Cupcake drama with Carolyn Hax

(Washington Post.)

"Frustrated Baker: I love baking.  My boyfriend has some sort of cake aversion, although he likes sweet stuff in general. 

I bake whenever I get a chance for an appreciative audience, mostly for potlucks, where the tasties are devoured by people who sometimes literally queue around me when I walk through the door with a batch of cupcakes. But BF is not so subtle about saying, "BLECH!" and spitting out things that he tries, just to be nice, but thinks are too sweet.

I am very careful about making recipes with balanced flavors; I often REDUCE the amount of sugar in a recipe. I myself am not a sugar hound, and I know that on the terms of sweetness, these things are nowhere near overbearing.

I say, DON'T WASTE A PERFECTLY GOOD CUPCAKE that you know you won't like. And if you do elect to taste it, don't make noises of disgust, but rather, choke it down, or discreetly set it aside, if necessary. I don't spit out his -or anyone else's- recipe failures.

So, my question is, how can he possibly think it's OK to stand in a room full of people who are all eating, and yell "BLECH" about the dish I brought, which everyone else likes just fine, but be silent about the real potluck stinkers?

Am I missing something, or is he just being incredibly rude? This seems like a no-brainer to me, but he acts like he is unwilling/unable to restrain himself from commentary, and won't understand why I am angry with him after these types of gatherings.

Carolyn Hax: Top ten things that recommend him as a person:

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

You have an hour.

Re: Cupcakes: I like that differences over dessert foods could be the downfall of a relationship.

Carolyn Hax: I know. Especially since the Cupcake Test is one only about two people have failed in the history of mankind.

Frustrated Baker, again: OK, so I get your point with the "top ten", and I really have to say that I appreciate you entertaining my question because it is really not of the magnitude of some of the other issues people give you.

1. He's funny.

2. He's good with kids, and fosters dogs.

3. He's smart and has a job he likes, that I respect, and that he does very well.

4. He wears mis-matched socks on purpose.

5. He shares my fringe-y social mores. 

6. He makes up funny songs and sings them to me.

7. He tolerates me practicing the instrument I'm learning without complaining about the noise (I'm really terrible).

8. Is generally receptive to my efforts to make him more civilized (i.e.: less dirt/dog hair on the floor, does laundry more frequently, now sleeps in a bed instead of a sleeping bag)

9. Helps me fix my house and my car.

10. Good sex.

He is a good person overall, and I don't believe that disliking cupcakes is a dealbreaker in and of itself; I just wish he wouldn't be rude about it. If it was someone else's food, he would not behave that way.

Long-term, the big issue is that I have been unable to convince him that it IS rude, and it DOES make me very upset, and I worry how that will translate into other, bigger problems.

Generally he is a sweet guy, so I can't imagine he's out to taunt me deliberately, but I also can't believe he could be so clueless when I am saying to him, "you are hurting my feelings and wasting food, and you must stop."

Carolyn Hax: Quiz grade, A. Nice work.

Here's what he is, deliberately, according to your own eyes and ears: Deliberately, verging on showily, against-the-grain. If you're going to choose to walk through life with a capital-C Character, then prepare either never to win the great cupcake battle, or to win it only to see three similar battles come up. You either go Zen with a guy like this, or go nuts.

BTW, this is a question of equal magnitude. What do we do here but parse quality of life, through knowledge of self and others?

On cupcake guy: He keeps trying her cupcakes, even though experience tells him he's probably not going to like the latest batch, either. The man believes in hope. That's gotta count for SOMETHING.

Carolyn Hax: This would be funny, if it didn't involve the senseless destruction of perfectly good cupcakes.

child abuse: come on now, all this talk of frosty gooey pillowy cupcakes is killing me....I'm seven months pregnant with gestational diabetes. I'm on the verge of committing child abuse and buying a case of trans-fatty Hostesses...

Carolyn Hax: Remember, we're talking about cupcakes so awful you have to spit them out loudly in front of people. Boy oh boy, I could really go for some carrot sticks right now. Mmm ..."