Aimee wrote an essay years ago that got famous, and eventually became the seed for this book, along with an experience at a dinner party in which she said something taboo: "I think there's this idea that everyone finds someone eventually. And I just think realistically, there's no reason that would ever be true. Some people are just alone forever."
That was the reason why I wanted to read this book because ME TOO, but in all honesty it's more of a dating memoir. (Which in all honesty are not my bag: either you read about a bunch of meh/bad/shitty dates and that's it, or she finally finds someone...and spoiler alert, that's not this book.) After that experience Aimee goes to a personal trainer, loses some weight, and forces herself to go on two dates a week for a period of time to get used to being rejected. She admits she doesn't learn a whole lot from that experience, though she does get a few one night stands. She finally falls for someone who is only into her once in a while to get laid but doesn't have much interest than that. Then she keeps going on with single life again. Frankly, I wanted to read about what it's like to give up and to be forever alone and hopeless, and that wasn't quite this book, even though in a way it is.
I'm not saying it's a bad book, because it isn't, but it was not what I expected. I wanted to hear more about how you deal with people insisting that as long as you're alive there's hope, that you have to be "self-actualized" before you can find love, that you have to be perfect, that you have to work on yourself, that you have to stop caring before you can find someone. She does note that that stuff seems to translate into "no one will want you like that." But there's grumbling that a book isn't what you were going for, and you're supposed to review what you've got. Overall I kept on reading, but I didn't quite feel like it was covering what I had thought it would from the title.
I do agree with some things she said:
- "Over the years, I've found that a common misconception about writers is that they share stories about their lives because they think they are good people; actually, I share stories about myself because I know that some people are bad in the same way I am, and talking about it can make us better."
- "It did not, however, feel like it had actually changed anything about the future. I could very easily still end up alone, and all these dates hadn't made me feel less lonely."
And even though obviously the one dude she dates for longer than a few dates, Adrian, doesn't come through, she admits some things I certainly think after I run into the crush that rejected me again.
- "You can find someone better and more reliable," he told me, after I admitted to reaching out. He was wrong. Not only had I not met anyone else I'd felt more than a passing interest in, none of them had been particularly reliable. It made more sense to gamble on the person I really wanted, even if it was a losing bet."
- "For the last few hours, I'd been given the focused attention of a man I still, on some level, completely adored. Knowing he was a dishonest and manipulative guy hadn't altered whatever that chemical reaction was, or the twisting path he'd taken across my love map of cultural volition. Any recovery I'd made in the last four months had been completely swept away by the look in his eyes and our third half-priced drink."
- "Nothing else would happen with this person. He could be attracted to me still; he could be basking in my obvious attraction to him. He could just need a little thrill. I didn't want to let him go again, even as I recognized he wasn't really there with me in the first place. The glow inside me was still valid to me, even if I couldn't glow for him again."
- "Loving someone had given shape to a lot of my days, added poignancy to a lot of my nights; it had motivated me, made me feel anger, sorrow, passion. It was even part of the final decision to move my life from one place to another, both internally and externally. Love is a story, one I'd heard many, many times before. While in love, I could very easily picture what a future would look like, if Adrian (or anyone) would only love me back. Even knowing he never would, I'd been waiting for some denouement to make sense of it all."
Hear, hear.
Anyway. I'm giving it 3.5 stars, whatever that's worth exactly? Interesting read even if it wasn't quite what I was hoping for. I don't get why nobody wants to love Aimee (or me either), or why she's still single and unwanted by everyone while everyone else around her couples up. It doesn't make sense. She sounds lovely. I hope she gets what she wants someday. (Meanwhile, I just prayed to St. Jude.)
Comments