The author's story: she's a neuroscientist who decided to specialize in romantic love, even though she pretty much had NO romantic love interests in her life whatsoever, was an only child loner in France, etc. Then at age 37, she went to a conference in Singapore and fell madly in love pretty much instantly with another (?), John Cacioppo. They had a large age difference and an international relationship, but they didn't care. They eloped spontaneously and were blissfully happy. And then he got cancer, fought it for a few years, and then died.
The author mixes her life story in with the science of it all, arguing that romantic love is necessary and indispensable. Growing up, she thought her fate was to be alone forever and it was kind of ironic, given her job. She thought her independence might be a bonus. Her parents were a happy schmoopy love story that she felt was hard to live up to, especially when she didn't really have any interest in anyone.
She mentions a case she worked on where a lady had a stroke that made her unable to really see anything on her left side, and working with her to get her brain back to normal. "Often it was their passion for the thing they loved most in life--whether that was a vocation, or a hobby, or a person--that helped them rediscover the skill or ability that they had lost. I had read about the "power of love" in pop psychology books, heard it sung about in ballads, even marveled at it my parents' kitchen growing up, but now I was learning that it might actually play an important and undiscovered role in the brain. And I began to wonder if love might be the key not only to helping an inured brain recover but also to helping a healthy brain thrive."
People try to talk Stephanie out of studying love and call it career suicide, she is all "Bite me." She notes that she submitted a grant proposal with the word "love" in it, it got rejected, then she sent it in changing "love" to "pair bonding" and THEN it got accepted. She gets billed as "Dr. Love" in the media and creates what is billed as a "Love Machine," a 10 minute computer-based test to help you figure out which of two romantic partners you like best. Though she does claim, "I had not set out to develop a dating gizmo for undergrads." People's brains trigger on who they like best romantically, and it actually makes them smarter.
Stephanie goes to a conference in Shanghai and meets her future husband, John, a.k.a. "Dr. Loneliness," his field of expertise. He's a lot older than her, divorced twice, lives in another country, also married to his work...but they spark right off, LDR, elope, and live happily ever after until he gets cancer, which they fight together for years until he dies :( Then Stephanie has to figure out how to recover alone...during a pandemic. The love story is pretty short but very sweet, as is the entire book, really. I liked the points she made about love making you better and better able to endure pain and the like. I just kind of wish it was longer?
Overally, I enjoyed it and really felt for her. Four stars.
Comments