What's Going On

Quotes

  • Stephenie Meyer:
    "You belong anywhere a good book is."
  • Heather Havrilesky:
    "Unfettered whining is a banana split for the motherfucking soul."
  • Kay Reindl:
    "There's no rule that says you have to be fulfilled doing a particular, socially acceptable thing."
  • Stephen Eley:
    "It's a strange thing to discover when you're an adult that you've been somewhat misadjusted to the world your entire life and didn't know it."
  • K.C. Cody:
    "If you can get past the occasional imbecile-induced bike folly and the fact that Davis seems to perpetually be in the path of some giant, bipolar tornado, you may come to realize that this city is a great place to live."
  • Wil Wheaton:
    "I see a bookshelf, filled with different books from different authors, all acting as portals to different worlds and different times. The author may give them birth, but it's the readers who keep them alive."
  • Tycho:
    "Some books contain the machinery required to create and sustain universes."
  • Kameron Hurley:
    "I like writing about characters who are drawn to each other but aren't necessarily good for each other. Nyx walks back into your life and you see everything you love destroyed, but some vital piece of you, something you can't name, something you didn't even know was missing, is somehow there again. Whole. Full. Like a missing piece of your heart that chokes you."
  • Taylor Swift:
    "I believe that love will find you when you're not looking for it. So I've been actively not looking for it for about three years now. I'll let you know how that works out for me."
  • Kethrai:
    "I found that writing for me was a thing of the hands--hands need to produce art--and whether it's written or made, it feeds the need to produce art."
  • Kameron Hurley:
    "When somebody loves you, they love you for everything you are, good, bad, butch, brutal, bad bowler. And I'm all of those things and a lot more. Pretending I'm not, hiding it, covering it up, pretending that *all* I want is the garden and the house and not the midnight fucking in Marrakech, is a lie. It's gutting half of myself. It's sacrificing one to get the other. I shouldn't have to sacrifice it. Those parts of myself should make each other stronger. Gutting one guts the other. I can't live a life that's half a person. I can't live half a life. Now how do I get the house and the garden and the fucking in Marrakech? This is the real question."
  • Pamela Ribon:
    "Love is a choice. I fully believe that. Also, I think it's controlled by the same part of the brain that makes you actively choose to pretend you don't know how the stove works. Choose wisely."
  • Anton Strout:
    “A lot of people ask me for advice on writing. To this I will clap my hands at them, and say “Write, monkey, write!”
  • Libba Bray:
    "I hope that within these roughly 2,000 pages is a tale about women searching for their place in the world, coming to terms with themselves, fighting for change, accepting their power, dealing with issues of friendship, family, responsibility, sexuality, and identity, struggling with fears and doubts, hope and longing, oppression and desire. I hope. And yet, it seems as if the prevailing sentiment is, The only thing that matters is the man/is having a man. Am I mistaken? Am I reading this incorrectly? I’m asking."
  • Ira Glass:
    "Why does my job exist? It exists because I willed it into existence. When the day goes badly, I can remind myself that I have asked for this job by name and thought to create this for myself, and I can only blame myself for the whole thing."
  • Jeremy Darling:
    "I'm Pluto. I'm cold, distant, and alone."
  • Gustavo Arellano:
    "Dude, I was a nerd from the day I was born. I was reading in kindergarten. I got humungous glasses that covered half of my face in second grade. I’ve been living the nerd life ever since."
  • Michael, "Burn Notice."
    "People with happy families don't become spies. A bad childhood is the perfect background for covert ops--you don't trust anyone, you're used to getting smacked around, and you never get homesick."
  • Madeleine L'Engle:
    "I sometimes think God is a shit--and he wouldn't be worth it otherwise. He's much more interesting when he's a shit."
  • ZachsMind:
    "Sometimes though, you don't get to choose what kinda fame you're gonna get or how much it'll cost ya."
  • Jane Espenson:
    "So here's what I think we need to do if we want to write a sci-fi or a fantasy show and give it appeal way beyond the normal boundaries of sci-fi/fantasy fandom. We need to start with an empty page of notebook paper, write "The Chosen One" across the top and start brainstorming. At least, that's what I plan to do."
  • Andrea Nemerson
    "Personally, I believe neither that you're attracting nutty people because you don't want nice ones nor that the universe will deliver someone really neato as soon as you deserve him or her. It would be nice if things worked out that equitably for everyone, but in my experience, the universe is kind of shiftless and lazy and just doesn't bother."
  • Elaine Hatfield:
    "When you are young, passion and hope are so strong that's it's almost impossible to stop loving someone. After you've been kicked around by life, however, you start to have a dual response to handsome con men: 'Wow!' and 'Arrrrrrgh!' It takes not will power but painful experience to make us wise."
  • Cary Tennis:
    "Be of service. Go where you can help. If you're an artist, be of service to your art; don't have it the other way around. You have to put aside your dreams of being a hotshot and learn to be useful. ... You step up everyday, get a nice clean hit, and you're done."
  • "prefer not to say:"
    "Being an old maid rocks. You don’t have to be pretty. You don’t have to have the same markers of social or financial success as couples feel pressured to have. You don’t have to have children but people are happy to lend theirs out for awhile. Your career options are wide open. You can finally wear comfortable shoes. Your furniture and your dishes don’t have to match. You are allowed to have eccentric hobbies. There is time for a quiet cup of coffee on a Saturday morning. You make your own travel plans. You can keep up with a much wider swath of friends. And I never wanted to get married until I met the man (and he existed) who would let me stay an old maid, even if we did get married. It hasn’t been easy (my future-in-laws think I am about to become a wife, and it has taken a lot of strategic deafness not to respond to those expectations) but it’s an interesting challenge and kind of fun with someone smart enough to give it a try. This isn’t a post to say, “Oh, honey, you just need to meet the right man.” Instead it’s a post to say — stay committed to being an old maid and happiness in the form that you need it will follow."
  • Piet Hein:
    "Whenever you're called on to make up your mind. And you're hampered by not having any. The simplest way to solve the dilemma you'll find, Is simply by flipping a penny. No, not so that chance shall decide the affair; As you're passively standing there moping. But as soon as the penny is up in the air, You'll suddenly know what you're hoping."
  • John Mayer:
    "I'm not normal by conventional social standards, and I'll never be, so maybe I should stop worrying and just embrace the insanity a bit."
  • Ethan Rayne, Buffy season 8 comic, #3:
    "You are always dreaming every dream you could dream all the time. Even when you're awake, a part of your brain is stirring that brew. Which one you choose to remember in the morning is based on wishes, anxieties... It's a vast and fascinating place. Everywhere you turn, a part of you."
  • Uhura:
    "People use the word “selfish” to insult women all the time-I think it’s because the essence of womanhood is selfless sacrifice- even to the detriment of themselves."
  • Yuhri:
    "Her weirdnesses have the quality of life in a trailer park during tornado season. Someone's shih-tzu just blew in through the window? Pfft. There's a Buick parked on the ceiling? Bah. Old man Parsnip just got blown right into the anal cavity of a standing cow? C'est la vie. Her life is managed in clusters of riot, interrupted by the occasional, errant moment of calm."
  • Dan Renzi:
    "Most women accept the fact that they can be, occasionally, somewhat crazy. I don't know any women who believe they are always handle situations with rational thought. They all know they slip off the deep end from time to time. It happens. But men? They really don't get it. They really think they are never wrong, what they want is what's best. Why wouldn't it be? It's what they want. Why shouldn't they have things their way? And it's there that lies the problem: men are inherently crazy because they don't think they're crazy at all. It's the definition of insanity, really."
  • Anonymous at Post Secret:
    "Oddly enough, she can handle having a lesbian daughter much better than one who is still single at 30."
  • LCG:
    "I am way more afraid of forgetting how to be happy alone than I am actually ending up alone."
  • Last words of Robert Anton Wilson:
    "Various medical authorities swarm in and out of here predicting I have between two days and two months to live. I think they are guessing. I remain cheerful and unimpressed. I look forward without dogmatic optimism but without dread. I love you all and I deeply implore you to keep the lasagna flying.
    Please pardon my levity, I don't see how to take death seriously. It seems absurd. "
  • Frank, in Little Miss Sunshine:
    "You know Marcel Proust?...French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh- he gets down to the end of his life... and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered- Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're 18... Ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school- Those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that."
  • Richard Crawford:
    "In order to defeat your evil villain, you only need remember this: every problem can be solved with sufficient explosives."
  • Aeire:
    "People say that they have a 'purpose' in life and some list big things like curing cancer, or fighting crime, or a myriad of other functions - I've sort of decided, quietly and to myself, that the reason I'm around is to "make people do" - I don't really care what it is you do, but if something I've done effects you to the point that you've broken out of the 9-to-5 everyday routine, if something I've said sparks you to feel something that you wouldn't ordinarily feel, if you've laughed or gotten horribly pissed off or disgusted, then thank you kindly for reading, and I'm glad I could affect you in one way or another."
  • blonde avenger62:
    "What is it about a 20-something, unencumbered female that people can't stand?"
  • rodotmoe:
    "This is why I hate math & fire."
  • Penn Jilette:
    "I really like to be proven wrong as often as I can because that's when I'm learning something...I am astounded by my own stupidity every single day."

« *sniff* | Main | A romance writer comes out of the closet... »

February 13, 2006

The Smug Valentined.

Last year, I ranted about feeling like a public loser for not having a boyfriend on Valentine's Day, and feeling crappy when I'm compared to the people who get gifts and food and love on that day.

But there's another group of people who irritate me around VD of late. Let's call 'em the Smug Valentined.

I was reading this message board thread and I found myself getting more and more irritated with the comments of some of the posters. The posts were along the lines of (summarized):

"Just spend time with me."

"We're not into gifting."

"I don't need gifts."

"All I want is a card."

"We never do dinner on the day. So many crowds!"

"We're not into holidays. We just spend it like every other night of the year, at home with dinner and the TV."

And the more I read Smug comments like that, the more my inner Bridget kept coming out and getting annoyed. Like, "Wow, you're so shallow for WANTING stuff or special attention on that day." And "Who cares about holidays? Why make it special?"

You can spot what I said easily over here:

I think the people that are content with a quiet, just-like-every-other-day VD might just be burned out on having things lavished on them, but I've never gotten that. And dammit, it's a holiday. I don't want it to be just another fucking Tuesday if I have an SO.

But there is another way to think of it: that they're so secure and loved that they don't need to feel special on any particular day of the year. And that the reason I feel the need for public affection in order to feel gratified on Valentine's Day is because nobody ever did that for me on a long-term basis.

Hmmm. Maybe that's wrong and maybe that's right.

I am all for doing something special on a holiday. I don't get why someone would want to spend one of the few "special" nights on the calendar (after all, we might have maybe 2 special days per month at the most, and some months just don't have any) doing the same old crap that they do the rest of the year, unless they have small children and/or are just too broke/tired to make an effort. (The lone night I spent with an SO on VD, we got Jack in the Box and sat around on the bed. Whee.) Isn't it nice to do something on an exceptional day that doesn't consist of slog to work, work, slog on home, eat, watch TV, bed? What's the matter with WANTING to do something different when the opportunity is provided for you? Of course, in the case of VD I'm mad because that's the one holiday you can't really just celebrate by yourself. I'm getting cheated of one of the holidays because I don't have a boy, dammit.

But as to the security thing... Pardon me while I sort of wander off topic for a bit. I swear it has a point.

My new roommate and his girlfriend (both of whom are friends I met through volunteering) have about the most mellow relationship I've ever seen in my life. They see each other on a casual basis. He does his things, she does her things, they get together sometimes. They don't even necessarily spend the night all that often. Which flabbergasts me because my experience, and about the experience of watching everyone else I know in couples, is that once you have an official SO, you are joined at the hip as much as you can possibly manage. My previous roommate and her boyfriend, for example, seem to only separate when work is involved.

As a single girl, I am currently taking a bunch of dance classes, a sculpture class, I volunteer, and I joined a writer's group. As the roommate could tell you, I'm pretty much never home. All of that is stuff I would not be doing if I had a boyfriend. I try to not be one of those girls who ditches all of her friends for an SO, and I don't do it, but I certainly do dump all of my activities. Within a month or two of starting to see someone, suddenly I'm spending every moment I can with him. And in the case of the last LDR, the weeknights were spent talking on the phone (which is in part why I lost one year of NaNo). It's been my experience that between what the guy wants and the rush of hormones, it's just not kosher in a relationship to disappear from your SO for days on end because you don't get home from class until 9-something at night.

So it weirds me out a bit to see them doing something so drastically different. But in a way, maybe they're the sanest of all of us. Being just fine with not seeing the SO for awhile, enjoying it when they do. Neither of them have given up doing the crafts or other activities that they do in order to date. And that's a hell of a lot smarter than I've ever been about it.

As you may have guessed, these two are Smug Valentines. Yesterday, they were discussing what to do for VD. No gifts even came up in conversation. They decided to make dinner and watch a movie. It's the "just as long as we're together" kind of celebration.

And while at first I thought, "Okay, it's a good thing that I'll be stuck at volunteering on VD, because otherwise I'd feel obligated to find somewhere else where I can go all night so they can be alone and schmoopy," it did strike me that the mellow approach does work for them. And even makes sense.

Maybe the Smug approach is not quite so bad after all. And maybe someday if I'm ever in a relationship where I can still do my own thing, I won't be quite so frantic to be overladen with red gifts in public.

But that said, I still want ONE VD where I'm begifted and wined and dined according to every damn stereotype in our culture first, dammit.

Entry for the Feminist Valentine Blog Awards

Comments

I remember my first real New Year's Eve kiss. . . was with my husband of nearly 9 years just before we got married.

Valentine's Day has always been a slobbering mess for me, and since my anniversary is 1 month+1day later, we don't go hearts-n-flowers over it but get extra-snuggly and spend the time holed-up after-hours. Which we do.

I'd love to see a dating service set up Valentine Nights based on what the woman and the man each want from the night. Of course, it still wouldn't work because she'd ask for wine, dancing, and flirtatious smiles and he'd just wanna knock boots.

Unless he's an emo. Which means he's already got a girl and is singing and playing guitar for her.

Post a comment

If you have a TypeKey or TypePad account, please Sign In

May 2008

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
        1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31

Search Google

  • Google

    WWW
    fullmoon.typepad.com

Craft Enabled, Domestically Disabled

Speed-Reading Book Nerd Reviews