Kimberly couldn't be happier to be back, she just couldn't. Mitch whines and bitches that it was a "one in a billion longshot chance" and that it won't reflect how she'll do in the rest of the competions and she wil be cut.
Joan shows up, disbands the teams, and now says we're here to create a star with personality. Now they all go to NYC for a makeover and screen test on the Early Show- demoing an item Martha-style with Hannah Storm. They'll knock out three after this. Ooooooh.
- Heather will show how to make a handbag from scratch in 15-20 minutes. I'm impressed. Especially since it takes me freaking hours to sew anything.
- Dawn's doing a tablescape (yawn). If one has any freaking art skills at all, I think you could do that one without help. Six-year-olds can put crap on the table. But yeah, she's a party planner, what else can she do, I guess.
- Oh GOD, Kimberly will not fucking STOP with the ribbon flowers. Everybody likes ribbon flowers! EXCEPT THE JUDGES WHO HELPED GET RID OF YOU THE FIRST TIME OR TWO YOU WENT UP TO THE ROCK GARDEN, that is. "Who doesn't like ribbon flowers? It speaks for itself. I can't imagine someone not liking ribbon flowers." Jesus H. Christ, woman! They are not all THAT and a bag of chips! I hate to second Mitch, but does she have any other skills to show off, or would she make ribbon flowers on a show every week?
- Amy is doing "tie snakes"- turning ties into stuffed animals. Well, I like that one. Maybe not as impressive as the handbags, but still kinda cool.
- Mitch is stringing cranberries on to wire for a cored apple candle holder with a cranberry bow. Or something like that, anyway. Kind of strange.
Mitch wants to strangle Kimberly or pitch her in front of a bus. No, really, he said that. He points out (as I just did) to Heather that Kimberly "went to the chopping block TWICE" for those ribbon roses, and she agrees with him. He also says, "That oughta go over like a fart in a church with the judges!"
Kimberly bitches that she went to the rock garden "10 out of 12 times?" and that she's "the girl who just won't die." Mitch is all, "Hey, I can get rid of her again."
Everyone gets in a limo and heads to NYC for their makeovers. Heather doesn't seem to like "orangey, cakey" makeup too much and seems to have fired her makeup artist, who gives up on her. She goes into the bathroom and removes it and does her own makeup, saying that she looked like a drag queen. Before and after photos are shown. Amy and Mitch look no different with makeovers, Kimberly and Dawn have new great styled hair, Heather... shouldn't curl her hair. YIKES. Though to be honest, I think Heather's hair texture seems to kind of make her head look bad no matter what she does with it. The makeup...eh, no difference. Girl just looks odd no matter what she does with her head.
Screen test time! Wow, Dawn raided Hannah's wardrobe, because they are wearing the same damn shirt. Same style, same exact color. Hannah squees when Mitch points this out to her and calls Dawn "twinsy." It seems like Dawn gets to go first because of that, even if the show claims it was "random" selection.
During the screen test, Dawn and Hannah squee over each other's shirts again. The two come off as rather frantic and talking over each other somehow. Like they're too good of friends. Dawn natters on and on and on, at which point I realize that hearing her voice so much (something that hasn't happened before on this show) starts grating. Wow, a tablescape takes about 20 seconds to make! Yeah, that was hard, I so needed someone to show me how to do that.
The judges get to talk- Candace liked it. Um, why? David the stylist thinks Dawn needs to pull her hair back. Candace notes that Dawn's voice is annoying, or as she puts it, you need to tone it down. Bobby tells her to "worry about the ending." Frankly, I'm surprised they're even impressed by that. On a scale of 1-5 I'd give her a 3, but someone else is going to be better.
Mitch is up. "This decoration has gotten me through manymany hard times." A freaking candleholder? Huh? Mitch has a prehalfmade cranberry stringer for Hannah to demo. Damn, they don't get too much time on this thing, do they?
David likes the project, but thinks it's shaky and that Mitch has a flat voice. Dawn's too hyper, Mitch is too flat. Hmmmm. Mitch wants to be neutral when he teaches. Candace is all, "Um, no, you have to have personality the whole way through." Bobby seconds the lack of enthusiasm. Afterwards, Mitch says something I always think about judges- "They pulled their typical 'you did fabulous, and then you sucked.'" Mitch is pissed that Bobby claimed he wasn't paying attention- well, I would be too, but that could also be Bobby saying a more tactful "Um, you bored the crap out of me." Which I think it was.
Amy's up. Hannah is quite amused by the idea and says this is the most original idea. I like how she has one on display in a basket like it's being snake charmed. They giggle over the spilling beans when stuffing the snake. (Well, shit happens, and EVERYONE spills crap like that.) The judges conspicuously look unhappy and start writing notes when that happens. So far I think she's the best.
David thought it was great, great energy. Bobby didn't like her craft and asked if she'd ever practiced doing it before (of course she had). Argh. Candace claims it's fun but a kids' project "took away some of the weight of it." Amy says she was trying to show her diversity. Poor Amy, I think only one of the three liked it. Amy claims she was trying to show personality more.
Kimberly's up, all poufy hair. She yanks the wire in the ribbon and lets Hannah do it- that makes Hannah very happy, until she breaks her wire.
Candace compliments Kimberly's looks, and says "I am the last person who would be interested in making flowers out of ribbon," but says she thinks she could do it after watching this. Kimberly is all, "Okay." Bobby and David loved it, David swoons on the looks in particular. Sigh. Gah. This was the top thing?! And yet they had NO negatives. Kimberly reports this back in the green room- I'm so sure Mitch is thrilled to hear it. He's falling into the couch and faking sleep. You sore loser.
Heather's turn. Oh dear god, she's in all pink sweater and looks like a 1950's poodle. Aieeeeeeeeee. The denim skirt-turned-handbag is cute, but the pink and the Flashdance neckline and the bowscarf in the hair...yeah, I think she loses on outfit alone once Candace and David saw that. I like her demo, though voicewise she's probably akin to Mitch in the "neutral, not perky." David is frowning during this, but Candace perks up. Bobby remains neutral. I kind of want to do that purse now.
Bobby likes that she showed demo purses, and that Hannah loved the demo purse "ending." Candace says she had a problem with the craft- "that it dominated you. You had no time, it took so long to explain it that your personality didn't come out." David bitches about the Flashdance/wife beater/bra strap outfit. Heather doesn't really know what to say other than, "Okay." Bobby, back to nitpicking the craft, wants to know why there wasn't a sewing machine on there. Hannah agrees that there should have been a machine.
Speaking as a sewer, I think it would have taken WAY TOO LONG to set up machines for two people to sew on in a five-minute segment, and that's why I don't think Heather did it. Let's face it, if your thread decides to bugger itself mysteriously while you're sewing, that's five minutes just fixing the fucker. Five minutes of really dull television. Poor Heather.
Everyone angsts in the green room, most of which is predictable and I can't be arsed to blog about it.
Everyone hates Amy and Heather, everyone loves Kimberly. Mitch and Dawn are in the middle, with split decisions going on. Bobby loves Dawn, everyone else is all, "What did she do?"
Verdict time. Mitch is so full of himself. Everyone lines up on stage for the firing squad. Kimberly is first choice (sigh). She knows it's her during the blurb. Well, everyone does. Number two is...well, they don't say, they just say that Heather sucked and kick her out. Are they picking down the line? Next rejection is Amy, so I guess so. She just doesn't have "that star quality." Now we're going to drag it the fuck out as to who we're rejecting by talking about the both of you at once... And they pick Mitch to go on.
Oh god, Mitch versus Kimberly. Oh, the pain. Oh, watching Mitch trying to hide his feelings during this one is hilarious, though. Mitch and Kimberly sidehug painfully. They go back to the green room and flop on the couches. "That was a really surreal moment," Mitch says. Fuck, yeah. Kimberly agrees. The losers (minus Amy for some reason) to congratulate them. Amy is pissed at their making comments about her flying under the radar ("I consider that a strength") and saying that she had no star quality. Um, I hate to say it, Amy, but people who fly under the radar don't usually make people want to watch them on television.
Kimberly is all, "See Mitch, I have skills!" Mitch brags that he's never been to the chopping block and he'll send Kimberly there again. Same old, same old.
Next hour: Mitch and Kimberly create their own fancyass parties/"media empire" or something. Which my tape totally cut off, so I can't blog about it. And I second the folks at Too Much Free Time about the injustice of it all.