Chaos Theory

How newspapers can make money now

The Washington Post finds a new business model....uh.... okay, maybe not.

The joys of standardized forms and nonstandardized gender

Yikes.

"The problem is this, my birth certificate says I am male, my gender presentation is female.  They do not match.  Until I can afford expensive genital surgery, I cannot change the marker on my birth certificate.  No matter what I put, in a cissexist world, I am situated as a liar.

A small example:  Imagine you went to the hospital, with stroke-like symptoms (it was later found to be “complicated migraines”).  Because you want to actually be treated, you do not out yourself as transsexual.  When the triage nurse filled in the forms, he puts female, and you leave it there.  All is fine, the doctor for once treats you seriously, possibly because of the presence of your mum, aunt and cousin (quick lesson you learn when dealing with doctors while trans: there’s safety in cis scrutiny.  Bring your mum or your partner with you into the examination room). 

Fast forward to a week later, and I’m (sorry, you) at a neurology department to see a specialist to organize an MRI, when one of the reception people comes out to see you and starts screaming that you’re a GODDAMN LIAR because your forms say I’m female but some quirk of the computer system has found your birthdate and surname and pinged up an old treatment from when you were six.  Because of this, they decide that your name isn’t real either, and it takes three trips to different departments with your changed birth certificate (changed in name but not in sex).  In the end, they put a post-it on your file, with your name, your legal bloody name, in quotation marks like it’s a fucking nickname.  And these are the people who are supposed to help you. 

Now imagine what happens in an emergency situation.

Imagine you’re me, six months before this, and you’re young and naïve and full of stupid, figuring that putting M will help them you treat you better (ha!), checking yourself in to see a doctor because you’re struggling to breathe.   And the dude takes one look at your forms and your barely passing self, and refuses to enter the room.  He just stands there at the edge, asking you to holler symptoms at him, and you sit there knowing that if you collapse, this man will pause and debate whether to save you or not.  This is what happens when forms, bodies and cis prejudice collide."

 

A different type of glasses issue.

So Pamie got glasses for the first time. And then got surprised:

"This is when I learned that everybody in my life thinks that I wear glasses. I've been finding this out lately more and more, that when it comes to thinking about me, glasses appear on my face.

People who haven't seen these glasses have said to me, "I thought you always wore glasses." Is it that I have a glasses personality? I know I'm nerdy, probably more nerdy than geeky, and most likely it's actually the dorky that's causing the impression of a lack of visual acuity. "Aw, she's clumsy without her glasses."

Sci-fi weddings

Now those are some fun wedding photos!

Best ad ever

Makes its point.

Logo jokes

A roundup.

Why am I not surprised?

No Veronica Mars movie.

Whoa.

Uterus cakes...?

I waaaaaaaaant

My Dysfunctions Journal.

Oh, busses

Can you take the busses from Reno to Sacramento for a business trip? Apparently it's doable if you can keep track of all the different routes.

"I panic for a moment when I don’t find the bus stop where I think it will be, but then I spot it on the next segment of the roadway. I’m proud that I have made it with a few minutes to spare. That’s when it dawns on me that throughout all the transportation planning I’ve done for this trip—routes, timetables, alternate routes—I never thought to reserve a hotel room. It turns out that I have several minutes to take care of this, as the bus arrives four minutes late. This causes me some alarm because there is only a six-minute window for me to transfer at Meadowood Mall. Oh, well. There’s nothing I can do about that.

Soon after the Donner Pass Summit, I get a phone call from work. The internet connection at our Tahoe office is down. When driving my passenger car, this would meant it’s time to find somewhere to pull over, put the hazards on, and work the issue—in a rather high-stress environment, what with big rigs flying by and rocking the vehicle. Instead, I am able to get through the phone calls and text messages from a relaxed position, in the comfort of a large cushioned seat and while traveling down the highway at speed. I take other phone calls, as well. It’s nice not to have to split my attention between the road and the conversation.

When I finish eating, I walk two and a half blocks to 7th and L streets to catch my bus, but I make a totally rookie mistake. It’s a busy stop that services many different lines, and the bus I want pulls in behind one that has stopped for a fellow to load his bicycle in the front rack. I wrongly assume that it’s like airport shuttles and that the driver is waiting his turn to get into the pullout. After about 45 seconds, my bus simply pulls away and heads down L Street. I try to get the driver’s attention, to no avail. Some folks nearby ask me about my destination and tell me that rather than waiting for an hour for the next one, I could walk four blocks to 8th and catch a different line in 25 minutes or so. 

Eventually the bus arrives, and I board and ride down to Double R Boulevard and Damonte Ranch Parkway, then disembark and begin the walk home. It’s started to rain, and the winds are up, so I dig out my umbrella and get going. What a sight I must have been: bare legs wet with rain, trying to control a windblown umbrella over my shoulder, a hands-free snaking from my pocket to my ears, dragging along a broken suitcase that only rolls on one side. Well, we can’t all be famous."

Jabba has a bunny wabbit

Huh?

"I live in an apocalyptic menace!"

"California always seems to produce more spectacle than anywhere else in the country, and that goes for its meltdowns too. Calamity is just part of the equation here, as if God gave California so much glamour and grandeur and great weather that he had to throw in some apocalyptic menace to provide a little balance. Earthquakes, say. Or Sacramento." (NYT)

Master's degrees: why bother?

Ask the NYT:

"When I analyzed economic costs and benefits of various degrees several years ago for an MSN column, “Is your degree worth $1 million or worthless?”, it was clear that certain degrees were winners:

–People with associates’ degrees tended to earn a lot more than those whose educations stopped at high school.

–Bachelor’s degrees, particularly those earned at lower-cost public universities, also tended to be worth the investment.

–Professional degrees in law or medicine were costly to get but clearly offered a big enough payoff.

Not such a slam dunk: Master’s degrees.

In some fields, such as business or engineering, a graduate degree typically boosted income by more than enough to justify the cost. In others — the liberal arts and social sciences, in particular — master’s degrees didn’t appear to produce much if any earnings advantage. "

Yay funny shirts

Here.

Questionable Behavior Behind 5 Child Stars

Whee!

18 crazy (and legally unlikely) courtroom scenes

You know it's bad...

"What makes a good lawyer? Is it the ability to dispassionately dissect the facts and circumstances of a case and arrive at the best solution for a client, based on a firm understanding of the law and respect for the fairness of the system? Or is it all just a bunch of pointing and yelling and going batshit?"

Oh, Arrested Development...

"7. Arrested Development, “Fakin’ It” (2006)
Fox’s Arrested Development is as cartoony a live-action comedy as the network has ever seen, so when the show centered an episode around a mock trial against George Bluth Sr. (Jeffrey Tambor), it seemed like simply an excuse to pull a bunch of silly punchlines. But the stakes are raised when Michael (Jason Bateman) learns that anything said in a mock trial is admissible as evidence in a real trial. (Go figure.) So with that in mind, the judge, Judge Reinhold, is introduced via the band William Hung And His Hung Jury, Tobias (David Cross) shares disturbing secrets about his love life, and Gob (Will Arnett) does his puppet act from the witness stand. But the strangest, yet most useful, surprise comes when Michael calls Gob’s puppet to the stand. Inside is a tape that, when played, exposes the real prosecution’s plot, creating a mistrial. Why do there have to be puppets like Frank?"

Oh, Ghostbusters II...

"10. Ghostbusters II (1989)
The charges against the Ghostbusters are legit enough—they caused a blackout in New York City by digging a hole in the middle of First Avenue. Their discovery of an underground river of slime costs them a potential 18 months in jail. They go to court for allegedly violating a judicial restraining order, willfully destructing public property, fraud, and malicious mischief. Even worse, the Ghostbusters draw a judge nicknamed “The Hammer,” who doesn’t believe in ghosts, and they’ve elected Rick Moranis as their lawyer, although he protests that he mostly does tax law and has no real experience in court. During an extended, ridiculous court scene, a meek Moranis argues that the Ghostbusters aren’t frauds “because one time I turned into a dog and they helped me.” Bill Murray feeds lines to Moranis under his breath while on the stand, calls the prosecutor “kitten,” and when cross-examined, sums up his half-hearted defense by asking, “Sometimes shit happens, and who you gonna call?” This pleases the audience but finds no sympathy with The Hammer, who keeps yelling “Shut up!” The judge works himself into such a tizzy that during the sentencing he adds that, on a personal note, he wishes he could “reach back to a sterner, purer justice and have you burned at the stake!” Of course, his red-faced spitting bothers the evidence jar of slime. It starts to bubble, then works itself into a full-on ghost invasion in the form of the Scoleri brothers, whom the judge long ago sentenced to the electric chair for murder. The Scoleri ghosts hurl furniture around the courtroom while the audience runs out screaming, and The Hammer, frightened for his life, forgets his principles, rescinds the restraining order, and dismisses the case."

And my mom's favorite movie...

"13. Seems Like Old Times (1980)
Goldie Hawn plays a defense attorney with a soft spot for lost causes. Charles Grodin is her husband, a district attorney on track to become attorney general. Chevy Chase is Hawn’s ex-husband, a writer who’s kidnapped and forced at gunpoint to rob a bank. When Chase comes to Hawn for help—on the night of a big dinner party for the governor—farce ensues, but all is ultimately resolved when Chase comes before the court accompanied by the kidnappers, Hawn’s thick-accented Hispanic housekeeper, and Hawn’s pack of stray dogs. “He’s dribbling on my briefs,” a confused Judge Harold Gould says of one of the pooches, before finally giving in and letting Chase go. Written by Neil Simon and directed by TV vet Jay Sandrich, Seems Like Old Times is an homage to ’30s screwball romances, so it ends the way all those movies about reluctant divorcées and long-missing husbands did: with chaos in the courtroom, and all set right by an exasperated jurist."

Charities: they're just here to annoy you.

A month after the letter "Can I get charities to stop sending me all that mail?" (answer: no, never, never ever in a billion years will they stop), comes "I hate those people who bug me on the street for charity." I love that the British call them "chuggers", for "charity muggers." Even the writer of the column can't stand them and bailed out on doing it herself.

"A solicitor for the ACLU said that of the thousands of people who pass her every day, only 30 stop to listen and a measly five donate. Which raises the question you ask, Jessica: Does this approach really do anything besides annoy people?My first answer is that it must. Why else would charities spend money to hire them?"

And speaking of hiring them...

"According to Charity Navigator, for-profit fundraisers actually keep 25 to 95 cents of every $1 they collect."

The author says you can ignore them in good conscience.

Current events with someecards

• I wish just once you'd send me an email filled with as much passion as a Family Values governor has for his Argentinian mistress
• Michael Jackson's death has shown me the dangers of combining Demerol, Dilaudid, Vicodin, and letting pet chimpanzees eat at the dinner table

TV Writeups: Blood Ties- "D.O.A."

The plot: Vicki the Weirdness Magnet gets approached by a former coworker who seems to have died, but he doesn't remember how. (Episode starts here.) Turns out he's not QUITE dead yet, as his body continues to wander around, talking, trolling on chicks, and eating raw meat. There's also some debate as to whether or not Paul the ghost went crooked while undercover.

Not a bad episode. I did enjoy the fakeout of "Hey, wait, ISN'T HE RIGHT OVER THERE?" and explaining exactly what was happening with Paul's body. (Hah, "Paul is dead', indeed.) Coreen couldn't see him and was so disappointed! Henry couldn't see, but could sense him.

Ghost physics: "How come I can't pick up a pen, but I can sit down?" Good question.

Translation

"Hey hey -- c'mon, let the man have his pathetic euphemisms. : And "trying to love my wife again" is code for "trying to keep my political career going, and everyone let me know if it's okay to leave her for the love of my life." (Washington Post)

Trying to make bike helmets look...cooler, I guess

The helmet you can smack a hat on top of!

Which is worse: crappy books, or ripping off the crappy books?

So, I do not get the love for the Black Dagger Brotherhood of Terrible Eye-Burning Names. Even worse, someone's writing a ripoff series of 'em. And gee, somehow they're not as good because they're...not as bad?

"Ward series excels, in part, because it is completely over the top. If you are going to have silly names and a somewhat silly storyline, you really have to bring it as an author. Instead, first installment of the Feral Warrior series came in with an emo sigh instead of a roar.

The shapeshifters names are all based on their creature: Lyon, Jag, Vhyper, Foxx, Tighe, Hawke, Paenther, Wulfe, Kougar. Excuse me while I giggle for a moment…. Okay, back. Why do paranormal creatures have such a hard time spelling? Do they require extra vowels and consonants in their names so that we can distinguish them from other, ah, Panthers? Like if there is more than one panther in the tribe is one Paenther and another Phanther and still another Pantherr? (also, Lyon’s nickname? Roar.)

Lyon takes Kara to the home where all the Feral Warriors live, which is, of course, called Feral House. Only one woman is there, named Pink, who is, of course, pink.

I’m not certain what the character arcs are for these two. Kara easily slips into the role of the Radiant despite the fact that there are motherf-ing shapeshifters who think she is their goddess. Ordinary women may freak out about this but no, Kara, aided (I guess) by her “blossoming arousal” to Lyon accepts that getting nude and having oil placed on seven areas of her body by some stranger who can shift into a lion and subsequently paraded nearly nude in front of 8 other strange men is completely normal behavior."

We're having a "Heat Wave"

Who wants to read Rick Castle's new book?

Gonna rock your body till Canada Day.

That is all.

May this be the year people stop mistaking your most talented citizens for Americans

No village for you

This is pretty sad (NYT).

"So many readers stressed that it takes a village, and that I would need friends to rally around, but one of the other things I learned lately is that the opposite happens. Already, the few female friends that pledged support have evaporated. My phone is oddly silent and I’m not surprised. It’s hard to be pregnant but, in some ways, I think it’s especially hard to be friends with someone who is pregnant. I know my friends have their own lives and aspirations. They are trying to juggle their newfound responsibilities while lending support but also trying to maintain their independence. There’s a limit to how much you can expect people to chip in and, quite frankly, I don’t think it’s fair to be so needy right now. We’re all vulnerable and we’re all scared and the last thing that my village of college graduates should be raising is a baby. The people I thought I could rely on are absent and it’s heartbreaking.

Readers also brought up options and resources like food stamps, WIC, subsidized child care at the university, maternity leave, etc. All of these resources are wonderful but I could not have applied for any of them. I’m stuck in the middle — too financially stable to qualify for aid, grants, or scholarships, but still too poor to successfully raise a child and go to school. Something had to give when it became clear that nothing was coming my way — not from the university, my family, my friends, or the father."

O. M. G.

Girliest. Robot. EVER.

Hee. I guess it was inevitable

Waking Up In The Land Of Glitter.

Well, they said it was their #3 priority

Misspelling makes the baby Jesus cry, you know.

Someone else doesn't like the Transformers movie

"I mourn the volume of human life being wasted on this thing. If the film makes $100 million this weekend and tickets cost $10 a pop, that’s ten million viewers and a total of twenty-five million hours, not including previews, travel and the time spent earning the wasted money. If the average person lives to be 75, that’s 38 lives."

I Crush Everything

A picture.

Hee.

Why Pac-Man Shouldn't Twitter.

I approve of this message

"Love God and don't be an asshole."

When geeks wed

Cake toppers.

Oh no

Goatse food.

Whaaaat?

Girl posts MySpace rant about hating her hometown. Hometown people find it, get pissed, and get the rant printed as a letter to the editor. Death threats and putting her dad out of business ensues. WTF? What newspaper would print that if she didn't write it to them?

Yeah, you know what? I bet she REALLY hates that town now, folks. Way to sell yourselves!

"I'm not one to believe in unnecessary over-regulation, but I think a lot of people don't realise how dangerous cows can be."

"I really want to put out the message that cows can't be trusted."

Well, FINALLY

Franken wins!

DEAAAAAAAAAAATH!

Celebrity death rule of three er, five, six, twos, something? analyzed by the Washington Post.

Save Hefner's Bunnies!

Not quite what it sounds like. SFW, too.

Well, I appreciate his honesty.

"We've been doing this show for 19 years now and I'm really sorry for that."

Ew.

Sarlacc pillow.

HOW?

"My Name is Earl creator Greg Garcia has landed a put pilot deal at FOX for an untitled single-camera comedy about a 25-year-old man who has a one-night stand with a woman on death row for murder and then has to raise the resulting baby with his family."

HOW DO YOU HAVE A ONE-NIGHT STAND WITH SOMEONE ON DEATH ROW?!

Too soon, continued

Wowwwww, the editorial cartoons.

Etsy. Craftster.

Consolidated grieving.

King of Pop.

Is gender-free parenting child abuse?

I tend to think, "No, but it sure as fuck isn't going to work once this kid is old enough to go to school," but this article thinks yes.

Why authors shouldn't respond to bad reviews.

Um, yeah. 

So, how's Michael Jackson doing post-death?

Now you know.

NOM NOM NOM

Yarn tasting. Wait, what?

TV Writeups: Blood Ties- "Norman"

The plot: The return of Norman from "Blood Price", only now he's a demon. And still creepy. And has his own slasher nails and the ability to mimic other lifeforms. (Episode starts here.)

A psychic drops by to warn Vicki that Norman's coming back, and he needs his bell book and candle chalice, book, and knife back in order to do it. Vicki is all, "That's okay, Henry destroyed them," only to find out that nope, he did not. Hiding 2 out of the 3 with his friends turns out to be fatal for at least one of the friends--happily, the professor/Henry's ex is allowed to get away alive.

Norman sure seems to like demonhood, and impersonating Henry and Vicki. (I suspect the actors had fun doing that. Especially how they both used their hips as "Norman.") I suspect Norman was never kissed before, given his reactions to actually doing it.

Stupid Behavior Tally: (I guess they do this during the Norman episodes...)
1. Nice to get an explanation for that: Henry's getting himself sunburned in the first episode is him just having fun. Um, okay...
2. Vicki, if a demon's out looking for you, maybe you shouldn't be wandering the streets alone?
3. Maurice, just leaving the chalice out on the counter is a shitty hiding place, even if you magicked it. Plus, Norman figured out how to defeat that in about five seconds.
4. Coreen, that was just a bad hairdo.

Finally, someone else is saying it

Would you want Joe Jackson raising your kids? (Salon)

"Although Katherine is the sole named custodian and has reportedly been estranged from Joe for decades, her husband indicated in that icky, icky press conference that they are sharing responsibility for the children. "We're going to take care of them and give them the education they're supposed to have," he said. "We can do that." He added that they're enjoying being around other children who are "small" like them (the kids are 7, 11, and 12). When asked how Mrs. Jackson was doing -- about to bury a child and take on raising three more at the age of 79 -- Joe Jackson smiled broadly and said, "She's fine, thank you." Oh, OK, then."

That is dirty

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