What's Going On

Quotes

  • Livia:
    "here's the thing about adulthood: you will go for like three months with nothing happening and you’re bored as hell and then in the span of two weeks eight different things happen at once - some fantastic and some shitty and some just plain bonkers - and you’re just running around like a chicken with your head cut off and no clue what the fuck is going on"
  • Seanan McGuire:
    “I went to the Raptor Center and my friend was injured” isn’t funny. “And then Brooke took a FALCON to the FACE” is funny. It’s all a matter of word choice."
  • Alison Green:
    "Humans are weird! So weird, in so many different ways. Often that weirdness is hidden and comes out in ways that shock and disappoint you, after the person lulled you into thinking you knew what to expect from them. So it’s lovely when someone wears their weirdness like a peacock’s plumes, right there for all to see from the get-go."
  • Cecil, Welcome to Night Vale:
    "The problem wasn’t solved, but most problems don’t get solved. I mean, generally we just do our best to mitigate the problem, and if it can’t be mitigated, then it can be relegated to a background noise by pleasant distractions and a prioritization of interests."
  • "It does seem sometimes like life toggles between boring and flat-out mystifying."-Carolyn Hax
  • Sarah Silverman:
    "Nothing’s more attractive than an unending monologue about your shortcomings."
  • Carolyn Hax:
    "Sometimes surrendering to the awful is more useful than fighting it."
  • Graham Joyce:
    "why can’t our job here on earth be simply to inspire each other?"
  • Dan Harmon:
    "I believe in magic. I believe in mythology. I believe in shamanism. I believe that spells can be cast and I believe that random things coalesce and reveal themselves to be part of a plan we don’t control, you know."
  • Nora Ephron:
    "Never turn down a front-row seat for human folly."
  • McAlvie
    "The ultimate downfall of modern civilization won't be war; it'll be Twitter and Facebook."
  • Jenny Zhang:
    "A lot of writers swear by routine, but I swear by chaos. There’s enough fucking routine in my life. Every day I have to brush my teeth. Every day I have to smile at strangers. Every day I have to worry about money. Every day I want something I can’t have. Every day I find some way to go on! I know that writing every day for an hour would help me tremendously with writer’s block, but I also know that I need an element of wildness in my writing. I need to know that writing is something I do because it sets me free. It makes me feel golden with confidence. It gives me the gift of gab. I feel like a god. I feel like an entertainer. So write when you damn well please."
  • Joe Queenan:
    "If you have read 6,000 books in your lifetime, or even 600, it's probably because at some level you find "reality" a bit of a disappointment. People in the 19th century fell in love with "Ivanhoe" and "The Count of Monte Cristo" because they loathed the age they were living through. Women in our own era read "Pride and Prejudice" and "Jane Eyre" and even "The Bridges of Madison County"—a dimwit, hayseed reworking of "Madame Bovary"—because they imagine how much happier they would be if their husbands did not spend quite so much time with their drunken, illiterate golf buddies down at Myrtle Beach. A blind bigamist nobleman with a ruined castle and an insane, incinerated first wife beats those losers any day of the week. Blind, two-timing noblemen never wear belted shorts."
  • LogicalDash:
    "Nobody of any age should have to fend off sexual partners. That such defense is assumed as a part of the cost of adult courtship is suggestive of some more fundamental problem than age difference and its effect on consensuality."
  • Keith Richards:
    "I had to invent the job, you know," he said, earlier. "There wasn't a sign in the shop window, saying, "Wanted: Keith Richards."
  • Caitlin Moran:
    "As I started to reassess my writing style, I thought about what I liked doing--what gave me satisfaction--and realized the primary one was just... pointing at things. Pointing out things I liked, and showing them to other people--like a mum shouting, "Look! Moo-cows!" as a train rushes past a farm. I liked pointing at things, and I liked being reasonable and polite about stuff. Or silly. Silly was very, very good. No one ever got hurt by silly. Best of all was being pointedly silly about serious things: politics, repression, bigotry. Too many commentators are quick to accuse their enemies of being evil. It's far, far more effective to point out that they're acting like idiots, instead. I was up for idiot-revealing. "I am just going to be polite and silly, and point at cool things," I decided. "When I started writing, I would have killed to have one thing to write about. Now, I have three. Politeness and silliness, and pointing. That's enough."
  • Carolyn Hax:
    "Unless 15 years’ worth of mail has misled me, no one has ever found love through complaining about the lack of it, and no lonely person has ever felt better for hearing, “You just haven’t found the right person yet.”
  • David Simon:
    "Change is a motherfucker when you run from it."
  • Joe Queenan:
    "People who read an enormous number of books are basically dissatisfied with the way things are going on this planet. And I think, in a way, people read for the same reason that kids play video games ... they like that world better. It works better, it's more exciting, and it usually has a more satisfactory ending."
  • Dan Savage:
    "There isn't someone for everyone. Some of us do wind up alone, and that just fucking sucks and sometimes that stings, and you don't know if you're one of those people who's going to wind up alone until you die alone....So you kind of have to live in hope and build a life for yourself that's rewarding and fun, has friends and pleasure in it, whether you're alone or not."
  • the painkiller:
    "I will not be tagged, pinned, circled, liked, tweeted, retweeted or numbered."
  • Steve Jobs:
    "Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”
  • Apple:
    "Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
  • Miss Manners:
    "Please do not -- repeat, not -- make a hostile approach to knitters. Have you not noticed that they are armed with long, pointy sticks?"
  • Stephen Tobolowsky:
    "And of course, nothing is what I figured on in my life. That seems to be a recurring theme."
  • James Bulls:
    "When you find yourself walking a true path, you will know it because you will want to walk it no matter the burning Sun, freezing sleet, torrential rain, and treacherous ground. The risks become no less and the journey as always exhausts you, but your desire to brave the challenges never diminishes."
  • SOMEBODY???
    "May the bridges I burn light the way"
  • Amy Argetsinger:
    "Twitter is a disease, plain and simple. It makes people insane. A decade from now I expect the CDC and FDA will be issuing warnings."
  • Cary Tennis:
    "You don't have to "move on" either. Not until you're ready. People say, Oh, you should be grateful. They say, Oh, it's time for you to move on. I'm like, What are you, a cop with a nightstick? I'll move on when I'm done playing the blues on my harmonica, thank you very much."
  • Mark Morford:
    "It is 2011 and here is what we know: Reality is fluid, fact is malleable, cause and effect completely uncertain. We know what we don't know, but we also know the opposite."
  • Charlie Jane Anders:
    "Just remember, if you flinch from your destiny, you'll never achieve your true greatness — you didn't choose to be chosen, but being chosen means you have to choose."
  • Roger Ebert:
    "To put it bluntly, I believe the world is patriarchal because men are bigger and stronger than women, and can beat them up."
  • Myca:
    "Jesus is not the reason for the season, and there's no way I need to act like he is. Christmas is a stolen tradition. There's no reason we can't steal it back."
  • Lady Gaga:
    "I hate the holidays! I'm alone and miserable, you fucking dumb bit of toy!"
  • Dianna Agron:
    "I am trying to live my life with a sharpie marker approach. You can’t erase the strokes you’ve made, but each step is much bolder and more deliberate."
  • John Mayer:
    "It occurred to me that since the invocation of Twitter, nobody who has participated in it has created any lasting art. And yes! Yours truly is included in that roundup as well. Let me make sure that statement is as absolute and irrevocable as possible by buzzing your tower one more time: no artwork created by someone with a healthy grasp of social media thus far has proven to be anything other than disposable."
  • Vanessa, Something Positive:
    "I like 'em crazy. You hear insane rants, I hear a reminder that the sex is interesting. Oooh! Hear that? Tonight's gonna tingle."
  • Anonymous:
    “Your problem is that you want to be an artist. What you need to be is an artisan.”
  • Sugar:
    "Ask better questions, sweet pea. The fuck is your life. Answer it."
  • Wide Lawns:
    "Often very odd things happen to me. Usually they are not my fault and mostly beyond my control."

« HELL YES | Main | Why dystopian is beating books in the past »

April 30, 2012

"Homeless orphaned dyslexic pregnant virgin hides out in baby daddy’s barn to escape her bipolar stalker/serial killer. Also, she’s mistaken for a mermaid."

Another amusing review of a bad romance novel.

  • "You’ll find this itinerary on page nine of the Homeless Orphaned Pregnant Dyslexic Virgins Handbook, although hitch-hiking is generally not recommended if your baby daddy doesn’t know you or your unborn child exist.
  • “That old stock tank seems to see more action than the Playboy mansion.”
  • The author doesn’t specify if Jacob cleans his manly essence off the stable floor, but he does take the time to carefully tuck and zip.
  • During her brief stay at Testosterone Hall (aka Beefcake Heaven), Jessie learns that eldest brother Aron’s fiancee has nicknamed his manhood “Krull the Warrior King.”
  • The vibrating leads to rubbing, which leads to penetrating (God Bless Texas! This was amazing!), fisting (yes, really) and catapulting (Acme catalog, Medieval Weaponry section), and Jessie is no longer a Pregnant Virgin. She’s just Pregnant. Although, she’s still a Homeless Dyslexic Orphan, so she’s got that going for her.
  • Even after being bound, gagged, starved and repeatedly beaten over several days, our spunky heroine is able to LAUGH AT HER ABDUCTOR BECAUSE HE CAN’T GET IT UP.
  • Luckily, one of his friends knows of a Voodoo Priestess from New Orleans who has the power to Restore His Manhood."

Posted on April 30, 2012 at 10:48 AM in NaNoWriMo/Writing Stuff |

Comments

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

Posted by:  | 

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Working...
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

Working...

Post a comment

Your Information

(Name and email address are required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)

April 2017

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
            1
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29
30            

Categories

Archives

Search Google

  • Google

    WWW
    fullmoon.typepad.com

Craft Enabled, Domestically Disabled

Speed-Reading Book Nerd Reviews

Speed-Reading List

  • Molly Tanzer: Creatures of Will and Temper
    Reviewed June 17. (****)
  • Gretchen Rubin: The Four Tendencies: The Indispensible Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People's Lives Better, Too)
    Reviewed June 16. (****)
  • Yoav Blum: The Coincidence Makers
    Reviewed June 15. (***)
  • Anne Canadeo: A Dark and Stormy Knit
    Reviewed June 14. (***)
  • Jacqueline Carey: Starless
    Reviewed June 12. (****)
  • Olivia Rivers: Tone Deaf
    Reviewed June 13. (****)
  • Leila Sales: Past Perfect
    Reviewed June 11. (****)
  • Mandy Harvey and Mark Atteberry.: Sensing the Rhythm: Finding My Voice in a World Without Sound
    Reviewed June 10. (****)
  • Lucy Parker: Making Up
    Reviewed June 6. (***)
  • Alyssa Mastromonaco, with Lauren Oliver.: Who Thought This Was A Good Idea? And Other Questions You Should Have Answers to When You Work in the White House
    Reviewed June 5. (***)
  • Leila Sales: Tonight The Streets Are Ours
    Reviewed June 4. (***)
  • Leila Sales: If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say
    Reviewed June 2. (*****)
  • Molly Cochran: Legacy
    Reviewed June 1. (****)
  • Mia Michaels: A Unicorn in a World of Donkeys: A Guide to Life for All the Exceptional, Excellent Misfits Out There
    Reviewed May 31. (****)
  • By Daniel H. Pink.: When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing
    Reviewed May 30. (****)
  • Leland Melvin: Chasing Space: An Astronaut's Story of Grit, Grace, and Second Chances
    Reviewed May 29. (****)
  • Andrew Morton: Wallis in Love: The Untold Life of the Duchess of Windsor, The Woman Who Changed The Monarchy
    Reviewed May 25. (****)
  • Valerie Estelle Frankel: Who Tells Your Story? History, Pop Culture, and Hidden Meanings in the Musical Phenomenon Hamilton: The Unauthorized Guide
    Reviewed May 25. (****)
  • Sally Bedell Smith: Prince Charles: The Passions and Paradoxes of an Improbable Life
    Reviewed May 24. (****)
  • Lois McMaster Bujold: The Flowers of Vashnoi
    Reviewed May 23. (***)
  • Bryan Camp: The City of Lost Fortunes
    Reviewed May 22. (****)
  • Dhonielle Clayton: The Belles
    Reviewed May 15. (***)
  • Daisy Goodwin: Victoria
    Reviewed May 14. (****)
  • Lindsey Ouimet: What's A Soulmate?
    Reviewed May 13. (****)
  • Erin McRae and Racheline Maltese: A Queen from the North
    Reviewed May 12. (**)
  • Stephanie Burgis: Snowspelled: Volume I of The Harwood Spellbook
    Reviewed May 12. (****)
  • Katie Nicholl: Harry: Life, Loss and Love
    Reviewed May 11. (****)
  • Viv Daniels: One and Only
    Reviewed May 10. (****)
  • Jeremy Paxman: On Royalty: A Very Polite Inquiry Into Some Strangely Related Families
    Reviewed May 8. (****)
  • Phillipa Bornikova.: Publish and Perish
    Reviewed May 6. (****)

Photo Albums

Subscribe to this blog's feed