"Pay very close attention to that first point: every time she gets on the train, it’s a 50-50 chance that gets approached by people who are overly aggressive in their attention towards her. This is not a minor, occasional inconvenience; this is her day-to-day experience. Imagine, if you will, that every time you went somewhere, it was a coin-flip’s odds that you were going to have a schizoid homeless person, reeking of sweat, piss and decaying garbage cornering you, getting in your face and demanding that you talk with them."
"This is a progression of behavior from innocuous to creepy to directly threatening. Once again: at what point, exactly, should UnWinona have been willing to give these people a chance during this string if increasingly disturbing behavior?"
"Of course, the reason it feels intolerable is that, from the cradle, men are told they are better than women and that women exist to serve them: sexually, domestically, and at times, in the workplace. Growing up and wanting something from women and finding out that they can say “no”—despite the fact that they were put here to serve you!—is often extremely distressing to men. The invention of the nonsense word “misandry” goes back to this. Men who fling it about are, in my experience, usually referring to women refusing to give them something they believe they’re owed: sex, attention, placating smiles, demurely wiping tables while the men are talking. When women deny them what they believe women owe them, instead of asking if in fact they were owed these things, they instead lash out at women. They sexually harass them, which is a way of saying that you have no right to give them no attention, so if you don’t give them the positive attention they desire, they will extract some attention from you, even if it’s just annoyance or fear."
"I think these guys are getting yelled at by women because they don’t accept a polite no. I believe they are told no politely many times by women, but they persist, until women, in an act of self-preservation, tell them to fuck off.
I have never, ever seen a man make an initial advance on a woman who then turned around and lost her shit on him, or called him creepy when he acted in a perfectly respectful way. I’ve never done it. I’ve never seen a friend do it. I’ve never seen a stranger do it. I get out a lot, so if this was common behavior, you’d think I’d have seen it once.
Directly saying no is perceived, especially from women, as overly harsh. So women try to reject men in a way that allows men to save face. If you respond non-verbally by not addressing his come-on, he has an opportunity to back off without being rejected more overtly. Non-verbal rejections are, according to research, universally understood to be polite.
By the time a woman has to be verbal with a man she’s rejecting, in other words, she’s already in a bad situation. He’s already decided that her previous, non-verbal rejections don’t count. So he’s already throwing up red flags. The chance that he’s going to let you out of this conversation nicely is super low, no matter how “politely” you phrase your rejection.
I’ve seen women call guys creeps and yell at them to fuck off. I’ve been that woman. But it was after you gave him multiple opportunities to take a polite no, and he ignored them. At this point, he’s signaled that he’s dangerous, and doesn’t take no for an answer. So you’re going to say it rudely, in hopes that he realizes that you are no longer fucking around and you will defend yourself."