Sarah Silverman: "Nothing’s more attractive than an unending monologue about your shortcomings."
Carolyn Hax: "Sometimes surrendering to the awful is more useful than fighting it."
Graham Joyce: "why can’t our job here on earth be simply to inspire each other?"
Dan Harmon: "I believe in magic. I believe in mythology. I believe in shamanism. I believe that spells can be cast and I believe that random things coalesce and reveal themselves to be part of a plan we don’t control, you know."
Nora Ephron: "Never turn down a front-row seat for human folly."
McAlvie "The ultimate downfall of modern civilization won't be war; it'll be Twitter and Facebook."
Jenny Zhang: "A lot of writers swear by routine, but I swear by chaos. There’s enough fucking routine in my life. Every day I have to brush my teeth. Every day I have to smile at strangers. Every day I have to worry about money. Every day I want something I can’t have. Every day I find some way to go on! I know that writing every day for an hour would help me tremendously with writer’s block, but I also know that I need an element of wildness in my writing. I need to know that writing is something I do because it sets me free. It makes me feel golden with confidence. It gives me the gift of gab. I feel like a god. I feel like an entertainer. So write when you damn well please."
Joe Queenan: "If you have read 6,000 books in your lifetime, or even 600, it's probably because at some level you find "reality" a bit of a disappointment. People in the 19th century fell in love with "Ivanhoe" and "The Count of Monte Cristo" because they loathed the age they were living through. Women in our own era read "Pride and Prejudice" and "Jane Eyre" and even "The Bridges of Madison County"—a dimwit, hayseed reworking of "Madame Bovary"—because they imagine how much happier they would be if their husbands did not spend quite so much time with their drunken, illiterate golf buddies down at Myrtle Beach. A blind bigamist nobleman with a ruined castle and an insane, incinerated first wife beats those losers any day of the week. Blind, two-timing noblemen never wear belted shorts."
LogicalDash: "Nobody of any age should have to fend off sexual partners. That such defense is assumed as a part of the cost of adult courtship is suggestive of some more fundamental problem than age difference and its effect on consensuality."
Keith Richards: "I had to invent the job, you know," he said, earlier. "There wasn't a sign in the shop window, saying, "Wanted: Keith Richards."
Caitlin Moran: "As I started to reassess my writing style, I thought about what I liked doing--what gave me satisfaction--and realized the primary one was just... pointing at things. Pointing out things I liked, and showing them to other people--like a mum shouting, "Look! Moo-cows!" as a train rushes past a farm. I liked pointing at things, and I liked being reasonable and polite about stuff. Or silly. Silly was very, very good. No one ever got hurt by silly.
Best of all was being pointedly silly about serious things: politics, repression, bigotry. Too many commentators are quick to accuse their enemies of being evil. It's far, far more effective to point out that they're acting like idiots, instead. I was up for idiot-revealing.
"I am just going to be polite and silly, and point at cool things," I decided. "When I started writing, I would have killed to have one thing to write about. Now, I have three. Politeness and silliness, and pointing. That's enough."
Carolyn Hax: "Unless 15 years’ worth of mail has misled me, no one has ever found love through complaining about the lack of it, and no lonely person has ever felt better for hearing, “You just haven’t found the right person yet.”
David Simon: "Change is a motherfucker when you run from it."
Joe Queenan: "People who read an enormous number of books are basically dissatisfied with the way things are going on this planet. And I think, in a way, people read for the same reason that kids play video games ... they like that world better. It works better, it's more exciting, and it usually has a more satisfactory ending."
Dan Savage: "There isn't someone for everyone. Some of us do wind up alone, and that just fucking sucks and sometimes that stings, and you don't know if you're one of those people who's going to wind up alone until you die alone....So you kind of have to live in hope and build a life for yourself that's rewarding and fun, has friends and pleasure in it, whether you're alone or not."
the painkiller: "I will not be tagged, pinned, circled, liked, tweeted, retweeted or numbered."
Steve Jobs: "Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”
Apple: "Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
Miss Manners: "Please do not -- repeat, not -- make a hostile approach to knitters. Have you not noticed that they are armed with long, pointy sticks?"
Stephen Tobolowsky: "And of course, nothing is what I figured on in my life. That seems to be a recurring theme."
James Bulls: "When you find yourself walking a true path, you will know it because you will want to walk it no matter the burning Sun, freezing sleet, torrential rain, and treacherous ground. The risks become no less and the journey as always exhausts you, but your desire to brave the challenges never diminishes."
Amy Argetsinger: "Twitter is a disease, plain and simple. It makes people insane. A decade from now I expect the CDC and FDA will be issuing warnings."
Cary Tennis: "You don't have to "move on" either. Not until you're ready. People say, Oh, you should be grateful. They say, Oh, it's time for you to move on. I'm like, What are you, a cop with a nightstick? I'll move on when I'm done playing the blues on my harmonica, thank you very much."
Mark Morford: "It is 2011 and here is what we know: Reality is fluid, fact is malleable, cause and effect completely uncertain. We know what we don't know, but we also know the opposite."
Charlie Jane Anders: "Just remember, if you flinch from your destiny, you'll never achieve your true greatness — you didn't choose to be chosen, but being chosen means you have to choose."
Roger Ebert: "To put it bluntly, I believe the world is patriarchal because men are bigger and stronger than women, and can beat them up."
Myca: "Jesus is not the reason for the season, and there's no way I need to act like he is. Christmas is a stolen tradition. There's no reason we can't steal it back."
Lady Gaga: "I hate the holidays! I'm alone and miserable, you fucking dumb bit of toy!"
Dianna Agron: "I am trying to live my life with a sharpie marker approach. You can’t erase the strokes you’ve made, but each step is much bolder and more deliberate."
John Mayer: "It occurred to me that since the invocation of Twitter, nobody who has participated in it has created any lasting art. And yes! Yours truly is included in that roundup as well. Let me make sure that statement is as absolute and irrevocable as possible by buzzing your tower one more time: no artwork created by someone with a healthy grasp of social media thus far has proven to be anything other than disposable."
Vanessa, Something Positive: "I like 'em crazy. You hear insane rants, I hear a reminder that the sex is interesting. Oooh! Hear that? Tonight's gonna tingle."
Anonymous: “Your problem is that you want to be an artist. What you need to be is an artisan.”
Sugar: "Ask better questions, sweet pea. The fuck is your life. Answer it."
Wide Lawns: "Often very odd things happen to me. Usually they are not my fault and mostly beyond my control."
Anonymous reporter: “When weird shit happens around here, weird shit really happens around here.”
Anne Johnson: "Today some stranger sent me an email that said, "You are a nut case." Well, I must admit this never would have occurred to me. Everyone else is a nut case. I'm the sane one. I think."
Carl Mayer: "Whenever I start to feel like my life isn’t where I want it to be, “Cops” is there to put everything into perspective. Yeah, I haven’t made all the right moves over the last 34 years, but I’m not hiding from the police under a kiddie pool, either."
John Scalzi: "In retrospect, it’s a little weird to think that my entire future was falling into place as I obliviously tucked into the El Presidente chimichanga platter, but of course, that’s life for you — the most important days of your existence don’t always announce themselves in obvious ways."
"BUT THEY’VE RUINED MY CHILDHOOD BY BEING WOMEN, wails a certain, entitled subset of male nerd on the Internet. Well, good, you pathetic little shitballs. If your entire childhood can be irrevocably destroyed by four women with proton packs, your childhood clearly sucked and it needs to go up in hearty, crackling flames. Now you are free, boys, free!"
Let us turn to Mischa Barton, or on second thought, let us not. Barton, an actress best known for her starring role on “The O.C.” posted on Instagram a “heartbroken” call for “unity” after the shooting death of Alton Sterling in Baton Rouge, La. — but paired it with a photo of herself in a bikini, standing on a yacht, holding a glass of wine.
And yet her missives are gobbled up and reposted, because she is Beyoncé, and because, in an era where federal government approval ratings are abysmally low — in June, 80 percent of polled Americans told Gallup they thought Congress was doing a bad job — is it any wonder that celebrities are our new first responders, the ones we turn to for wisdom in times of crisis? We recently nominated one of them to a 50/50 shot to becoming the next leader of the free world.
Our Twitter feeds are clogged with the action-free “thoughts” and “prayers” of politicians who never seem to know what else to do after another senseless act of American violence. But there’s Amy Schumer writing pointed pro-gun control commentary for her television show, and vocally partnering with her senator cousin (Charles Schumer, D-N.Y.) to pass reform. One might not have agreed with her position, but at least she had a position. At least it wasn’t another mealy “we mourn for the victims” uttered by one of the representives we have sent to the Capitol specifically to do something.
Help us, Amy Schumer. You’re our only hope.
Even if her actions don’t do anything. Even if none of the celebrities’ actions do anything.
Fame comes with an intrinsic confirmation bias. Actors and singers have, after all, made careers of convincingly making us believe them. Retweeting one of their statements provides a sense of community that writing one’s own statement does not. Maybe the only way this fractured nation knows how to unite is by joining in a retweet of LeBron James. Maybe in these troubled times, we don’t know exactly what to do but we know that Mischa Barton did it wrong.
Don’t shut up, Dixie Chicks. Don’t shut up, Stacey Dash, Alyssa Milano, Patricia Arquette or any of the other celebrities currently fumbling their way awkwardly to some kind of dialogue. You didn’t know what to say, but heaven knows practically nobody else does either." (Washington Post)
"Playing the game is not appropriate in the museum, which is a memorial to the victims of Nazism," Andrew Hollinger, the museum's communications director, told The Post in an interview. "We are trying to find out if we can get the museum excluded from the game."
The Holocaust Museum's plight highlights how apps that layer a digital world on top of the real one, or so-called augmented reality games, can come with unforeseen consequences and raises questions about how much control the physical owner of a space can exert as those two worlds intersect.
"It's not like we came here to play," said Angie, a 37-year-old member of Dustin's huddle who also declined to share her last name for privacy reasons, "But gotta catch 'em all." (Washington Post)
From Alexander Petri's chat today: "I also saw on Twitter that it is possible to catch Pokemon in Auschwitz, so, er, yeah, perhaps it's time to hang up 2016 and go home forever."
"The answers startled me in their consistency. Every single person brought up, in some way or another, the exact same quality they feel leads Clinton to excel in governance and struggle in campaigns. On the one hand, that makes my job as a reporter easy. There actually is an answer to the question. On the other hand, it makes my job as a writer harder: It isn’t a very satisfying answer to the question, at least not when you first hear it.
Hillary Clinton, they said over and over again, listens.
“I love Bill Clinton,” says Tom Harkin, who served as senator from Iowa from 1985 to 2015. “But every time you talk to Bill, you’re just trying to get a word in edgewise. With Hillary, you’re in a meeting with her, and she really listens to you.”
The first few times I heard someone praise Clinton’s listening, I discounted it. After hearing it five, six, seven times, I got annoyed by it. What a gendered compliment: “She listens.” It sounds like a caricature of what we would say about a female politician.
But after hearing it 11, 12, 15 times, I began to take it seriously, ask more questions about it. And as I did, the Gap began to make more sense.
Modern presidential campaigns are built to reward people who are really, really good at talking. So imagine what a campaign feels like if you’re not entirely natural in front of big crowds. Imagine that you are constantly compared to your husband, one of the greatest campaign orators of all time; that you’ve been burned again and again after saying the wrong thing in public; that you’ve been told, for decades, that you come across as calculated and inauthentic on the stump. What would you do?"
But at some point in its testing, Google decided that Level 3 automation was not a good idea. The problem? When machines are doing most of the routine work, humans become the weak link. Their attention naturally wavers, leaving them unready to take over in the sort of emergency that would necessitate human involvement. For that reason, Google fundamentally rethought its approach to vehicle automation and decided to devote all its resources to Level 4 technology. Accordingly, it came out with a self-driving car prototype that was truly “driverless”—it doesn’t even have a gas pedal, brake, or steering wheel. Taking the human out of the loop, Google came to believe, was the only way to make self-driving cars truly safe."
"The Hillary Clinton email scandal is so bizarrely boring to me, I lost all interest a long time ago, and now that federal officials have recommended that there will be no criminal prosecution of Hillary, I’m even more bored than I already was. What exactly did she do? She stored her emails on the wrong server while she was Secretary of State? She was “extremely careless” in handling some emails that contained top-secret classified information? Even though nothing bad happened as a result, she wasn’t careful enough with 110 emails (out of hundreds of thousands of emails that went through her office) that were sent years ago?
Is that it? My God, the FBI spent more than a year and millions of dollars investigating years-old emails?? Is this what passes for a political scandal in America nowadays? She wasn’t adequately using the right security protocols to protect confidential information?
I feel like this is one of those boring compliance training videos I used to have to watch back when I worked at a bank, where they would remind you not to bring your personal iPod from home and plug it into your work computer. This is nothing!
What would it take to change the way you feel about Hillary Clinton? I feel like most Americans already have their opinions set in stone about Hillary—she’s been in public life since 1992 and we’ve all had plenty of time to decide how we feel about her one way or another; she has her ups and downs in opinion polls, but in the end, no matter what new information comes out and no matter what happens with this email “scandal” or anything else, she’s going to remain the same intensely polarizing figure in American politics that she’s always been.
Hillary Clinton is a human Rorschach test: you see what you want to see. Her defenders see this email scandal as no big deal, while her critics see it as evidence of incompetence, arrogance, or wrongfully unprosecuted criminality. Her harshest critics will never give her any credit, and her staunchest defenders will never concede that she’s capable of making a mistake."