What's Going On

Quotes

  • Nora Ephron:
    "Never turn down a front-row seat for human folly."
  • Lord Vetinari, Unseen Academicals:
    "One day I was a young boy... when I saw a mother otter with her cubs. Even as I watched, the mother otter dived into the water and came up with a plump salmon, which she subdued... As she ate it, while of course it was still alive, the body split and the pink roes spilled out much to the delight of the baby otters. Mother and children dining upon mother and children. And that is when I first learned about evil. It is built into the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior."
  • McAlvie
    "The ultimate downfall of modern civilization won't be war; it'll be Twitter and Facebook."
  • Jenny Zhang:
    "A lot of writers swear by routine, but I swear by chaos. There’s enough fucking routine in my life. Every day I have to brush my teeth. Every day I have to smile at strangers. Every day I have to worry about money. Every day I want something I can’t have. Every day I find some way to go on! I know that writing every day for an hour would help me tremendously with writer’s block, but I also know that I need an element of wildness in my writing. I need to know that writing is something I do because it sets me free. It makes me feel golden with confidence. It gives me the gift of gab. I feel like a god. I feel like an entertainer. So write when you damn well please."
  • Joe Queenan:
    "If you have read 6,000 books in your lifetime, or even 600, it's probably because at some level you find "reality" a bit of a disappointment. People in the 19th century fell in love with "Ivanhoe" and "The Count of Monte Cristo" because they loathed the age they were living through. Women in our own era read "Pride and Prejudice" and "Jane Eyre" and even "The Bridges of Madison County"—a dimwit, hayseed reworking of "Madame Bovary"—because they imagine how much happier they would be if their husbands did not spend quite so much time with their drunken, illiterate golf buddies down at Myrtle Beach. A blind bigamist nobleman with a ruined castle and an insane, incinerated first wife beats those losers any day of the week. Blind, two-timing noblemen never wear belted shorts."
  • LogicalDash:
    "Nobody of any age should have to fend off sexual partners. That such defense is assumed as a part of the cost of adult courtship is suggestive of some more fundamental problem than age difference and its effect on consensuality."
  • Keith Richards:
    "I had to invent the job, you know," he said, earlier. "There wasn't a sign in the shop window, saying, "Wanted: Keith Richards."
  • Caitlin Moran:
    "As I started to reassess my writing style, I thought about what I liked doing--what gave me satisfaction--and realized the primary one was just... pointing at things. Pointing out things I liked, and showing them to other people--like a mum shouting, "Look! Moo-cows!" as a train rushes past a farm. I liked pointing at things, and I liked being reasonable and polite about stuff. Or silly. Silly was very, very good. No one ever got hurt by silly. Best of all was being pointedly silly about serious things: politics, repression, bigotry. Too many commentators are quick to accuse their enemies of being evil. It's far, far more effective to point out that they're acting like idiots, instead. I was up for idiot-revealing. "I am just going to be polite and silly, and point at cool things," I decided. "When I started writing, I would have killed to have one thing to write about. Now, I have three. Politeness and silliness, and pointing. That's enough."
  • Carolyn Hax:
    "Unless 15 years’ worth of mail has misled me, no one has ever found love through complaining about the lack of it, and no lonely person has ever felt better for hearing, “You just haven’t found the right person yet.”
  • David Simon:
    "Change is a motherfucker when you run from it."
  • Joe Queenan:
    "People who read an enormous number of books are basically dissatisfied with the way things are going on this planet. And I think, in a way, people read for the same reason that kids play video games ... they like that world better. It works better, it's more exciting, and it usually has a more satisfactory ending."
  • Dan Savage:
    "There isn't someone for everyone. Some of us do wind up alone, and that just fucking sucks and sometimes that stings, and you don't know if you're one of those people who's going to wind up alone until you die alone....So you kind of have to live in hope and build a life for yourself that's rewarding and fun, has friends and pleasure in it, whether you're alone or not."
  • the painkiller:
    "I will not be tagged, pinned, circled, liked, tweeted, retweeted or numbered."
  • Steve Jobs:
    "Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”
  • Apple:
    "Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
  • Miss Manners:
    "Please do not -- repeat, not -- make a hostile approach to knitters. Have you not noticed that they are armed with long, pointy sticks?"
  • Stephen Tobolowsky:
    "And of course, nothing is what I figured on in my life. That seems to be a recurring theme."
  • James Bulls:
    "When you find yourself walking a true path, you will know it because you will want to walk it no matter the burning Sun, freezing sleet, torrential rain, and treacherous ground. The risks become no less and the journey as always exhausts you, but your desire to brave the challenges never diminishes."
  • SOMEBODY???
    "May the bridges I burn light the way"
  • Amy Argetsinger:
    "Twitter is a disease, plain and simple. It makes people insane. A decade from now I expect the CDC and FDA will be issuing warnings."
  • Cary Tennis:
    "You don't have to "move on" either. Not until you're ready. People say, Oh, you should be grateful. They say, Oh, it's time for you to move on. I'm like, What are you, a cop with a nightstick? I'll move on when I'm done playing the blues on my harmonica, thank you very much."
  • Mark Morford:
    "It is 2011 and here is what we know: Reality is fluid, fact is malleable, cause and effect completely uncertain. We know what we don't know, but we also know the opposite."
  • Charlie Jane Anders:
    "Just remember, if you flinch from your destiny, you'll never achieve your true greatness — you didn't choose to be chosen, but being chosen means you have to choose."
  • Roger Ebert:
    "To put it bluntly, I believe the world is patriarchal because men are bigger and stronger than women, and can beat them up."
  • Myca:
    "Jesus is not the reason for the season, and there's no way I need to act like he is. Christmas is a stolen tradition. There's no reason we can't steal it back."
  • Lady Gaga:
    "I hate the holidays! I'm alone and miserable, you fucking dumb bit of toy!"
  • Dianna Agron:
    "I am trying to live my life with a sharpie marker approach. You can’t erase the strokes you’ve made, but each step is much bolder and more deliberate."
  • John Mayer:
    "It occurred to me that since the invocation of Twitter, nobody who has participated in it has created any lasting art. And yes! Yours truly is included in that roundup as well. Let me make sure that statement is as absolute and irrevocable as possible by buzzing your tower one more time: no artwork created by someone with a healthy grasp of social media thus far has proven to be anything other than disposable."
  • Vanessa, Something Positive:
    "I like 'em crazy. You hear insane rants, I hear a reminder that the sex is interesting. Oooh! Hear that? Tonight's gonna tingle."
  • Anonymous:
    “Your problem is that you want to be an artist. What you need to be is an artisan.”
  • Sugar:
    "Ask better questions, sweet pea. The fuck is your life. Answer it."
  • Wide Lawns:
    "Often very odd things happen to me. Usually they are not my fault and mostly beyond my control."
  • Anonymous reporter:
    “When weird shit happens around here, weird shit really happens around here.”
  • Anne Johnson:
    "Today some stranger sent me an email that said, "You are a nut case." Well, I must admit this never would have occurred to me. Everyone else is a nut case. I'm the sane one. I think."
  • Carl Mayer:
    "Whenever I start to feel like my life isn’t where I want it to be, “Cops” is there to put everything into perspective. Yeah, I haven’t made all the right moves over the last 34 years, but I’m not hiding from the police under a kiddie pool, either."
  • John Scalzi:
    "In retrospect, it’s a little weird to think that my entire future was falling into place as I obliviously tucked into the El Presidente chimichanga platter, but of course, that’s life for you — the most important days of your existence don’t always announce themselves in obvious ways."
  • Tart and Soul:
    "Indeed, love comes whether we have braced ourselves for it or not. But commitment offers a choice, tapping us on the shoulder to say, “sorry to bother you. Is this a good time?”
  • J.C. Hutchins:
    "I was Wanky McWankerton, in love with words I’d yet to write. I did this for nearly two years. If every sperm is sacred, God wasn’t irate with me — he was effing thermonuclear."
  • Beth Sekishiro:
    "You don't need to be conventional to love people. Maybe you've got to give up your whole life - but that's just when you'll find it."
  • Cormac McCarthy:
    "Creative work is often driven by pain. It may be that if you don't have something in the back of your head driving you nuts, you may not do anything. It's not a good arrangement. If I were God, I wouldn't have done it that way."

« Back from vacation... | Main | Cute, and pissing me off. »

September 24, 2012

Fun with Dear Prudence

Today's Washington Post chat:

Some amusing things today...

Hi Prudie, I have an odd question today. For a few years I was a professional sugar baby. I had at least four sugar daddies at one time (I did NOT sleep with them or do anything of a sexual nature). I was simply a companion, a travel and dinner date and someone to confide in. Through this I was able to get through school and purchase my own house with the money I made. My problem is do I tell my fiancé about my past or should I tell him I just dated a wealthy man? I don't want him to think of me as a gold digger!

Um....man, I have no idea how he'd NOT think of you as one there. It's what you were doing at the time. *shrug* Doesn't mean you're doing it now, though.

In a few weeks, I'll be undergoing breast augmentation surgery. I'm very excited about the operation, and can't wait to see the results. I am a bit unsure, however, if I should offer any sort of explanation about the major change in the size of my chest to my friends and coworkers. I'm currently a size A, and I'll be getting size D implants, so they are going to notice a difference. Do I just ignore it and pretend like nothing's different, or do I address the "elephant" in the room? If so, how on earth do I make that announcement?

Hah. I have no idea. I think you're just gonna have to pay the price for this one.

I am dating a former high school student and have been for some time. I love her and did not become involved with her until she was in her mid-twenties. We didn't even see each other for five years after her graduation. I know we did everything morally and have nothing about which we should be ashamed. That said, I still hesitate to introduce her to my colleagues, who also taught her, as my girlfriend. I worry I will come off as a pervert or that they will judge me for dating a former student. My girlfriend has introduced me to many of her friends and her family, and I have not done the same, because many of my good friends are teachers, and I'm a little embarressed to admit I fell for a former student. If I want to keep my girlfriend, and I really want to keep her, I need to get over my ridiculous embarrassment. Do you have any suggestions about how I could introduce my girlfriend without making our former relationship the center of the introduction?

"Well, I knew her years ago but jut ran into her recently..."

Turns out, our neighbors view Halloween as worshiping the Devil and all who participate as Satan worshipers. Prudie, we love Halloween and throw ourselves into the fun. Before moving, we hosted a party every year and went all out decorating. But as the conversation progressed, it became clear that this would be a deal breaker on any new friendship with these neighbors. In fact, it would offend them. If it just involved my husband and I, we wouldn't hesitate to do as we please. But I hate to have my kids lose their new buddies.

Ouch. I think you're going to lose them anyway even if you hide your decor. Bigots will get pissed at something sooner or later.

This weekend, it rained overnight, and as a result the streets were covered with worms in the morning. She wanted to go out and save as many as she could before the sun warmed up the road and baked them to death. She also insisted that I go with her, and when I said I'd rather sleep in, she got tears in her eyes and told me she couldn't believe I would just sleep in knowing that hundreds of living creatures suffered a horrible death. After a short lecture on Karma, I gave in and helped save the worms. (which was totally gross) I love my fiancée, and want to support the causes that are important to her, but how can I tell her that I find some of her behavior bizare and over the top without causing a huge fight?

Now I have "We are the worms, out on the sidewalk...we are the ones who make a squishy mess, so watch where you walk..." going through my head. I vote for DTMFA because uh...she's kinda crazy.

I think the last one is my favorite disaster though:

Lisa, my girlfriend of 15 years, recently discovered that I have been having an affair with another woman for the past year. Lisa has stated that she doesn't want to leave me at this point, but needs a cooling off period of two months to assess her needs and expectations of me in the future. When she is ready, she will reach out to me and we will go to counseling, but I am not to contact her before the eight weeks are up. I am more than happy to comply: I love her and cannot imagine life without her. I cut off the relationship as soon as Lisa found out about it. I deeply regret my actions and hope to make them up to her in every way possible once she is ready to move forward with the relationship. The thing is that I have just found out that I have a life threatening condition that requires immediate surgery. I have been told that I must have somebody stay with me and help me convalesce for at least two weeks following the surgery. My parents died some time ago and I do not have children. I cannot afford a home health nurse. I could reach out to Lisa, but I know that contacting her before the end of the cooling off period would put our getting back together at risk. The only other person who would do this for me - and I know she would - is the other woman. I do not want to continue my relationship with this woman and would be clear about that with her. I am pretty sure that Lisa would never find out who nursed me during this time; she would just assume I hired a nurse. What should I do?

Prudie's response:

Finding out you're in danger of dying is an acceptable reason to override a previous agreement.  Send Lisa an email with a subject line to the effect: Immediate Health Crisis, Please Read, and  outline your situation. If you don't hear from her, perhaps she's blocking your email, so have a mutual friend contact her to tell her.   It could be that Lisa is still so mad that she doesn't care enough to see you through this.  I'm pretty sure that if you do then turn to  the other woman to care for you, Lisa will find out.  So if that's what you end up doing, once you recover all of you will have a lot of reassessing to do.

Good point.

Posted on September 24, 2012 at 03:47 PM in Weird, Wild Stuff |

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