"Instead, we pose new ones, which are: Why does every single lady on this show end up with a baby and a boyfriend and also occasionally lethal injuries? Are we supposed to be sad that Sun escaped her abusive marriage? (One of us is, actually! It is somewhat messed up.) Who replaced interesting Juliet with Boyfriend-Centric Robot Juliet, and why? And, was it really necessary for Shannon to redeem herself from “heartless bitch” status with her vagina? (Before getting shot, obvs! Ladies, do not date Sayid. You will get shot. Or run over, with a car. He’s Just Not That Into Your Odds Of Continued Survival, apparently.) And, most importantly: WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO KILL JACK???? Please, someone kill Jack. Please. We are begging you.
And all-capital LOST has always had a tendency to dispose of characters after their most compelling storylines have been drained, or before even. I mean, a lot of people die on this show. What I want to know is where this murderous impulse was when Jack was bloated on pills and drunk at work and wouldn’t shave and was trying to make his fake baby fly back with him to a magical island? I could have dealt with Jack dying.
My problem with the “most interesting story lines” though, to be troublesomely ladybusiness for a moment, is this: Claire’s most interesting story line was having a baby and a boyfriend. Sun’s most interesting storyline is having a husband and a baby. Kate’s most interesting story line is having two potential boyfriends, between whom she cannot choose, and also a baby eventually. Juliet’s most important storyline was that her boyfriend might have thought for 1.5 seconds about liking another girl so she had to fall down a mine shaft and explode three times on screen.
I mean, Jack? Unstable, abusive, alcoholic stalker. With lady problems. Who will not trust a grown lady doctor to do a basic surgery on him without passing up anesthesia so he can be hyper-critical of her operating moves the whole way through. THE ROMANCE OF KATE AND JACK MUST NEVER DIE! Because… they gave each other sexy looks in the pilot episode? With all the plot threads they have exploded or forgotten or just plain shrugged and said “sorry, not going to happen” about, I really am puzzled as to why THIS is the one that they will just never, ever, ever drop."

Best Internet Variety Show (and Good Luck Getting Anything Done, Ever) in 2005! 


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