODY. Great.

Uranus transit fun

"Isabel Hickey wrote that Uranus was the one planet, the one planetary energy, that we could not control (I am paraphrasing so anyone please feel free to correct me). We cannot use our will, our smarts, our wisdom. Uranus comes, sees, and conquers with his “expect the unexpected” upsets and upheavals. The Tower card from the Tarot deck is the most accurate image that I’ve ever seen of how this feels."

I thought this was an excellent quote.

Easter is crazy

And also my birthday.

Birthday horoscope roundup!

• NY Post: "Venus, planet of values, is strong on your birthday this year, and you will need to be strong too when it comes to defending what you believe in -- but not so strong that you limit your ability to grow emotionally and spiritually. It's all about balance."
• Georgia Nichols: "You have a genuine concern for others. You are especially nurturing to your own family and loved ones. Stability in family is important to you. You are influenced by the opinions and feedback from others because you want to have input into how others think. Work hard to build or construct something in the coming year because your rewards will soon follow."
• Eugenia Last: "Keep things simple. You will be prone to overreact, overindulge and to take on too much. Before making promises, assess whether or not you are being realistic. Unless you pick and choose your projects carefully, you will fall short and face complaints and defeat. Focus on what's most important to you and proceed with caution and diligence. Your numbers are 5, 11, 17, 24, 35, 47, 49. Birthday Baby: You are productive, aggressive and determined to get your way. You are driven by your beliefs and are resourceful in your responses."
• MSN: "April 24 people make terrific parents and unconventional lovers, because they resist any kind of cliche in their thinking. Nobody born today thinks others should behave in a certain way if it makes them unhappy. Good news for their tearaway kids. Good news for their love-life too because they have an open mind about everything. Not such good news for the parents of young April 24, who probably won't agree with anything their parents say, certainly won't do what they are told, and will probably drive teachers at school mad with their questions. This is a day which questions everything, especially the status quo. At work, they can't understand why bosses are supposed to know less about certain parts of the organisation than the workers. As bosses themselves, they make sure that all managers mix with the workers, understand the business from the floor upwards and don't behave patronisingly to employees. They are also careful to maintain a healthy environment for people at work. Kind and fair, employees like them. Managers are frightened of what they will think up next. And it's likely to be no private offices, no company cars and everybody eating together in the canteen. They throw a great party at work and at home. These are the people who shine at karaoke, dance brilliantly and often play in their own band. Some go on to make a career in showbusiness, where they will be known for their innovative style and infectious energy. On stage, everybody likes working with them because they are generous about others' talent, and always good for a laugh. Many people born on this day are keen on sport, sometimes overkeen according to their long suffering lovers and friends, who have to listen and enthuse until tears of boredom flow. Their homes will be tapped into cable and satellite for the sport, and newspapers seized first for the sports pages.
  April 24 people can suffer from physical tension, or simply muscle strain. They get this from sport, just horsing around, and moving through life fast. An aromatic bath may be the answer. It's not expensive, helps skin disorders, relieves muscular and other pains, and induces restful sleep. Some essential oils can be an irritant to the skin if you use more than three drops. So be careful of basil, ginger, fennel,orange and peppermint. Sandalwood is one of the mildest and you may safely use up to 10 drops in your bath. Sprinkle the drops after you have run the bath.
  Mind : Most people born on this day are essentially kind, but some may get swept away and make more conventional people feel dull and even afraid. Terrifying others is never an attractive characteristic, and always rebounds on you."
• Tarot.com: "Treat yourself to all the things you like, but remember that moderation is the best way to avoid the consequences of having "more than enough"!
  You know what you want to say to those around you, but you might choose to minimize the intensity of your current feelings. Part of the problem is that you're connected with your dreams, and you don't want to justify yourself to anyone else now. Acting as if you're emotionally detached gives you a bit more freedom. Just keep in mind that it also takes work to avoid getting hooked on your desires."
• Cafe Astrology:

"Jupiter transits conjunct your Sun this year, bringing more awareness of moral issues and long-term goals, as well as a stronger than usual desire to improve and learn. Optimism and confidence are with you, and you are able to attract fortunate circumstances into your life as a result. Problems are easier to resolve this year. You are more sociable and might meet especially helpful people during this period. Travel opportunities are more likely now. Your broader perspective on matters this year keeps you from getting lost in details or overly frustrated by everyday stresses and strains.

Whirlwind changes in your love life and/or financial state are likely this year with Venus conjunct Uranus in your Solar Return chart. It may be that you experience sudden changes or breakups with a friend or lover. However, the chance of a sudden new friendship is just as likely. At the root of this is a stronger taste for the unusual. What is familiar is less exciting to you than what is new and different. If a relationship seems to threaten your sense of freedom, you may have an easy time separating from it. Some fireworks in both your social and financial lives are to be expected.

You might often seem to have to make difficult decisions in which both alternatives seem to be equally as desirable. There may often be "either-or" situations, and sacrifices might need to be made between material and spiritual gains. Indecisiveness can be a result.

You are likely to feel quite elated this year, and freedom is especially important to you. You are interested in expanding your horizons, and opportunities are likely to present themselves for doing so. Love relationships can be full of change, ups and downs, and excitement.

2011 is a Number Five year for you. Ruled by Mercury. This is a year of exploration and freedom. It's a time when exploration and reaching out to others brings opportunities. It's a good time to advertise and sell. Surprises are in store, and the routine is broken. This is a year when exciting relationships can be formed, or, if you are already in a partnership, new life is breathed into the relationship. Advice - explore, look for adventure, keep your eyes open for opportunities, mingle.

2012 will be a Number Six year for you. Ruled by Venus. This is a year of relative contentment. It is a time when love is the easiest to attract, and partnerships formed under this vibration have a better chance for longevity. You are able to attract others, and material things as well, this year. This is a good year for establishing harmony in the family and in the home. Advice - develop existing relationships, be positive and receptive because these kinds of energies help you to attract what you desire."

 

Aries New Moon Treasure Mapping

So, I did my treasure mapping at  7 p.m. that day. I now really wish I had started earlier on, but I had an opportunity to get something else done that day, so I did it.

I ended up making boxes (I had a lot of disassembled small cardboard boxes), or treasure map shrines if you will. I made one to the kind of car I'd like to get (new VW Beetle), and then two for work. One was more of a "holding it together until I can move" sort of box, emphasizing stuff like benefits and insurance and regular paychecks. Not an exciting box, no, but a necessary one because I just can't stop freaking out at the idea of going without those things. Then the other box (a larger one so I can fit one inside the other) was all about dreams and fun things I'd like to do in a job and all the hippie-dippie-freeform manifestation stuff. I recently cleared off a shelf in my craft area, so I put the shrines in there, with a little candle and a feather.

I intended to do a lot more-- at least 3 boxes or posterboards (I'm undecided on the posterboard bit, I did buy some). I wanted to do one for moving and other stuff like that that won't be relevant in 2011, but is more of a "where do I want to shoot for" in the next couple of years. I need a vision for that too. But it was after 10 p.m. and I still had to go make lunch for the week and boring crap like that, so I had to give it up for the night. Hopefully I can get another one (at least) done tonight when I get home. Supposedly you get about 3.5 days to do treasure maps, so I've got tonight and Tuesday to try to finish up.

New moon in Aries

OH MY. I am coming up with a doozy of a treasure map for this one.

Planetary ruling stages

I read something about planetary rulers for different stages of your life earlier on in here, and now I am listening to a podcast on the same topic. Though the article said each planet got a 10-year cycle and this podcast says it's 7 years, so... I dunno.

Today's Michael Lutin

16 march 2011

NEW ELEMENT JUST DISCOVERED!
in the light of recent events currently unfolding
COMBINATION OF
MERGING OF
CESIUM,IODINE,STRONTIUM AND PLUTONIUM:
WECOULDALLGETROYALLYFUCKEDIUM
BUT
Remember this?

The real kicker will come from the planet Uranus, which is changing sign after seven years. Since it takes Uranus about eighty-four years to go around the Sun, these days it is reaching the same point it held in the late 1920's and early 30's when pluto was discovered.
No matter what sign you are, its effect will be felt by everybody.
Uranus is always the absolutely last thing you would ever dream could happen to you, so you cannot possibly call it. Uranus defies all odds. It is the most absurd ridiculous, interruption you can conjure up. It’s the jet engine that drops through the living room ceiling just when your favorite TV show is on and the phone is ringing: It’s your teen-age daughter. She’s pregnant from the exchange student who went back to Beijing yesterday. It’s the kids walking in on you just when you’re finally having sex. Don’t even try to figure it out beforehand.
There’s good news with all that, however. Despite the disaster aspect of Uranus coming to the world axis, which brings plenty of gloom and doom, there is reason to rejoice. Positive actions will definitely be taken, even if they can’t be seen immediately.
There is a spark, a glowing ember among the ashes of catastrophe. There has to be a renewal, so always remember that flowers will be blooming again.
You are going to see personal conflict and obstacles as well as social and political turmoil. In fact , there will be tremendous waves of public unrest as the world copes with new challenges, and moves forward and evolves. It will not be comfortable, but personal and social growth and does not come about when you’re comfortable.
Look forward to the most dynamic period you’ve experienced in a long time, if ever.
But where are you going to run?
Would like to, sure,
but with the Black Moon on the Full Moon
this weekend.....
who the hell knows?
guess you just gotta fill your heart with love
(to keep from screaming)
its like when you meet somebody new
and you're still married

Hmmm....

This week's astrobarry

This week's horoscopes.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Over the next couple months, you'll be playing host to a bombardment of strange instantaneous messages, cryptic epiphanies, irrational (but no less valid) awarenesses of certain situations being so very 'right' or equally 'wrong', and/or other lightning-fast injections of wisdom from other entities and dimensions. Yes, that sounds terribly un-Taurean, doesn't it? You are, after all, a sign of pragmatic-minded conservatism: 'Show me a tangible example, or I'm not likely to buy in.' In the short term, Taurus, you're going to have to override that strain of disbelief… if only because you're likely to receive unambiguous (but not exactly fact-driven) psychic clues about where your next best chances for advantageous growth are waiting, and who/what likely needs to be expelled from your life in order to take full advantage. For now, don't argue with my proposition that such knowledge can uncannily present itself, in the guise of otherworldly experience. (I told you: Suspend disbelief.) Pay close respectful attention to: daydreams and nocturnal visions; voices in your head; people, places or themes that repeatedly recur in unrelated contexts; and/or thoughts that make you inexplicably exuberant or despondent. Should you find a dearth of such experiences, literally pray for a sign. You're in a decidedly receptive limbo, gathering the nuts of enlightenment you'll rely on when manifestation begins in later-May or June.

Well, that sounds interesting. Sounds like my usual witchy experience... but too bad this isn't my rising sign horoscope (i.e. more likely to happen). I'd prefer this one because I could use the messages.

SCORPIO (October 23-November 21): Don't permit your workdays to drain your soul, Scorpio. Contrary to what you might tell yourself in low or frustrating moments, it's probably not the work itself that's wearing you down… and may merely be the manner in which you've organized the hours in your day. Be creative with scheduling, unconventional with methods, and responsive to your own bodily beats. There's more than one way to get something done, so why not choose the one that leaves you feeling fresh? Yes, of course, you might be in a situation where such freedoms appear unlikely or altogether unavailable. Is this a situation to settle for, all the while putting your literal physical well-being at risk? That's right: Freer expression in your day-to-day energy expenditures is currently an undeniable rallying-cry to heed on behalf of good health. Holding back what works best for you, to squeeze out productivity according to somebody else's time-management strategies, leads to pent-up life-force—a recipe for eventual illness, injury, anxiety or poor fitness. Make an attempt at having any requisite reorganization conversations, rather than presuming defeat before you've even tried. And if it's already a decided no-go, start contemplating whether this steady grind is worth ignoring your innate rhythms for.

I have a job where creative scheduling is absolutely not allowed (yes, even if I had a talking-to to someone about it, they're not allowing it any more and even when they did, it was for a required pay cut, not "can I work later or earlier at the same money") at this point in time. Hah, NO. Yes, that would be nice in spring to be able to haul out a laptop and go outside to work, but come on.

What annoys me is that this thing makes it sound like I'm going to get desperately sick if I don't get a flex time work schedule. Come on. 8-5 doesn't kill most people. And yes, I do think the grind is worth having the steady money instead of having a job that lets me be free, FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

I get really effing annoyed at this whole "You will want to be freeeeeee at your work!" crap for Uranus in Aries. Call me crazy, but I don't think having less or no pay so I can be freeeeeeeeeee is not freeing. I don't consider it freeing to have to worry about every penny, thanks. I think it's freeeeeeing that I can go to the grocery store and not be sweating bullets about how much money I'm spending, or that I can spontaneously decide to start a new craft project and not have to sweat bullets about that either.

Grrrrrrrrr. I hate Uranus in Aries.