I have spent this week doing a DEEP DIVE into Spare. I grew up royal-watching and I ended up recapping the book in great damn detail elsewhere, so here's my overall thoughts on it. I'm aware Prince Harry (not a school nerd) probably dictated it to a ghostwriter, but that seems to have worked out well. It's a collection of chronological anecdotes ranging from the day before his mom died and everything went to tell to an added on epilogue after the Queen's death.
The incentive for the book is Harry trying to explain to them around the time of Grandpa's funeral why he left, because they Just. Don't. Get. It. So he's explaining it to the world, even though he probably knows darned well the menfolk won't read it but will lap up every news story about it.
What have I learned from the Harry experience?
(a) Pa and Willy (Charles and Wills) are the main family characters in this, with Granny popping up here and there and a few others getting a brief mention. Pa seems mostly well meaning but remote and not really having much of a clue as to how to bond with anyone who isn't Camilla. I always assumed Wills and Harry had a pretty good relationship, but Harry reveals it's more off-and-on and squabbling behind the scenes, with Willy wanting to pretend they don't know each other at Eton (oh, for fuck's sake, everyone knows you're related), getting into brawls, etc. Both brothers had OTHER PEOPLE as their best men and then the Palace claimed they were each other's best man, which was not the case. They're not all that close even before Meghan came along.
Once Meghan comes along, Pa is at first warm and then super distant, but Willy turns into Total Rage Monster, Jeebus H. Motherfucking Christ He's Awful. It should tell you something that Meghan wasn't even surprised/shocked to hear that Willy shoved Harry into a dog bowl. What the hell worse did she even know of before that? I read some article recently where Harry said he had double the manuscript and he could have said even more about Pa and Willy but it would be REALLY bad and you're like JEEBUS CHRIST.
Harry tactfully doesn't say a whole lot about anyone else. Camilla sounds like they have a barely there cordial relationship before this, but he says nothing much other than Camilla is trying to boost her reputation by selling him out. Kate and Harry get along great at first, but Kate is less happy once people start comparing her to Meghan. Granny pops in and out and is sometimes trying to be helpful and friendly, and sometimes it's a giant "who the hell knows what is going on here with her thinking" moment. We'll never know why she was fine with Harry marrying Meghan, and she's vaguely kind of helpful even if her suggestion to write a letter to Thomas Markle goes horribly wrong. Unfortunately, any time the Queen delegates her employees to help H&M, the employees so obviously hate them both and will do anything to not do anything. Yiiiikes, these assholes.
(b) The main thing to note about the British royal family is that they are constantly in competition with each other (check the paragraph about court circulars reporting on how many engagements they do a year and people trying to boost their totals at the last minute) and they are constantly throwing other members of the family under the bus by giving reporters/the royal rota shitty stories to blab about other people so that they look good. This is happening long before Harry meets Meghan and his own dad tries to defend him maybe once...which doesn't work. Soon Pa just sells him down the river because it looks better for a single dad to have a drug-addicted son. Pa/Camilla/their press people seem to do it all the time in particular.
However, all of the relationships go to hell once Harry gets together with Meghan. People are polite at first--ish.... well, Charles is, anyway. Willy and Kate are Very Formal and get Very Offended at Meghan for various things as time goes on, things Meghan obviously did not wish to offend about, and it sounds like within a few years they were at "bitch eating crackers" with her, particularly Willy. A tsunami of hate starts happening to Meghan for the pettiest of shit, no wonder she gets suicidal.
(c) Harry is not as rich as you'd think. Not that I know from rich people money, but Harry admits his father held the purse strings for everyone until he was cut off, and he never did things like carry money or order stuff online (you'd think he'd want to given the paragraphs on how he would run in and out of stores as fast as he could). He shopped at the English version of TJ Maxx unless his father bought him formal wear. He didn't super care about clothes and sounds like he lived a very bachelor nomad lifestyle and was given the shittier living arrangements a lot at the various palaces, cottages, etc. My bet is that his money went towards pubs and trips to Botswana. So when he's cut off and finds out that paying for security to keep him alive is going to be six million dollars, that's gonna be hard for him and what he's got for that is Diana's inheritance...followed by various corporate deals. He mentions that their offices were run down and short staffed and Meghan would go out and buy things like lamps and heaters and food for people. And yet, Charles claims he's too poor to pay for Harry and his wife in addition to another son and wife, which smacks of pure bullshit if you read about the money he's got access to.
(d) Harry keeps track of ALL THE SLANDEROUS SHIT said about him and Meghan and pretty much everyone. He may use cute little aliases for the real assholes, but you can probably figure out who most of them are by design. Harry is convinced that if the Palace would say something/do something, the harassment might end, or at any rate he is going to fight back, make statements, and sue people because this shit has to stop before Meghan dies. I admire that Harry is trying, but frankly, it doesn't seem to work, because literally nothing works for anyone ever.
Everyone else in the family has realized that there's nothing you can do about anything other than to ignore it or go with it, and that's what they say when Harry asks for help. This hurts Harry, which I do totally agree that he should feel that way. This family absolutely DOES NOT BACK EACH OTHER UP IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM, except occasionally saying something nice privately. Not only do they not back each other up, they actively aid and abet the enemy to make themselves look better. The royals are shitty, shitty people and while Harry's careful about talking about Granny, the true stories he tells about Pa and Willy really say things about them where name calling would not.
Harry would REALLY love to be backed up and supported instead of being thrown under the bus, or having his wife thrown under the bus. But that isn't gonna happen with these people. At this point Harry (and Meghan) have decided to blab what is probably a whole lot of everything, and let it all be out in the open.
(e) Including comments about Harry's frostbitten todger, having the occasional peeing incident, and other gross bodily comments once in awhile. As Lewis Grizzard said once upon a time, I don't think I'd a'tole that myself, but I get that Harry is a bit of a bro-y guy, he lets it all hang out, and he's no longer giving a shit about hiding that he got frostbite at the North Pole and needs to get a doctor to check it out. He's literally letting it all hang out, get your jokes in, Colbert, etc. He's making a point of revealing probably almost everything except for whatever other horrible behavioral examples of Pa and Willy and possibly Granny.
He's very blunt and honest about his public fuckups and apologizes for his stupidity (was I thinking? I wasn't). He does mention that for the Nazi costume incident, they were all trying to dress ridiculously and Willy and Kate thought the Nazi outfit was the most ridiculous option so they voted for that one. I'm not sure if that's pushing the blame onto them, but it explains the thought process. Ditto naked in Vegas and other shit he brought upon himself. Some people say he's trying to blame others, but he seems to take accountability to me.
(f) The poor guy could not keep a relationship going until Meghan because every girl he dated wanted to break up over being stalked by the tabloids. (I note that one he barely dated later killed herself, because of all the harassment, according to Harry. I don't know anything about the girl and someone later told me she was getting media harassment for other reasons, but geeeeeeez.) Literally you are all, how did Wills get Kate (I note that Harry seems to think it's a good pairing) in the first place when the spare literally can't keep a girlfriend or even get started with one at times. You get why he is highly motivated to not have the same shit happen to Meghan, except it does and even worse because she's biracial.
(g) The media have fairly well wrecked Harry's life and definitely ruined his military career by announcing his whereabouts in the field three fucking times. Literally on the last one, he spent two years learning to become a helicopter pilot so he could go back, and he STILL gets outed and his career ended.
(h) Oh yeah, and his mom died when he was 12. As you can imagine, that wasn't good. This is not the family that is able to cope with emotional loss and a lack of warmth.
I've seen a lot of griping online that Harry is whinging, but geez, I THINK HE'S GOT A REASONABLE LIST OF GRIEVANCES HERE, don't you? Can't go about without three bodyguards at all times or else he'll probably be murdered, the Taliban wants him, his own family is constantly selling him out in the press, he constantly gets harassed in the press and his wife gets worse, he can't go get a regular job after soldering and has been infantilized with regards to real life stuff, and when he objects to what's going on, gets thrown out on his ear with no money and no security and he very well could have gotten killed. Why the hell should he keep the family secrets after all of this? Harry says he's doing the same thing his relatives do, just under his own name instead of "Palace sources." Fuck these people.
I give him whopping props for letting it all hang out and letting his story be known--his mom would be proud. I doubt it'll make anything better, but at least some people in the world will get it and be on their side and look askance at the royal family's shenanigans. And being honest about your truth does kinda set you free.
For the record: I think all hopes of "reconciliation" with his family are dead, but I think they were dead once they announced that they wanted to go part time. You do NOT leave the royal family--look at how Edward got treated. Sure, it's bad that he was Nazi-friendly, but it's not like that made relations all that much worse when that came out. They already banned Wallis from England and his being allowed into England at all was at the Queen's pleasure. If Harry and Meghan hadn't done Oprah or the documentary or this book, they'd still be hated for leaving. This makes it worse, but the original wound is the unforgiveable. I say fuck it, say your truth.
Five stars. Good job, sir. You and your ghostwriter may have written the blowaway book of 2023 already.
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