Speed-Reading Book Nerd Reviews

The Grimoire Grammar School Parent Teacher Association

By Caitlin Rozakis.

I heard of this a few days ago and it was a great premise--what it's like at a magical school from the Muggle parent's POV. Vivian and her husband Daniel lived a normal Muggle life until one day Vivian and her 5-year-old daughter Aria were out hiking and Aria was brutally attacked/infected by a rogue werewolf. AT FIVE, the poor kid wolfs out all the time and now has food allergies to chocolate and eggs (food allergies go along with some supernatural conditions), and became a social pariah--and bit her psychiatrist. 

While the pack the rogue werewolf belonged to has been helpful with offering assistance, and especially in getting Aria into the title school and moving the family to a magical-friendly town--that still means that Vivian, as the stay-at-home-mom, to make sure everyone fits together and fits in in an environment that wasn't meant for them. Hell, just back to school shopping and dealing with food issues and social requirements is bad enough. Vivian tries to get in with the Queen Bee ladies, which can only go so well when her child is perennially having some kind of issue. Vivian joins the PTA as their financial person since she was a CPA before having a kid, but the previous officeholder seems to have left under bad terms and Vivian definitely finds some Issues with the finances that the new headmistress doesn't seem to have any interest in investigating.  Husband Daniel is perennially at work in the city and is of little help--and him getting pissy at times doesn't help either, I started feeling a bit resentful at Daniel. There's a lot of analogies here about having a special needs kid, for sure. Plus the adult social issues. Plus feeling left out because you're the only non-magical person around. Plus Aria perpetually wolfing out and struggling.

I'll say this: the sheer amount of Unhappy going on in this book for about 60% of it was heartwrenching. Vivian is trying her damndest, dammit, and she's trying SO hard. Dealing with Queen Bee shit triggers both Vivian and Daniel's childhood issues and essentially, they don't have any family of their own that support them, so they're in all of this alone. And poor little Aria is just trying to figure out being five and wolfy and how to have friends, then has to worry about passing exams so she can STAY in school... Oh yeah, and some kinds of weird Incidents keep happening every time there's an exam event. And then both Vivian and Aria seem to be getting vaguely targeted, and it's implied they might be involved in a prophecy that nobody wants to have happen. For a book that has relatively low-ish stakes most of the time, I'm reminded of Donald Maass's "tension on every page." And hoo boy, there is tension! By the time Vivian and Aria actually have a good day, ohmygod, it was such a relief. 

As for the conclusion of the book: it gets...a bit jumbly and suddenly there's several potential issues being juggled as "is THIS what's going on here?" (I did crack up when it got kinda "Operation Varsity Blues" for a bit.) Eventually it's sorted out, but it was a bit messy. But Vivian manages to come to a better place and get some better friends, and I was happy for her on that. Overall, giving it four stars for being compelling even on what might be kind of "minor"-ish subject matter? Making sure they fit in in a magical community is High Stakes, and the author handles that well and it's gripping. 

Tidal Creatures

By Seanan McGuire.

I read Middlegame years ago. It was both interesting and confusing at the same time, as the worldbuilding of the alchemists and the shit they get up to is QUITE A LOT. This is a sequel to that, taking place in the same world, with mostly a new cast of characters. There is a book in between this one and Middlegame,

Toward the end of the book, the plot is summarized: "Your friend's dead, and that sucks, and we need to figure out who or what killed her; we have an asshole alchemist running around making monstrosities and attacking people who haven't done anything to warrant it; and we have a group of alchemists who seem to have mostly been wiped out by the aforementioned asshole, who were making accessory packs of existing Lunars in a really complicated attempt at a honeypot. Does that sound about right for a summary?"

I could have used that a lot earlier in the book. Here's my attempt at explaining it:

Some people have a spiritual/magical link with various lunar deities, most of whom partner nicely with their humans, and periodically they do a shift as the moon transiting over the Impossible City. One of them gets murdered, and other Lunars in the area are trying to figure out whodunit. Artemis rolls into town, using a fake name, and sometimes is caught out lying and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to trust her or not. The main people are Judy (partnered with immortal peach tree goddess Chang'e) and David (partnered with vaguely described god Mani), who are UC Berkeley students. The main lunar goddess in the area is Professor Williams, a Diana, but she's not in the book much.

In a lab underground, a manufactured human named Kelpie has been created to be a bait for an Artemis, because the alchemists want into the Impossible City and want to use a Lunar to do it. Kelpie's alchemist creator seems to have had reservations about what she did and told Kelpie lies about her identity, but when the creator is murdered for being a "failure" at her job, she tells Kelpie to run for it. Kelpie gets lucky in that she runs into Isabella, a hechicera*, who is aware of alchemist shit and is willing to take her in. A creepy alchemist named Tristan who killed Kelpie's creator is on her tail, though.

• This sounds SO COOL: "We talk the universe into things," though I don't think we really...see...that much?

After about 200 pages, Judy runs literally into Professor Roger Middleton and is immediately offered assistance by him, Dodger, and his house of similarly odd people. This is very helpful, and a good follow-up to the previous book.

This is a lot simpler than the book feels. I love exposition so much I could be Basil, but this world requires SO MUCH EFFING EXPLANATION OF EVERYTHING that even I got tired. The seasonals, the Lunars, the doctrines, the alchemists, cuckoos, etc., etc. are just a lot of different things and it takes awhile to figure out how it fits together and keep track of it all. It's a really convoluted world. It's a good thing I like the characters, but I had a hard time getting through the book in a lot of respects. And also, the final villain isn't around a whole lot and it just felt like "welp, we're outta time, time to wrap this whole drama up quickly" at the end.

I'm inclined to give it 2.5 stars. It has potential and some likeable things, but also it's just a darned lot to keep track of and process and made me feel tired to read.

Onyx Storm

By Rebecca Yarrow.

Previous book here.  I again listened to this in audiobook, in case I missed anything, a better summary is here.

I didn't enjoy reading Iron Flame all that much, and I've read a ton of complaints about Onyx Storm. But in all honesty, I thought it was better? It focused on plot, and there was a lot of it, and it wasn't just Violet having emotional drama bombs all the time? So, improvement as far as I'm concerned.

So everyone goes back to school, but Violet gets to leave for awhile with a group of people to (a) try to make alliances with other nations and (b) see if she can find/make an alliance with Andarna's dragon species. (Me: I'm surprised she's allowed to bug out of school for weeks?!) The continent they live on is full magic, but the oceans around them are NOT, and most of the isles they go to either have no magic or a lower dose than they're used to. That means no communication with your dragon--except for Violet with hers, because exception somehow--and Xaden is all "hey, no magic, let's have sex now, baybee." I do think the new places made things interesting, albeit some of them are Quite Strange.

The search for allies mostly goes quite poorly, as their first royal liaison is an asshole and a fuckup. Some places refuse. They go a Camazotz-y intellectual snobbery place, where Violet manages to save the situation in a way that amused the hell out of me (see spoiler cut), there's fighting, and then there's the place dedicated to luck, which is hard going emotionally. And Andarna goes through the wringer in a sad way. Though we did find out the reason--ish....for Violet's hair, which I enjoyed. That went very interestingly, albeit I still want more details.

When they get back, more battles erupt, Violet has a very hard fight, and Xaden, well.... The ending is along the lines of "surprising" and "how the eff did that happen?!" and it seemed abrupt, to say the least.

Overall I enjoyed all of that enough to give it four stars, because it kept me interested and yet kept the angst and agita to a reasonable amount. Violet could have lost her shit over Xaden's little problem, but she didn't, so good for her. Reasonable restraint was being practiced.

Wooing the Witch Queen

By Stephanie Burgis.

This book is great fun, sweet, and even if it's "The Queens of Villainy" series, is clearly on the side of good. Three young queens band together in friendship against everyone (men, of course) out to get them, so it's a series! This one features Saskia, who was magically powered from an early age, lost her parents, and then her evil uncle took over the throne. By the time we start the book, she's come into her own, kicked out her evil uncle, and maximized her evil villain reputation in public. Behind the scenes, she's very caring for her employees and especially for all of the different species/people in her realm, because discrimination (sigh) keeps going on and she is NOT gonna do that. Anyway, she needs her personal library organized and needs some dark wizard to work for her doing that.

In a neighboring country, the handsome, nerdy, sheltered Archduke Felix has been kept a prisoner and abused by his father-in-law, who is running the country. Felix was happily married, but his wife has died, and Felix finally finds the means to escape* and run to the neighboring country of Kitvaria. Wearing a mask and taking on some fake names, he manages to get hired as Saskia's librarian despite not having any magic. He makes friends with the rest of the staff, and the birds (very cute), and he and Saskia hit it off in a gentle, loving way. It's very sweet.

The other queens (sequels!) are the rainbow faerie queen Lorelei, a professional minx-y trickster sort, and Ailana, a literal ice queen who secretly believes in love. There's a surprise complication later on in the book involving them, which was interestingly handled, but Ailana was adorable in it. As for Lorelei...well, book 2.

• this is a bit too easy, but justified in the plot. I won't get into spoiling too much on this, but I did really enjoy the use of one deity here.

Things I'm not as thrilled with: (a) It's nice to see a bi heroine, but Saskia's relationship with her ex who still works for her is very...odd and vaguely uncomfortable to me. I get the vibe that Mirjana might have been the dominant personality in that relationship and maybe that's why Saskia ended it, but ... I dunno, it's just weird every time she's onstage. (b) The sex scene gave me some weird concerns about the consent factor. I mean, clearly the two of them are both interested in getting down so that's not the issue, but Felix feels obligated to confess his secret and Saskia gets kind of weird and is all, "I'm going to put a silencer spell on you" and I was all, that's...not great... It kind of came off more as "this is gonna be their fun sex game" or at least that's the intention implied, and he's enjoying it, but then clearly some things need to be said, and that was... I dunno, also weird to me.

But overall, I enjoyed this a lot and still give it four stars and look forward to the next book.

Woke Up Like This

By Amy Lea.

17 going on 30, anyone? Our narrator, Charlotte Wu, is an overachiever who, among other things, wants a perfect prom. She has a longtime rivalry going on with JT Renner, a perfectly handsome jock, a charmer, the guy who beat her for student body president, and also the guy who stood her up for homecoming freshman year. After they have a little crashing accident while dealing with prom decorations, Charlotte and JT find themselves...age 30, living together, and engaged. They find out that they got together at prom, got together again after college, and now work together at the high school. Charlotte (and somewhat JT) are horrified at this and have to try to figure out how they got together and fake affection in public, try to briefly figure out the time travel (doesn't happen, really), and find out that the two of them are a better match--and JT had his reasons for doing what he did.

This love plot, which is enjoyable, is also intertwined with the slowly failing best friendship of Charlotte and her best friend Kassie. Sure, Kassie's too focused on her boyfriend...and flakes a lot...like a LOT...and might be a liar--actually as time goes on you're pretty sure of that one--but Charlotte doesn't want to let go, and doesn't know what to make of their drifting apart at age 30. And finally, Charlotte, who's just found out that her dad is having a baby with his new girlfriend, finds out that her dad died. Even though things go back to regular time eventually, she and JT have to integrate their knowledge of the future with their present.

(As for "the future," all they have are Tesla's that self-drive. Sigh.)

I enjoyed reading this a lot, as the author made enemies-to-lovers really work, and the time travel is intriguing. Plus the other impending losses in Charlotte's future were touching as she figures out how to cope with them. The reveal about JT's date absence in particular made sense and foreshadowed well. Overall, I'd recommend it. Four stars.

The Martian Contingency

By Mary Robinette Kowal.

I have read the other books in the series, but the reviews of them are NOT coming up for me and I can't find them. GRRRR. Anyway, this takes place after The Fated Sky (where we last saw Elma) and The Relentless Moon (most recent book, featuring Nicole). 

We're finally back with Elma York as she's involved in leadership on Mars. Upon landing and reuniting with her friends (and she's got her husband Nathaniel too), she thinks she'll be more "in the group" this time. But Elma keeps finding some weird things around the station. Like the lovely mural she admires is covering up a slur. Like her commander Leonard's favorite Latin slogan being carved into a wall, with a lot of tally marks. Like finding bloodstains in an old boot. However, people refuse to tell her what's going on, don't have their cover stories straight about it, and look Very Uncomfortable. Elma (reasonably and correctly) deduces this had something to do with the racist South African dude, DeBeer, that was on a previous mission, but getting the truth out of people takes quite awhile.

Then there's pregnancy, as trying to follow the rhythm method on Mars, with its changing time zones, is...difficult. Elma's own issues are triggered a bit, but when the problem goes further, it causes all kinds of international controversy. And then there's an Incident that harms crew members, leading Elma to find out more uncomfortable truths.

This one kind of has a "cozy" vibe to it compared to other books in the series, as people aren't at war with each other this time (even if at one point, there's some doubt). Even if people disagree, they're working things out, and that's great. The uneasy mystery behind it all is intriguing, as well as the ethical dilemmas that come up. Elma's generally learned how to deal with things like anxiety, cameras and putting on a show, and her former enemy, and her handling those things and helping others to do the same is beautiful.

I don't know if this is the end of the series (perhaps), but it's a great note to end on. Four stars. 

Iron Flame

By Rebecca Yarrow.

Previous book here. I listened to this in audiobook. This is a helpful link to clarify what went on in it.

So I read that this book was heavily rushed by the publisher, giving the author oh, seven months or so to produce a 600-page tome. Good lord, it could have used some editing. The overall plot isn't bad, but the entire book is an emotional DRAMA BOMB ALL OVER THE PLACE DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA. I realize our character are ages 21-24 and maybe not the most emotionally mature, but seriously, it's a lot.

After the big revelations of the previous book, our characters are forced to go back to college, except for the graduating ones, and pretend like they haven't found out anything. However, the survivors all have targets on their backs and are having assassination attempts happening at college again, and a horrifyingly creepy bad guy is brought in to creep on and torture Violet. (I read a description online saying "male Umbridge," and I would not disagree.) Second year is Withstand Torture Year, and this book certainly delivers. You'd think Violet's going to get off relatively easy a few times when she gets in trouble, and she does (I rolled my eyes at "oh, my fancy dagger can get me out of here"), but then it certainly gets ugly later on. So be forewarned. About halfway through the book, secrets are revealed, and a major change is made in setting, opening up the world and introducing our cadets to people from the griffin academy and getting them more involved in the fight from the "traitor" side of things. 

I would just like to note that the griffin rider academy is actually SANE and doesn't constantly have its students being killed off all the fucking time, and Violet is gobsmacked to find out that constant death isn't the only option. Basgiath is nutterpants awful. Violet tries to defend their "kill 90% of students to make you strong" ways, but really, the sheer amount of wasted bodies is plain stupid. That seems to be the Basgiath way, though. Also, I agree with this review that there are so many dead bodies and names thrown out that upset Violet, but we don't get to know these people or care.

Anyway, the overall plot isn't bad (reminds me of the end of Harry Potter) and there's a ton of exciting action going on (kudos to the audiobook reader for her delivery). The ending is especially exciting and revelatory and I enjoyed it, and the audiobook reader does an EXCELLENT job of reading with urgency. But what got to me was the sheer amount of DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA going on. I get that Violet's traumatized by finding out the big lie of her world, and another lie involving a family member. But the sheer amount of angst, wankery, whining and crying and agita this girl has over SECRETS AND LIES!!!! SECRETS AND LIES!!! and it is just too fucking much.

Violet is CONSTANTLY LOSING HER SHIT over:

1. the fact that her new boyfriend/non-boyfriend (oh, come on, he's your boyfriend) KEPT SECRETS FROM HER!!! Xaden admits he had to, specifically because her "best friend" Dain reads memories off people, and in fact, has done this to Violet. With bad consequences. You'd think Violet would get this and understand, but no, she canNOT stop pouting about it.
2. Given the situation, Violet is now forced to KEEP SECRETS!!!! from her friends/squadmates, who weren't there at the end of the book to find out. Violet considers this to be excruciating agony to have to LIE!!!! and can't stop pouting about it. Per Xaden's advice (which isn't great) to avoid people if you can't keep yourself from blabbing, Violet starts avoiding her friends and spending a lot of time in the library. Her best friend Rhiannon clearly notices this, clearly can figure out Something Is Wrong, and you just want to be all "for fuck's sake, say something already, girl." Like, "Hey, Rhi, I know I've been different since the war games, some shit went down, I can't talk about it now, I'll let you know when I can." That would have been nice, but Violet has No Chill in this book. 
3. Now that Xaden's graduated and gone to the front, they're forced to remain separated most of the time. Despite the "mated dragons can only be apart for a few days" stuff we've been fed so much, the military only very grudgingly allow Xaden and Violet an every-other-Saturday weekend pass, which the military then tries to screw up by making them work/do school, etc. So everyone's cranky and horny. Xaden is all "TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!" to Violet and Violet is in Huffy Ass Mode and not inclined to give up the L word even though it's obvious.  At one point while listening to the audiobook in the car, I found myself yelling, "JUST FUCK HIM ALREADY!!!" 

Between all of the SECRETS AND LIES!!!!! agita and Violet and Xaden having "SECRETS AND LIES!" fights, the first half of the book is emotionally exhausting. It was a great relief to finally end the SECRETS AND LIES!!! section and move onto the second half of the book....which, alas, decided to introduce nobility, and some random ex-girlfriend/fiancee of Xaden's, who is a snotty-ass little bitch. So we go from SECRETS AND LIES! drama to I'M SO JEALOUS!!! drama instead. Blech. Violet and Xaden are so obviously gone over each other, what's there to be jealous of? Grow up, people. 

Andarna is almost entirely missing from book 1, SIGH, as she is going through some kind of dragon puberty, more or less. She roars back in in book 2, finally, but she's Had Some Changes and it's not just that she's a moody teen, either.  I love me some Andarna, though I will note that this book is Even More Special Special Special when it comes to her and Violet. It's...kinda much. (Also, how long do baby dragons cook here?!) 

Anyway: it's been a few weeks of this, and I am tired, and yet have Onyx Storm to go through on audiobook as well. I give this 2.5 stars. Mostly it is just very tiring to read. Good plot when that's focused on, but the near-constant motional wankery was Not My Favorite and I wish a good chunk of this book had been edited down. 

 

Emily Wilde's Compendium of Lost Tales

By Heather Fawcett: 

Previous book here, spoiler space. This seems to be advertised as the last in the series (for now), which is fine, as it resolves on a pretty good note. 3.5 stars?

Buried Deep and Other Stories

By Naomi Novik.

Short story collection:

• Araminta, Or, The Wreck of the Amphidrake. My favorite story in here, about an ambitious lady in a sexist culture meeting pirates. This was great. I wanted more of that.
• After Hours: A Scholomance side story about Beata (more of a witchy personality) having to deal with a rude prominent roommate. Nice resolution of it.
• Vici: in which Antony of ancient Rome is the first to partner with a dragon in war. Vici is quite adorable, love her.
• Buried Deep: a story about Ariadne and her little brother the Minotaur being put into the maze. Odd one, I didn't quite know what to make of it.
• Spinning Silver: a shorter alternate story version of the book.
• Commonplaces: an Irene Adler story in which she tracks down the "dead" Sherlock and gets involved with him.
• Seven: A very odd one about a sculptor lady, the guy she marries, her kids, him trying to get her to replace a statue by giving her cancer...this was kinda compelling, but didn't really resolve and I don't know what to make of it.
• Blessings: A story of a baby getting blessed by fairies to be ugly, strong, and rich. Pretty short.
• Lord Dunsany's Teapot: I just...didn't get this one.
• Seven Years From Home: I had to reread this a few times and I still don't quite think I got it either. Seems to involve space travel, a plague, and getting wings?
• Dragons and Decorum: If Elizabeth Bennett was in the Temeraire world. I quite liked it.
• Castle Coeurlieu: an obscure one about a teen bride, her friendly stepson, and a creepy tower with queens in it. I'm not sure what went on here either. 
• The Long Way Round: a preview to the author's next series, "Folly," features a brother, sister, and a wizard sailing Columbus-style to see what else they can find. Just kind of ends abruptly here.

I think this collection wasn't for me. I liked a few stories here and there, but a good chunk of the time I was kind of lost, or didn't get it, or...something. Two and a half stars.

All Better Now

By Neal Shusterman.

“We’re at war with a disease that changes the very nature of who you are–that steals not just your body, but your will. It tells you who it wants you to be.” -Morgan 

I am totally fascinated with this book’s concept. It’s a great one. A new pandemic has broken out after covid. Labeled “Crown Royale” for no particularly spelled-out reason, it kills 1 in 25. BUT those who recover…are pretty much perennially chilled out, blissful, content. Depression, gone! Power-hungry-ness? Gone! Billionaires are suddenly getting rid of all of their money and disappearing to chill in the woods! People are more into helping each other and repairing things rather than buying new, new, new. It sounds awesome. I would seriously go out and try to catch me some Crown Royale, y’all. (Even the author said so.) 

However: there’s always a dreary opposition, such as people who like themselves as rich people, or power-hungry people, or ambitious people. Who think recoverees have become zombies or pod people, and don’t want to do it themselves. Of course, there’s some rich people willing to put some money into a counter-virus that will save them from catching Crown Royale. 

“The funny thing about Crown Royale is that it takes our greatest flaws and turns them into assets.” -Javins

Our story features four main narrators:

1. Ron Escobedo, son of the third second richest man in the world. Ron has been suicidal in the past, and runs off to make sure he catches Crown Royale. By a weird quirk of genetics, he not only catches it, it solves his color-blindness, and he ends up a alpha-spreader and permanently contagious to all. Ron reasonably comes to the conclusion that the best thing he can do for the world is spread it. Meanwhile, his loving-but-ambitious dad is doing the best he can to find his son and fund a counter-virus, even as his resistance cabal loses members.. (I do appreciate that his dad doesn’t seem like that much of an asshole in this one, or at least as much as I’d expect from a rich guy who names his kids after apex predators. “Good billionaire,” kinda yeah! ) 
2. Mariel, a homeless teen who loses her shifty mother early on in the book. Mariel would LOVE to catch Crown Royale, but she turns out to be the world’s only immune. Mariel and Ron become a couple/soulmates almost immediately, but she’s definitely confused as to what to do in Ron’s situation. She kind of agrees on spreading, but also thinks people should get a choice. She also finds herself needing to rein Ron in a bit here and there since his superpowers of chill make him discount things he should be doing for his own survival. 
3. Morgan Willmon-Wu, a supergenius teenager who’s handpicked by Dame Glynis Havilland to take over her fortune and empire. Glynis has contracted Crown Royale and wants to be sure she can’t give away her money, and she wants Morgan to end Crown Royale. Morgan takes to this like a duck to water, throws her power around, and makes sure that a countervirus is made–she just needs an immune.
4. Glynis, who used to be a cranky rich lady who was dedicated to engineering revenge while looking good (I admit to being delighted as to her recounted schemes, like putting a home for abused women next to an abuser and putting a large sign about him being an abuser up at it). Now she’s chill, she’s poor, and she’s dating her butler, which is adorable. She and her butler agree that well, something needs to be done about Morgan and the plan to eliminate Crown Royale. However, Glynis’s usual schemes are something she literally can’t pull off any more and everyone knows it. What do you do then? 

Fascinating, eh? I’ve read some reviews saying they weren’t as into the characters, and I kinda get it because they’re more based on their plots rather than personalities to some degree. But the overall situation is so freaking hypnotic that I did not care, even if it’s a bit ridiculous to have a 19-year-old genius as your main villain. I desperately want a world with Crown Royale taking it over (ESPECIALLY NOW). And yet also I can see the issues of it crashing the economy, or how there’s a “Lemming Incident” in which twelve people die because they jump into the ocean to save people without the ability to survive such, you’ll lose people in the military, and what happens if your president gets it and now everyone know the president won’t actually use nukes on anyone. I agree with Mariel that there needs to be a balance between being chill and nice and being perhaps TOO chill to live, but that doesn’t seem to be an option here. 

“The greatest, most pernicious loss of life will be caused by the unembraced, whose fear makes them cling to the old ways of anger, distrust, territorialism, and treachery. They will kill tenfold more than the virus ever could.” -Javins. 

Also, I liked how this book followed up on covid life, with masks vs. no masks again, the usual, “why do you have it over your chin but not your nose” (I see this literally every day at work still), impending quarantines, etc. except with weirder follow-ups. 

Overall, it feels like the world needs to change to a Crown Royale one, but when an alternative is created….well, that’s below the spoiler cut. I read that this is a duology and we’ll find out what happens in the second book. I’ll be eager to read it.

Five stars. EPIC ranking. Bring on the Crown Royale, folks, we need it. 

I’m posting some interviews with the author: “Can’t you predict something happy?”