- "Sometimes, one wonders what sort of intervention would be necessary to keep disaster out of the lives of people like this. A good prenup (Meggie, do not sign anything over to Luke without independent counsel!) would work wonders. Also, condoms. A copy of "When Bad Things Happen to Good People"? A scrip for Wellbutrin? PENICILLIN? Just not being completely self-sabotaging every day of your life?"
- "Selena admits to Doc Swain that her shit-for-brains rapist "step"-father has knocked her up; the doctor feels briefly torn, but then decides, "I am protecting life, this life, the one already being lived by Selena Cross," and goes and gives her a nice, safe abortion in the hospital, after hours, with nice sterilized implements; and you think, WOW, Grace Metalious. NICE JOB. It's going to be DECADES before we get another trashy novel that features an abortion that doesn't involve someone killing herself with herbs, or jumping off a bridge, or bleeding out, or being so riddled by guilt AFTER the abortion that she drinks herself to death."
- "Valley of the Dolls is All About Eve mixed with The Best Of Everything mixed with "Gypsy!" mixed with... Ralph Wiggum. And, for the most part, the characters keep their shit together until (respectively): p. 220 (Anne realizes that her boyfriend is a jerk who has no intention of committing to her), p. 227 (Neely starts the dolls), and p. 336 (Jennifer gets accidentally caught in her blouse and suffocates to death. JOKE, she kills herself rather than lose her boobs, which her weirdo Senator boyfriend calls "his babies," to cancer). Before then, it could really be Valley of the Bi-Coastal Friends Who Have Sexy Adventures."
- "I love how she learns nothing, ever, and is a worse person in each subsequent novel. These are the chick lit novels that Patricia Highsmith would have written, had she been born in a different time, and been forced to write books that could be sold with ribbon belts on the cover."

Best Internet Variety Show (and Good Luck Getting Anything Done, Ever) in 2005! 


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