Sometimes when reading, such as when you are in a writing group, someone will draw a red line after a certain point and declare that they can read no more of this. It's called the Line of Death.
I am trying to force myself to go through my entire bookshelf of free books I picked up somewhere and never read so I can hopefully get rid of them. As a speedreader, I tend to try to give something like maybe at least 100 pages or half the book or something before I give up on it. So far I haven't loved any of these books I've had sitting around for quite some time and am so meh I can't finish them or just don't care about reviewing them because I was that bored. But hoo boy am I hitting the line of death and throwing the book fast on some of these. I need to rant a bit. I know there's a lot of tedious or boring or same old kinda shit romance novels out there, but some of these just made me rage.
The one with the creepy sperm and egg donation:
Mostly I was just bored on this, but the writing style is so...ugh, not great. "Pak, as he was known to his friends...." and then a chapter later, "Pete, as he liked to be called..." Though the author likes to throw his full name around, a lot, because now he is Impressive and A Millionaire and Wearing a HUGO BOSS funeral attire suit today. Pete decides to take his leave from being CEO for a year and says he'll fire anyone who calls him during that time, which seems quite rude. He gets offended when his secretary asks him if he's going to go watch television or something because he haaaaaaaaaaates television and OMG. "It was the worst thing Millie could have said to her boss." He also supposedly has booked therapy appointments THREE TIMES A WEEK (remind me to ask my therapist how feasible that one is) and then most of the time apparently doesn't show up. I guess he can afford the "I'm still charging you for this appointment" fees that the shrink will charge him for being a flakeass, but come on! Also, it's published in 2009 and yet the heroine still can't figure out a way to get in contact with Mr. CEO. She called his work and they said he was out and the alumni association wouldn't hand out his contact information. From what I remember of the late 2000's, you could still have a pretty good shot at getting in contact with someone online even without the dreaded Facebook, and she couldn't just leave a message or write his company? Also, they are angsting over sperm and egg donations from at least a decade ago and you're like, what brought this angst on?
Line of death: page 32, mostly because I was all "this writing style is not very good and I don't think this is going to get better." Also looking online, why does the hero apparently have two different names...? I don't mean the Pak/Pete thing, I mean like seeing reviews where the guy is named Sam. Huh?
The one with the astronomy professor and the union leader:
I thought this had potential--astronomy profession and union worker--but despite the hero and heroine having the hots for each other right off, he yells at her (and everyone), threatens her, and by page 76, when I hit the line of death, she's telling him he's left bruises on her. THAT IS NOT OKAY. This was written in 2012 and writing a romance (er, not a specifically BDSM-y one at least) where the guy yells, threatens, and bruises the heroine up is NOT OKAY. Isn't this author supposed to have a good reputation? I got the impression that the guy was supposed to be nice (at least in the first chapter by himself he seems nice and is also categorically against his abusive father-in-law), but why did he turn into Mr. Rage? It sounds like the Smart Bitches review was less bothered by this stuff, but...uck.
Line of death: page 76, because I was creeped out. Also, does that cover look like a girl who works in a mill to you? No. It does not. Read the comments in the link for fun with that.
The book that makes someone in 2019 want to throw it at a damn wall:
This book is written in 1999 and shows it.
Problems:
- The heroine writes comedy on TV shows. Every single bad stereotype of sexist awful all-male coworkers who smoke cigars all day--in a hospital--is being done. God forbid the heroine not want to reek of cigar all day either.
- She tries to tell her new boss not to sexually harass anyone and guess how that goes over. Look, she is totally cool with me sexually harassing her because I'm a cripple! (see below)
- Almost none of the jokes are actually funny so far, though a couple did make me slightly snicker (when she says she has a heart shaped diamond because her fiance is a cardiologist, her boss says imagine what it would have been if he was a proctologist). I am at a loss as to why an abominable snowman falling in love with the TV show heroine is considered to be a winning humor idea. Even the heroine, who basically just pulled that out of her ass, is all "I do not know how I am going to pull this off." Nobody here is actually funny, to the point where it was reminding me of this series where we're told people are funny but I never actually laugh at the "jokes." If you can't write jokes, have them write a drama series in a hospital or something, perhaps? I'll give the evil boss slight credit because I at least slightly smirked at a few of his jokes, but "God of Jokes," he ain't.
- Words like the r-word and "cripple" are used, repeatedly on that last one because the new boss has what I'm guessing is cerebral palsy or something. The heroine is very obviously put off by the guy for various reasons--he ain't too pleasant most of the time in the first few pages--but his physicality appears to be an issue as well. Though yeah, if he's somewhat hard to understand speaking, that is an issue.
- But mostly where I wanted to chuck this book out the window? Page 66, when the heroine objects to smelling like cigar and says she's going to go out somewhere where she can breathe and the new "cripple" boss PICKS HER UP BY HER ANKLES AND DANGLES HER OUT A WINDOW. He claims it's okay because Sid Caesar did it to Mel Brooks. "Remember what this did for Mel's career." Two of the "good guy" coworkers pull her back up, but the third is all, "Make sure she doesn't die on my car." That is an actual line in the book. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK. Also, if he is as handicapped as he sounds, how the fuck is he able to just pick up a woman and hang her out a window? Seriously, she should have fucking sued (I don't know if she does, but I"m gonna guess NO) or sued or quit or something because THAT AIN'T SAFE.
- I peeked a few pages ahead and it gets even worse from there, but I had to fucking stop. The romance is supposed to be between her and the jerk boss WHO HUNG HER OUT A WINDOW and I CAN'T EVEN WITH THIS.
Line of death: page 67.
I can't take this any more. I need to read a few books I am pretty sure ahead of time are at least going to be decent.
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