Yes, that should have gone to Dan and not Cary
Today's Cary Tennis letter (Salon) features the "my husband just came out as more kinky than I can handle, now what?" question. I thought a letter to the editor handled it better.
"If the answer you get from the advice columnist sends you to
therapy, you are probably asking the wrong advice columnist.
You are willing to Good, Giving, and Game, or you aren't. You
either meet your partner's needs, or you give your partner
permission to get needs met outside the marriage, or you split up.
There is not and solution in therapy. You have to decide which of
these three answers is the most palatable to you, and then stick
with your decision.
Because you are not going to change your partner. If you partner
needs these things to achieve satisfaction, then your partner needs
these things to achieve satisfaction. No way to change that. Your
partner will get these needs met, with you or without you.
So you must make sure the decision is made on your terms, not in
spite of you.
And if you do decide to be GGG with this, make sure your needs
are met as well. Don't let your partner's needs overwhelm your
needs. Make your partner agree to give you equal time, and require
this, to the point of withholding if you don't get your fair
share.
But you cannot pretend this will go away somehow. You can only
decide how you are going to live with it."


Best Internet Variety Show (and Good Luck Getting Anything Done, Ever) in 2005! 


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