Speed-Reading Book Nerd Reviews

In The Hand Of The Goddess

By Tamora Pierce.

Previous book in the series here.

This book does a little one, two, skip a few from the end of the last one, fast-forwarding by about a year. I was unthrilled with that, as the events described in the middle--the aftermath of the ending, Alanna's dad dying (convenient, now he can never out the kids!),  Alanna's friends going through their knight's ordeal and freaking her the hell out-- would have been cool to have seen. So I'm a little annoyed at that. Anyway, Alanna starts out around age 15 here, squire to Jonathan and ...well, hormones are kicking in. For her two best guy friends George and Jonathan, at least. Alanna's career goal is to be a knight errant upon hitting age 18 and finishing her training--she figures as a girl-in-disguise, she'll have to get the hell out of Dodge once she comes out of the closet anyway-- and the last thing she wants to do is settle down with a dude. George says he'll wait. Jonathan...is another story. (I will say that if you gotta have a love triangle, it's nice when both guys are worthy fellows and friends.) Anyway, when the story starts out with Alanna meeting with a goddess and getting a token and a magic psychic cat and the goddess says don't swear off love... you get the drift. Alanna's Chosen One-ness is determined, though not so much of a major factor in this book.

Most of the plot revolves around Duke Roger, Jonathan's cousin and Alanna's enemy at first sight. She suspects Roger wants to get the entire royal family killed--and yeah, it's very obvious what he's up to, but he's also very good at covering his tracks. Again and again Alanna thinks this guy is bad news, especially when there's now threats to her own life. But does she overly plot against him? Eh....Well, I'll say that that is annoying from a reader's POV, but it's eventually justified in text. As the book leads up to Alanna's ordeal test, she finally becomes determined to out Roger once and for all, not to mention out herself. That's an...interesting...scene.* (More discussion below the spoiler cut.)

It's still a pretty good series, and if I ever come across the other two in the quartet I'll read them, but I'm still not overwhelmed by it--I know it's for young readers, but it's still rather simple for my tastes and my mind has not been blown yet. So, three and a half stars.

Alanna: The First Adventure

By Tamora Pierce.

I got ahold of the first two books of the series, which I'd never seen IRL but had heard of on TV Tropes. I'm not sure why it's such a big deal. It's a good and pleasant story so far, but I can't say I find it drastically different from any other young fantasy Chosen One-y sort of story.

Anyhoo: Alanna and her twin Thom have no mom and a neglectful dad, who is insisting on sending them away to school at the age of 10. Alanna is off to be a lady at a convent, Thom is off to learn to be a knight. Thom wants to be a sorcerer and has no interest in knighthood. Alanna has zero interest in being a lady (as anyone sensible would) and wants to be a knight. At this point in life they look alike, and Thom can forge his dad's handwriting...so they switch places. Thom can learn sorcery at the convent area (okay, I'm not sure how this works, but okay) and Alanna--now Alan-- goes off to be a knight. Despite being the shortest one of the pages around, s/he learns very well, gets it down how to fight, manages to trounce the bully picking on her, and generally becomes a kickass short page. She also has two good friends--Prince Jonathan and George, King of Thieves. You can pretty much figure these two will be love interests once puberty hits. Well, serious puberty, I mean--the inevitable "what happens when you're hiding as a woman and hit age 13" problem does come up.

It's a very nice story overall, albeit I was ready for the story to go on a little quicker. And the villain of the story might as well start toying with his mustache for all of the subtlety the book gives him. Once he walks on, he's OMG PURE EVIL BUT NOBODY SEES IT BUT ALANNA...but since this is the "the first adventure," the plot doesn't go too far with this other than he gives Alanna the bad vibe.The ending is a good one, though I was sorry it cut off where it did. I would have been interested to see the aftermath of it!

I'll give it three and a half stars. I wasn't as super-wowed as I was expecting to be for the reputation these books seem to have, but it's a pretty good story anyway (albeit not that original yet) and I moved on to book 2 quickly.

When It Happens

By Susane Colasanti.

At the beginning of senior year, nerdy Sara has a crush on new (popular) kid Dave. She's hoping he'll ask her out, and he does! And it gets her into the popular crowd too! However, Dave himself starts to pall on Sara-- they aren't interested in the same things, Dave seems like kind of a follower, the popular people are shallow and annoying. Sara wants something real, and she's about to find it in music theory class.

Tobey is a diehard musician who has little interest in school. He does, however, have a mad crush on Sara and dislikes Dave ever since he overheard Dave beating up on a kid in the locker room. Tobey's plans for this year involve finally coming up with schemes and plans to win Sara's heart. Guess what, eventually he does! And then they date. And Tobey realizes that he needs to start caring about his grades for college now, thanks to her (or at least wanting to be in a school near her). Tobey's ex-fuckbuddy (for lack of a better word) kinda wants him back and this is vaguely threatening to his new relationship, since Sara thinks he's a virgin.

Erm...the book doesn't have a major amount of plot, really. It's just kind of living life. Sara hangs out with her friends, who have their own issues. Tobey hangs out with his friends, who do as well. Most folks in here are nice except for the popular people. Everyone worries about school--except for Tobey, who learns to worry about school. As a couple, Sara and Tobey are cute enough and work well together. It's a nice relationship.

(Though I did have a moment of weird when Sara and Tobey discovered that both of them hate cellphones and won't get one! I had to go check the date of publication: 2006. Oh, teen novels. I feel sorry for the authors of them these days because it's difficult to write teen books without the constant use of technology--you just plain cannot ignore it and you have to at least mention it--but at the same time the technology totally dates every book. This is a book that's written in a way that keeps the story feeling current even without constant mentions of phone/Internet use that you have to put into books now, but even that kind of threw me out of the story with its implausibility. I'm a phone hater and even I had to get one years before 2006, and I wasn't a teenager. I'm not sure why I"m mentioning this, other than it was odd and super unlikely.)

I...don't really have that much to say about this book. It's a pleasant enough read and a sweet romance, but it wasn't super memorable to me compared to the other book of hers I've read somehow. You'll probably enjoy reading it, though.

Three stars.

Perfect Chemistry

By Simone Elkeles.

(Next book in the series has been reviewed already over here.)

Brittany Ellis and Alejandro "Alex" Fuentes have a stickler of a chemistry teacher who insists on pairing up people for the year alphabetically. As you can probably guess by the names alone, it looks like a mismatch. Brittany's family sounds comfortably well off, she's a pom-pom girl, has a nice car and nice clothes, and of course she's a size four, big-boobed, blonde with blue eyes. You hate her already by my description, right? As for Alex, he's a gang member in the Latino Bloods and gets a big kick out of annoying/embarassing/torturing Brittany from the getgo. However, neither of them are the assholes that they appear to be.

Brittany's doing her best to be perfect and fit her parents' expectations of such because her older sister Shelley is severely handicapped. Brittany adores her sister, but it doesn't seem like anyone else in the family does. Her home life's not terribly good and the love her parents give her seems to be conditionally based on her perfection more than anyone else. Few people even know Brittany has a sister. And while she has an equally perfect longtime boyfriend, things have fizzled over the summer...except for the part where he's pushing her to have sex when she's not ready.

Alex doesn't like being in a gang, but he feels obligated to. His dad was in one (and got shot in front of Alex when he was six years old), and as the oldest man of the house he felt like he had to join for the protection issues. Alex can get into fights and scare the shit out of guys who owe money when he has to, but so far he's been trying to avoid getting deeper in, selling drugs, etc. Unfortunately for him, the gang's leader Hector Has Plans for making Alex do what he wants. Alex would like to have a future doing anything else, but he doesn't see a way out of this one.

It's pretty clear from the getgo that Brittany isn't a jerk--I really enjoyed the friendship she developed with Alex's childhood friend Isabel, who didn't want to be friends with Brittany but finds herself going there anyway. But Alex definitely acts pretty douchey at the beginning of the book--yes, he's the kind of guy who makes bets about sleeping with a chick (and god knows bet plots aren't usually a favorite for me). Obviously he stops being a douche, or at least evolves out of it, upon getting to know Brittany better. Both of them put on massive fronts, and aren't at all shy about taking the piss out of/pranking each other. And that leads to Twue Wuv, regardless of their respective reputations. But Alex's gang involvement gets deeper and scarier, and threatens to tear them asunder anyway. How the hell can he get out of this?

I will say that this is a hot, affectionate romance. Spanish terms of endearment will make you go "awwww" a whole lot. I also enjoyed the friendships in this book--between Brittany and Isabel, Brittany and her best friend Sierra, Alex and his best friend Paco and his new friend from jail Gary (I won't spoil that bit for ya). And I also liked how the mystery of Alex's dad's murder tied into the story. It was probably ah, rather predictable really, but it worked for me despite that. That's a certain sick level of thinking achieved there, I kind of approve.

One sad little plot nitpick: they sure don't work on that chemistry project much...you know, the one involving actual science. How the hell did anyone graduate? Just wondering. There's also a lot of "one, two, skip a few" time skips toward the end, but given the circumstances, it makes sense. I just wouldn't have minded seeing more peeks between here and there than there were.

Four stars.

Out Of Sight, Out Of Time

By Ally Carter.

Previous book here. Due to spoilage from the last book, I'll be putting the review under the spoiler cut. It gets four stars, though.

Mockingjay

By Suzanne Collins.

Previous book here.

Continuing with the totally spoilering sorta-reviews. Should anyone left still care, this is 100% filled with spoilers. If by some strange coincidence you haven't read them either and care, don't read this. This is your final warning.

• And yup, District 12 is all ash...except for Victor's Village. Ain't that blatant. They also had the bombs ready in about15 minutes after the arrow-shooting, which makes me again think that they were gonna destroy 12 no matter what. That's not so much an impulse decision when you have to mobilize planes there.
• God, Snow. Yeah, you do wonder if he's a vampire.
• Poor Bonnie and Twill.
• District 13 underground: not that it sounds like the world's most fun place to live--waaaaay regimented-- but you understand why.
• Oh, Peeta.
• I can't say I've overly cared that much about Gale in the series--mostly because you don't spend enough time with him to. But even as someone who is roots for Peeta, he ain't a bad bloke to hang out with now that you finally get the chance.
• I could say the same about the all-important Prim, though she's been getting more screen time in book 2. I'm not as interested in her, but she's okay.
• You go, Katniss. I like how despite her PTSD she's got her demands right.
• Oh, Cinna. Even from beyond the grave, you thought ahead.
• Oh damn, who put the prep team in the basement jail?!? Poor little babies. They had no idea. This scene is very Les Miserables all of a sudden.
• One president really isn't all that different from the other one. Power corrupts absolutely.
• Katniss, even after all this practice at being a media star by now, cannot pull that line off. Ouch.
• I just love this scene where Haymitch is all "what made you fall for Katniss the first time?" I think that is everything here. The conclusion they come to in this scene is "send her out into the field," but I think what they're missing is that in every one of those scenes she was doing something for other people.
• Fulvia is rather annoying.
• Katniss is really bereft and kinda clueless without Peeta in these political shenanigans.
• Good job with distracting Finnick! Hell, Finnick, good job distracting well, everybody else.
• “Well, don’t expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.” I decide to go ahead and like Boggs." BWAH.
• That explains a lot about District 2. Still wondering why 1 and 4 are "Career" places though.
• I sympathize with Katniss in the hospital scene, as a fellow non-nurturer. But of COURSE they get blown up.
• I like the "We Remember" tributes idea.
• Oh shit, Peeta.
• "The Hanging Tree." They sure do have upbeat music in this world.
• Oh, go Peeta for managing to warn Katniss anyway!!!! So proud of him. Also, thank goodness they're in the world's deepest underground bunker ever.
• Prim is sharper than I thought. Good for her.
• And there goes Katniss, into the abyss. But seriously, they had to wait for her to have a nervous breakdown to decide to rescue people?
• Oh my god, Finnick. Who knew the Capitol literally whored out their winners? WTF? GOOD ON FINNICK for finding out everyone's secrets and spilling them on national television. You rock. It's too bad we can't see the effect of his words in the Capitol, it must be a hoot.
• Ah, so THAT's why Snow smells bloody all the time. Ew. Well, at least there's an explanation for that.
• It doesn't matter who you are in Panem, you are going to get tortured and your loved ones kill and you get murdered ANYWAY.
• Yay, Johanna and Annie are saved! But oh shit, Peeta. You take the one totally sweet, nice guy in the series and crap him up. Okay, okay, he's not the only one, Finnick is good too and Gale's not too bad except for his wartime strategies. But still.
• Poor Portia and the stylists. For fuck's sake, they were just...stylists. And Effie is probably dead too.
• Eeeesh, tracker jacker torture. Sounds totally plausible on the science side, though.
• More explanation of 2.
• Well, you gotta appreciate Katniss's honesty. Why shouldn't I shoot you? I can't.
• Oh, Johanna. Always with the honesty. I do like you.
• Ah, the one brief and happy moment in this entire series, Finnick and Annie's wedding. I wish we got to know Annie more in this book--I know she's kinda out to lunch, but she seems significant enough that the woman should be given more dialogue or something.
• Well, at this point I think the engagement is OFF. Damn.
• I do miss Old Peeta being around in this book. Katniss alone is a sad, sad creature. Even with Gale.
• I like that Katniss and Johanna finally need to go learn soldier skills--even though it's ironic to tell freaking Hunger Games winners to train in how to kill people. Plus, roomies!
• Peeta is such a foreign creature now. Why is he being allowed out?
• Plutarch, I don't think Peeta and Katniss are up to that kind of acting job right now.
• And here's the third Hunger Games: the Capitol as arena with traps/pods everywhere.
• Poor Johanna. This is so disappointing.
• It is so creepy that suddenly Peeta is allowed out, into battle, with no guards. As a way to assassinate Katniss. WTF.
• Oh shit, poor Darius and red-headed girl. Ouch, Peeta, for sharing this information. (Also still making me wonder about Effie.)
• Oh Boggs :(
• Yay for Peeta finally starting to recover.
• How can you ever like roses again after reading this book?
• Oh Finnick :( :( :( Dammit.
• And now here's Katniss killing an innocent that she technically wasn't forced to kill. Except it's war. Sad.
• I do enjoy this Tigris character, odd though she may be.
• Who can't Katniss survive without? Hard to fucking tell. But really, does it matter? Most of us end up surviving without someone we've lost anyway, unless you off yourself.
• "Never underestimate the power of a brilliant stylist,” Yup. I still doubt that pretending to be a refugee is going to work to get Katniss to shoot Snow, anyway.
• Oh shit, Gale.
• Snow continues to be an asshole.
• And Gale just murdered Prim. There goes fucking everything. After all of this shit, after the entire thing kicks off by Katniss wanting to save Prim, she dies anyway. Because of Gale's idea. Massive fail.
• Girl on fire is now literal. It's like you asked for it. Lots and lots of times. Now I want to know where that miracle Capital skin healing technology is. Gone forever?
• God, Katniss's mom abandons her again?!?! What a shit. Okay, so Katniss has kinda (by choice or not) done the same, but still!
• On the one hand, yeah, Katniss's mind and body have been blown and she can't handle being in the action now. On the other hand, hearing what's happened secondhand is just weak to me.
• And....yup, it was Coin who had Prim killed. Figures.
• Oh wow, how the hell is Effie still alive?! But...mentally she seems out to lunch too.
• WTF, and yet another Hunger Games with Capitol people?! Ewww. So ticked.
• And...kaboom. Katniss takes out the other well deserving President instead. Man, I wish she had two arrows. Kaboom. Also, irony.
• And...all that happens to her is that they stick her in her training center room and leave her for days? WHAT?! Seriously? There was a trial and we don't know what went on? They didn't BRING her to her trial? This makes no sense, it's weak, it pisses me off. This is not handled well.
• And all they do is just send her back to District 12 forever? WHAT? That's IT? No murder? No jail? No.....anything else? Therapy via phone? Weak.
• Peeta's back. Well, finally!
• And Gale and her mom are just...gone forever? The fuck? That was it?
• And yet the cat survives.
• "Real." Well, FINALLY. Toldya.
• 20ish years later: Katniss finally caved in and had kids, since they won't be going to the Games now. I know I'm supposed to be happy for them, but hell, I'm numb. I bet the girl is named Prim, but they don't say.

Eh... honestly, the ending of this kind of ruins the book for me. It's good up until then--confronts the harshness of everything, covers propaganda all over the place, tortures the shit out of Peeta and gives Katniss many Blue Screen of Death moments-- but to me, it falls apart after Katniss murders Coin. I just don't think it's handled well at all. Why the hell wasn't Katniss at her own trial? Why was she just quietly abandoned and left alone? And that's it? In this world where everyone punishes the shit out of everyone, it makes no sense. Yes, Katniss is obviously out of her mind, but still. To me, that's where it just falls apart. Even if it makes sense that Katniss is kind of a shell shocked half-comatose shell by the end and that never quite gets better.

It's also the saddest stereotypical happy ending you've possibly ever seen in a book. I bet this is the one time the "OMG THE OTP GOT MARRIED AND HAD TEH BABIEZ!" ending did little or nothing for the shippers, eh? I'm glad they got together again and Peeta mostly came out of it and Katniss finally realized she loves him (duh), but still. It's a deliberate fizzle. I do kinda give credit to the author for that one that despite the "happy ending," there can't really be one.

However, that doesn't make up for the fizzle at the end of the war. That is downright disappointing and feels incomplete.

I'm still giving it four stars, but this was shooting for epic and well...missed.

It's an interesting series. I don't know if I'd ever want to read it again, but I'll at least watch the movie. Or the first couple of 'em, anyway.

Catching Fire

By Suzanne Collins.

Previous book here.

Continuing with the totally spoilering sorta-reviews. Should anyone left still care, this is 100% filled with spoilers. If by some strange coincidence you haven't read them either and care, don't read this. This is your final warning.

• So, now you're rich and famous and never will be hungry again! How's that going for you, Hunger Games winners?... Not so great, as it turns out. At loose ends, feeling estranged from friends, and forced to take up a professional hobby. Yup, that's weird. Also, now you get to nanny Haymitch all the time. Fun stuff.
• Oh dear god, when the president shows up in your house....
• “It must be very fragile, if a handful of berries can bring it down.” Damn right. 
• See, all the Goth kids probably think it's romantic to smell like blood and roses. In real life, PROBABLY NOT. Though it would probably make a good song/band/album name.
• I keep wanting to say, "Hey, she never had romantic feelings for Gale! He kissed her! Stop it!"
• But yeah, she is totally trapped into marrying Peeta now. I assume there's no birth control in Panem (at least, not outside the Capitol where everyone can do anything), so...awkward. 
• Seriously, why do the Capitol people get to do almost whatever the hell they want and the districts don't? Why do they get special immunity from shit?
• You can't be offended by the stylists being clueless because really, they don't mean to hurt you and also, they seriously don't know better.
• Oh dear lord, Quarter Quell.
• Oh yeah, ain't no way Katniss's kid wouldn't be first up to die when it turns 12 now. No question. No way to save the kid either.
• I'm sure the Capitol will just looooooooove Peeta's artwork. That'll go well. I say that sarcastically, but honestly I don't know which way that would go. Either it's a big hit because in this society, people tour arenas and do re-enactments, or they burn all of his artwork and kill him. Which shall it be? (Never do get to find that out.)
• Yay Peeta with his donations!
• Yay Katniss for finally speaking.
• Oh fucking hell, immediate execution?
• I wonder if the District 11 people EVER get any money.
• "he gives an almost imperceptible shake of his head." Then WHAT THE HELL ELSE COULD KATNISS POSSIBLY DO TO MAKE THIS BETTER, FFS?!?! (See rant below for the rest of this one.)
• Oh goodie, vomitoriums. So very Roman, these "bread and circus" people. Also, ewwww. Also, I don't know about you, but after puking, I usually DON'T want to eat more food.
• I am glad to find out that yes, they do set up the arenas all year long, and just add in the cruel twists at the last minute.
• "Plutarch Heavensbee." WHAT A NAME. But...hey, closet good guy! Nice watch!
• Oh, Katniss. Boy, are you not cut out to join a secret society if you don't pick up on clues so well.
• And there's the first uprising.
• Aw damn, love triangle hell.
• I keep thinking that as far as I can tell, nobody escapes and everybody gets caught if they try. Is this really a good idea? No, it is not. Especially with like, tons of people.
• And here come the whippings, beatings, and executions. It makes me sad for them that they've lost their decent Peacekeepers. And it's also sad that the guy who needs to turn girls into hookers was considered "good," comparatively speaking.
• Go Madge.
• And speaking of runaways... hoo boy. I love how they've noticed it's been the same footage of District 13 for years, thanks to...a repetitive mockingjay. That bird is everywhere. Also, District 13 had the nukes?!? Wow, the Capitol didn't think out how that was a bad idea At All...
• Go Katniss for somehow getting over the fence and faking her way out of it. I love the kitchen scene and especially the line about how someone else can get the goat knocked up.  It's adorable how they suddenly function as this large, teasing family rather than two different sides (Hunger Games vs. relatives). 
• Sneaky ways to find out who's uprising.
• "Whoever devised the Quarter Quell system had prepared for centuries of Hunger Games." MY ASS THEY DID.  This can't be Just A Coincidence. Also, way to be goddamned sure you can kill Katniss in public. Holy shit.
• There's a lot of one, two, skip a few summarizing stuff going on in the first half of the book. It's a bit weak.
• Okay, here's another tip (see below) for Ways To Not Get People To Rebel: don't go back on your word about shit. Do not take your protected class of people, who earned that protection, and then go "fuck you guys, die die die." Especially if you have spent all this time making them public heroes for years. THINK ABOUT THAT ONE.
• Wow, the 50th Quell had an entirely poisonous world. That makes the first book look like nothing. Also, force fields!
• Okay, you guys, you know why I want to see the movie? To see how they do the wardrobe.
• Where can I pick up some posters of Finnick? You know someone's gotta sell pinups. Also, 99% nekkid costume!
• Oh goody, Johanna. Love her already.
• Poor Darius. Aww, the dish breaking scene.
• I don't know if it's a good idea to look for allies or not. But if Haymitch is advocating it, there's probably a reason beyond what we think he means. Tricksy bastard, that dude.
• Ewwwww, Enobaria, WTF with the teeth.
• Never count out the techies!
• I wonder how well these folks have maintained their interdistrict friendships over the years. I know they all have to go to the Games and reunite there, but are they allowed to call or write letters? Katniss can call Cinna in the Capitol, but Capitol gets privileges over everyone who's District.
• OH MY GOD, KATNISS AND PEETA AND THE GAMEMAKERS. Hooooooly shit.
• I looooooove the interview scene. GO EVERYBODY!
• Again, seriously want to see how they do the dress change in a movie, because this to me sounds like the most impossible one to pull off at all.
• “Caesar, do you think all our friends here can keep a secret?” “I feel quite certain of it,” says Caesar. BWAHAHAHAHAH LIVE TV. Followed by BOOYAH FAKE PREGNANCY. So glad Katniss isn't actually pregnant upon going into an arena, I'd be worried about the super tired and whatnot.
• RIP Cinna. Dear god, they go to the point of asshole every time here, don't they?
• "This is no place for a girl on fire." Oh, irony.  Also, way to get rid of half the tributes without even having to try to kill 'em if they suddenly have to swim. Guess that explains the scuba-y outfits.
• Oh, Haymitch and Finnick. What have you been up to? I seriously want to know what networking he was up to with the other tributes.
• What the hell was that, Mags?
• This is a weird, wild, world there. Tick tock, indeed. But cleverly done. And then the Cornucopia spins....
• The joys of the jabberjays: they had to get that noise from someone.
• KABOOM WHAT THE HELL?
• And...wait a minute, more than one tribute is alive right now? And saved? YIPPEE! Go Plutarch, you rebel, you. Go Haymitch! Go all you bunch of plotters! 
• Aw man, Peeta and Johanna...
• KABOOM WHAT THE HELL?

This book reminds me of an abusive relationship. At the beginning of it Katniss thinks that if she just behaves well enough--if she keeps her mouth shut at the rest of the victory tour stops, if she swoons all over Peeta, etc., she'll manage to keep everyone alive and okay. And then with that slight shake of his head saying it's not enough, President Snow is all "fuck you."

For the rest of the book, Katniss has many moments of "so-and-so died because of me." I want to say, "No, they didn't die because of you, they died because the Capitol wanted them dead." I think the folks who died were intended to die (in the case of tributes) or were going to die just because they wanted to rebel. Katniss might have added some fuel to that fire, hah, but it was the choice to rebel at all that got them killed. And there are tons of reasons for people to be rebelling regardless of Katniss at this point, what with everything shutting down, winter, starvation, abuse, evil rule enforcement, etc. The way to shut down a rebellion is to feed people and make 'em happy, for fuck's sake, not keep on squashing. Unless you want to kill the entire population--and sometimes I seriously wonder here if they want to-- making things shittier is usually what pisses them off enough to do something. Which is what happens to Katniss and changes her mind about running away (not that that sounds like it works at all here).

The thing about an abusive relationship is, it doesn't matter what you do. You can be good as gold. You can keep your mouth shut, your head down, keep working, stay well behaved. You can be rich and famous and have as much social power as it's possible to have outside of actual government, a la the Hunger Games winners or Gamemakers. You could just stand still and not move in any way-- AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT IT IS THAT YOU DO OR DO NOT DO. Because the abuser wants to abuse you no matter what you do. It doesn't matter. Just because you kept your head down today doesn't mean you won't get hit tomorrow. Or in five minutes. Or five Tuesdays from now. As long as you are in the abuser's presence, at some point you're gonna get hit. Unless you leave, which isn't an option in this book. In the context of this book, it doesn't matter how well Katniss behaves, or how well anyone behaves at this point--they're getting shit on and killed anyway. Either way you're going to suffer and die, so you might as well go out fighting.

I think I like this book better than the previous one because it gets so much messier with the Quell. These folks know each other and have for years and some of them even like each other. You can't help but like Finnick. Johanna cracks me up. Mags and the District 3 techies (wow, their names...) have their skills. You don't want these folks to go. You know alliances with people you have to kill are bad, but in this case, you need them. And in the end, there's a reason for that. Huzzah. I really wasn't thrilled with the idea of doing another Hunger Games AGAIN (and I hope they don't do it in book 3), it worked better for me in some respects because of the teaming. And the ending of the actual Games being less bleak (if not the end of the book itself)--or at least, I say if more than one person makes it out alive, it's less bleak.

How the hell is the country going to live without coal? JUST WONDERING.

Four and a half stars.

The Hunger Games

By Suzanne Collins.

Yes, I'm deliberately being the last person on the planet to read this series. I have had Reservations about reading it for years, even though I read every dang spoiler over at Mark Reads while trying to decide if I wanted to read it or not. I am generally NOT into horror movies or anything where everyone but one person (maybe) gets slaughtered, so despite the rest of the premise being intriguing, I've been going back and forth and back and forth about reading it.

Finally I am sucking it up because uh...I kind of want to see the movie (I don't even know WHY, if I can't stand reading the carnage, I'm going to watch it?!) and coincidentally I got gifted with most of the books. Fine. Whatever.

I think at this point everyone knows the premise of this series, so I won't even bother saying what's what. I'll just uh...say some random thoughts. Should anyone left still care, this is 100% filled with spoilers. If by some strange coincidence you haven't read them either and care, don't read this. This is your final warning.

• I like the contrast between Peeta being a personable, mental strategist sort of fellow and Katniss being a brutal survivor sort. I'd be interested in reading this book again only done from his POV (a la the infamous "Midnight Sun"). He must have some interesting thoughts here.
• I know everyone in District 12/most of the Districts is brutally poor, but you'd think that if you know your odds of getting slaughtered between ages 12-18 are really good, most people might want to try to learn skills that could be good should they be picked. Like using an axe, tying knots, which plants to eat, stuff like that. Just an idea.
• Mostly the thing that stands out to me in this series is the sick mental system they have going on. It takes like what, a week to go from ordinary kid to sudden brief beautiful celebrity to slaughter bait/homicidal killer? Holy shit. You'd think you'd want to string out the time a bit longer between those moments. They get styling, a parade day, 3 days of training, a media training day, a day of one 3-minute media interview and kaboom, it's dead time? Good lordy.
• How on earth is a world that has fancy flying machines and the like still having the Hunger Games people ride around on trains most of the time?
• The mental strategies used by all of the Capitol/Haymitch/Games veterans are both interesting and sick at the same time. Why choose to treat Katniss and Peeta as a pair from the getgo (unless they figured out his crush on her early on)? How you have to somehow be personable and dressed up in order to get sponsors. Who's allowed to be with you at the last minute and who isn't. It's all just...freaking weird and makes our reality TV look like nothing.
• I was weirded out at the scene where Katniss, in a horrible mood, just stomps off and uses the shower. She only just learned how to use it like what, yesterday? I probably take longer trying to figure out how to turn on random hotel showers. It seemed so casual and like us that it didn't fit in with the rest of the brutal poverty of her life.
• Also weirded out at: Katness wasting food by throwing out cookies, forgetting her mother's dress and then losing it forever.
• They set up the arena entirely during the last week? Really?!? They don't plan this shit for an entire year first? I know they have better tech and all, but the guy who blings up his house at Christmas in my hometown and does walk-through tours at least takes like half a year to put that stuff up. And that's without funky modified animals and constant implements of death. I can understand last-minute changes, but what are they doing, quick-grow vegetation? Digging up a desert to install?
• It's frightening how this whole thing is designed to take the human urge to bond with each other in a shared (crap) situation and instead you absolutely can't.
• How come your stylist is the last person allowed to say goodbye to you before you die? Not your mentor (hah), not your sheepherder (Effie), but the stylist? Who isn't beautifying you on the last day so much anyway? Odd. Also interesting in that after about an hour on reaping day, you never see your family again. What, they don't parade your relatives in front of the cameras? Too depressing or missed opportunity for drama and putting the little people down? Just wondering.
• I'm with Peeta on wanting to die as yourself. Except I don't think there is any way to do that.
• I'm trying to picture having Hunger Games re-enactments as a vacation trip. What the fucking fuck?
• Wow, Haymitch was right about the Cornucopia.
• Also, alliances here: so much more problematic than on Survivor.
• Likewise, the semimanufactured romance has so much more fucked-up-ed-ness and stakes than ye olde Bachelor. Whoring yourself out on TV for food and medicine. Fun times. And yet, still...cute.
• I like the moment where Thresh (seriously, THE NAMES) saves Katniss's life for helping Rue. Enjoying what little humanity/non-murdering they still have left there.
• Did Peeta directly kill anyone? That one girl when he was with the Careers? I'm not sure.
• HOW THE HELL DO THEY DO THIS PERFECT SCIENCE STUFF IN THIS BOOK? Magical scarless healing, insta-anything in the arena...and speaking of:
• JEEBUS CHRIST THE MUTTATIONS. Made out of fucking dead tributes. Worst. Thing. Ever. Are they conscious? Is it just their bodies? How the hell would you like to be their parents and see this on the televison and there isn't fuckall you can do about it?
• Of COURSE they pulled a last minute rule change. I love Katniss for suggesting dual suicide. ROCK ON. Fuck y'all.
• And of course things are still dangerous and fucked up after she gets out. Of course.
• Awww, reunited and..."he's kissing me and all the time I'm thinking, Do you know? Do you know how much danger we're in?" 
• And of course, the first thing a tribute wants to do after recovering from the arena is...WATCH IT ALL OVER AGAIN!
• Three hours of mandatory watching of rehashed slaughter. And y'all bitch about voluntarily watching the Oscars every year.
• Peeta's leg: I guess they can't fix everything with their miracle science.
• I don't know why I am supposed to care about Gale as a romantic prospect, given how little he's in the book and how Katniss isn't the swiftest at romance anyway.
• Poor Peeta. Poor confused "is it a show or not, I have no idea" Katniss.

The end.

Overall thoughts: it's a sick situation, which the author handles well. She takes our modern obsessions with reality TV and terrorists and crap like that and twists it just well enough to still shock the hell out of people. I think the Miracle Science is a bit too easy, but whatever, it almost works. Mostly you just  keep thinking that this is a sick, sick system and you don't see how anyone would get out of it, except if you're Katniss and manage to play it JUST RIGHT...for now, anyway. I am pleased that the entire book isn't quite the bloody slaughterfest I was expecting--and suddenly you're thinking, "What the HELL is she talking about, it's not a bloody slaughterfest?" I was expecting more along the lines of shitty horror movie or Kill Bill with Katniss having to personally shoot all 23 people, but it doesn't work that way. Some die accidentally, plenty die offscreen, it's not quite the total gorefest from hell that I expected--at least up until the mutts come in, anyway. Katniss personally offed like what, 3 people? Justifiedly so? Not really freaking my conscience so much there. So go figure. I'm not feeling the objections that I did so much at this concept.

I think even if you don't like Katniss (not sure if I do or not), you feel for her and mostly understand why she is doing what she is doing. The girl is a hardcore brutal survivor before she went to the Games and she makes that work for her. Peeta isn't the same sort of fellow and yet he makes his own traits work for him. You root for them as a couple despite the whole "we have to fake love so we don't die" thing, and you know that despite Katniss's doubts and how she thinks she's faking, she isn't really. Though I seriously do not care about a love triangle with a guy we barely know as a the third anyway. But overall, it gives you a lot to think about.

Four stars.

Five Flavors of Dumb

By Antony John.

I loooooove this one.

Piper Vaughan's feeling pretty off at home. Her best friend moved out of state, it seems like her dad can't even talk to her any more and he's out of work to boot, her parents just cleaned out her college fund, and they keep swooning over her baby sister Grace. You see, Piper's from a family that has hereditary deafness, and she started going deaf at age 6. Even though she's down with the ASL and lip reading and can speak well, she and Grace were the only deaf ones in the family right now. And her parents cleaned out her college fund to get Grace a cochlear implant. Piper can't help but feel kind of left out and weird and disappointed in her parents, under the circumstances.

Then Piper gets an...interesting...job offer. There's a new band at her high school called Dumb that thinks they're all that and a bag of chips. After Piper points out that they need to capitalize on their recent Battle of the Bands win, get some publicity, etc., she gets the offer to be their manager, if she can get them paid within a month. Even if it forces the band to temporarily go soft-rock rather than hard, Piper manages to pull it off.

Working with the band is tricky, and I don't mean the deafness issue--Piper pulls in her younger brother for guitar lessons and recruits her friend Ed to join the band as a drummer. But they don't play together well (though Ed helps that), and there's personal difficulties. Lead singer Josh starts out as semi-obnoxious pretty boy and gets more and more Machiavellian evil. His twin Will is so quiet he might as well be dead. Tash the guitarist is a punk rock girl with some anger issues. And then there's Kallie, the school pretty girl who just wanted to join a band. Josh wanted Kallie there for "eye candy"--and it works-- but her guitar skills are the weakest of the bunch. And their songwriting--who the hell knows? (Piper is all: note to self, find out what the hell Josh is singing.) But what Piper's good at is building band cohesion--not to mention doing plenty of lying to get the band gigs. But then there's a big blowup, and Piper needs to figure out how to handle the situation. Will the band go on, and if so, with who?

This is really enjoyable to read. You feel for the members of the Vaughan family and what they're going through. You admire Piper for pulling things together and quietly coping with the awkwardness she feels at home. Tash and Kallie turn out to be good eggs and you really enjoy the friendships Piper builds with them. And Ed...awww, Ed. Turns out he has a crush on Piper, and it becomes mutual adorableness.

I also thought the author did a great job of conveying what Piper's world is like for her sound-wise. She picks some things up and misses some things, but you kind of get the drift. It's really handled well, and I say that as someone who tries to read probably every book she can find about deaf folks (I attempted to learn ASL for years before figuring out that I am a language idiot).

Four stars. Adorable.

Jessica's Guide to Dating On The Dark Side

By Beth Fantaskey.

Jessica Packwood knows she got adopted from Romania. Her anthropologist parents were there investigating a vampire cult, and took a baby away before it was slaughtered in the purge. Of course, her parents say they were vampires, not in a cult, but Jessica's a practical sort and has never bought that. Until the first day of school, when new foreign exchange student Lucius Vladescu comes to live at her house (without notifying the Packwoods, btw). And he says he's a vampire and her fiance, promised when they were infants before their parents died. And they have to get married when Jessica turns 18, or else there will be a big ol' vampire war.

Jessica does not buy into this immediately. She thinks he's a hot nutjob. Plus Lucius comes off as a pompous, pretentious ass--and dealing with the joys of country life do not agree with him so much at first. Especially the part where the Packwood parents are vegans. Between that and the general snobbery and the insistence on a courtship even though Jessica think he's nuts-- and she's interested in a local boy-- it does not start well. Lucius's letters home to his uncle are hysterically funny.

"As you know, I have always been curious about our immortality...how it will feel to live on and on through time (assuming one avoids the stake, as I intend). I need speculate no longer. I have sampled eternity in Miss Campbell's fifth period "social studies" class. Three days on the concept of "manifest destiny," Vasile. THREE DAYS. I yearned to stand up, rip her lecture notes from her pallid hands, and scream, "Yes, America expanded westward! Is that not logical, given that Europeans settled on the eastern shore? What else were they to do? Advance vainly into the sea?"

However, after Lucius has a bad run-in with the abused horse he's trying to rehab, he finally realizes the niceness of the Packwood family-- and he starts to think that (a) maybe he's evil and doomed, like his horse, and (b) perhaps Jessica is just too nice to spend the rest of immortality among vampires. So he decides to back off of the courtship, back out of the engagement, and date the nastiest girl in school. The backing off, however, helps Jessica realize that Lucius isn't such a bad guy after all and is kind of sweet, country boy Jake is kind of dull, and...dammit, Faith the evil girl is just not royal material! (Yes, her vampire puberty is starting to kick in a little at this point.)

At this point, though, things start to get darker. Lucius's relatives are not happy with him backing out, and let's just say his life is at risk for it. But ever since Lucius figured out why his uncle was so insistent on the engagement, he's even more determined not to go there. Then Lucius gets outed, and a local mob starts to rise up...

I definitely enjoyed this story. It has more depth to it than you'd think. Four stars. Oh, and there's a followup novella that takes place between novels, if you'd like to check that out. After reading the book, of course.