What's Going On

Quotes

  • Cecil, Welcome to Night Vale:
    "The problem wasn’t solved, but most problems don’t get solved. I mean, generally we just do our best to mitigate the problem, and if it can’t be mitigated, then it can be relegated to a background noise by pleasant distractions and a prioritization of interests."
  • "It does seem sometimes like life toggles between boring and flat-out mystifying."-Carolyn Hax
  • Sarah Silverman:
    "Nothing’s more attractive than an unending monologue about your shortcomings."
  • Carolyn Hax:
    "Sometimes surrendering to the awful is more useful than fighting it."
  • Graham Joyce:
    "why can’t our job here on earth be simply to inspire each other?"
  • Dan Harmon:
    "I believe in magic. I believe in mythology. I believe in shamanism. I believe that spells can be cast and I believe that random things coalesce and reveal themselves to be part of a plan we don’t control, you know."
  • Nora Ephron:
    "Never turn down a front-row seat for human folly."
  • McAlvie
    "The ultimate downfall of modern civilization won't be war; it'll be Twitter and Facebook."
  • Jenny Zhang:
    "A lot of writers swear by routine, but I swear by chaos. There’s enough fucking routine in my life. Every day I have to brush my teeth. Every day I have to smile at strangers. Every day I have to worry about money. Every day I want something I can’t have. Every day I find some way to go on! I know that writing every day for an hour would help me tremendously with writer’s block, but I also know that I need an element of wildness in my writing. I need to know that writing is something I do because it sets me free. It makes me feel golden with confidence. It gives me the gift of gab. I feel like a god. I feel like an entertainer. So write when you damn well please."
  • Joe Queenan:
    "If you have read 6,000 books in your lifetime, or even 600, it's probably because at some level you find "reality" a bit of a disappointment. People in the 19th century fell in love with "Ivanhoe" and "The Count of Monte Cristo" because they loathed the age they were living through. Women in our own era read "Pride and Prejudice" and "Jane Eyre" and even "The Bridges of Madison County"—a dimwit, hayseed reworking of "Madame Bovary"—because they imagine how much happier they would be if their husbands did not spend quite so much time with their drunken, illiterate golf buddies down at Myrtle Beach. A blind bigamist nobleman with a ruined castle and an insane, incinerated first wife beats those losers any day of the week. Blind, two-timing noblemen never wear belted shorts."
  • LogicalDash:
    "Nobody of any age should have to fend off sexual partners. That such defense is assumed as a part of the cost of adult courtship is suggestive of some more fundamental problem than age difference and its effect on consensuality."
  • Keith Richards:
    "I had to invent the job, you know," he said, earlier. "There wasn't a sign in the shop window, saying, "Wanted: Keith Richards."
  • Caitlin Moran:
    "As I started to reassess my writing style, I thought about what I liked doing--what gave me satisfaction--and realized the primary one was just... pointing at things. Pointing out things I liked, and showing them to other people--like a mum shouting, "Look! Moo-cows!" as a train rushes past a farm. I liked pointing at things, and I liked being reasonable and polite about stuff. Or silly. Silly was very, very good. No one ever got hurt by silly. Best of all was being pointedly silly about serious things: politics, repression, bigotry. Too many commentators are quick to accuse their enemies of being evil. It's far, far more effective to point out that they're acting like idiots, instead. I was up for idiot-revealing. "I am just going to be polite and silly, and point at cool things," I decided. "When I started writing, I would have killed to have one thing to write about. Now, I have three. Politeness and silliness, and pointing. That's enough."
  • Carolyn Hax:
    "Unless 15 years’ worth of mail has misled me, no one has ever found love through complaining about the lack of it, and no lonely person has ever felt better for hearing, “You just haven’t found the right person yet.”
  • David Simon:
    "Change is a motherfucker when you run from it."
  • Joe Queenan:
    "People who read an enormous number of books are basically dissatisfied with the way things are going on this planet. And I think, in a way, people read for the same reason that kids play video games ... they like that world better. It works better, it's more exciting, and it usually has a more satisfactory ending."
  • Dan Savage:
    "There isn't someone for everyone. Some of us do wind up alone, and that just fucking sucks and sometimes that stings, and you don't know if you're one of those people who's going to wind up alone until you die alone....So you kind of have to live in hope and build a life for yourself that's rewarding and fun, has friends and pleasure in it, whether you're alone or not."
  • the painkiller:
    "I will not be tagged, pinned, circled, liked, tweeted, retweeted or numbered."
  • Steve Jobs:
    "Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”
  • Apple:
    "Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
  • Miss Manners:
    "Please do not -- repeat, not -- make a hostile approach to knitters. Have you not noticed that they are armed with long, pointy sticks?"
  • Stephen Tobolowsky:
    "And of course, nothing is what I figured on in my life. That seems to be a recurring theme."
  • James Bulls:
    "When you find yourself walking a true path, you will know it because you will want to walk it no matter the burning Sun, freezing sleet, torrential rain, and treacherous ground. The risks become no less and the journey as always exhausts you, but your desire to brave the challenges never diminishes."
  • SOMEBODY???
    "May the bridges I burn light the way"
  • Amy Argetsinger:
    "Twitter is a disease, plain and simple. It makes people insane. A decade from now I expect the CDC and FDA will be issuing warnings."
  • Cary Tennis:
    "You don't have to "move on" either. Not until you're ready. People say, Oh, you should be grateful. They say, Oh, it's time for you to move on. I'm like, What are you, a cop with a nightstick? I'll move on when I'm done playing the blues on my harmonica, thank you very much."
  • Mark Morford:
    "It is 2011 and here is what we know: Reality is fluid, fact is malleable, cause and effect completely uncertain. We know what we don't know, but we also know the opposite."
  • Charlie Jane Anders:
    "Just remember, if you flinch from your destiny, you'll never achieve your true greatness — you didn't choose to be chosen, but being chosen means you have to choose."
  • Roger Ebert:
    "To put it bluntly, I believe the world is patriarchal because men are bigger and stronger than women, and can beat them up."
  • Myca:
    "Jesus is not the reason for the season, and there's no way I need to act like he is. Christmas is a stolen tradition. There's no reason we can't steal it back."
  • Lady Gaga:
    "I hate the holidays! I'm alone and miserable, you fucking dumb bit of toy!"
  • Dianna Agron:
    "I am trying to live my life with a sharpie marker approach. You can’t erase the strokes you’ve made, but each step is much bolder and more deliberate."
  • John Mayer:
    "It occurred to me that since the invocation of Twitter, nobody who has participated in it has created any lasting art. And yes! Yours truly is included in that roundup as well. Let me make sure that statement is as absolute and irrevocable as possible by buzzing your tower one more time: no artwork created by someone with a healthy grasp of social media thus far has proven to be anything other than disposable."
  • Vanessa, Something Positive:
    "I like 'em crazy. You hear insane rants, I hear a reminder that the sex is interesting. Oooh! Hear that? Tonight's gonna tingle."
  • Anonymous:
    “Your problem is that you want to be an artist. What you need to be is an artisan.”
  • Sugar:
    "Ask better questions, sweet pea. The fuck is your life. Answer it."
  • Wide Lawns:
    "Often very odd things happen to me. Usually they are not my fault and mostly beyond my control."
  • Anonymous reporter:
    “When weird shit happens around here, weird shit really happens around here.”
  • Anne Johnson:
    "Today some stranger sent me an email that said, "You are a nut case." Well, I must admit this never would have occurred to me. Everyone else is a nut case. I'm the sane one. I think."
  • Carl Mayer:
    "Whenever I start to feel like my life isn’t where I want it to be, “Cops” is there to put everything into perspective. Yeah, I haven’t made all the right moves over the last 34 years, but I’m not hiding from the police under a kiddie pool, either."

« The seat wars continue | Main | Cool fence, bro »

August 28, 2014

I like dancing, and ponies, and getting my snootch pounded on Friday nights, day thirty-nine of South Park

Gonna be a short day today and I probably won't get to more over the weekend. Darn it. Continued from here.

  • Marjorine
  • Ginger Kids

Marjorine:

  • Cartman called an emergency meeting in his basement of all the boys in class. The girls are hiding something from us. Something huge.
  • They have a device that lets them see into the future. What?
  • Cartman has video of this. It's....a cootie catcher/MASH-type game. How do it know the aanswer?
  • The cootie catcher must open some kind of time wall.
  • One of us is going to have to go undercover to the slumber party as a man. We'll have to fake that boy's death. Simple spy stuff.
  • Everyone knows it's Butters!
  • He's about to jump off a building. "Hi, Mom."
  • "Just keep stalling, Butters, we don't have the dead pig quite ready yet."
  • So guess what happened. Butters's mom starts screaming.
  • "Who's Butters?"
  • Meet the new kid: Marjorine (formerly Butters).
  • "Well, I'm just a typical little girl. I like dancing, and ponies, and getting my snootch pounded on Friday nights."
  • Mr. Garrison says that us girls keep those details to themselves in Colorado. O RLY?
  • Butters fails at girl fashion.
  • Heidi has been forced to invite Marjorine because her mother called and said to respect our authoritae.
  • Butters's mom is sobbing.
  • Some farmer comes by to tell the parents not to bury him in an Indian burial ground so that it will come back to life. Don't do it, Stotch! The aliens knew that. I'm just here to talk you out of it.
  • I see how well that's going to go.
  • "If all the girls start lezzing out, let's go with it."
  • After the slumber party, THEN you can go home and tell your parents you're not dead.
  • No drinking, pot, or boys at this party!
  • "Light as a feather, stiff as a board" is the first game up. Butters freaks. (Note: seriously, read the Wikipedia on this!)
  • "God only knows the whores that go on at girls' slumber parties."
  • "You're all witches!"
  • Your future is that you will die alone as a nerdy, lonely geek.
  • Uh-oh, I see Butters' dad with a shovel.
  • "Oh, Butters, you smell like bacon."
  • Marjorine is crying in the bathroom. Everyone feels bad. They'll give her a makeover!
  • Marjorine, your mom's on the phone.
  • Time for the cootie catcher.
  • The dad spots boys outside. Butters runs off with the cootie catcher.
  • What the hell?
  • "Anybody have a piece of notebook paper so I can make another one?"
  • Butters's dad reburied him. Oh noes!
  • "He wouldn't be our son, Stephen! He'd be an abomination!"
  • Knocking at the door. It's Butters!
  • Now it's like Buffy.
  • Butters walks in and his mom starts screaming again. What have I done?
  • Everyone is going to be after this time travel device. We should destroy it.
  • They do.
  • They set off some kind of nuke.
  • Kenny's not dead!
  • Butters is chained up in the basement.
  • "I'm sorry, son, but you're demon spawn now."
  • They kill some woman and give it to Butters to eat. "Can't I just have some Spaghetti-O's?

Ginger Kids:

  • Token just reported on the solar system. Next up is of course Eric. His topic is "Ginger Kids."
  • He thinks it's a disease ("gingivtis") and nasty. I guess this is a different version of "I hate the Jews" for him.
  • Kyle is a "daywalker," according to Cartman.
  • "The gingers could envelop us in blackness for all time."
  • "If you think the ginger kids are not a problem, think again." (shows picture of Carrot Top)
  • Meet the Foleys, all gingers.
  • How did two brunette parents have three redheads? Seriously, this TOTALLY happened to my friend with her kids.
  • "It's not true they have no souls."
  • "If you really don't want to have kids, marry an Asian woman. They don't have the recessive gene."
  • Clyde's going to do a speech about lesbian cheerleaders after lunch.
  • "Do you know who was ginger? Judas. He just got Jesus killed, that's all."
  • A ginger kid is thrown out of the cafeteria.
  • "This is what happens when Cartman is allowed his right to free speech."
  • Stan gets the bright idea of "what if Cartman could see what it's like to be ginger." (Or Jewish.)
  • The boys sneak into Cartman's room at midnight. He's such an attractive sleeper. Time for a ton of hair dye. Kyle beats on Cartman quite a lot.
  • The next morning.... AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! "Poopsikins!" "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
  • "I'm ginger! Help me! Help meeeeeeeeee!"
  • The gingivitis gene must have stayed dormant until adolescence.
  • Mrs. Cartman, you need to understand that there is no cure. "You might want to put him down."
  • Mom loves me no matter what, right? ..... right?
  • Cartman tries to be all casual with his umbrella. What, he's not hiding in his hat?
  • That was one of the politer conversations Cartman has ever had. Ironic, isn't it? Cartman doesn't see it.
  • New bus driver.
  • Butters laughs at Cartman.
  • "Maybe he'll actually learn a lesson this time."
  • Cartman is booted from the cafeteria. But he's not like other ginger kids! He's still him inside! (That's not a bonus.)
  • Cartman calls a meeting of the ginger kids and he's mad!
  • "My dad says each one of my freckles is a kiss from an angel." GAG ME.
  • Who's famous and ginger? (Lucille Ball?) Ron Howard?  Ron Howard?
  • Red Power! Red Power!
  • "Let him make a complete ass of himself for a while longer."
  • Annie! is on.
  • The Ginger Separatist Movement is complaining because Annie is a dyed ginger.
  • Ginger Separatists sound like Emma's parents on Glee.
  • "Pretending to be ginger with makeup is the worst thing anyone can do! Get her!"
  • Ginger Pride Con!
  • "The man who has brought self-respect to gingers, Eric Cartman!"
  • "Red Power!" Dude's such a fucking evangelist.
  • "The only way to fight hate is with more hate! We're not the freak in society, everyone else is! We are the chosen race--" AND YUP, HE'S TURNING INTO HITLER AGAIN.
  • He wants to exterminate all non-gingers. (Except Kyle, probably.) "I am not going to live my life as a goddamned minority!"
  • Kyle wants to change Cartman back.
  • "You know, Cartman had me creeped out that gingers were going to come get me in the night." And here they are.
  • Horror movie ensues.
  • Exterminate All Non-Gingers Conference. Everyone else is locked up in cages at the Hilton. Cartman somehow has a hot lava pit.
  • Kyle has one last confession, which he whispers in Cartman's ear.
  • NOW WHAT?
  • Cartman backtracks. "But you just said they should all die. Fifteen seconds ago."
  • "What did the kid in the green hat tell you?"
  • Cartman tries to come up with a cheerful song. "We shouldn't kill each other, 'cause it's lame." It catches on. The kids are released to sing along (except Kyle).
  • "You are such a manipulative asshole, Cartman." "Yes, but I'm not going to die."

 

Posted on August 28, 2014 at 11:13 PM in Geekitude, Non-Whedon, Non-Reality TV |

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