Hello Kitty Hell.

First off: hee hee hee.

Second off: I just discovered Hello Kitty Hell, the blog of a man who's married to an obsessive Hello Kitty collector. Even worse, they live in Japan, so pretty much everything they own is Hello Kitty. There is only one item so far that she won't buy. And he apparently ends up sleeping on the couch a LOT (in an HK sleeping bag, of course) if he doesn't kiss up to the kitty. Oy vey.

I laughed my head off. Read the whole thing, folks. You gotta pity the guy when he has issues like this to deal with.

"One of the scariest things which I don’t like to even think about (let alone mention in public like this) is that I know far too much about Hello Kitty than is healthy for any grown man (or person for that matter, but being a grown man makes it all that much worse). The information seems to invade your body when you live in a Hello Kitty Hell like an unwanted parasite. I don’t want to know this stuff. I have no interest in this stuff. I don’t want anything to do with it. Yet at the end of the day, it seeps into my memory in the depths of my brain and can’t be purged. Hello Kitty facts sitting up there wasting valuable brain space and not a damn thing I can do about it. 
My wife thinks that this is great. When she needs to know some obscure fact about Hello Kitty that she can’t remember, she’ll call to me and more often than not I’ll know the answer. Can it get any worse that that? Knowing facts that you don’t want to know about Hello Kitty. I’m surprised I haven’t been committed.
For example, the following left my mouth (to my extreme horror) at a get-together of my wife’s friends when one of them mentioned how it was wonderful that Hello Kitty was born in Japan. Any normal person would not have even thought twice about the comment, but the Hello Kitty information invaders in my mind couldn’t let it pass. My response? “While a lot of people assume that Hello Kitty was born in Tokyo, Japan, she was really born in London England when her father, George, was on transfer there with his company.” These are the things that are stuck in my mind and come out in conversations and there is nothing I can do about it!!
The worst part of having this Hello Kitty knowledge is when my friends learn about it and then abuse it. we will be at a gathering of some type with a lot of people I don’t know and start talking about Hello Kitty and making false statements on purpose knowing that I will have to correct them. Then I look like some type of freak for knowing so much about Hello Kitty and trying to explain why is useless by that point. Then they laugh about it for the rest of the evening."

"You know it’s going to be a bad day in Hello Kitty Hell when you hear the words, “Honey, do you want to see the new thing I got in the mail?” This is because you have already fallen into a trap from where there is no escape. Even thought there is absolutely no intrigue in the question - I already know that it is going to be something Hello Kitty and it is going to be something bad - I have to act excited, but of course, not too excited. If I don’t act excited, then my lack of appreciation will get me in trouble, but if I act too excited, then she knows I’m faking enthusiasm and I will get into trouble. Ahhh, the thin line I have to tight rope along living in Hello Kitty Hell (which I must say, I have well perfected).
The problem with today was that it went on beyond the initial “look at this” and I was actually asked for my opinion. This part of Hello Kitty Hell I still haven’t perfected and almost always results with me taking out the Hello Kitty sleeping bag.
Of course I didn’t get the answer right (note to self: “whichever you like best” won’t cut it in Hello Kitty Hell — when answering any question related to which Hello Kitty item I like best, remember the correct answer is “all of them” according to my wife) and paid the Hello Kitty Hell price…"

"wife: Look, a Hello Kitty crop circle
me: Please don’t tell me you think aliens did it…
wife: No, it’s a promotion from Sanrio to celebrate Hello Kitty’s 30th anniversary.
me: Why would you build a crop circle to do that?
wife: Because Sanrio knows that if aliens did visit the earth, they would be filled with the heart of Hello Kitty.
me: You’re kidding, right? Please tell me you’re kidding…
wife: Hello Kitty brings joy to people no matter where they are. Whether they are on earth or in the sky looking down on earth. I think we should fly to go and see it.
me: We are not going to fly half way around the world to see a crop circle of Hello Kitty."