"Bibi, the lady turtle, bit a chunk out of Poldi's smelly old shell and summarily kicked him out of their cage so she could use it as a swinger's pad. Zookeepers have tried to nudge the pair back together with "romantic good mood food," but Bibi isn't having it, which means that Poldi must really suck because what else is a turtle in captivity doing with its time if it's not eating or slowly having sex?"

Best Internet Variety Show (and Good Luck Getting Anything Done, Ever) in 2005! 


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