Chaos Theory

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar can WRITE. LIke, damn, dude.

"Despite a lot of posturing about "empowerment" and "girl power," most of the women in the show can't seem to dig their bedazzled shovels fast enough to bury feminist progress. When watching the shows, I'm reminded of Susan Faludi's 1991 National Book Award-winning book, Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women, in which she makes a compelling case that whenever an oppressed group makes social progress, there is a backlash against them that tries to re-establish the old status quo. The Real Housewives embodies that notion, with most of the women seeming like better-dressed versions of '50s housewives.

Yes, I went there. But before I start getting my own reader backlash, let me remind you that the word "feminism" means, according to Webster, "the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes." I'm sure every one of the housewives would loudly support the equality of the sexes. In theory. However, in practice they are seriously undermining it. That's what makes these shows so reflective of the national psyche: we often do the opposite of what we claim we believe in, not out of malice, but out of lack of insight."

Yes, that's writing about Real Housewives.

Kareem, I think I love you.

...Yeah, that's happening

Vanilla Ice goes Amish.

Now it's "guided reality."

"I bring up comedies because what's so interesting to me about the success of "Duck Dynasty" is how unapologetic it is about being a sitcom that just happens to feature a real family whose members play themselves. That most reality shows are scripted on some level is not a state secret. In a New York Times feature on the show back in the fall, the Robertsons used the phrase "guided reality" to describe how things work: the producers suggest an idea for a scene, or an episode, and then the family members act it out using their own words, relating to each other the way they usually do. Take away the fact that the Robertsons aren't trained comedians and you have a creative structure (though not a level of comedic brilliance) not that far removed from something like "Curb Your Enthusiasm," where Larry David comes up with the story and then invites his actors to improvise with him. Take a recent episode, "Si-Amese Twins," in which Willie brings a human resources consultant in for a seminar on healthy workplace interactions. The guys immediately start doing everything she's lecturing against, and Si decides to have some fun with a pair of handcuffs he recently found:

Wacky hijinks ensue, as Si and Willie are cuffed together for the rest of the episode, forced to figure out how to drive, go to the bathroom and otherwise go about their day like that. I can imagine many sitcoms — particularly the rural ones that were so popular in the '60s ("Green Acres," "The Beverly Hillbillies," "The Andy Griffith Show") — doing this exact episode, with many of the same punchlines, even.

Which leads to me to the thing I wonder about "Duck Dynasty," and about some of the other more popular docu-shows on cable: would this show be as popular if it were presented as an overtly scripted version of itself?

If, say, TBS had debuted "Duck Dynasty," pretending that the Robertsons were actually an improv comedy troupe from Louisiana, and given us this exact show with these situations, this dialogue, etc., would an audience go for it, or would they dismiss it as cartoonish yokel humor? Now what if you removed it a step further, and perhaps still had the Robertsons playing themselves, but on a stage in front of a live studio audience in the multi-cam tradition? Or if you had actors saying and doing the exact same things the Robertsons did?"

It does sound kind of like the perfect job...

"You’re on national TV. You're a beloved celebrity although, again, you have no extraordinary talent.   You ask a few questions, try to guess the contestant’s secret – and if you can’t so what?  Primarily you’re there to toss in a few wise-cracks. Piece of cake!

At 8:30 the show is over. There are no pick-ups. You’re done. You wipe off the make up, jump into a cab, and at 8:45 you’re in Sardi's.

As one of the panelists of that show, Bill Cullen said on it’s final episode: “I’ve been on fifteen years, and haven’t done one moment’s work. I admit that, and I apologize for stealing the money.” Sweet!"

Who wants her, anyway?

So, let's say there's some super hot, super young, super trashy girl on reality TV. Shouldn't she be a hit? Shouldn't she be everywhere in our society, being the next Kardashian or something?

It really should tell you something that uh...nobody seems to actually want this girl for much of anything.

Good point

"It's a seriously conflicted message: Bullying is bad when kids do it in school, but hugely profitable when adults do it in front of a TV camera."

How dumb are you?!?

"Palin indicated she some regrets about the way the show turned out. "If I would have known it was my own name and so much in my life is gonna be shown on this show, I think I would reconsider it and think about it more," she said." 

1. I doubt it.
2. Don't tell me that you of all people DON'T KNOW HOW REALITY TV WORKS by now.
3. How the hell did you not think your name (and for that matter, your kid's) wouldn't be on the show?
4. THAT'S THE POINT OF REALITY TELEVISION, DUMBASS.

Thoughts from a reality TV producer when a cast member dies.

"And then you wake up a few nights later at 4 a.m. with tears in your eyes and you remember that it was you who originally moved the note card on the big board with the teenager’s face on it from an “A” story to a “B” story, and you wonder, if you had just kept him as an “A” story, then maybe he would have been filming with you that night instead of driving alone at 5:30 a.m. exhausted on his way to work a double shift on a dark and winding road. But you blink away the tears and you go back to sleep and you try to reassure yourself that life just doesn’t work that way.

- And the day before the series is ready to premiere, you panic about revealing too many “spoilers” and have a tense exchange with a cast member, asking him to take down a post on his website memorializing his deceased friend, and then you spend another sleepless night wondering if you’ve gone too far for the sake of a damn television show."

Bobbi Kristina may end up being the next Lindsay Lohan.

THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA.

Joe Millionaire shaped up

Good to know.