- Best of luck figuring out how to make a Big Bird Halloween costume look slutty.
- I wish we could still cover neighborhood trees in toilet paper without feeling guilty about wasting precious resources
- I'm proud to say that I've outwhored last year's costume.
- Sorry your Halloween costume is going to be much more cumbersome and uncomfortable than you expected
- I'm always happy to escape the stifling confines of my identity, if only for a few hours at the end of October
- Best of luck choosing a costume that's not too clever for anyone to understand
- The only reason I wear a Halloween costume is so no one can recognize me on my early morning walk of shame
- I've put more thought into my Halloween costume than into my career
- My favorite part of Halloween this year is that Sarah Palin isn't topical enough to be a costume
- I'm going to scare the shit out of kids this Halloween by dressing up as a reality show parent
- Wearing a Lindsay Lohan costume this Halloween sounds like the kind of terrible decision Lindsay Lohan would make
- Your Halloween costume is a bigger setback to women's rights than the entire Romney campaign is.
- The scariest part of Halloween is the people who work at Halloween stores.
- Remember to watch the debate to see the gaffe that will determine your Halloween costume.
- wish we could still cover neighborhood trees in toilet paper without feeling guilty about wasting precious resources

Best Internet Variety Show (and Good Luck Getting Anything Done, Ever) in 2005! 


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