Chaos Theory: The costume was passe two weeks ago, people.

Quotes

Natasha Lyonne:
“First of all, everyone is entitled to at least one nervous breakdown in a lifetime."
krisjohn:
"I hope we have to go through all of this crap because out of an infinite number of timelines, this is the only one where we survive. Otherwise it's hard to justify."
mightshould:
"I'm coping. That's a major accomplishment. Anything else is bonus."
Mary Rodgers:
"So I asked the shrink: When you're depressed because of actual things that are depressing, are there any drugs that can make you feel better? And he said no, which was even more depressing."
David Sedaris, Happy-Go-Lucky:
"I figured my post-college life would be pretty much like the one I'd been leading for the past decade: work some little job I didn't have to put much into, then come home and do my own stuff. It was the life that most of my friends had, and half my family." "It's a consequence of putting stuff out there--you're going to get reactions."
Kristina Marusic:
"There likely aren’t a ton of people on this planet—let alone within your geography or social circles—whose moral compass, sense of humor, Netflix addictions, dietary restrictions, and idiosyncrasies sync up with yours closely enough to make you want to hitch your wagon to them for the long-haul (and the internet is making us all even picker)."
John Oliver:
"Let this be a lesson that you absolutely don’t want to fuck with someone who has the patience, attention to detail, and sustained anger to crochet their resentment into a handmade garment."
Gail Donovan, quoted in "Knitting Yarns" in the essay "Knitted Goods"
"I love taking what is basically a long string and constructing a three-dimensional object. I love thinking about how somebody figured out how to do that!"
Amber A’Lee Frost:
"It’s not just bad for a person to rely on their weakest skills for survival; it’s unsustainable and immiserating."
Michael Che:
“You know what else makes you do crazy things? Crazy,”
August and Annie/Isaiah, "One Last Stop."
"Does it ever, like...I don't know. Make you lonely? To love somebody who can't meet you there?" "Sometimes. But, you know, that feeling?" When you wake up in the morning and you have somebody to think about? Somewhere for hope to go? It's good. Even when it's bad, it's good."
Katie Brennan:
"The Office taught me that love isn’t always an immediate burst of rainbows and butterflies; sometimes the best kind of love is a quiet, enduring, and steadfast process. When you really love someone, you know they are worth putting in time and effort. Even if you entertain the thought of someone else during the process, i.e. you get yourself a Karen, you know they can’t compare to your person. No amount of time can make that connection fade, so whether it’s consciously or subconsciously, you wait for your stars to align. It might take your company casually hosting a Casino Night, or a heartfelt post it note attached to an Office Olympics “medal,” but eventually your time comes—and when it does, it’s pretty much the best thing ever."
Jane Tyson Clement:
"We don't notice the strange way things come about while they are coming about. It is only afterwards that we see the pattern..."
"Candace Kahn," Almost Romance:
"You can't blow off a good story just because it's challenging."
Nick Cave:
"I prefer to say that I have made, for reasons of survival, a commitment to the uncertain nature of the world. This is where my heart lies. I suspect it always has."
Ted Lasso:
"I love meeting people's moms. It's like reading an instruction manual as to why they're nuts."
Ask Amy:
"My point is that you can lay out your plans, but the world might have other ideas."
supercrayon:
"But I kept thinking there’s a future me a week or a month or a year away that is through this. That future me is not plagued by uncertainty, they know what happened and they’re looking back at how things played out. I liked to think that future me was sending strength and love to present me. Sometimes now, present me in fact does send strength and love back towards past me. Your future selves know what happened. The you of a week or a month from now knows, and has already started to plan your next moves. I hope strength and love are rippling up and down the timeline between yourselves."
Christina Long (Washington Post)
“WHY ARE NONE OF MY INTERESTS WORTH ANYTHING IN DOLLARS,”
Michael Diamond:
“People get frustrated when they can’t see the future,” says Diamond. “The future looks scary if you’re telling them it’s just staying at home for the next 12 to 18 months. You shouldn’t really be that surprised when at least a fraction of them get angry."
Seanan McGuire:
"Please stop trying to solve me. I'm not a problem."
Morrie Morgan, in "Work Song" by Ivan Doig:
"I don't know any cure for being myself. The lotion for that hasn't been concocted yet."
Jason Mendoza:
“Sometimes you just gotta huck a Molotov cocktail at a drone and see what happens.”
Augusten Burroughs:
"But impossible is a concept that makes one's heart laugh and throw peanuts at the television."
Augusten Burroughs:
"Even if things aren't catastrophic now, catastrophe has always followed me. Life unfolds, right? All the time, it's unfolding, and I'm going to follow it."
Augusten Burroughs:
"My life has never really been “happily ever after.” I’ve always had conflict and disaster follow me around like a shadow, and I can’t really believe that will suddenly stop now that I’m happily living in Connecticut with three dogs. We’re just going to have to see."
Jacqui:
“If you have a job where you’re not coming home with stories, it’s time to leave. That simply is our qualification. Healthcare helps. Benefits are nice, but oh my god, how do you not come home with stories? It is the easiest qualification, but it’s true. My feeling is if you don’t have a story, it wasn’t a good day."
armeowda:
"Many people can cast their affections broad and bright as floodlights, but others of us are laser beams, and when something actually trips our attraction/affection sensors it can feel like a certain kind of instant precision strike, and it can leave a mark forever."
Stan Tatkin
"There's actually nothing more difficult on the planet than another person."
Lani Diane Rich:
"What doesn't kill you makes you stranger."
Heather Havrilesky:
"Do they let me write these words because I’m good at it, or do they let me do it because I’m an entertainingly crazy person who is slowly but surely unraveling before 50,000-to-100,000 sets of eyeballs each week?"
Justin Peters:
"The simple lesson that Millionaire taught me is that if you want to change your life—either by winning a lot of money on television or by some more prosaic means—at some point you are going to have to take a risk. Unless you are John Carpenter, you will eventually have to step into the unknown, bet on yourself, and hope that you are making the right decision."
Leslie Jones
"Women are the same as humans."
Anne Lamott:
“If you’re paying attention and making your own life as beautiful and rich and fun as it can be, you might just attract someone who’s doing the same thing,” she said. “You can give up on tracking someone down with your butterfly net.” “Never give up, no matter how things look or how long they take. Don’t quit before the miracle.”
Seanan McGuire:
"If what I say doesn’t help you, ask someone else, until you find the person whose reply tells you how to kick the damn door down."
Grangousier:
"It's 2018. There's a realistic chance of pretty much anything happening if it's ridiculous enough."
Joy:
"I feel a constant low level of stress every day, just by virtue of existing in my environment,"
Fancy Feast:
"When she was on a bad date, she would go to the bathroom, hit her nose until she got a nosebleed, and excuse herself, because it was easier to punch herself in the face than suffer the consequences of rejecting a man."
Ber:
"Get your freak on, screw the powers that would deny you."
Lee Bradford:
"Lee? Why does all this weird shit only seem to happen to you? Well, disembodied voice from nowhere-statistically, it has to happen somewhere."

« The Endsville | Main | Aww. »

October 31, 2008

The costume was passe two weeks ago, people.

"I haven't known this many friends who wanted to dress as the same person since "Star Wars" came out in 1977. (Salon)

"Below are the Halloween costumes I do not want to see this year.

I beg of you, America. Don't go there.

10. Slutty Sarah Palins

So far in this election cycle, the Alaska governor has inspired countless cheesecake Photoshop jobs, naughty Web tributes and at least one honest-to-goodness porno. What will happen when the most fascinating character of the election meets a holiday fabled for its French maids and pirate whores?

8. Men dressed as Sarah Palin

I know, I know: There's nothing funnier than someone with balls dressing up as someone with a vagina. I watched "Bosom Buddies." I realize this kills. But donning one of those hot-property Palin wigs, smart glasses and some Revlon red is a little, dare I say, creatively bankrupt?

There are so many fascinating women more deserving of the tribute. Here, let me give you a few suggestions: Joan from "Mad Men"; Katie Couric, Rachel Maddow and Campbell Brown (as they might appear on "Charlie's Angels"!); the hosts of "The View"; the stars of "Sex and the City; the pregnant man. (Now that's a costume: All you need is a goatee stencil and a watermelon!)

6. Slutty Tina Fey and Sarah Palin twins

Here is what I know for certain about this Halloween: Candy will be eaten. Children will dress as adorable pumpkins and kitty cats. And somewhere, as you read this, female twins are planning to dress up as Sarah Palin and Tina Fey, and they will either make out or come close to making out, and fine fine, twins and lesbians are part of the mysterious and collective erotic experience, but all I know is: Don't disrespect Tina Fey like that. She would so rather make out with Amy Poehler!

On the other hand, I would like to see Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert kissing. I don't mean men in costume dressed like them. I mean Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Making out. (Is that so wrong?)

4. Children dressed as Sarah Palin, slutty Sarah Palin or slutty Sarah Palin and Tina Fey

Last year, just prior to Halloween, Los Angeles Times columnist Joel Stein suggested the introduction of "Slut Day," which would free Halloween from the swarms of adults dressing up as though they should be charging by the hour. He bemoaned the way that slut culture -- which, in 2007, was possibly at its pop-tartlet apex -- had trickled down even to kids. "It's transforming formerly child-friendly costume shops from fun-creepy into Chris Hansen-creepy," he wrote. Amen, Joel Stein. And anyone who's seen an adorable little girl tarted up like Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan understands the soul damage that vision can inflict.

And so I ask you, parents of this great country: Let your little girl dress up like a butterfly. Let your little boy dress up like Spider-Man (again). Do not inflict your politics upon your children. Unless, of course, your politics are my politics, and you want to dress your little boy up like Obama. In which case, I will probably weep.

3. Creative illustrations of Sarah Palin's pregnancy. Creative illustrations of Bristol Palin's pregnancy. Anything involving an abortion, a botched abortion, leaking amniotic fluid, rape kits or incest.

One word: Blech.

1. Trig. Trig. Trig."

Posted on October 31, 2008 at 03:06 PM in Holiday Hell | Permalink

Comments

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

Posted by: |

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Your comment could not be posted. Error type:

Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

December 2021

Sun	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat
			1	2	3	4
5	6	7	8	9	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30	31

Craft Enabled, Domestically Disabled

Speed-Reading Book Nerd Reviews

Speed-Reading List

Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey: She Said: Breaking the Sexual Harassment Story That Helped Ignite a Movement
Reviewed March 23 (***)
Cher: Cher: Part 1: The Memoir
Reviewed March 21 (***)
Sadie Dingfelder: Do I Know You? A Faceblind Reporter's Journey into the Science of Sight, Memory, and Imagination
Reviewed March 21. (****)
Neal Schusterman: All Better Now
Reviewed March 20. (*****)
Rebecca Yarros: Fourth Wing
Reviewed March 19. (****)
Meg Shaffer: The Lost Story
Reviewed January 30. (****)
Jeremy Egner: Believe: The Untold Story Behind Ted Lasso, the Show That Kicked Its Way Into Our Hearts
Reviewed January 30. (****)
Katherine Center: Hello Stranger
Reviewed January 3. (****)
Frances White: Voyage of the Damned
Reviewed December 31. (****)
Rob Sheffield: Heartbreak Is The National Anthem: How Taylor Swift Reinvented Pop Music
Reviewed December 31. (***)
Luna McNamara: Psyche and Eros
Reviewed December 25. (****)
Katherine Center: The Rom-Commers
Reviewed December 23. (****)
Beth Revis: Full Speed to a Crash Landing
Reviewed December 12. (***)
Judi Dench and Brendan O'Hea: Shakespeare: The Man Who Pays The Rent
Reviewed December 2. (****)
Hazel Beck: Truly Madly Magically
Reviewed November 25. (***)
Sylvie Cathrall: A Letter to the Luminous Deep
Reviewed November 17. (****)
Seanan McGuire: Installment Immortality
Reviewed November 8. (****)
Emily Wibberley and Austin Siegemund-Broka.: The Breakup Tour
Reviewed November 7. (***)
Seanan McGuire: Mislaid in Parts Half-Known
Reviewed November 6. (***)
Eilis O'Neal: The False Princess
Reviewed October 29. (****)
Hannah Nicole Maehrer: Apprentice to the Villain
Reviewed October 23. (****)
Hazel Beck: Big Little Spells
Reviewed October 22. (***)
Lily Koppel: The Astronaut Wives Club
Reviewed October 10. (****)
Hannah Nicole Maehrer: Assistant to the Villain
Reviewed October 7. (****)
Hazel Beck: Small Town, Big Magic
Reviewed October 6. (***)
Jennifer Chiaverini.: The Women’s March: A Novel of the 1913 Woman Suffrage Procession
Reviewed October 4. (***)
Jennette McCurdy: I'm Glad My Mom Died.
Reviewed October 2. (****)
Britney Spears: The Woman in Me
Reviewed September 19. (****)
Jessica Warman: Repeat After Me
Reviewed September 18. (**)
Adrienne Young: The Unmaking of June Farrow
Reviewed September 17. (***)
Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer: Rocky Start
Reviewed August 25 (***)
Christina Lauren: Something Wilder
Reviewed August 26. (***)