- "All comments that the Black Widow and Spider-man would make wonderful spider babies should cease immediately. This means you, Mr. Parker."
- "Whoever told Thor that “It’s hammer time!” was a war cry used by the ancient Vikings in his honor will be punished. Severely."
- "Agents are reminded that “sorry for partying,” is not an acceptable apology under any circumstances, nor is “my b.” Use of such phrases will result in automatic assignment as “sober monitor” for the next S.H.I.E.L.D. holiday party."
- "It is not within our budget to hold “Shawarma Wednesdays” and “Falafel Fridays.” That does not mean that S.H.I.E.L.D. Agents (or Mr. Stark) have the right to program all computers to show pictures of Middle Eastern cuisine and play overly loud sitar music on the aforementioned days. "
- "Swing was a popular type of music during Capt. Rogers’ youth. Please stop signing him up for swinging websites and encouraging him to attend swingers parties under false pretenses."

Best Internet Variety Show (and Good Luck Getting Anything Done, Ever) in 2005! 


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