Saturn Return Can Bite Me

I wish I could hope for this

The last time eclipsing was going on around my Venus and I was hoping to have love in my life, it didn't happen. 

Now it's back around that angle again (opposite Venus) and, well...I wish. But it looks like depressing ending season anyway.

And I am feeling pretty loser/rejected. As usual, because I am.

2022 birthday post

• canoe.com:  Happy Birthday: Uncertainty and insecurity will hold you hostage. Tie up loose ends and declutter your life to avoid getting left behind. Put your energy where it counts, and be secretive about your intentions until you are positive you can turn your plan into reality. Take control instead of being controlled, and you will eliminate confusion and put yourself in a vulnerable position. Your numbers are 7, 14, 21, 26, 33, 35, 46. Birthday Baby: You are determined, sensitive and assertive. You are imaginative and possessive.
• Georgia Nichols:"You are a practical person who appears to have a casual, relaxed attitude to life. You are determined and focused. Family is very important to you. You know that with patients you can accomplish what you want. This year's about reflection and looking inward - a time of learning and teaching."

(Patients? Like I'm a doctor?)

• horoscope.com: This could be the year that you are finally recognized for your hard work and achievements. This might happen on your birthday. You've probably been thinking that no one sees how hard you work or how much you really do, but you could be surprised on your birthday. Others may have been waiting for this special day to let you know that they do recognize your incredible value. They may even know that you've been looked over and not properly compensated in the past. Your birthday could be the beginning of recognition of your true value, and next month could bring even more.

:)

• chron.com horoscopes: TODAY'S BIRTHDAY (April 24). Seemingly disparate ideas will add up to a realization about who you are and what you want to do next. You'll think strategically, form brilliant plans and advance key relationships. Your work gets more interesting and changes on your team allow you to stretch to fill new roles. The money will be sweet, too. Cancer and Aquarius adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 4, 22, 19, 30 and 17.
• Cafe Astrology:

You are a determined person, and you intuitively know that, with patience, you can accomplish anything you set out to do. You easily earn respect from others around you due in part to your regal manner. Your family is extremely important to you, and many of your values are pretty traditional, which keeps you grounded and responsible. However, you are unafraid of embracing the new, even if you do so slowly.

Your birthday occurs around a Third Quarter Moon this year, and you are reaching an important turning point in terms of personal growth. You may be more emotional this year, and should watch for unnecessary conflicts and making hasty decisions as a result. Otherwise, this is a year of greater understanding and a strong desire to take care of business. This should be a busy, dynamic period in your life.

New friendships or group activity, or changes in these areas, may be part of the picture this year. It’s a fine time to get your life back on track in a significant way. Positive career or life path developments are likely. People in authority or older people in your life favor and help you

This is also a great period for creative and artistic pursuits–your imagination is stirred and you have an increased appreciation for subtleties. You’re inspired and could inspire others with your words. Some of your hunches could be prophetic. You are thinking more creatively, and express yourself with more sensitivity, compassion, and warmth.

This can be a fine time for attracting supportive, pleasant, or loving relationships. Your popularity increases and efforts to smooth over challenges in partnerships are more likely to succeed. You’re in better shape for negotiations and unions or partnerships.

This can be a period when you’re building faith and confidence in your personality, skills, and talents. You experience a stronger desire to seek meaning, wisdom, and mental stimulation in your life during this period. Others might frequently turn to you for guidance.

It’s an excellent year for advancing projects revolving around communications – writing, speaking, selling, and so forth. Word of mouth can enhance your reputation. Making new contacts through learning and mental pursuits figures strongly as well.

Your optimism can help you to attract positive circumstances into your life. You are especially enthusiastic about your ideas, and expressing yourself verbally and in written form comes easily. Public relations and negotiations tend to run especially smoothly. This is a time for thinking about what is really important to you in the long run.

You are taking more pride in your relationships this year, and it’s a good time to strengthen and support others, as well as to build trust. This can be a pleasantly ambitious period.

The year is also strong for getting active with a partner or for a special relationship to boost your confidence, courage, or assertiveness.

Idealistic and humanitarian goals or impulses have more significance in your life this year. You may experience a need for greater understanding, wisdom, and awareness, or a special interest in the healing arts and holistic health. It’s possible that you reconsider or refine your personal belief system.

It’s also a fine period in your life for discovering your ambitions and motivations, and it’s an enjoyable, productive experience. You are determined to improve, grow, and bring something to the next level. It’s easier than usual to recognize opportunities because you’re looking to advance. As you connect with your hidden talents or desires, you might embrace new directions or pursuits.

Summary:

You gravitate to healing activities, and you’re ready to solve problems this year. You’re determined and willing to apply yourself, but you’re also opening up to new creative approaches to wellness. Learning, sharing ideas, and growing through your connections can figure strongly.

2022 is a Number Seven year for you. Ruled by Neptune. This is a year of preparation, chance, and refinement. It is not a time of dramatic changes. Instead, it's a year when reflection on the past is helpful, and when refinements to your life path should be made. It's a good year to study and analyze. Unexpected twists to your life story and "chance" meetings are probable. Advice - take stock of your life in order to prepare for more exciting years to come, examine the past and plan for the future, get in touch with your deepest needs and uncover your personal power, don't strain yourself or actively try to expand.

2023 will be a Number Eight year for you. Ruled by Saturn. This is a year of power and accomplishment. Actively seeking to expand, taking educated risks, and moving forward are highlighted. This is a year of opportunity, particularly in the material and business world, and opportunities need to be seized. It's generally not a year to find a new love partner, simply because the focus is on the material world and your place in the world. This is a problem-solving year in which you can expect real, tangible results. Advice - take action, plan ahead, seize opportunities.

Birthday chart:

 

No.

Followup from here: He said no. Apparently he has never been interested. Why you get that touchy-feely with someone you aren't interested in, I have no idea.

Guess that one was eclipsed out. As usual, I'm never going to find love. 

 

Astrology and Washington Post articles

How I’m changing my rocky relationship with horoscopes For me, they can be helpful at times — or simply anxiety-inducing

When a horoscope or reading affirms an essential part of my personality or something I hope to happen, it’s validating. But when it offers a worrisome look at the future with no potential solution, I feel helpless.Baum’s answer is simple: The stars may offer a template of what our future might look like, but we still have the freedom of choice.

As I continue to talk to others about how they use horoscopes in their own lives, I find myself wondering how to strike a healthy balance myself. How do I allow them to illuminate key parts of who I am without feeling like a life sentence to a doomed future?

I come back to something Greene and I discussed — that horoscopes can serve as a comforting balm, the voice of a friend prodding you to take a risk because something better awaits. And perhaps if I keep what works from a horoscope and leave what doesn’t, a better — and less anxious — future awaits me as well.

My insurance doesn’t cover therapy, so I’m talking to an astrologer instead

Colin, as it turns out, read me my entire life. He was able to diagnose my relationship with my parents, and then gave me actionable ways to deal with it. Colin also clearly laid out my anxieties surrounding relationships and assured me things would work out if I just relaxed a little. And finally, he addressed my dissatisfaction with my work. “You’re just about to enter your Saturn return,” Colin had said. “You’ll likely be engaged and working for yourself by the end of it.” 

Ten days after Colin and I met, I was unceremoniously laid off from my job and thrust into the world of freelance writing. Two days after that, Saturn reentered Capricorn, the sign it occupies on my chart. Colin was right. I was working on my own, and my Saturn return had just begun.

My entire life was suddenly in upheaval. Everything changed on a dime — my schedule, my financial situation, and my social life. Another thing that changed? I lost my cushy company health insurance, and had to start shelling out $200 a month for only-really-useful-if-you’re-hit-by-a-bus health insurance. This, of course, doesn’t cover therapy, and I wasn’t in a financial position to be shelling out the cash that most psychoanalysts demand in a city like New York.

The irony, of course, was that I needed therapy more than ever before in my life. 

 

Adele's Saturn Return

"I’ve never been that plugged into the planets, but the way Adele talks about Saturn Returns in interviews promoting her gut punch of a new album, 30, doesn’t not make me a believer."

A Saturn Return, to which No Doubt also memorably dedicated their 2000 album, is when the titular ringed planet circles back to the same ecliptic longitude where it stood at the moment of your birth. Which is basically just some astrological gobbledegook to explain why people tend to go through major life shifts between the ages of 27 to 32. Take that for what you will. The point is, Adele has undergone a mammoth change, and 30, which follows 2015’s bestselling 25, is a snapshot of her coming apart and piecing herself back together."

More on the upcoming eclipse

"The eclipse is on the Sabian symbol A Woman, Past Her “Change Of Life”, Experiences A New Love so despite some of the background tension in the chart, we have a hint that there is the promise of a fresh start, a second chance. It’s never too late to start again."

I don't really get the whole Sabian symbols thing like, at all, and I'm not menopausal yet (though ironically, on birth control so I'm not having periods...does that count?) ,but this sounds up my alley.... 

April Elliot Kent:

There’s a turning point in every story, when things that have been going in one direction turn around and move in the other. And eclipses mark those turning points.

We shall be alone after all

Followup from here: we shall be going to the show alone, without others, next Saturday.

More on the upcoming eclipses:

Traditionally, you’re wise to wait a few days after an eclipse before taking action and it’s not a good date to undertake a major project.

Eclipses are often feared because they bring what’s hidden to light, they represent the unknown. They can coincide with external events in your life, where you have to let go of control. Once you know this, you can be more in flow.

Eclipses are often concurrent with turning points. This is why they are considered game-changers as they move the goalposts of life. Fundamentally, eclipses are neither positive nor negative. It’s how you perceive and respond to what happens in your life and out in the world that’s important.

Welp, I tried, I guess

Followup from here: 

I asked him out--specifically, did he want to go to a local show with me. He said yes, we discussed when, and then he wanted to invite our entire friend group, and actually asked people later. 

Uh-HUH.

I'm not sure if that is clueless* or deliberately trying to avoid being alone with me or what here. 

* note: per my therapist, she said to NOT use the word date so as to not freak him out, and then after this, said she gave shitty advice.

The next eclipse will hit my Venus in the seventh house

 

Full Moon/Lunar Eclipse in the 7th House

Singles who have their eye on someone may find that now is the time to jump-start a connection. The feelings you have for them may seem more intense now, and you may find it easier to express your emotions with a partner, in a one-on-one setting. You’ll also be more inclined to be fully interested in their feelings and needs, and you may want to accommodate them however you can. This is a good time to negotiate with others, as you’ll be more able to see compromise that can please you both.

Lunar Eclipse in conjunction with Venus

Positive manifestations:

• Bright and positive emotional experiences that lead to satisfaction as a consequence of recognition, support, gaining something valuable which a person has long pursued.
• A lot of opportunities at all levels of life as a result of past actions and healthy values.
• Positive outcomes, chances of enrichment, the achievement of goals that are of main concern to material well-being.
• Financial profits sometimes above average.
• Questions related to beauty, art, prestige, reputation, social status - are developing well, giving a lot of opportunities.
• Material benefits, improving the comfort of existence due to widespread support from the public or, in particular, supporters, partners, etc.
• A lot of opportunities for professional realization related to beauty, art, and maybe financial flows.
• Current personal or business relationships, that lead to a sense of happiness and satisfaction, are consolidated.
• Concluding contracts that have an enriching effect.
• An opportunity to get married or to create a family.
• Bright, colorful, memorable and positive emotional experiences, happiness in love.
• A meeting with great and karmic love.

"Lunar eclipses are relationship-oriented. The “crisis” that these eclipses tend to elicit is a crisis of lack–a time when we suddenly realize a great need or want. The impact of the crisis can act to sever a relationship–it’s possible. But it can also bring two people together with a sudden awareness of a great need for each other.

When a Full Moon occurs, we can suddenly burst forth with proclamations and outpours that seem fresh and new, simply because they are not yet rationalized. However, these things are usually about things we’ve buried or kept at bay. A Lunar Eclipse is a more potent Full Moon, and its effects tend to last longer — approximately six months.

The Lunar Eclipse on November 19th, 2021, occurs when the Moon is at 27-28 degrees of Taurus, opposing the Sun at 27-28 degrees Scorpio, and is an Umbral Lunar Eclipse.

Something has been building inside of us, and now is the time when the energy of the cosmos fairly demands that we let it out. Over the coming months, we will discover what this means for us. For now, we can’t sit on our feelings. We need to express them.

A crisis of sorts (which can be a crisis of consciousness) or sudden awareness of a lack in our lives provides us with a golden opportunity to explore our emotional needs within the context of the house polarity where the eclipse occurs in our natal charts.

Relationships may be challenged, broken, or strengthened dramatically at this time. Our discovery is emotionally charged and dramatic–everything feels big and larger than life at this time. Epiphanies are likely at this time as we become acutely aware of our lack. This understanding can propel us into affirmative action, although there can be some initial level of chaos.

Full Moons and Lunar Eclipses bring issues in our lives to fulfillment. Our emotions heighten, and there is often some sort of drama involved with the house, sign, and any contacted planets activated by the Full Moon.

Look to 27-28 degrees of Taurus/Scorpio in your own chart (allow up to about a 5-degree orb when examining the planets and points the eclipse aspects). This Lunar Eclipse gives us a cosmic push to make needed changes in our lives. The areas of life activated by the eclipse may see dramatic turns, after which the path is clear to move forward.

Note that whatever happens at this time is nothing truly new. The issues have been brewing inside of us, and emotions have been building. Something comes to light at the time of the Lunar Eclipse, and if we get in touch with our emotions, we can get a better idea of what needs to change, or what needs to go.

 

Astrology Zone:

 

You will start to see what I mean with the appearance the new moon of November 4 in Scorpio, 13 degrees. The new moon will travel conjunct the Sun, but the problem is that surprise-a-minute Uranus in Taurus, 13 degrees, will be positioned in a direct opposition—180 degrees away from the Sun and new moon. Uranus is called the Great Awakener in astrology—it is the planet of the future that is always in a hurry to speed you forward. Uranus brings information to light in a rapid, sometimes shocking way, to sweep away all the debris that this planet deems is no longer productive or relevant to your future.

 

I will admit that Uranus has no diplomacy and can knock you sideways with a shocking piece of news. The aspect will be precise on this day of the new moon, so the closer your birthday falls to November 4, the more directly you will feel it. The same is true if you have Scorpio rising 13 degrees or a natal planet of 13 degrees (plus or minus five degrees) in Taurus, Scorpio, Leo, or Aquarius.

Sometimes, Uranus works the other way—rather than have events operate directly on you, Uranus may urge you to do the opposite—to have you decide to make the changes. It would have to do with a long-term situation that you want to improve or change with no more waiting to act. Uranus engenders strong feelings of rebellion with a need for independence and autonomy.

New moons can have an influence for up to six months, and you would see what you feel needs to be done within ten days of November 4. The reason it may take time to fully work out the solution to the episode that comes up is that the situation may be complex with many moving parts, and you will probably need weeks or months to fully accomplish what you set out to do.

Uranus opposite the Sun and new moon on November 4 is a classic aspect that often translates into a tearing away from a present situation—such as to break up a relationship or to leave a job so that you can start a new one, leave a city you are living in, or in other ways feel ready to create a complete lifestyle change.

Often, change can bring on a welcome improvement. For example, after years of being single, you marry. Or you want to have a baby before it’s too late. Or the city you grew up in suddenly seems too small, offering too few opportunities to grow in your career—and you make a dramatic move. You come to the moment when you reach the last straw

This new moon, for you, is a wildcard. As a Scorpio, you always want to have control over events, and you may feel that you do, but this month is filled with riddles and many confusing elements. As a result, you may feel like you are traveling through a fun house with distorted mirrors at every turn. Keep your cool.

You may see a massive change in a close romantic or business relationship, or because of what I wrote about Uranus, you may see change in your home lifestyle or living situation, too (or alternatively).

 

Venus will be “trine” Uranus, which is the most harmonious aspect possible. Venus is talented at providing a soothing balm over any situation, and she certainly will do that at eclipse time, November 19.

 

The full moon lunar eclipse of November 19 in Taurus will ask for your answer regarding a close relationship and to address all that has gone on earlier this month. If you are not ready to close the book on this relationship matter, at the very least, your need to announce the direction you want to take. This eclipse will switch your attention away from understanding your own intentions and feelings to that of your partner in love or business. Your partner may now show a side of character that surprises you, but not in a good way—he or she may now reveal their true colors.

 

November might feel at times wild or chaotic. More surprising news will arise at this eclipse, November 19, and will force you to make a final decision.

 

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A magical relationship(?)

So I haven't gone into detail about how the crush came back into my life.

Well....I got so fed up with feeling bad about the whole thing that I decided to do a cord-cutting ritual. (NYT link there.) Took the day off from work and spent several hours crying, EFT/tapping, journaling, purging objects I'd found as signs on the street, ripping up paper, cutting up fabric and literal cords, disposing of it all. 

Now, the NYT article warns about the following:

“And don’t be surprised if you hear from him,” she said. “He’ll feel the disconnect instantly.”

I doubted that. He was living in Australia. Wasn’t that a bit far for our little ritual to travel?

Our session was on a Friday evening, by Sunday morning he had called.

“I was just thinking about you,” he said on the message.

Damn. That woo-woo business had worked! It was like some sort of karmic love boomerang.

To which I was all "bullshit" to this, because he doesn't reach out (it's an issue of his) and it had been 100+ days and yeah RIGHT.

However, our mutual friends kept bringing him up to me, and then one of them two days later invited the both of us to a show. I said yes circa noon, by 5 p.m. I was pulling a Sally Albright and going "I really am over him!" and by 8:30, oh, btw, crush is invited too....and I was all, fuckaduck!

Well. Turns out he has not stopped liking me. Had no idea anything was wrong. Had no idea he came off as hurtful in the first place. I actually got up the nerve to address how he came off as shunning me and he didn't mean to come off like that. And um....yeah, he still likes me. Was pretty affectionate about that too :) Apparently I was just being pandemic craycray.

So, now what? 

I find it extremely surprising that I go to the drastic point of THIS IS DONE, I'M CUTTING IT OFF FOREVER and within a week, he's back in my life again. Like I haven't felt like the universe is listening to me on this topic all 2021, and a psychic told me this was never going to happen and someone better was going to come along (still hasn't....she got less than 6 months to go on that "within a year" timeline here now), and everything was going "no" and now....now it's kind of more like a yes?

Others on cord cutting issues:

• “Expect a readjustment of the relationship,” says Redelinghuys, stating that the relationship will take on a new form."
• "Hours after performing this ritual, he called me. We talked and agreed to forgive one another for all past hurt and to make space for each other to move on as friends."
• "If your cord-cutting efforts have come up short, try not to get discouraged. It’s not because you’re not strong enough or that you’re not ready to move on. It’s because your souls are at least partially fused together."
• "The person reaches out to you: This because on some level, they have felt the energy disconnect and they are trying to reconnect it (all of this is not conscious to them). When this occurs, it is a great sign that your process worked! It is also a great opportunity for you to reconnect the cord in a healthy and positive way, if you desire to do so. "
• "If you get a healing focused on cutting negative cords from an ex-partner or an estranged parent, it’s not uncommon to hear from that person. It might seem totally out of the blue. The main reason is that cord-cutting helps us to drop the old narratives and thoughts we have about that connection. Our thoughts and beliefs about others and our relationships are powerful influences on how those connections play out. Once the old stories start to clear, new potential is created. It is as if the other person senses that, and feels compelled to reach out. If this happens with someone that you’ve distanced yourself from, you’re not obligated to reconnect. You can take it as feedback that a lot of old energy was released. If you do wish to revive the relationship, the cord-cutting can help you restart on better footing."

Make of that what you will.

Whether or not this ever goes officially romantic, I don't know. At this point friends are just telling me to ask him out already. Not at all sure if he's up for that or not, but after last night, which ah...was affectionate beyond what one normally does with "just friends," I'm vaguely considering it? Though at heart I still suspect he's a scared deer about such things and needs to be gentled along, so. Friends are all "just ask him, he won't figure it out otherwise," I say uh, if he has no idea at this point after certain things have happened...yeah, right. I actually spent one on one time with him last night, but that's not a thing that happens much and he's generally freaked at going places without a whole group so he doesn't feel weird, so...I dunno. Must ponder.

What I'm really wondering here is:

1.  if I literally tried to cut the cord and it would not cut--and in fact, brought him back--does this mean it's meant to be, on some level? Even if we don't ever get involved?
2. Or is this the dreaded/damned twin flame drama thing? (all Quora links). Like I hate the whole twin flame thing, but enough magical shit has happened here to make me wonder.
3. If I'm supposed to be with a better match and not the crush, then HE BETTER FUCKING SHOW UP ALREADY, LIKE RIGHT NOW TODAY, because the way things are going here, I may not care. Like, universe, if you want me to be with a better dude, now get on the stick about it or else...
4. Why would I be sent the psychic message of "definitely not this guy, not ever" and then this happens, if it's not meant to be? Is it some kind of fucked up test?
5. What the crap is going on here?! Why can't I have an actual conversation with the universe, in which it uses words and explains things? Who can I talk to about this?
6. Also, should I just ask him out? Leave it be? Something in the middle of that?

I went out today hoping to deliberately find books to help me on the topic, and found "Make Your Move" (on asking guys out) and "You Only Fall In Love Three Times" (twin flame stuff). Hope those help....