
Best Internet Variety Show (and Good Luck Getting Anything Done, Ever) in 2005! 


"The problem is this, my birth certificate says I am male, my gender presentation is female. They do not match. Until I can afford expensive genital surgery, I cannot change the marker on my birth certificate. No matter what I put, in a cissexist world, I am situated as a liar.
A small example: Imagine you went to the hospital, with stroke-like symptoms (it was later found to be “complicated migraines”). Because you want to actually be treated, you do not out yourself as transsexual. When the triage nurse filled in the forms, he puts female, and you leave it there. All is fine, the doctor for once treats you seriously, possibly because of the presence of your mum, aunt and cousin (quick lesson you learn when dealing with doctors while trans: there’s safety in cis scrutiny. Bring your mum or your partner with you into the examination room).
Fast forward to a week later, and I’m (sorry, you) at a neurology department to see a specialist to organize an MRI, when one of the reception people comes out to see you and starts screaming that you’re a GODDAMN LIAR because your forms say I’m female but some quirk of the computer system has found your birthdate and surname and pinged up an old treatment from when you were six. Because of this, they decide that your name isn’t real either, and it takes three trips to different departments with your changed birth certificate (changed in name but not in sex). In the end, they put a post-it on your file, with your name, your legal bloody name, in quotation marks like it’s a fucking nickname. And these are the people who are supposed to help you.
Now imagine what happens in an emergency situation.
Imagine you’re me, six months before this, and you’re young and naïve and full of stupid, figuring that putting M will help them you treat you better (ha!), checking yourself in to see a doctor because you’re struggling to breathe. And the dude takes one look at your forms and your barely passing self, and refuses to enter the room. He just stands there at the edge, asking you to holler symptoms at him, and you sit there knowing that if you collapse, this man will pause and debate whether to save you or not. This is what happens when forms, bodies and cis prejudice collide."
So Pamie got glasses for the first time. And then got surprised:
"This is when I learned that everybody in my life thinks that I wear glasses. I've been finding this out lately more and more, that when it comes to thinking about me, glasses appear on my face.
People who haven't seen these glasses have said to me, "I thought you
always wore glasses." Is it that I have a glasses personality? I know
I'm nerdy, probably more nerdy than geeky, and most likely it's
actually the dorky that's causing the impression of a lack of visual
acuity. "Aw, she's clumsy without her glasses."
Can you take the busses from Reno to Sacramento for a business trip? Apparently it's doable if you can keep track of all the different routes.
"I panic for a moment when I don’t find the bus stop where I think it
will be, but then I spot it on the next segment of the roadway. I’m
proud that I have made it with a few minutes to spare. That’s when it
dawns on me that throughout all the transportation planning I’ve done
for this trip—routes, timetables, alternate routes—I never thought to
reserve a hotel room. It turns out that I have several minutes to take
care of this, as the bus arrives four minutes late. This causes me some
alarm because there is only a six-minute window for me to transfer at
Meadowood Mall. Oh, well. There’s nothing I can do about that.
Soon after the Donner Pass Summit, I get a phone call from work. The
internet connection at our Tahoe office is down. When driving my
passenger car, this would meant it’s time to find somewhere to pull
over, put the hazards on, and work the issue—in a rather high-stress
environment, what with big rigs flying by and rocking the vehicle.
Instead, I am able to get through the phone calls and text messages
from a relaxed position, in the comfort of a large cushioned seat and
while traveling down the highway at speed. I take other phone calls, as
well. It’s nice not to have to split my attention between the road and
the conversation.
When I finish eating, I walk two and a half blocks to 7th and L
streets to catch my bus, but I make a totally rookie mistake. It’s a
busy stop that services many different lines, and the bus I want pulls
in behind one that has stopped for a fellow to load his bicycle in the
front rack. I wrongly assume that it’s like airport shuttles and that
the driver is waiting his turn to get into the pullout. After about 45
seconds, my bus simply pulls away and heads down L Street. I try to get
the driver’s attention, to no avail. Some folks nearby ask me about my destination and tell me that
rather than waiting for an hour for the next one, I could walk four
blocks to 8th and catch a different line in 25 minutes or so.
Eventually the bus arrives, and I board and ride down to Double R Boulevard and Damonte Ranch Parkway, then disembark and begin the walk home. It’s started to rain, and the winds are up, so I dig out my umbrella and get going. What a sight I must have been: bare legs wet with rain, trying to control a windblown umbrella over my shoulder, a hands-free snaking from my pocket to my ears, dragging along a broken suitcase that only rolls on one side. Well, we can’t all be famous."
"California always seems to produce more spectacle than anywhere else in the country, and that goes for its meltdowns too. Calamity is just part of the equation here, as if God gave California so much glamour and grandeur and great weather that he had to throw in some apocalyptic menace to provide a little balance. Earthquakes, say. Or Sacramento." (NYT)
"When I analyzed economic costs and benefits of various degrees several years ago for an MSN column, “Is your degree worth $1 million or worthless?”, it was clear that certain degrees were winners:
–People with associates’ degrees tended to earn a lot more than those whose educations stopped at high school.
–Bachelor’s degrees, particularly those earned at lower-cost public universities, also tended to be worth the investment.
–Professional degrees in law or medicine were costly to get but clearly offered a big enough payoff.
Not such a slam dunk: Master’s degrees.
In some fields, such as business or engineering, a graduate degree typically boosted income by more than enough to justify the cost. In others — the liberal arts and social sciences, in particular — master’s degrees didn’t appear to produce much if any earnings advantage. "
"What makes a good lawyer? Is it the ability to dispassionately dissect the facts and circumstances of a case and arrive at the best solution for a client, based on a firm understanding of the law and respect for the fairness of the system? Or is it all just a bunch of pointing and yelling and going batshit?"
Oh, Arrested Development...
"7. Arrested Development, “Fakin’ It” (2006)
Fox’s Arrested Development
is as cartoony a live-action comedy as the network has ever seen, so
when the show centered an episode around a mock trial against George
Bluth Sr. (Jeffrey Tambor), it seemed like simply an excuse to pull a
bunch of silly punchlines. But the stakes are raised when Michael
(Jason Bateman) learns that anything said in a mock trial is admissible
as evidence in a real trial. (Go figure.) So with that in mind,
the judge, Judge Reinhold, is introduced via the band William Hung And
His Hung Jury, Tobias (David Cross) shares disturbing secrets about his
love life, and Gob (Will Arnett) does his puppet act from the witness
stand. But the strangest, yet most useful, surprise comes when Michael
calls Gob’s puppet to the stand. Inside is a tape that, when played,
exposes the real prosecution’s plot, creating a mistrial. Why do there
have to be puppets like Frank?"
Oh, Ghostbusters II...
"10. Ghostbusters II (1989)
The charges against the
Ghostbusters are legit enough—they caused a blackout in New York City
by digging a hole in the middle of First Avenue. Their discovery of an
underground river of slime costs them a potential 18 months in jail.
They go to court for allegedly violating a judicial restraining order,
willfully destructing public property, fraud, and malicious mischief.
Even worse, the Ghostbusters draw a judge nicknamed “The Hammer,” who
doesn’t believe in ghosts, and they’ve elected Rick Moranis as their
lawyer, although he protests that he mostly does tax law and has no
real experience in court. During an extended, ridiculous court scene, a
meek Moranis argues that the Ghostbusters aren’t frauds “because one
time I turned into a dog and they helped me.” Bill Murray feeds lines
to Moranis under his breath while on the stand, calls the prosecutor
“kitten,” and when cross-examined, sums up his half-hearted defense by
asking, “Sometimes shit happens, and who you gonna call?” This pleases
the audience but finds no sympathy with The Hammer, who keeps yelling
“Shut up!” The judge works himself into such a tizzy that during the
sentencing he adds that, on a personal note, he wishes he could “reach
back to a sterner, purer justice and have you burned at the stake!” Of
course, his red-faced spitting bothers the evidence jar of slime. It
starts to bubble, then works itself into a full-on ghost invasion in
the form of the Scoleri brothers, whom the judge long ago sentenced to
the electric chair for murder. The Scoleri ghosts hurl furniture around
the courtroom while the audience runs out screaming, and The Hammer,
frightened for his life, forgets his principles, rescinds the
restraining order, and dismisses the case."
And my mom's favorite movie...
"13. Seems Like Old Times (1980)
Goldie Hawn plays a
defense attorney with a soft spot for lost causes. Charles Grodin is
her husband, a district attorney on track to become attorney general.
Chevy Chase is Hawn’s ex-husband, a writer who’s kidnapped and
forced at gunpoint to rob a bank. When Chase comes to Hawn for help—on
the night of a big dinner party for the governor—farce ensues, but all
is ultimately resolved when Chase comes before the court accompanied by
the kidnappers, Hawn’s thick-accented Hispanic housekeeper, and Hawn’s
pack of stray dogs. “He’s dribbling on my briefs,” a confused Judge
Harold Gould says of one of the pooches, before finally giving in and
letting Chase go. Written by Neil Simon and directed by TV vet Jay
Sandrich, Seems Like Old Times is an homage to ’30s screwball
romances, so it ends the way all those movies about reluctant divorcées
and long-missing husbands did: with chaos in the courtroom, and all set
right by an exasperated jurist."
A month after the letter "Can I get charities to stop sending me all that mail?" (answer: no, never, never ever in a billion years will they stop), comes "I hate those people who bug me on the street for charity." I love that the British call them "chuggers", for "charity muggers." Even the writer of the column can't stand them and bailed out on doing it herself.
"A solicitor for the ACLU said
that of the thousands of people who pass her every day, only 30 stop to
listen and a measly five donate. Which raises the question you ask,
Jessica: Does this approach really do anything besides annoy people?My first answer is that it must. Why else would charities spend money to hire them?"
And speaking of hiring them...
"According to Charity Navigator, for-profit fundraisers actually keep 25 to 95 cents of every $1 they collect."
The author says you can ignore them in good conscience.
The plot: Vicki the Weirdness Magnet gets approached by a former coworker who seems to have died, but he doesn't remember how. (Episode starts here.) Turns out he's not QUITE dead yet, as his body continues to wander around, talking, trolling on chicks, and eating raw meat. There's also some debate as to whether or not Paul the ghost went crooked while undercover.
Not a bad episode. I did enjoy the fakeout of "Hey, wait, ISN'T HE RIGHT OVER THERE?" and explaining exactly what was happening with Paul's body. (Hah, "Paul is dead', indeed.) Coreen couldn't see him and was so disappointed! Henry couldn't see, but could sense him.
Ghost physics: "How come I can't pick up a pen, but I can sit down?" Good question.
"Hey hey -- c'mon, let the man have his pathetic euphemisms. : And "trying to love my wife again" is code for "trying to keep my political career going, and everyone let me know if it's okay to leave her for the love of my life." (Washington Post)
So, I do not get the love for the Black Dagger Brotherhood of Terrible Eye-Burning Names. Even worse, someone's writing a ripoff series of 'em. And gee, somehow they're not as good because they're...not as bad?
"Ward series excels, in part, because it is completely over the top. If
you are going to have silly names and a somewhat silly storyline, you
really have to bring it as an author. Instead, first installment of the
Feral Warrior series came in with an emo sigh instead of a roar.
The shapeshifters names are all based on their creature: Lyon, Jag,
Vhyper, Foxx, Tighe, Hawke, Paenther, Wulfe, Kougar. Excuse me while I
giggle for a moment…. Okay, back. Why do paranormal creatures have such
a hard time spelling? Do they require extra vowels and consonants in
their names so that we can distinguish them from other, ah, Panthers?
Like if there is more than one panther in the tribe is one Paenther and
another Phanther and still another Pantherr? (also, Lyon’s nickname?
Roar.)
Lyon takes Kara to the home where all the Feral Warriors live, which
is, of course, called Feral House. Only one woman is there, named Pink,
who is, of course, pink.
I’m not certain what the character arcs are for these two. Kara easily slips into the role of the Radiant despite the fact that there are motherf-ing shapeshifters who think she is their goddess. Ordinary women may freak out about this but no, Kara, aided (I guess) by her “blossoming arousal” to Lyon accepts that getting nude and having oil placed on seven areas of her body by some stranger who can shift into a lion and subsequently paraded nearly nude in front of 8 other strange men is completely normal behavior."
"So many readers stressed that it takes a village, and that I would need
friends to rally around, but one of the other things I learned lately
is that the opposite happens. Already, the few female friends that
pledged support have evaporated. My phone is oddly silent and I’m not
surprised. It’s hard to be pregnant but, in some ways, I think it’s
especially hard to be friends with someone who is pregnant. I know my
friends have their own lives and aspirations. They are trying to juggle
their newfound responsibilities while lending support but also trying
to maintain their independence. There’s a limit to how much you can
expect people to chip in and, quite frankly, I don’t think it’s fair to
be so needy right now. We’re all vulnerable and we’re all scared and
the last thing that my village of college graduates should be raising
is a baby. The people I thought I could rely on are absent and it’s
heartbreaking.
Readers also brought up options and resources like food stamps, WIC,
subsidized child care at the university, maternity leave, etc. All of
these resources are wonderful but I could not have applied for any of
them. I’m stuck in the middle — too financially stable to qualify for
aid, grants, or scholarships, but still too poor to successfully raise
a child and go to school. Something had to give when it became clear
that nothing was coming my way — not from the university, my family, my
friends, or the father."
"I mourn the volume of human life being wasted on this thing. If the film makes $100 million this weekend and tickets cost $10 a pop, that’s ten million viewers and a total of twenty-five million hours, not including previews, travel and the time spent earning the wasted money. If the average person lives to be 75, that’s 38 lives."
Girl posts MySpace rant about hating her hometown. Hometown people find it, get pissed, and get the rant printed as a letter to the editor. Death threats and putting her dad out of business ensues. WTF? What newspaper would print that if she didn't write it to them?
Yeah, you know what? I bet she REALLY hates that town now, folks. Way to sell yourselves!
"My Name is Earl
creator Greg Garcia has landed a put pilot deal at FOX for an untitled
single-camera comedy about a 25-year-old man who has a one-night stand
with a woman on death row for murder and then has to raise the
resulting baby with his family."
HOW DO YOU HAVE A ONE-NIGHT STAND WITH SOMEONE ON DEATH ROW?!
I tend to think, "No, but it sure as fuck isn't going to work once this kid is old enough to go to school," but this article thinks yes.
The plot: The return of Norman from "Blood Price", only now he's a demon. And still creepy. And has his own slasher nails and the ability to mimic other lifeforms. (Episode starts here.)
A psychic drops by to warn Vicki that Norman's coming back, and he needs his bell book and candle chalice, book, and knife back in order to do it. Vicki is all, "That's okay, Henry destroyed them," only to find out that nope, he did not. Hiding 2 out of the 3 with his friends turns out to be fatal for at least one of the friends--happily, the professor/Henry's ex is allowed to get away alive.
Norman sure seems to like demonhood, and impersonating Henry and Vicki. (I suspect the actors had fun doing that. Especially how they both used their hips as "Norman.") I suspect Norman was never kissed before, given his reactions to actually doing it.
Stupid Behavior Tally: (I guess they do this during the Norman episodes...)
1. Nice to get an explanation for that: Henry's getting himself sunburned in the first episode is him just having fun. Um, okay...
2. Vicki, if a demon's out looking for you, maybe you shouldn't be wandering the streets alone?
3. Maurice, just leaving the chalice out on the counter is a shitty hiding place, even if you magicked it. Plus, Norman figured out how to defeat that in about five seconds.
4. Coreen, that was just a bad hairdo.
Would you want Joe Jackson raising your kids? (Salon)
"Although Katherine is the sole named custodian and has reportedly been estranged from Joe for decades, her husband indicated in that icky, icky press conference that they are sharing responsibility for the children. "We're going to take care of them and give them the education they're supposed to have," he said. "We can do that." He added that they're enjoying being around other children who are "small" like them (the kids are 7, 11, and 12). When asked how Mrs. Jackson was doing -- about to bury a child and take on raising three more at the age of 79 -- Joe Jackson smiled broadly and said, "She's fine, thank you." Oh, OK, then."
Catherine Coulter: Wizard's Daughter (Bride)
Reviewed July 2. (**)
Tanya Huff: Long Hot Summoning: Keeper Chronicles #3 (Keeper's Chronicles)
Reviewed July 2. (****)
Tanya Huff: The Second Summoning (The Keeper's Chronicles, No 2)
Reviewed June 26. (****)
Tanya Huff: Summon the Keeper (Keeper's Chronicles)
Reviewed June 26. (****)
Eric Abrahamson: A Perfect Mess: The Hidden Benefits of Disorder - How Crammed Closets, Cluttered Offices, and on-the-Fly Planning Make the World a Better Place
Reviewed June 26. (****)
Kate Jacobs: Knit Two
Reviewed June 18. (****)
Kate Jacobs: The Friday Night Knitting Club
Reviewed June 16. (****)
Marc Acito: Attack of the Theater People
Reviewed June 15. (****)
Jayne Ann Krentz: Falling Awake
Reviewed June 10. (***)
Susan Elizabeth Phillips: Breathing Room
Reviewed June 10. (****)
Patricia A. McKillip: In The Forests Of Serre
Reviewed June 8. (**)
Sharon Shinn: Summers at Castle Auburn
Reviewed June 8. (****)
Sharon Shinn: Heart of Gold
Reviewed June 2. (****)
P. C. Cast: Hunted (House of Night, Book 5)
Reviewed June 1. (**)