"CARA: They’re never killing Jack. I give up. I just wish that they would stop cruelly teasing us by making us think that they might kill him (the dynamite, the explosion, etc.). Ideally I’d like to see him go out brutally and hilariously — I totally want them to Nikki and Paulo him. But if they ever did take him out (and again, I don’t think they will), they’ll totally do it tragic hero style. And he won’t be Nikki, Paulo, Artz, or Frogurt, he’ll be the new Charlie.
SADY: Oh, God. I think if they ever do kill Jack, they are just going to LITERALLY CRUCIFY HIM. It’s so obvious that they think of him as the hero, even though he is THE WORST. And I think I can confidently assert that most of us here would maybe want Sun to be the winning Candidate? Because she’s the only girl, and also, remember when she used to be awesome? I would also accept Hurley as the answer, because he’s like the best and most decent human being on the show; if I had to get someone to stand between me and the Powers of Darkness, it would be Hurley, because I know he’d be totally nice to the Powers of Darkness and we’d all end up going bowling together. But it’s going to be JACK, so he’s NOT GOING TO DIE, except at the end of the show when he makes The Ultimate Sacrifice and I’m supposed to cry about it. Whereas, actually, I would just like to sacrifice HIS FACE."

Best Internet Variety Show (and Good Luck Getting Anything Done, Ever) in 2005! 


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