Carolyn Hax: "Sometimes surrendering to the awful is more useful than fighting it."
Graham Joyce: "why can’t our job here on earth be simply to inspire each other?"
Dan Harmon: "I believe in magic. I believe in mythology. I believe in shamanism. I believe that spells can be cast and I believe that random things coalesce and reveal themselves to be part of a plan we don’t control, you know."
Nora Ephron: "Never turn down a front-row seat for human folly."
Lord Vetinari, Unseen Academicals: "One day I was a young boy... when I saw a mother otter with her cubs. Even as I watched, the mother otter dived into the water and came up with a plump salmon, which she subdued... As she ate it, while of course it was still alive, the body split and the pink roes spilled out much to the delight of the baby otters. Mother and children dining upon mother and children. And that is when I first learned about evil. It is built into the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior."
McAlvie "The ultimate downfall of modern civilization won't be war; it'll be Twitter and Facebook."
Jenny Zhang: "A lot of writers swear by routine, but I swear by chaos. There’s enough fucking routine in my life. Every day I have to brush my teeth. Every day I have to smile at strangers. Every day I have to worry about money. Every day I want something I can’t have. Every day I find some way to go on! I know that writing every day for an hour would help me tremendously with writer’s block, but I also know that I need an element of wildness in my writing. I need to know that writing is something I do because it sets me free. It makes me feel golden with confidence. It gives me the gift of gab. I feel like a god. I feel like an entertainer. So write when you damn well please."
Joe Queenan: "If you have read 6,000 books in your lifetime, or even 600, it's probably because at some level you find "reality" a bit of a disappointment. People in the 19th century fell in love with "Ivanhoe" and "The Count of Monte Cristo" because they loathed the age they were living through. Women in our own era read "Pride and Prejudice" and "Jane Eyre" and even "The Bridges of Madison County"—a dimwit, hayseed reworking of "Madame Bovary"—because they imagine how much happier they would be if their husbands did not spend quite so much time with their drunken, illiterate golf buddies down at Myrtle Beach. A blind bigamist nobleman with a ruined castle and an insane, incinerated first wife beats those losers any day of the week. Blind, two-timing noblemen never wear belted shorts."
LogicalDash: "Nobody of any age should have to fend off sexual partners. That such defense is assumed as a part of the cost of adult courtship is suggestive of some more fundamental problem than age difference and its effect on consensuality."
Keith Richards: "I had to invent the job, you know," he said, earlier. "There wasn't a sign in the shop window, saying, "Wanted: Keith Richards."
Caitlin Moran: "As I started to reassess my writing style, I thought about what I liked doing--what gave me satisfaction--and realized the primary one was just... pointing at things. Pointing out things I liked, and showing them to other people--like a mum shouting, "Look! Moo-cows!" as a train rushes past a farm. I liked pointing at things, and I liked being reasonable and polite about stuff. Or silly. Silly was very, very good. No one ever got hurt by silly.
Best of all was being pointedly silly about serious things: politics, repression, bigotry. Too many commentators are quick to accuse their enemies of being evil. It's far, far more effective to point out that they're acting like idiots, instead. I was up for idiot-revealing.
"I am just going to be polite and silly, and point at cool things," I decided. "When I started writing, I would have killed to have one thing to write about. Now, I have three. Politeness and silliness, and pointing. That's enough."
Carolyn Hax: "Unless 15 years’ worth of mail has misled me, no one has ever found love through complaining about the lack of it, and no lonely person has ever felt better for hearing, “You just haven’t found the right person yet.”
David Simon: "Change is a motherfucker when you run from it."
Joe Queenan: "People who read an enormous number of books are basically dissatisfied with the way things are going on this planet. And I think, in a way, people read for the same reason that kids play video games ... they like that world better. It works better, it's more exciting, and it usually has a more satisfactory ending."
Dan Savage: "There isn't someone for everyone. Some of us do wind up alone, and that just fucking sucks and sometimes that stings, and you don't know if you're one of those people who's going to wind up alone until you die alone....So you kind of have to live in hope and build a life for yourself that's rewarding and fun, has friends and pleasure in it, whether you're alone or not."
the painkiller: "I will not be tagged, pinned, circled, liked, tweeted, retweeted or numbered."
Steve Jobs: "Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”
Apple: "Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
Miss Manners: "Please do not -- repeat, not -- make a hostile approach to knitters. Have you not noticed that they are armed with long, pointy sticks?"
Stephen Tobolowsky: "And of course, nothing is what I figured on in my life. That seems to be a recurring theme."
James Bulls: "When you find yourself walking a true path, you will know it because you will want to walk it no matter the burning Sun, freezing sleet, torrential rain, and treacherous ground. The risks become no less and the journey as always exhausts you, but your desire to brave the challenges never diminishes."
Amy Argetsinger: "Twitter is a disease, plain and simple. It makes people insane. A decade from now I expect the CDC and FDA will be issuing warnings."
Cary Tennis: "You don't have to "move on" either. Not until you're ready. People say, Oh, you should be grateful. They say, Oh, it's time for you to move on. I'm like, What are you, a cop with a nightstick? I'll move on when I'm done playing the blues on my harmonica, thank you very much."
Mark Morford: "It is 2011 and here is what we know: Reality is fluid, fact is malleable, cause and effect completely uncertain. We know what we don't know, but we also know the opposite."
Charlie Jane Anders: "Just remember, if you flinch from your destiny, you'll never achieve your true greatness — you didn't choose to be chosen, but being chosen means you have to choose."
Roger Ebert: "To put it bluntly, I believe the world is patriarchal because men are bigger and stronger than women, and can beat them up."
Myca: "Jesus is not the reason for the season, and there's no way I need to act like he is. Christmas is a stolen tradition. There's no reason we can't steal it back."
Lady Gaga: "I hate the holidays! I'm alone and miserable, you fucking dumb bit of toy!"
Dianna Agron: "I am trying to live my life with a sharpie marker approach. You can’t erase the strokes you’ve made, but each step is much bolder and more deliberate."
John Mayer: "It occurred to me that since the invocation of Twitter, nobody who has participated in it has created any lasting art. And yes! Yours truly is included in that roundup as well. Let me make sure that statement is as absolute and irrevocable as possible by buzzing your tower one more time: no artwork created by someone with a healthy grasp of social media thus far has proven to be anything other than disposable."
Vanessa, Something Positive: "I like 'em crazy. You hear insane rants, I hear a reminder that the sex is interesting. Oooh! Hear that? Tonight's gonna tingle."
Anonymous: “Your problem is that you want to be an artist. What you need to be is an artisan.”
Sugar: "Ask better questions, sweet pea. The fuck is your life. Answer it."
Wide Lawns: "Often very odd things happen to me. Usually they are not my fault and mostly beyond my control."
Anonymous reporter: “When weird shit happens around here, weird shit really happens around here.”
Anne Johnson: "Today some stranger sent me an email that said, "You are a nut case." Well, I must admit this never would have occurred to me. Everyone else is a nut case. I'm the sane one. I think."
Carl Mayer: "Whenever I start to feel like my life isn’t where I want it to be, “Cops” is there to put everything into perspective. Yeah, I haven’t made all the right moves over the last 34 years, but I’m not hiding from the police under a kiddie pool, either."
John Scalzi: "In retrospect, it’s a little weird to think that my entire future was falling into place as I obliviously tucked into the El Presidente chimichanga platter, but of course, that’s life for you — the most important days of your existence don’t always announce themselves in obvious ways."
Tart and Soul: "Indeed, love comes whether we have braced ourselves for it or not. But commitment offers a choice, tapping us on the shoulder to say, “sorry to bother you. Is this a good time?”
Much of the credit for that goes to Joines’ most delightful invention, the Secret Society of Santa Clauses. This group is basically the United Nations/Illuminati of Santas, including such characters as the Netherlands’ Sinterklaas, Afghanistan’s Baba Chaghaloo, Japan’s Hoteiosho, and Italy’s Babbo Natale. Like the United Nations, they’re an ineffectual bunch motivated by centuries-old conflicts. The Santas have mystical powers, but those powers are lost when the bones of St. Nicolas are stolen.
The powerless, bickering Santas have one hope: the Krampus, an enemy they’ve kept under lock and key for years. The Krampus is a demon from German folklore known for punishing wicked children by shoving them in a sack for easy transport back to his lair. In this story, he’s our anti-hero. And after he reluctantly agrees to help his goody-goody captors, he tries to unwrap the mystery of the stolen bones while facing off against nearly every holiday-themed character you can imagine, including a horde of evil Sugar Plum Fairies, a murderous version of the Nutcracker, a gun-toting Doc Holiday, and a scary-powerful Old Man Winter. The Santas aren’t the most trusting group of guys: They arm Krampus with a naughty bomb, and if his thoughts or actions are too naughty, the Santas will blow him up. This isn’t exactly a Peanuts special."
"And as you’ve probably noticed, every year, I get irritated with the lack of holiday romances that are about a holiday other than Christmas. I wanted to read more Hanukkah romances. So, I wrote one. And since tonight is the first night of Hanukkah, here it is! Lighting the Flames is a contemporary Hanukkah romance. It takes place at a Jewish summer sleepaway camp, but in winter — right now, in fact: during Hanukkah 2014."
Continued from here. This is gonna be a partial "what's on Hulu that I haven't seen yet" day (season 18, episode, 10, #HappyHolograms) and the episodes on season 15, disc 1 I haven't watched yet (Funnybot, T.M.I, Crack Baby Athletic Association).
Also, while this is happening, I AM GONNA GET DRUNK because I am broke, my car just got out of the shop and we're STILL not sure if it's gonna stop flooding on rainy days, all of which are happening all week again, AND I NEED A LOT OF DRINKING CAUSE I AM WIGGED OUT.
Season 18, episode 10, #HappyHolograms:
It's the third night of Hanukkah and Kyle is grumbling about what's trending on YouTube. Oh yeah, that's the sequel to last week. Kyle is narrating this in rhyme. He's very concerned about the death of the living room.
"What brought families together most was the good ol' TV."
Kyle tweets about how everyone is alone while connected and starts a new trend: #savethelivingroom. Butters dubs it "gay." Kyle wants "good ol' family values." Now who will that attract, I wonder? Republicans?
"Bill Cosby. Is here. To see me."
Bill goes on about his holiday special that's going to air this weekend. UH WAIT.
Uh-oh, Kyle hasn't thought out teaming their hashtags.
WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S A HOLOGRAM.
Randy is complaining to the police about the holograms. "I'm actually Lorde."
"Right. The thing I jacked off to was you."
"We arrested a black man that was snooping around the old Jefferson estate." "Did you choke him?" "Yes." "Did you shoot him?" "Yes." "So what's the problem?
OH, IT'S THAT KIND OF WEEK IN SOUTH PARK.
Dead Michael Jackson. "Are you sure that hologram is black?"
Kyle dusts the dust off Stan's TV so they can all watch the special.
"Bill Cosby and Taylor Swift" are in it. He's offering her a drink.
Michael Jackson's hologram is playing Peter Pan, Cartmanbrah is offering commentary.
There's something for everybody to watch in the Washington Redskins's Go Fuck Yourself Holiday Special.
Oh, Cartman's the one that named it. Pretty sure it's not a good name. "It's fucking awesome."-Cartmanbrah
"Blumpkincatchers?" Oh no, someone's giving Cartman all the power he needs. OHNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
In the police station, Randy introduces himself to Michael Jackson as "Lorde." Like he'd know who that is.
"How about we say he's mixed race?" "As long as Adams only choked the black half, we should be okay."
"They took my hashtag and they raped it!" -Kyle
Kyle tells Ike to stop watching that commentary. The kindergarteners bitch about old people. KILL THEM ALL NOW.
"A black guy walked into a police station." The cops think it's a joke.
IT'S THE GHOST OF TUPAC. Shoot him and then choke him!
Michael and Lorde and Sharon run for it while everyone pointlessly shoots.
Stan and Kyle pound on Cartman's door. He won't come out, he just commentates.
This "Lorde is my dad" plot gets weirder and weirder every week. "He's like the PewDiePi of music." (No idea if I remember that spelling right from looking it up last week. Or if I care.)
Let's all feel bad that Shelly's teen idol is really her dad.
"But Michael Jackson's hologram is here and we're all going to set the record straight, ok? Love you."
Kurt Cobain's hologram sings Up on the Housetops and then blows his gun...to say Merry Christmas.
#ihatecartmanbrah is trending!
"I've got your son here, Lorde. If you don't cooperate, he dies." Then here comes Tupac. And a bunch of cops. And a tank.
"We believe this is where the black people are. They're holograms, so we can't choke them or shoot them. So stand by until we figure out what the hell to do."
"There's something new trendng. #copscantgoaroundchokingblackpeople." "We know we can't, but we're trying to, jesus! Tell them we're working on it."
"We're not racist."
There's two black guys inside the house. One is threatening the other one. Go ahead.
Iggy Azalea, Elvis, and her ass as a farting snowman head. So weak, indeed.
The exec grumbles about his grandson being a fan of PewDiePi. No matter who I tried to impress him with, all he said was "meh." We will assimilate cultures, dammit!"
"I AM NOT A GRANDPA!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Bill and Taylor do "Baby, It's Cold Outside." HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TAYLOR SWIFT, TO GET THIS PRESENT.
Everyone hates cartmanbrah. Someone calls that Indian customer service guy for help, but he has no answers.
Now the cops are laughing outside. They still think it's all a joke.
Cartmanbrah is becoming transgender so he can get his own bathroom. Again.
Here come MJ and Tupac.
"Everyone is watching everything." Kyle apologizes to Ike. MJ shoots the exec in the head. With what, a holographic gun with a holographic bullet?
"There's nothing sadder than an old man crying." The kindergarteners suddenly want to help! With the power of believing in.... ????????
Oh lord, it's PewDiePi. That's who they summonned. DON'T DRINK IT TAYLOR.
Oh, pewdiepie. Whatever.
Cartmanbrah is unhappy and is deleted. The show switches to Call of Duty.
Stan and Kyle are by Stark's Pond. Kyle's family is reunited, Stan and Kyle are both confused.
"These people are inventing themselves, rather than being marketed and shoved down our throats."
PewDiePie does the signoff.
And that's probably it for watching Hulu for a bit....meanwhile, I feel so much better after drinking, you have no idea. What was I upset about, again?
Back to season thirteen:
Crack Baby Athletic Association
Jimmy wants to have everyone vote on their favorites and have a comedy awards show.
Oh goody, another mandatory assembly. Jimmy promises it'll be a blast.
Timmy's back singing with the band again.
This is so an excuse for Jimmy to do another show. First award is to funniest kid in school. GEE, I WONDER WHO WILL WIN.
"I can't believe I won!"
There's over 50 awards to hand out! And Jimmy is probably getting all of them somehow. Because Obama didn't show up for the ceremony.
Now there's an award for the LEAST funny people. Germans, Japanese, Yupik Eskimos are the nominees. Germans win! Do you really want to piss them off? Shoulda gone for the Eskimos.
The Kathy Griffin Award goes to the person most likely to show up for it. Here comes Tyler Perry to accept. Token is the only one who laughs.
Jimmy wonders why nobody cared about his award show except for him and Tyler Perry. His dad's not even listening. "What? What?" "Thanks, Dad."
Jimmy's awards made the national news for the Germans bit. UH-OH. "All of Germany is outraged.
The German president tells some jokes. It goes about as well as you'd expect it to. Their retaliation will be swift and brutal.
"Now all of Germany is pissed off at us!" "Do you know what happened to the LAST people the Germans were pissed off at?"
Jimmy thinks they were a success. "You can't even get Tyler Perry to go home."
IT'S THE GERMANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With guns.
Cartman speaks German?
Oh, he's saying they were special ed. He gestures to Kyle. UH-OH. I think he wants them to eat him.
Token, stop laughing at that Madea shit.
A giant...weapon, time machine, something... is brought out. It opens to reveal..... a laser bot. It tells jokes.
"The governor's mansion in Alabama burned down. It pretty much took out the entire trailer park."
"Why doesn't a chicken wear pants? Because its pecker is on his head."
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts.
The kids love this thing.
The Germans are coming...
Welcome to Hollywood Minute. 2 weeks later, Germans are no longer the least funny people in the world after creating Funnybot. Which has perfect timing.
These jokes are a bit fill in the blank, I suspect. Funnybot matches to a guy in the audience to tell a joke about his bad hair.
Funnybot has a threesome. Awkward!
Now he's doing The Nutty Professor.
Bot On The Run: new movie
Jimmy thinks Funnybot took the humanity out of comedy. Madea agrees. Token laughs. "Token, stop giving Tyler Perry money or he won't go away!"
"I'm glad the Germans are back in Germany and nobody's pissed at us any more." Here comes Adam Sandler and his friends with guns.
Jimmy still thinks his awards show was a good idea even if it put all comedians out of work.
Funnybot is Mad Lib'ing, and then shoots the entire audience. SO THAT'S GOING WELL. Awkward!
Who doesn't want to talk to Funnybot?
There goes Kenny again, potentially. Also, Token is running out of money.
Funny wants to execute last joke ever. Ruh-roh.
EXTERMINATE! IT'S A FUCKING DALEK. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.
"Dude, killing everyone isn't funny." "It's kind of funny, you guys." --Cartman
"Mathematical equation of comedy used to be setup, punchline. Today's comedy is setup, punchline, then awkward. Nothing is more awkward than destroying all that which created Funnybot."
"I wouldn't let Adam Sandler suck my saggy tits for one million dollars worth of Oprah's tampons."
All the missiles are going online. Funnybot will nuke you all.
"Prepare for punchline in 5 minutes. Awkwardness in 5.4 minutes."
Even Obama can't help himself from watching Tyler Perry at the end of his life.
Kyle suggests a logic boot to screw up the robot. "Fellas, get me a Ken doll and some Scotch tape," says Jimmy.
Jimmy gives Funnybot a comedy award in validation. That seems to work.
Funnybot is disposed of in a giant pit. Which is filled with cement.
Wait, what?! What were they burying if not Funnybot?!?!
OH, THEY DUMPED MADEA DOWN THERE. No arguments with that. Even Obama agrees. Justice has been done. Jimmy won't thrown another comedy awards-
BUT CARTMAN MIGHT.
Yeah, I suspect I might not like this one. I haven't eaten in hours, so that's a good sign, all I can do is puke up booze, right?
Terminator could be his own father, sez Butters. Is this a dream recap?
"That really happened."
"Skeletor's a lady?"
Cartman runs in, outraged and homicidal. He shakes the table.
Why is he mad? Everyone's penis size has been put up in the hallway after those health tests. That's even better/worse than a slam book episode.
"Eric Cartman: 1.2 inches."
Everyone goes to read. The principal says they'll all be interested in seeing how much they grew from last year!
The poster says "Here we grow!"
WE ARE GOING TO REMEASURE!
Somehow the numbers seem to be boosted. I can't imagine why. Butters is a little chilly.
Where's your weiner, Cartman? He measured it at home. 13.7 inches?!
The ACTUAL boys' penis sizes' poster is erected. Cartman is now a 1.4. He's very happy for the size of his weiner. Really.
In the principal's office: THEY WERE HEIGHT DIFFERENTIALS. NOT PENISES. HEIGHT DIFFERENTIALS.
"You mean everyone knows my weiner is smaller than everyone else's because of ME?" This time, you have done it to yourself!
"My little sunshine has a temper sometimes, but he's not all bad."--Mom Cartman.
The shrink calls Cartman fat. RUH-ROH. Cartman plays with his phone while this happens and doesn't react as the shrink gets worse and worse.
The doctor gets an emergency call. "What fourteen-year-old girl? No, I don't have a criminal record...." "Carol, put down the gun....Carol? CAROL!"
There's now an assembly over this penis thing. "Did they measure from the base or from the balls?" Randy asks.
Since when is Randy a doctor qualified to talk about sex ed to the class?
Randy does the math of penises for the class. We need a scale and a protractor!
At anger management class-- which one of the Goths and City Wok guy are at.
Oh, there's a literal Tea Party guy with tea hanging off his pirate hat.
Get your hand off your crotch, gross little wigger boy.
The shrink kisses Cartman's ass.
The adjusted penis size is called "T.M.I." One girl wants to know what a penis IS.
Example 1: Randy's penis is 4.4 inches long, it's flaccid girth is.... I ain't even recapping all of this sadness.
He claims his penis is an adjusted 6.3 inches.
Daniel, Tea Party Guy.
Chase, pretend to be a stupid-ass blind liberal.
Now they all fight over small penises.
More playacting occurs. Gretchen the lesbian still has a bigger penis than you.
"Does everyone here have an issue with their penis size?" Denial ensues.
An actual doctor is brought in to talk to the class. She has her own math...and then Randy runs in to fight her. And beat the shit out of her.
Welcome, Randy, to the group.
Randy sets fire to his chair.
Then everyone trashes the room.
Welcome to FedEx, where some guy is--NEVER MIND, HERE COME THE ANGRY LOOTERS SETTING FEDEX ON FIRE.
They are now the Pissed Off And Angry Party.
Randy has a lameass list of demands and is setting a woman's hair on fire.
Butters is naked and measuring himself at home. "According to my TMI, I have a micropenis. I'm starting to feel angry!"
All the angry douches of the world with penis cars, RALLY!
There is a direct correlation between math and TMI. More penis math ensues. I'm totally thinking of someone I know who probably fits this....YOU PROBABLY ARE TOO.
On the news, the Surgeon General says the TMI formula is 100% accurate, but they're making a change in the national average. The average is 1.5 now, so above that is ABOVE AVERAGE.
Randy starts to sing a song. All of the world's problems are solved now! Everyone is happy! America is back! Cartman doesn't get it. Also, he still has a small penis and is still fucking angry!
Crack Baby Athletic Association:
Terence and Phillip are farting in front of a giant gold Buddha. Best episode ever!
I didn't spell Terrance right. I have long since stopped caring.
"Oh no, it's that super sad Sarah MacLachlan commercial! Look away!"
It's a crack baby commercial.
"Hi, I'm Sarah MacLachlan. I was famous for two months." Volunteer with crack babies today.
Kyle can't take it any more and is guiilted into volunteering.
Oh no, Cartman is the other volunteer? And he's dressed like a cop? "Why do you have a video camera?"
Is it so hard to believe his heart was touched? Yes.
Kyle spies on Cartman's gang--featuring Butters, Clyde, some other kid. What are they doing? Crack baby basketball.
Oh, sounds more like cock fighting.
"All we do is pit crack babies against each other with a little ball of crack....We're swimming in cash, Kyle."
Baconalia! is offered in this restaurant. Denny's? Cartman gets right in. They get in every night.
"We are turning this thing into a legitimate sport, Kyle."
Butters sings Boom Boom Pow.
It's also a charity, so it's tax free. It's like volunteering, but we get some on the side! Kyle is sold. Poor Kyle.
Cut to a football game with the other kids. Kyle shows up dressed up and pays Stan back for money.
"Crack baby basketball." "Dude."
Cartman is recruiting a crack momma.
"Just sign the paper and he'll be playing ball for St. Mary's."
You're just making up the rules, Cartman. But it has an ethical code! No cash for babies or mommas, but you can have crack. Butters?
Kyle.... tries to logic himself into this. "You sound like Cartman," says Stan. This doesn't stop Kyle immediately, but it does after the second time Stan says it.
The president of EA Sports calls about a video game version.
Kyle is upset that the crack babies don't make money. But they can't receive compensation!
"It's not just a hot tub. Go ahead. Taste it." It's KFC gravy. They bathe in it.
We owe it to the crack babies to be as stress-free as possible. Here, have some fries.
Kyle says slavery is illegal and Cartman says in some cases it is, he'll do some undercover work to find out how other companies get away with it.
Eric Cartman comes in to University of Colorado at Boulder dressed like he's from the South or something and goes on about being a slave owner. What is this, 1860?
"Like yourself, I am also in the slave trade."
Cartman refers to a photo of the basketball team and offers money for "student athletes." How do you get away with not paying them? Hmmmm.
Kyle is still trying to justify himself to Stan, even as Stan is trying to sleep.
Slash cannot be tracked down. He's everywhere.
Kyle wants to use 30% of the money for a crack baby orphanage. It's genius, Kyle! It's like moral Teflon!
Slash lives nowhere. Don't you ever wonder how he can be everywhere at the same time? Like Santa, he's not real--Hey, wait, that's up to parents to tell!
"Oh dear, Clyde's asking about Slash."
Kyle is still justifying. The other kids break the news that Slash isn't real. He's based on a Dutch saint. Then who played at Cartman's birthday party?
"You guys are ten years old and you just figured out that Slash isn't real? Oh my god." --Stan
The kids did get screwed out of the crack baby money by EA.
Kyle: still justifying to himself. Oh, look, there's an orphanage for crack babies after all.
"Whether the bear is lean from the winter or fattened by sweet summer berries and springtime salmon, it makes me no never mind in the love I bear for him. He's still a magnificent beast.
When my wife and I met doing a play at The Evidence Room in LA, we were backstage and she whisper/sang In The Gloaming into my ear. I busted out my MetroCard and hopped the express train to BONER TOWN.