Saturn Return Can Bite Me

I like this new writer

Taurus, your Tarot card for the week of April 5-11, is the Two of Swords. There is a sense of limbo around one particular partnership, and you might have to wait on someone to make a decision. Try to remain patient and don’t be tempted to put on any pressure. Although you may be feeling frustrated and stuck, time will resolve things and you will once again have a feeling of peace. At the same time, make sure that you are seeing things clearly. It is possible that all is not as it seems. The Sacred Union card wants you to know that divine help is with you, always listening and by your side. You also have people you can call on to advise you if you ask. Partnerships in general are a focus for you right now, and are for the most part very harmonious. No matter what form they take, you will be reminded of the value of your important relationships and will see them as gifts.

This is so spot on with me right now it's scary. 

I'm about thisclose to giving up on the crush, in a "Maybe in several years if the pandemic ends and our friend group can come back together again" sort of way, but trying to get closer to him--or even maintain any kind of relationship--has not gone well in a pandemic. The last time I saw him I ended up feeling just so shitty that I'm about ready to quit trying. I think he's over it after a year of distance, I'm making him uncomfortable now that it's no longer mutual, it's time for me to stop. 

I keep getting a lot of messages to keep having faith, don't quit, stuff is going on here you didn't know about and it's close...but I don't see it and he's not talking and I don't think things are changing as they are now. 

I think I'm about 99% done, but I'll give it....till the end of the month. If things are the same on May 1 that they are now, it's far past time to move along. 

Stellium in Taurus In 2021

The sun, Mercury, Venus and Uranus will hook up in Taurus between April 19th and May 3, 2021.  This will be stimulating, first because Uranus is involved. Anything goes.

• Experimental art.
• Pop-up relationships aka love at first sight.
• Odd encounters.
• Volatility in the stock market.
• Generally stable things or people may shock.
• Erratic people might settle.

God, I hope something good happens to me since all of this will be in the seventh house.

But looking at how life is going....probably not?

I wish

"On Sunday, Pallas changes sign, leaving Aquarius for Pisces. It joins the Pisces stellium of Venus, the Sun, and Neptune. It’s great for receiving and making sense of signs or recognizing divine gifts. Subtle observations sink in and (eventually) bear fruit. The Capricorn Moon squares Chiron and trines Uranus, a chance to make something real, genuine and inspiring, out of all that spiritual grist."

Free Will Astrology this week

This feels personal.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20):

Poet and filmmaker Jean Cocteau told the following story about Taurus composer Erik Satie (1866–1925). When Satie died, his old friends, many of whom were highly accomplished people, came to visit his apartment. There they discovered that all the letters they had sent him over the years were unopened. Satie had never read them! How sad that he missed out on all that lively exchange. I beg you not to do anything that even remotely resembles such a lack of receptivity during the coming weeks, Taurus. In fact, please do just the opposite: Make yourself as open as possible to engagement and influence. I understand that the pandemic somewhat limits your social interactions. Just do the best you can.

See below.... 

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

I'm turning over this horoscope to psychologist John Welwood. His words are the medicine you need at this juncture in the evolution of intimacy. Study the following quote and interpret it in ways that help illuminate your relationship with togetherness: "A soul connection is a resonance between two people who respond to the essential beauty of each other's individual natures, behind their facades, and who connect on this deeper level. This kind of mutual recognition provides the catalyst for a potent alchemy. It is a sacred alliance whose purpose is to help both partners discover and realize their deepest potentials."

Yup, this kicks me since I'm not in contact with the crush these days, yet again. I can't make it all go alone, y'all, and I feel tired/dumb/mad/stupid/what have you when it's all just me and things are falling flat.  

Also, frankly, I just haven't been feeling that connection too much under the circumstances. Not long distance, anyway. I need that and can't get it/he can't provide it, what have you, so I won't be asking. 

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20):

"To heal is to touch with love that which was previously touched by fear," wrote author Stephen Levine. I propose you make this theme a keynote for your best relationships in the coming days. What can you do to alleviate the anxiety and agitation of the people you care for? How might they do the same for you? If you play along with the cosmic rhythms, you will have extraordinary power to chase away fear with love.

Yeah, I can think of some things he could do....I just can't get up the nerve to talk about it. I don't think it's right to burden him with my immaturity/angst/trigger shit, or make him feel bad, or any of that stuff. 

On a related note, I looked up that guy in the Scorpio quote, he is deceased but has some interesting documents. 

From the perspective of bliss or security, it seems terrible that relationships confront us with so many things in ourselves we would rather not look at. But from the perspective of path, this is a great opportunity. Intimate relationships can help free us from our karmic entanglements by showing us exactly how and where we are stuck. When we live alone, it is often easier to remain blind to our habitual patterns because we live inside them. A relationship, on the other hand, provides a mirror that heightens our awareness of all our rough edges. When someone we love reacts to our unconscious patterns, they bounce back on us and we can no longer ignore them. When we see and feel the ways we are stuck, in the context of a loving relationship, a desire to move in a new direction naturally begins to stir in us. Then our path begins to unfold.

It occurs to me that I really have no idea how to slow build a relationship in the first place. Well, not romantically. I've always gotten in pretty quickly and it was mutual and there wasn't so much effing uncertainty in the same way. And when people don't want to talk in the first place, that's even worse these days. 

Optimism vs. pessimism

I get a lot of crap as a hippie-type for not being an optimist, for stating my doubts, for being realistic (I'm a Taurus, someone's gotta stay grounded). I especially am getting it these days for not believing that everything I say/think comes true. To which I am all, hey, when I thought I was going to get fired, that didn't happen. If I start believing that a real live unicorn will show up at my house, that's most likely not going to happen because flesh and blood unicorns don't exactly seem to exist in our world. 

People tell me that what you want vs what you don't want kinda goes like this ad.  If you say "I don't want X," the universe hears "I don't want X!" This makes me think," WHO DESIGNED THIS SYSTEM?!" 

My beliefs in the LoA and whatnot kinda go like this: Your beliefs do not always come true. Your beliefs might come true if the universe/the other parties involved ALSO agree with you on this. If you want to manifest an object and it does exist in your vicinity to come across, then it can/will happen, but if it doesn't, then it won't. The possibilities have to exist for the thing to happen, to connect, etc. I can manifest getting into a play if the director likes me (I got into a play basically doing next to nothing--there weren't too many parts for adult women--because the director liked me and I was willing to hang around and dress people and whatever.), but if the director has no interest, then it ain't gonna happen. 

So I sit around watching Pick A Card Valentine's Day and of course it's giving optimistic, positive results and all that, and that's nice. I wish that was true. (Of course, almost all of these Pick A Cards are optimistic, because saying "Dude doesn't care, he's never going to love you" probably doesn't give you many clicks and money, so.... )

And yet I know realistically that's not happening. The fellow and I are not in contact these days and lord knows we probably won't be about That Day either. I know he's not ready, he's having a fairly crap Saturn Return time, I sure as hell can't make any demands on him emotionally. He may like me, but he's not able to reciprocate these days, may never be able to or at least not for years, and oh yeah, PANDEMIC CAN'T BE AROUND OTHER PEOPLE. I doubt he's thinking about me much and he's probably just thinking about work, and let's face it, what do I have going on to distract me? Not much.

Just because I'm sick of being single/alone in here/sick of "focus on you!" etc. doesn't mean it's even possible to do anything about it. And if I were him, I would definitely ignore the holiday, same as last year, so as to not give me expectations for what he's not up for. That's what happened last year. However, last year I was at a con for VD and was happily distracted from that shit. Can't do that any more. But oh well, most people are going to have a suck holiday anyway now, so what does it matter. 

What I think on this topic doesn't really matter because we're not matching. One can believe deep down that someday, something's going to happen (and I do, because if I didn't I wouldn't be saying shit on this topic), but if it's not a mutual belief, or isn't mutual enough, all the "I want THAT" going on with me just...doesn't seem to be progressing. Maybe it just can't right now because him, the universe, the pandemic, etc. isn't supporting that. I'm the only one here. 

I just wish it would. I wish belief was enough to do something, but I don't think JUST belief, ONLY belief does it. I want to believe. I do on some level believe. I just don't think my belief trumps the rest of reality (Taurus again). Maybe someday things will change, and I hope they do, but the way things are going now....I can't see from here to there. I just keep getting messages to wait, wait, wait, be patient, wait, wait, wait. 

I would love it if something happened, if I did hear from him, etc. I just don't want to get my hopes up and then feel like an idiot for leading myself on. 

Life with moon in Sagittarius

"If you let your heart carry you away,  are you making a big fool of yourself?  Or Will your prayers finally be answered?"

Inauguration astrology

What the Astrology of Inauguration Day Can Tell Us About Biden’s Presidency

I'm covered in fish?

(Not a Pisces joke.)

I am vaguely interested in palm reading, but generally find it confusing and there are so many little lines all over the place on my hands! However, I was cheered to discover that I have fish on my hands and that's a good thing.

Okay, the article is "5 Palm Signs of Good Luck or Sudden Change of Luck."

These palm signs show a tendency to ‘magically’ overcome difficulties. As if some force is guiding you through hard times, secretly advising you. Like a beacon of light guiding you through the thunderstorm. So let’s begin with your 5 Palm Signs of Good Luck, or Change of Luck.

Anyway, the "fish" looks like that fish-looking rune and goes as follows:

Amongst the Palm Signs of Good Luck, this certainly is one of the most important. But let me get this clear. It doesn’t mean that you’re born a princess, or something. Yet it shows clearly the potential to overcome initial obstacles, in your early life. Typically, those with the fish sign face a certain difficulty – when young – and this transforms them into “a fish”. Hence, they become nearly invincible, and good luck will show them the way to succeed in their lives. Let’s all remember that Aphrodite and Eros, once transformed into fishes in order to escape the Titans. Exactly like that, you’re blessed with the same ability. To escape the dangers, and live happily ever after.

This sounds legit.

I seem to have....six or so fish? Two on my left hand and four on the right. I have a lot of lines on my hands and enough of them make diamonds with tails here. 

(actually, looking again, there's most likely even more fish, but I don't feel like rephotographing)

• mount of Apollo (the Sun): the sign of Fish on the mount of Apollo is extra auspicious, promising a life of success and glory in the second half of someone’s life-span. Apollo will help you overcome your difficulties and gain success in many parts of your life.

(Both hands for me for Apollo, the next two are right hand only, two fish are on Jupiter.)

• mount of Saturn: the sign of Fish under the mount of Saturn (the planet of Witches) promises success and money through magical and spiritual ways.
• mount of Jupiter: in this mount the Fish promises an auspicious life (after initial obstacles). Hence, it attracts material success and abundance, through exceptional skills this person has acquired through time.

All of this is sounding just awesome. 

• mount of Neptune: this is probably one of the most precious spots, as it affects almost all parts of one’s life. If the head points upwards it is believed to be a sign of famous and very successful people. However, if the tail points upwards, then this success is delayed for second half of one’s lifespan.

Neptune's on the left hand only. Of course, it's tail up! 

Frankly, I would not be surprised to find out that everything good for me happens later in life--I have a lot of Saturn in my chart, after all. 

This week's Inauguration Day horoscope

"And now unfortunately, like the rest of the world, we must turn our attention to the specific events scheduled for this upcoming Wednesday. Now don’t worry, dear friends: I’m not going to get into politics. By definition, if you are a regular reader of mine, you must be a wonderful person regardless of how you voted. But you may have noticed that things in America, especially related to the last Presidential election, have gotten kind of scary lately. But Wednesday is the day America transitions from one President to the next one — and Wednesday is also the pivotal day when all the not-so-awesome transits are reaching their combined peak.

Tempers have been very explosive lately, particularly in America and around political matters. And it doesn’t help at all that Wednesday is also the day that Mars conjunct Uranus is exact. Even under the best of circumstances, that aspect would make for an increased risk of anger and violence. And although the Moon is at 29° Aries at noon Eastern, by the afternoon and evening that Moon will have entered Taurus and will be conjunct Mars and Uranus.

So, yes. It would seem that this Wednesday is going to be a microcosm of what is going on in the week in general. No one can move the planets through force of will, but we can always control how we react to things. I’m urging you to stay calm and centered with yourself and with others, because there’s gonna be some dangerous moods floating around out there.

In conclusion, behave yourself and stay in the bunker as much as possible this week. Peace and love, brothers and sisters. Peace and love."

Stellium in Taurus In 2021: Sun, Venus, Mercury & Uranus

I'm kinda looking forward to this, even though the planets are all between where I have planets of my own. My seventh house/relationships need help, y'all.