Chaos Theory:

Quotes

Natasha Lyonne:
“First of all, everyone is entitled to at least one nervous breakdown in a lifetime."
krisjohn:
"I hope we have to go through all of this crap because out of an infinite number of timelines, this is the only one where we survive. Otherwise it's hard to justify."
mightshould:
"I'm coping. That's a major accomplishment. Anything else is bonus."
Mary Rodgers:
"So I asked the shrink: When you're depressed because of actual things that are depressing, are there any drugs that can make you feel better? And he said no, which was even more depressing."
David Sedaris, Happy-Go-Lucky:
"I figured my post-college life would be pretty much like the one I'd been leading for the past decade: work some little job I didn't have to put much into, then come home and do my own stuff. It was the life that most of my friends had, and half my family." "It's a consequence of putting stuff out there--you're going to get reactions."
Kristina Marusic:
"There likely aren’t a ton of people on this planet—let alone within your geography or social circles—whose moral compass, sense of humor, Netflix addictions, dietary restrictions, and idiosyncrasies sync up with yours closely enough to make you want to hitch your wagon to them for the long-haul (and the internet is making us all even picker)."
John Oliver:
"Let this be a lesson that you absolutely don’t want to fuck with someone who has the patience, attention to detail, and sustained anger to crochet their resentment into a handmade garment."
Gail Donovan, quoted in "Knitting Yarns" in the essay "Knitted Goods"
"I love taking what is basically a long string and constructing a three-dimensional object. I love thinking about how somebody figured out how to do that!"
Amber A’Lee Frost:
"It’s not just bad for a person to rely on their weakest skills for survival; it’s unsustainable and immiserating."
Michael Che:
“You know what else makes you do crazy things? Crazy,”
August and Annie/Isaiah, "One Last Stop."
"Does it ever, like...I don't know. Make you lonely? To love somebody who can't meet you there?" "Sometimes. But, you know, that feeling?" When you wake up in the morning and you have somebody to think about? Somewhere for hope to go? It's good. Even when it's bad, it's good."
Katie Brennan:
"The Office taught me that love isn’t always an immediate burst of rainbows and butterflies; sometimes the best kind of love is a quiet, enduring, and steadfast process. When you really love someone, you know they are worth putting in time and effort. Even if you entertain the thought of someone else during the process, i.e. you get yourself a Karen, you know they can’t compare to your person. No amount of time can make that connection fade, so whether it’s consciously or subconsciously, you wait for your stars to align. It might take your company casually hosting a Casino Night, or a heartfelt post it note attached to an Office Olympics “medal,” but eventually your time comes—and when it does, it’s pretty much the best thing ever."
Jane Tyson Clement:
"We don't notice the strange way things come about while they are coming about. It is only afterwards that we see the pattern..."
"Candace Kahn," Almost Romance:
"You can't blow off a good story just because it's challenging."
Nick Cave:
"I prefer to say that I have made, for reasons of survival, a commitment to the uncertain nature of the world. This is where my heart lies. I suspect it always has."
Ted Lasso:
"I love meeting people's moms. It's like reading an instruction manual as to why they're nuts."
Ask Amy:
"My point is that you can lay out your plans, but the world might have other ideas."
supercrayon:
"But I kept thinking there’s a future me a week or a month or a year away that is through this. That future me is not plagued by uncertainty, they know what happened and they’re looking back at how things played out. I liked to think that future me was sending strength and love to present me. Sometimes now, present me in fact does send strength and love back towards past me. Your future selves know what happened. The you of a week or a month from now knows, and has already started to plan your next moves. I hope strength and love are rippling up and down the timeline between yourselves."
Christina Long (Washington Post)
“WHY ARE NONE OF MY INTERESTS WORTH ANYTHING IN DOLLARS,”
Michael Diamond:
“People get frustrated when they can’t see the future,” says Diamond. “The future looks scary if you’re telling them it’s just staying at home for the next 12 to 18 months. You shouldn’t really be that surprised when at least a fraction of them get angry."
Seanan McGuire:
"Please stop trying to solve me. I'm not a problem."
Morrie Morgan, in "Work Song" by Ivan Doig:
"I don't know any cure for being myself. The lotion for that hasn't been concocted yet."
Jason Mendoza:
“Sometimes you just gotta huck a Molotov cocktail at a drone and see what happens.”
Augusten Burroughs:
"But impossible is a concept that makes one's heart laugh and throw peanuts at the television."
Augusten Burroughs:
"Even if things aren't catastrophic now, catastrophe has always followed me. Life unfolds, right? All the time, it's unfolding, and I'm going to follow it."
Augusten Burroughs:
"My life has never really been “happily ever after.” I’ve always had conflict and disaster follow me around like a shadow, and I can’t really believe that will suddenly stop now that I’m happily living in Connecticut with three dogs. We’re just going to have to see."
Jacqui:
“If you have a job where you’re not coming home with stories, it’s time to leave. That simply is our qualification. Healthcare helps. Benefits are nice, but oh my god, how do you not come home with stories? It is the easiest qualification, but it’s true. My feeling is if you don’t have a story, it wasn’t a good day."
armeowda:
"Many people can cast their affections broad and bright as floodlights, but others of us are laser beams, and when something actually trips our attraction/affection sensors it can feel like a certain kind of instant precision strike, and it can leave a mark forever."
Stan Tatkin
"There's actually nothing more difficult on the planet than another person."
Lani Diane Rich:
"What doesn't kill you makes you stranger."
Heather Havrilesky:
"Do they let me write these words because I’m good at it, or do they let me do it because I’m an entertainingly crazy person who is slowly but surely unraveling before 50,000-to-100,000 sets of eyeballs each week?"
Justin Peters:
"The simple lesson that Millionaire taught me is that if you want to change your life—either by winning a lot of money on television or by some more prosaic means—at some point you are going to have to take a risk. Unless you are John Carpenter, you will eventually have to step into the unknown, bet on yourself, and hope that you are making the right decision."
Leslie Jones
"Women are the same as humans."
Anne Lamott:
“If you’re paying attention and making your own life as beautiful and rich and fun as it can be, you might just attract someone who’s doing the same thing,” she said. “You can give up on tracking someone down with your butterfly net.” “Never give up, no matter how things look or how long they take. Don’t quit before the miracle.”
Seanan McGuire:
"If what I say doesn’t help you, ask someone else, until you find the person whose reply tells you how to kick the damn door down."
Grangousier:
"It's 2018. There's a realistic chance of pretty much anything happening if it's ridiculous enough."
Joy:
"I feel a constant low level of stress every day, just by virtue of existing in my environment,"
Fancy Feast:
"When she was on a bad date, she would go to the bathroom, hit her nose until she got a nosebleed, and excuse herself, because it was easier to punch herself in the face than suffer the consequences of rejecting a man."
Ber:
"Get your freak on, screw the powers that would deny you."
Lee Bradford:
"Lee? Why does all this weird shit only seem to happen to you? Well, disembodied voice from nowhere-statistically, it has to happen somewhere."

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May 31, 2013

Superman glyph generator

That's mine. I am a member of the House of Ak, whatever that is.

Posted on May 31, 2013 at 04:37 PM in Geekitude | Permalink | Comments (0)

I guess the Wet Bandits started it

"In all, local police have stuck at least 25 alleged criminals with “bandit” nicknames. There’s been the Hipster Bandit, the Where’s Waldo Bandit and recently the Bad Tan Bandit, who had what police described as “an artificial tan color to his skin” during a May 15 holdup at the Bank of the West branch at 8135 SE Division St.

It’s all about getting publicity for the police. Since 2010, the FBI has granted Portland and other area police departments authority to lead bank-robbery investigations. The nicknames come with the new responsibilities.

Portland FBI spokeswoman Beth Anne Steele says the better the bandit name, the more media buzz it will get.

“If you come up with a good name, it often sticks,” Steele says. “It keeps interest with the public, and they are more willing to call in with tips.”

But there’s also a psychology to the snicker-inducing bandit names, police explain: raising the criminal’s notoriety while also embarrassing the robber.

“You want a name that has something to do with the case, and at the same time doesn’t give the person a lot of credibility,” says Portland police Det. Brett Hawkinson, the bureau’s lead bank robbery investigator. “The ‘Bad Ass Motorcycle Bandit’ would be awful. Something more like the Dopey Bandit is more appropriate.”

Posted on May 31, 2013 at 04:15 PM in Weird, Wild Stuff | Permalink | Comments (0)

How do we manage stoopid people?

Why in the name of the Almighty Monkey do we still have to suffer through trains blowing their horns as they crawl through town? I mean, this is 2013—can’t they figure out some better option than leaning on a loud, obnoxious horn?

—Tired of Getting Blown

What 21st-century solution do you suggest, Tired? Here’s what people on Twitter might say:

FreightHauler99

I’m comin thru get off the trax

RndmFreek

@FreightHauler99 Pics or it didn’t happen. Also im high on #PCP lol

You have to admit, there’s something about the pants-shitting immediacy of a train horn that even the most assiduous tweeting can’t match."

Posted on May 31, 2013 at 04:11 PM in Weird, Wild Stuff | Permalink | Comments (0)

BUM FIGHTS!!!!

"I, a third-generation Sacramentan, visited Old Sac (then Sacramento's Bowery) with Mrs. Lashbrook's second-grade class from Larchmont Elementary. Yep, a field trip to see the bums.

My entire class witnessed a bum cut another bum's eye out over a cigarette butt. To this day, that might have been the single most educational thing I ever saw or did in my entire school career."

Posted on May 31, 2013 at 03:46 PM in Local Life | Permalink | Comments (0)

Henry Rollins makes me laugh

"I played the part of the "reprobate husband" in that particular episode. Amazing that a television show brought me so close to this draft-evading drug addict. There goes a few degrees of separation. Damn. I really liked those degrees."

Posted on May 31, 2013 at 03:27 PM in Non-Whedon, Non-Reality TV, Weird, Wild Stuff, World Goes To Hell | Permalink | Comments (0)

Arrested Spelling Bee

"Seventh grader Sriram Hathwar was given the word “catachresis”, which means “a misuse of words,” and the example sentence given to Sriram was “Tobias had a habit of ill-timed catachresis, which was a consistent source of mirth in his family.”

Unfortunately, there must not have been any Arrested Development fans at the spelling bee, as not even a titter can be heard from the audience."

Posted on May 31, 2013 at 01:57 PM in Geekitude | Permalink | Comments (0)

Oh, the hypocrisy

"It makes sense that McDonald's would try to act like they're doing their part to help Americans get less fat, but if nobody's buying it, why should they even bother? As evidenced by the blowback after Thompson's "we don't sell junk food" comment, consumers haven't warmed to the idea of McDonald's as a place to get high-quality, nutritious food. The chain makes food that's engineered to deliver as much salt and fat as possible, which you can then wash down with a big ol' Coke. The company made its fortune as a place to get cheap burgers that were more or less uniform no matter where you got them. (Potential McDonald's slogan: "Hey, it might not be good, but at least it'll be familiar.") And the sales figures would seem to indicate that, by and large, it's why people continue to go back to McDonald's."

Posted on May 31, 2013 at 11:52 AM in Current Events and News | Permalink | Comments (0)

How to stop female competition

"When you meet a woman who is intimidatingly witty, stylish, beautiful, and professionally accomplished, befriend her. Surrounding yourself with the best people doesn’t make you look worse by comparison. It makes you better."

Posted on May 31, 2013 at 10:58 AM in Feminist Chick Talk | Permalink | Comments (0)