EVERYBODY HATES LIZTHONY

I think the Intarwebs just exploded with hate, because sites that don't even normally bitch about FBOFW are doing it today.

3WA:

• "Checklists? Fucking checklists!?
  [shoots self] "
• "Overwhelming urge to vomit? CHECK."

Throwing Things:

• "Is there some reason, any reason at all, that I am suppose to think that it's great than Elizabeth Patterson will now spend the rest of her life with Anthony? He's a spinless bitch who felt the right time to confess his needy love was a few hours after she was nearly raped. She's a tease who felt it appropriate to dump a long-term boyfriend after he'd obtained a transfer so he could be with her. I've read every single solitary panel of FBOFW, and I've come to regard every single character in the Lynn Johnston foobiverse with complete contempt."
• "I should probably stop reading before I, like the wearisome Grouchy Gramps, have a stroke."
• "I hope "NOT ME" knocks over the cake at the wedding."

FOOBiverse:

• "Was this the proposal? Reading the checklist of qualifications?  Well, now we have been told what a great guy Stache-less is and how Lizthony is the perfect couple.   Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm convinced.  I have seen the error of my ways, and am now ready to join Kool Aid Nation and rejoice for the happy couple."
• "Is there anything more romantic than a young couple in love, mechanically ticking off the qualities they’re looking for in a person? Romeo and Juliet have nothing on these two!"
• "Desperate?" Check. "Willing to settle?" Check. "Unwilling to be single for a while?" Check. "Totally oblivious to the potential problems inherent in being a stepmom?" Check."
• "Enormous, fly-covered, steaming pile of bullshit? CHECK!"
• "Love, the romantic kind, doesn't last in FOOBville. What really matters is being secure, having the same values and goals, someone who you can count on to be there to eat ginormous slop burgers and cholesterol casseroles with."
• "Liz is applying for the job of Anthony's wife. And he asks her "Loves Children?" as in "loves the generic idea of having children someday?" not "loves my daughter and is willing to be a mom, starting right away?" I guess Lynn isn't racy enough to end the strip with Liz asking about "benefits."
• "This strip is a bulimic's best friend."
• "Liz loves Anthony. She has always loved Anthony. They are perfect for each other. Paul was a cheating bastard, and there was NO other boyfriend after him. Just Anthony.
  Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.
  No Child Left Behind is good for America's schools.
  We are winning the war in Iraq."
• "Remember that scene in Stand By Me where the kid is telling the story about the pie-eating contest and it ends with all of these people vomiting because they saw others vomiting?
  That is what North America is experiencing."
• "Does she love camping and outdoor activities? He knows she’s been to Mtig, although she didn’t love the outdoors enough to stay there. Meanwhile, though, how important is the outdoors to Ant? Does his astronomy club presidency count?
  Is she financially responsible? Saying yes to that should make her nose grow. This should really be asked of him. Ant is many things that are deplorable, but as far as we know, he does have financial sense.
  Loves children? Notice how she says “Absolutely!” as well as “Check!” She’s so not Therese, y’all!
  Is she honest and sincere? Another dating-site question. Really, does anyone ever say “I’m a pathological liar and I’ll say or do anything to get what I want”? Anyway, it doesn’t matter which one of them has to answer that: they both flunk.
  Lifelong commitment? I thought they were taking it slow and he didn’t want to get married again until some hazy “someday.”
  Respectful and faithful? Well, technically, he was faithful to Liz the whole time he was married to Therese. Respectful of what, though?"
• "Keeps a tidy house and loves to cook?" is one of the questions Darrin Stevens asked Samantha when she was practically begging him to put aside the fact that she was a witch and marry her anyway. It was insulting then, and it's even worse in 2007."
• "The creepiest thing about this for me is how very much Antoinette looks like Liz's dad in this strip. In my opinion, it's more disturbing that ticking off the requirements for a Stepford!Spouse, or the most unromantic proposal of all time.
  Witness the dawn of Dadthony, folks."
• "LOL! This is the funniest FOOB has been in a while. Anthony? Respectful and faithful? Hah! Liz with a sense of humor and being financially responsible? ROFL! Oh, wait, the best part: Liz actually says she's willing to commit to something long-term! That's just too hilarious.
  OK, now seriously. Only Liz and Anthony could make a date seem about as romantic as going to a doctor's office and being asked about your symptoms. Lynn even drew them with freaking Bambi eyes in panels 5 and 7. Ew. When have we seen some of these "qualifications" they claim to have? Since when does Liz have a sense of humor? And is she looking for someone with an even temper because she doesn't want someone who will fight back when she chases them around with the newspaper? The financially responsible and respectful and faithful things have already been mentioned. I'm still LOLing about the idea of Liz making a serious commitment to something. Liz. The woman who won't even sign a lease because it's too binding. Hahaha....Liz...hahahaha...long term commitment! That's a good one, Lynn!"
• "I'm sick and tired of having this relationship shoved down my throat."
• "So nice of Lynn to spell out in detail exactly what we're supposed to think of her characters."
• "Well, I guess this sort of blows the "wonderful friends" bit. I mean they still don't know these basic things about each other?
  And, I can't find the date, but remember when Candace told Liz that she and Rudy had made a checklist to see if they were compatible? Liz was soooo "Oh, that's so unromantic!"
  Well, we see what she is settling for now, don't we?  Be sure and kick the tires before you drive her off the lot, kids!"
• "What we don’t know is:
  a. Does “check” mean that they also have this characteristic on their list, like some sort of bizarre game of “Go Fish’?
  b. Does “check” mean they agree this is an important characteristic for them in a potential spouse? If so, then look at Liz’s response in the second-to-last panel for a laugh.
  c. Does “check” mean they don’t know how to spell “cheque”?
  d. Can there possibly be a less romantic way to see if you are compatible with someone; I mean aside from an arranged marriage where you don’t meet the bride until your wedding day, or a mail order bride, or perhaps getting your spouse through the slave trade?
  e. Is it possible that Lynn Johnston, in an effort to connect more with the romantic practices of today’s youth, has started reading Seventeen magazine quizzes for ideas.
  f. Are there going to be any questions asked here which are of any significance to marital compatibility like having similar religious beliefs, desire to continue living in the same location, desire to have more children, desire to become a stay-at-home mother, etc.?"
• "Liz and Anthony are NONE of the things they are listing- they are just skimming over these things to get to the desired end. 
  I'm a Catholic, and Catholics are required to attend actual "couples sessions" with the priest several times before the wedding. My priest would not have let us get away with just saying "check, check, check" at every important issue. We had to talk it out, and most important we had to admit that we WEREN'T perfect and DID have some things we would struggle with. The key question was, were we willing for life NOT to be perfect?
  Liz and Anthony do none of this. Just a mad rush to whitewash any conceivable roadbumb- like a stepdaughter, for instance- so they can get hitched before the hybrid starts. I'm running out of adjectives to describe how much I really hate this. How about "this is reprehensible?"
• "So Lynn drops all pretensions of 'wanting to explore' the characters because their relationship 'didn't feel right' and just charges full-tilt for the altar. Charming. Except really, really not.
  Even as a shy, giggly first date scenario this is tired, contrived and dull. But as has been made clear...repeatedly...to the point of nausea...these two are already old, dear friends. So old and dear that his ex-wife is an evil bitch for objecting to them.
  (If nothing else, as I understand it a trial involves a whole lot of sitting around with nothing to do but talk to each other. What, did Anthony spend the whole time wrapped up in his little fantasies?)
  We won't even get into the questions they're asking each other, because I'm very sure Lynn didn't. In fact, these lists are so generic I would not in the least be surprised to learn they were cribbed off a random dating site."
• "That's what makes it so ridiculous - these two already have a history together. They know each other well, or they should. So that running down the bullet points like they're just marking time until the corsages arrive makes them come off as utterly stupid, shallow and/or desperate."
• "Both Jon and Anthony are dorks, in their way. Both Lizes have good careers, are attractive and could do better. But Anthony is talked up as being awesome, while everyone admits Jon is a dork. Liz in Garfield finds Jon's dorkiness endearing, in its way. Liz in Foob ignores the dorkiness and just thinks he's a great catch.
  It's an incredibly bad sign when Garfield has better character development and handling of a relationship than Foob."
• Your handy guide to decoding Foob-romance speak: (Read this and save it before the "You can't parody Canadians" lawyers come after it.) There's also the scatological version.

April's Real Blog checklist version:

Michael's version:
"When I first heard about it, i.e. got a call from Anthony Caine panic-stricken asking what things to put on his checklist, I was horrified. After all, if there was anything on Anthony’s checklist to which Elizabeth would not say “Check”, then it would destroy their relationship, which all of us have been working so hard to get going. Not only that, but they would break down in a public restaurant where everyone could see their thought balloons. There was a strong potential there for utter humiliation.
I told Anthony to make sure his list did not include “Social Drinker only” or “Likes to cook” on his list for Liz. I also specifically him to say, “Loves children” instead of “Wants to bear a lot of babies,” which was his first choice. Also we left off, “Wants to stay at home and take care of all the babies” and we left off the whole list of deviant sex acts she should be willing to do, and “believes the man is always right.”
I also told him specifically not to ask, “Wants to get married?” “Is willing to make a lifelong commitment?” was a much better choice, because it doesn’t say a commitment to what, and it says “willing” instead of “will”. It did skirt perilously close to an actual request for marriage, but it was far enough removed from that so that if Liz suddenly felt the urge to change her job and move away, Anthony could explain he was actually talking about a lifelong commitment to her family.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard it went well.  We really dodged a bullet with that one, formerly little sis."

Dadthony's response:
"But in your explanation to April you left out just how much work I had to put into this. Revising my checklist to simplify the vocabulary and make the questions more Liz-friendly was only one small part.
First off, I had to make up very nice power point set of slides about all the reasons Liz and I belong together. With a woman like this, it's not enough to do just a pie chart and bar graphs. You have to do a pie chart and bar graphs with her name on it, otherwise she thinks it doesn't apply to us and that the made-up statistics were meant for someone else. It's that kind of preparation and attention to detail that gets one to the top of the local astronomy club and into the hearts of prospective fathers-in-law.
Then I had to explain to Liz that I wanted to meet at a romantic restaurant and go over checklists for our ideal mate. "Our ideal mate? Who else is going to be in this marriage, Anthony," she asked, rather coldly. Sometimes explaining things to Liz is like calling in artillery fire, you have to see where a few spotting rounds land before you can Fire For Effect. When I mentioned it was the same thing Candace and her boyfriend did, she finally figured it out. I told her this would be the sort of spontaneous romantic moment that we'd laugh about in years to come and this kind of spontaneous cuteness demands a lot of planning."

Comments

[Ami Angelwings]

I'm glad I'm not the only person who hates this plotline and thinks it's so forced just so that Lynn can have her "your childhood love is the one for you" moral >:|