"I have been told specifically that I will be able to punch Justin Bieber in the face. It is mid-March, and I am standing on the patio outside Conway Studios in Hollywood, where Bieber is recording his new album, and I have been waiting for him for hours. Fifty-one hours, to be precise, at least if we're counting the two times that our meeting has been postponed so far. This time, however, I have been assured that Bieber is really coming, and that he wants to fight me. He's due to arrive at any minute now, which is good, because I can't wait to draw some Canadian teenybopper blood."