Chaos Theory

Couple Spends Over $30,000 to Have Hardcore Threesomes With Sex Dolls

Whatever works, indeed.

And now the South Park episodes have all gone to hell, day fifty-seven....or something.

Previous entry here.

Fuck you, Hulu, for making 95% of the episodes expire while I was aloha'ing in Hawaii. FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU.

The remaining episodes are gonna be reviewed so outta order.

Season 16, episode 9: Raising the Bar:

• Still enjoying the crazy credits. And The Coon yelling out his lyrics in costume.
• Cartman isn't as fat as that lady or guy in the sporting goods store on their own mobility scooters.
• Watch everyone load up in those things.
• Candy corn Oreos!
• "That's you one day, fatass. If you don't change something, that's you in about a YEAR!"
• "Are those candy corn Oreos?" "Yeah. Here you go."
• Time for a sad Cartman song, me thinks. But there is not.
• OH NO, HE WENT TO KYLE'S HOUSE FOR SYMPATHY OR SOMETHING.
• "You're right, Kyle. I'm fat."
• "I'm fucking fat as fucking fuck."
• "Sweeeeeeeeet!" Cartman got a mobility scooter.
• THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT BY DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT, CARTMAN!
• "I can't seem to get into your bathroom, Kyle." You have to make it accessible, it's the law. Here comes a lawyer.
• UH OH, NOW I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING.
• Cartman practices shame by flying to Disneyland and getting on the plane first.
• Then he gets mad that there's a wait for fat people.
• "I don't have legs."
• "Even Disneyland can't take away the shame."
• Cartman testifies in court against Best Buy and cries. WHAT A LITTLE ASSHOLE.
• "All I wanted to do is take a dump, Your Honor."
• Rascal tipping: tipping people in their mobility scooters. It may lead to pants-shitting. Let's spend $25 mill on a tip-o-sist advice.
• I'm pretty sure Kyle isn't bulimic.
• "I may be fat, but I'm not Honey Boo Boo!" Who?
• "I'm only six and I've had three heart attacks, girlfriend!"
• "Our weight makes us sassy!"
• So what has lowered the bar so that nobody feels shame any more, Kyle wonders.
• Is the bar a physical thing? Let's ask James Cameron out on the ocean.
• He has to try and raise it! Even he's annoyed!
• And he has a song about himself exploring the sea. He and Russell Crowe could have a sing-along.
• Token suggests making a documentary about Cartman and filming his bullshit. Token will pay to get it on the air if Kyle films it.
• Token has ulterior motives that Craig knows about.
• What Kyle doesn't know is that Token and he just made a shitty sitcom.
• He's chubby, he's filthy, and he's just a little bit nuts! America's new sweetheart, Fatty Doo Doo! Theme song by Randy Newman.
• Token, what were you thinking?
• "I'm just trying to make good television." "You got Randy Newman to do the theme song. You're not trying that hard."
• If The Learning Channel feels no shame at Honey Boo Boo, then why not.
• James Cameron charts the lowering of the bar, blaming it on Clinton's blow job....
• Honey Boo Boo's heart gave out! It's really serious!
• Let's pick a pig who has pizazz to give her his heart! I want the one with the evil eye!
• "She's got a pig heart now, she thinks she's a pachyderm."
• "My scar makes me sassy, chile!"
• James Cameron is still sinking.
• Who the fuck is down here? NEWMAN! If the bar is raised, nobody will hire him!
• "I'LL TAKE YOU TO HELL!"
• Cartman has an even fatter lawyer. "As soon as he gets in here, he will hand you a cease and desist order!" It already aired, but Honey Boo Boo beat you.
• Cut to Michelle Obama.
• Honey Boo Boo vs. Fatty Poo Poo! Spaghetti wrestling!
• Cartman runs her over twice. She downs him and kicks him in the face and squeals like a pig.
• Cartman tip-assists back up.
• "You think he's dead?" "I hope so." James Cameron found the bar!
• Kyle muses as Cartman drives over Honey Boo Boo in the background.
• Two gay men get fed up and leave. Michelle Obama comes to her senses.
• When did we devolve into this? Michelle swears to fighting childhood obesity. By punching Cartman in the face, dumping him out of his scooter, and kicking him.
• HOPE FOR AMERICA. ALL HAIL JAMES CAMERON FOR SAVING US ALL.
• "Set course for the set of Avatar 2."
• James Cameron isn't doing it for the heroism. He's just James Cameron. Everyone sings happily.
• :)

Season 18, episode 1: Go Fund Yourself:

• Adorable new credits like it's a little diorama town!
• Twinkly music!
• "Boner balls." Thanks for classing it up, Cartman.
• The other boys are doing the same.
• "Portruding vaginal boner." How?
• Some kind of searching is going online. "That's taken too."
• Everything gross is taken. "How are we supposed to have a name for a startup company?" It has to be really original....
• Kickstarter for "Furry Balls Plopped Menacingly on the Table, INC."
• "Dude, we're not going to get any attention with that name."
• Startups don't DO anything....
• "Boys, there's more to a startup company than having a catchy name." "NO, there isn't."
• Cartman's got it! Washington Redskins! We can totally use it! And it's legal!!!!
• Kyle is disappointed the name isn't more original. Cartman thinks it's manly.
• 4 Point Plan: Start up, cash in, sell out, bro down. Whatever that means.
• We already got a dollar! Another two dollars! "Sitting on our asses, here we come!"
• They do nothing and are called The Washington Redskins.
• Mission statement: 'Here with the Washington Redskins we will do absolutely nothing for you. By pledging us the money to do absolutely nothing, we will give you exactly what we promise. Nothing. We will even tell you to go screw yourselves. Tis is our commitment." (sic)
• "They don't do anything, that's pretty sweet." --donor
• "Washington Redskins, go fuck yourself. Sure, we'd be happy to take your money." --Cartman.
• Here comes Dan Snyder to complain that it's offensive to us!
• We appreciate you, Cartman says!
• But won't you just do it out of decency? No, because I don't want to. Also, go fuck yourself.
• This is gonna be a fun episode.
• Uh-oh, ISIS totally likes the Redskins.
• Dan Snyder cries.
• We have to be honest and take a stand! And then Cartman brings up molesting little boys. "NFL, Catholic church, same thing." Also, beating up wives in an elevator.
• "The point is, if we as an organization claim to be about high morality, somebody is eventually going to get raped or beaten in an elevator, and it's most likely going to be Butters."
• Kyle quits to start his own company. Stan joins him. Butters stays with the company that won't get him raped.
• Dan Snyder complains to the commissioner. His tape-recorded voice is obviously played. "That's the most ridiculous nothing answer I ever heard!" This thing is broken! Yes, he is. Because he's a robot.
• Dan conference calls ALL the owners. "Let the Godell bot do it."
• Cartman is giving some kind of giant talk about how "fuck you" means that they see things differently.
• He shows up the innovations in furniture redecoration. Let's change the logo to.... it has breasts and an erect penis and balls. Now they will think of titties and balls, because we don't fucking care. Go Redskins!
• Kyle has 100 backers for Furry Balls, etc.
• Stan quits to find his own startup company name. One with less words.
• The Redskins sneak into Kickstarter and destroy everything and everyone. Including the woman in the elevator.
• Happy deadline day! How much did we make? What the hell, can't find the server?!
• Cartman blames it all on Kyle.
• Kyle claims to think that the Redskins is a sweet name and he was just jealous.
• Another giant meeting and fuck youuuuuuuuuuuu!
• New company: Go FUND yourself...and give us money for doing absolutely ever. New logo--involves anal sex.
• "Our name has been reduced to a stereotype and a joke."
• But we've fought eagle and bear!
• The other team members go home, leaving Dan alone on the field to play the Cowboys.
• Like the peewee hockey game, Dan gets his ass beat.
• "I might just sit here until my ass fuses into the couch." --guess who.
• Now the Redskins are getting booed on the street. There's nothing sweet about a group that's been decimated!
• "When was this? "Last night." Even ISIS is ashamed.
• "I guess we gotta go back to school."

 

Scandals of Classic Hollywood: The Book is now out.

Time to start reading. Just to kick it off: interview with the author.

Detectives are the new shamans and priests

Interesting theory.

"The solution can be found if we ask ourselves what a detective actually does. If nothing else, he (and, later, she) is a problem-solver; someone who can restore order where there is chaos. Faced with the worst crime (what could be more existentially troubling than a murder?), the detective gives us answers to the most pressing and urgent questions: not only whodunit, but how and why and what it means. He does all this by taking us on a journey, discovering pieces of evidence, seeking out hints and clues. In the best examples of this game, we see everything that the detective sees, yet we are unable to solve the crime ourselves. Only the detective, in a final display of mastery, can reach the correct conclusion. We need him, with his special knowledge and abilities, to make sense of it all.

Consider Holmes, the greatest fictional detective of them all. He is (probably) celibate. He acts in the ordinary world, but his natural habitat is a mystical retreat in which he isolates himself for weeks, emerging with insights that can resolve the perplexities of those around him. His London address at 221B Baker Street is a kind of monastery in the heart of the metropolis. ‘For days on end,’ Dr Watson reports, ‘he would lie upon the sofa in the sitting-room, hardly uttering a word or moving a muscle from morning to night.’ Holmes is like a Franciscan, periodically leaving the friary to offer wisdom to the wider community. Or perhaps he is a shaman, locked in his refuge, taking powerful drugs and communing with spirits before returning to ordinary life with mysterious powers and solutions."

 

How to team build without having your team hate your guts for making them do stupid shit.

"Creating ways for your team members to get to know each other better, without violating anyone’s privacy or dignity. This means remembering that what’s fun for some people (like public performances or athletic competitions) is misery for others. Look for things that are voluntary and low-key."

Eating you

"In trying to think of how to help you, this thought came to me: If you offered your life up to this illness and said “Eat me instead, eat my life, just let her get better, or failing that, let her keep living” the illness would accept your offer but it would not accept your bargain. You could spend every scrap of energy and time that you have on cooking for your mom and looking after her and encouraging her, and the illness would laugh and say “MORE!” and she might still not get better but you might get worse. This illness is a liar. It wouldn’t care what order it ate you in."

Yup.

Kill the messenger

This sounds like it will be an interesting, albeit depressing, movie.

This is a very interesting take on "meeting men."

"When I was single and frustrated, I kind of flipped this problem around and reverse engineered it to suit my needs. I don't like leaving things too much to chance anymore if I can help it.
So after much thought, the question, for me, changed from: "Where can I meet men?" to "Where is my man going to be?"
Starting with the base line of qualities that I must have in a mate (honesty, compassion, stability, maturity, marriage minded, etc). Those things had to be a given. He had to be all those things when he showed up. Not perfect, but perfect for me.
I love to dance, it's the top answer when someone asks me what I do for fun, so I knew for a fact I would meet him out dancing. My ideal was definitely going to be out dancing and looking for me to dance with for the rest of our lives.
I like and appreciate a sharply dressed man, so I knew for a fact he'd be wearing a shirt with buttons. I knew what he WOULDN'T be wearing, as well.
I wasn't looking for a casual fling, so he would not be using the type of language used when one is looking for a casual fling. I wanted something serious. MY husband would be serious.
I had him pegged down to almost every last detail. My husband does this, my husband values that. He's this, he's that. He doesn't do this, he wouldn't do that.
Perhaps that would work for you? Where would your "perfect" mate be? What's he like? What does he do for fun? Would he be at the bowling alley (because you love bowling and want to bowl often with your mate?), or is he more likely to be at an Italian restaurant (because you love Italian food and want you and your mate to enjoy dining out?) Do you like bookish men the absolute best? Then he will be found at the library, bookstore, at school and other places books are found.
Think of the things you want in a mate, very specifically.
If you know exactly what you want, it makes it a lot easier to find him or to be found by him....Don't worry about old and overweight. The right person won't give a damn about old and overweight."

Now really, how awesome is that?!

Another Tobolowsky Files

"You try many things on a first camping trip: peyote, skinny dipping, death. We were lucky. We got two out of three."

"Then a few weeks later, a friend let me wallpaper his studio dumpster, and the rest is history."

"They had cash prizes for the most creative dumpster, and people all over town were redoing their dumpsters and beautifying their neighborhood, which was a dream come true for me."