"The food itself is never the most delicious food. This is why they set it on fire. It becomes a blue and orange light show, and you gape and squeal and gobble like a village idiot. It's fun! So when you walk into Aqua by El Gaucho on a sunny evening, and you tell the hostess that all you want is their famous Baked Alaska, and she says "Yes!" and seats you with haste on the outdoor patio, you are giddy. Soon you will discover that there's no fire show allowed on the patio; you can have the dessert charred, but no live flambé. Upon this revelation, you will relocate indoors. But once there, you will discover that no fire show is allowed period until the sun has gone down in the sky, and this, you will feel, would have been good to know when you first arrived, two solid hours before sunset. "It's on the menu," your waiter will defensively tell you. He will then acknowledge that, true, he has not given you a menu, and, in fact, he is only visiting you for the first time though you have been in the indoor lounge for an hour, and only after you explicitly asked another surly waiter to summon yours."

Best Internet Variety Show (and Good Luck Getting Anything Done, Ever) in 2005! 


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