- "Agent Romanoff ought to be reminded that, when a minor who is not in the Young Avengers or Avengers Academy program asks if she “has only killed bad guys,” the correct answer is ALWAYS “Yes.”
- "Agent Coulson is reminded that, as amusing as it may be, he can not continue to taze Mr. Stark whenever he’s being annoying. If he was tazed every time he was annoying, he would have brain damage. And unfortunately, S.H.I.E.L.D does need his brain intact."
- "Agents Romanoff and Barton are hereby informed that I’m well aware of the little bet between them and that ‘who can scare the shit out of the most Helicarrier staff in a month’ is not an appropriate use of their time. The counselling office is full, there are three people crying in my office, and Agent Hill is starting to develop that nervous twitch in her left eye again."
- "In addition to Talk Like a Pirate Day, the following holidays are NOT celebrated by S.H.I.E.L.D.: Talk Like an Asgardian Day, Deadpool Appreciation Day, Hawaiian Pants Day, Thor-toberfest, Christmas in Stark’s Pants..."
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