Um, yum?
"When we allow fruit flies to infest our small kitchen appliances, the terrorists win.
The
AC is off nights and weekends. It gets hot. Fruit is delicate. You
don’t want your toast to taste like fried bug. Therefore:
- Please,
please don’t leave cut-open fruit on the counter. Put it in the fridge.
Find a banana-share partner. If you are not hungry enough to eat an
entire banana and are too physically incapacitated to put the leftovers
in some tupperware in the fridge for future consumption, consider NOT
EATING THE BANANA.
- If
you find half-eaten fruit on the counter and are hungry, eat it. It’s
the cleanest solution for all involved. If you are not hungry, see if
[name] is. He’s like a goat and will eat anything.
- If
you’re stirring sugar into your coffee and notice that the grapes in
the bowl have started to physically meld with the ceramic, throw the
grapes away.
- If
you’re stealing [name]’s and my half-and-half and see a plate of
rotting fruit that someone has helpfully tried to ‘hide’ in the
refrigerator, please throw the fruit away.
If you have any questions or concerns, I don’t care. Put your damn fruit away."