Chaos Theory:

Quotes

Natasha Lyonne:
“First of all, everyone is entitled to at least one nervous breakdown in a lifetime."
krisjohn:
"I hope we have to go through all of this crap because out of an infinite number of timelines, this is the only one where we survive. Otherwise it's hard to justify."
mightshould:
"I'm coping. That's a major accomplishment. Anything else is bonus."
Mary Rodgers:
"So I asked the shrink: When you're depressed because of actual things that are depressing, are there any drugs that can make you feel better? And he said no, which was even more depressing."
David Sedaris, Happy-Go-Lucky:
"I figured my post-college life would be pretty much like the one I'd been leading for the past decade: work some little job I didn't have to put much into, then come home and do my own stuff. It was the life that most of my friends had, and half my family." "It's a consequence of putting stuff out there--you're going to get reactions."
Kristina Marusic:
"There likely aren’t a ton of people on this planet—let alone within your geography or social circles—whose moral compass, sense of humor, Netflix addictions, dietary restrictions, and idiosyncrasies sync up with yours closely enough to make you want to hitch your wagon to them for the long-haul (and the internet is making us all even picker)."
John Oliver:
"Let this be a lesson that you absolutely don’t want to fuck with someone who has the patience, attention to detail, and sustained anger to crochet their resentment into a handmade garment."
Gail Donovan, quoted in "Knitting Yarns" in the essay "Knitted Goods"
"I love taking what is basically a long string and constructing a three-dimensional object. I love thinking about how somebody figured out how to do that!"
Amber A’Lee Frost:
"It’s not just bad for a person to rely on their weakest skills for survival; it’s unsustainable and immiserating."
Michael Che:
“You know what else makes you do crazy things? Crazy,”
August and Annie/Isaiah, "One Last Stop."
"Does it ever, like...I don't know. Make you lonely? To love somebody who can't meet you there?" "Sometimes. But, you know, that feeling?" When you wake up in the morning and you have somebody to think about? Somewhere for hope to go? It's good. Even when it's bad, it's good."
Katie Brennan:
"The Office taught me that love isn’t always an immediate burst of rainbows and butterflies; sometimes the best kind of love is a quiet, enduring, and steadfast process. When you really love someone, you know they are worth putting in time and effort. Even if you entertain the thought of someone else during the process, i.e. you get yourself a Karen, you know they can’t compare to your person. No amount of time can make that connection fade, so whether it’s consciously or subconsciously, you wait for your stars to align. It might take your company casually hosting a Casino Night, or a heartfelt post it note attached to an Office Olympics “medal,” but eventually your time comes—and when it does, it’s pretty much the best thing ever."
Jane Tyson Clement:
"We don't notice the strange way things come about while they are coming about. It is only afterwards that we see the pattern..."
"Candace Kahn," Almost Romance:
"You can't blow off a good story just because it's challenging."
Nick Cave:
"I prefer to say that I have made, for reasons of survival, a commitment to the uncertain nature of the world. This is where my heart lies. I suspect it always has."
Ted Lasso:
"I love meeting people's moms. It's like reading an instruction manual as to why they're nuts."
Ask Amy:
"My point is that you can lay out your plans, but the world might have other ideas."
supercrayon:
"But I kept thinking there’s a future me a week or a month or a year away that is through this. That future me is not plagued by uncertainty, they know what happened and they’re looking back at how things played out. I liked to think that future me was sending strength and love to present me. Sometimes now, present me in fact does send strength and love back towards past me. Your future selves know what happened. The you of a week or a month from now knows, and has already started to plan your next moves. I hope strength and love are rippling up and down the timeline between yourselves."
Christina Long (Washington Post)
“WHY ARE NONE OF MY INTERESTS WORTH ANYTHING IN DOLLARS,”
Michael Diamond:
“People get frustrated when they can’t see the future,” says Diamond. “The future looks scary if you’re telling them it’s just staying at home for the next 12 to 18 months. You shouldn’t really be that surprised when at least a fraction of them get angry."
Seanan McGuire:
"Please stop trying to solve me. I'm not a problem."
Morrie Morgan, in "Work Song" by Ivan Doig:
"I don't know any cure for being myself. The lotion for that hasn't been concocted yet."
Jason Mendoza:
“Sometimes you just gotta huck a Molotov cocktail at a drone and see what happens.”
Augusten Burroughs:
"But impossible is a concept that makes one's heart laugh and throw peanuts at the television."
Augusten Burroughs:
"Even if things aren't catastrophic now, catastrophe has always followed me. Life unfolds, right? All the time, it's unfolding, and I'm going to follow it."
Augusten Burroughs:
"My life has never really been “happily ever after.” I’ve always had conflict and disaster follow me around like a shadow, and I can’t really believe that will suddenly stop now that I’m happily living in Connecticut with three dogs. We’re just going to have to see."
Jacqui:
“If you have a job where you’re not coming home with stories, it’s time to leave. That simply is our qualification. Healthcare helps. Benefits are nice, but oh my god, how do you not come home with stories? It is the easiest qualification, but it’s true. My feeling is if you don’t have a story, it wasn’t a good day."
armeowda:
"Many people can cast their affections broad and bright as floodlights, but others of us are laser beams, and when something actually trips our attraction/affection sensors it can feel like a certain kind of instant precision strike, and it can leave a mark forever."
Stan Tatkin
"There's actually nothing more difficult on the planet than another person."
Lani Diane Rich:
"What doesn't kill you makes you stranger."
Heather Havrilesky:
"Do they let me write these words because I’m good at it, or do they let me do it because I’m an entertainingly crazy person who is slowly but surely unraveling before 50,000-to-100,000 sets of eyeballs each week?"
Justin Peters:
"The simple lesson that Millionaire taught me is that if you want to change your life—either by winning a lot of money on television or by some more prosaic means—at some point you are going to have to take a risk. Unless you are John Carpenter, you will eventually have to step into the unknown, bet on yourself, and hope that you are making the right decision."
Leslie Jones
"Women are the same as humans."
Anne Lamott:
“If you’re paying attention and making your own life as beautiful and rich and fun as it can be, you might just attract someone who’s doing the same thing,” she said. “You can give up on tracking someone down with your butterfly net.” “Never give up, no matter how things look or how long they take. Don’t quit before the miracle.”
Seanan McGuire:
"If what I say doesn’t help you, ask someone else, until you find the person whose reply tells you how to kick the damn door down."
Grangousier:
"It's 2018. There's a realistic chance of pretty much anything happening if it's ridiculous enough."
Joy:
"I feel a constant low level of stress every day, just by virtue of existing in my environment,"
Fancy Feast:
"When she was on a bad date, she would go to the bathroom, hit her nose until she got a nosebleed, and excuse herself, because it was easier to punch herself in the face than suffer the consequences of rejecting a man."
Ber:
"Get your freak on, screw the powers that would deny you."
Lee Bradford:
"Lee? Why does all this weird shit only seem to happen to you? Well, disembodied voice from nowhere-statistically, it has to happen somewhere."

October 31, 2014

What's muff cabbage?, day sixty-five of South Park

Continued from here.

Season 14, episode 9: It's A Jersey Thing

"Mom, Dad, what's muff cabbage?"
The neighbor called a cop that, apparently.
OMG SOMEONE FROM NEW JERSEY MOVED IN NEXT TO THE MARSHS? OH GOD! Sharon says.
"Never invite a Jersey housewife into your house."
Oh, great, it's some Real Housewives shit.
This is unpleasant. "It's just a Jersey thing. Don't get offended." But if Sharon tries an insult...ruh-roh!
MUFF CABBAGE!
Having neighbors from Jersey is the worst. "It seems like all people from Jersey DO is hump and punch each other."
Cartman suggests crapping on their doorstep. Kyle: "Is that why there's always poop on my doorstep?" "Busted."
There's people from Jersey all over!
"Next thing you know, Jersey party at Sizzler."
At the hair salon, Sharon is getting her hair pulled when Sheila comes in and tells them all to leave. WHO FIGHTS BACK? SHEILA DOES!
Town meeting to deal with this.... "Everything east of the Rockies is now New Jersey."
Sheila has to confess that she's originally from Jersey, and was called...I can't even say it. But her hair was awesome.
Her Jersey side doesn't come out except around other people from Jersey.
Ginger, Jew, from Jersey--three strikes and Kyle's out!
Cartman will crap on your doorstep EVEN MORE.
Kyle starts cutting his hair, and shaving the sides, and ripping sleeves off, and...HE JUST WENT JERSEY IN THE BATHROOM.
Oh, it's happened to her too. Wow, she's baked. I still like her hair, though. Kyle's, on the other hand, yikes.
"You can take the fetus out of Jersey, but you can't take Jersey out of the fetus."
Ike screams and falls down. Kyle puts his hat back on.
"People in Chicago New Jersey..." South Park is getting torched. What's up with that?
South Park has a barricade up. They called Ahnuld Schwartzenegger for help but he says no.
"Your blood is tainted with the three J's..." Kyle chokes Cartman for saying that and I enjoy it. Cartman cries. Dude, your mom's not here. The other boys walk away.
Randy calls the emperor of Japan. Guess how that goes. Let's call Al-Qaida.
"What IS it?" "It's a Snooki. It's very famous." "That thing is famous? Why?" "I don't know!" Let's kill it!
Cartman bitches to all the other kids about Kyle. He wants Kyle kidnapped and locked in a meat freezer. Kyle polishes his rifle.
Randy asks Al-Qaida. "I know you have seen countless horrors in your life".... Here's an episode of Jersey Shore. Damn, that Snooki.
Cartman tries to talk Kyle into voluntarily walking into the meat locker. Then everyone else forces him in.
Hah, Snooki is already in there.
Randy is questioning "Mr. Situation" and punching him. Everyone enjoys that.
"South Park will never be West Jersey! Fuck New Jersey!" It's very Les Miserables.
Well, except for Snooki fucking some kid. AND NOW IT'S RAPING CARTMAN.
Kyle goes all Incredible Jersey Hulk. Screaming all the way. And calling himself "Kyley-B."
Then he tells off Snooki. Cabbage again. Then he punches her and she leaves. YOU OWE HIM BIG, CARTMAN.
Here comes AL-Qaida! Hooray!
Then they start crashing planes and blowing everyone up. Oh, South Park.
We owe it all to Osama bin Laden! Let's give him a lei and kiss him!
Kyle feels better now. "Deep down you're a monster, but you're MY little monster." --Cartman
Kyle won't explain "muff cabbage."
Osama just got shot.

Season 18, episode 5: The Magic Bush

"Hey, douchebag, you doing anything cool?" Not by Cartman's standards. Until the word "drone" pops up because Butters' dad has one. With video.
Now I'm reminded of Ferris Bueller for some reason.
Cartman steals it.
Kenny's now been told. Like we wouldn't tell Kenny about a fucking drone.
Let's spy on Craig and his mom. FULL BUSH! Oh, there's his dad. Bail!
Craig's dad calls out Butters' dad. He says he's a hobbyist and would never. See, it's in the garage right now!
Butters is suspiciously out of breath in bed. Whyever do you ask?
"You guys wanna see Craig's mom's bush? It's like a Yeti." Stan looks, Kyle doesn't. Cartman claims he found it online.
"Hey, Craig. Have you checked the Internet lately? Oh, nothing. You might want to invest in some hedge clippers."
Butters just grabbed Cartman around the neck. "I had to put it on the Internet!"
The Neighborhood Watch is not happy. "Nobody's watched the video, of course..."
Anyone can get one off Amazon for $200. It's pretty hairy...uh, we didn't mean you, Linda.
Linda tells everyone off.
Now there's Neighborhood Watch drones. "Oh yeah, this is gonna work great."
"Are you happy now?"
Kyle overheard Cartman n the bathroom.
"The Hobby Enthusiast" store. Mr. Stotch is returning his drone. Because it flies by itself. And erased its own SD card.
Uh...did you check your son for this? Of course not, he's not allowed to fly it without permission!
The Neighborhood Drone is checking Linda in the bathroom again.
"That poor lady. Her vagina is everywhere." -Butters.
"Your weiner, my balls, it's public domain.." --Cartman.
Randy, stop spying on everyone with the neighborhood drone.
Oh, now he's watching sex.
HERE COMES A COP DRONE.
It shoots him down.
Candlelight drone vigil. It's interrupted by cop drones saying that's a fire hazard.
Wow, protesting from your beds, lazy-asses.
Butters' dad is still obsessed with the drone having a life of its own. Randy goes with that.
He is starting to feel pretty unenthused about this hobby.
DRONE RIOTS EVERYWHERE.
DRONES STEAL TV'S.
Reverse curfew!
Uh, what is that?
The bush lady is now a spokeswoman. And on television.
Butters's dad is cracking up.
300 million views of "Full Metal Bush." If none of us watched it (because we're respectful), then who did?
Poor Butters.
Cartman has a plan.
Drones can't resist Craig's mom. So a ... blow up doll with something covering her crotch is hanging from the drone... and all the other drones start coming....
Oh, it's the metal bush.
They all follow it out of town.
Now there's some special dinner for Craig's mom. And there's a bard.
He sounds suspiciously like the gerbil song dude.

Posted on October 31, 2014 at 10:20 PM in Geekitude, Non-Whedon, Non-Reality TV | Permalink | Comments (0)

Life as a scare actor

“Everyone I know has been assaulted in some way. People get punched in the face all the time. I know a girl who popped out of a maze and got kicked in the chest. It can get dangerous. People pay a lot of money to go to this event to get scared. Then they get upset that they got scared.”

Some will cower in the corner. That’s the worst thing you can do; that means we’re all going to surround you until you get on the floor and curl up in a ball. Then all six of us would hold hands and dance around them until we saw a puddle on the floor. We’d get a high-five from the supervisor if somebody pissed their pants.”

Posted on October 31, 2014 at 01:47 PM in Holiday Hell | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Witch's House

Of Beverly Hills.

"The Witch’s House is a Mecca on Halloween—I knew that when I bought the house. What I didn’t realize is how much work it really is! In just a few hours we typically have between three and four thousand children and their families visit with hands outstretched and mouths agape. I hire private security for the night. Police and volunteer officers also maintain control in the area. The surrounding streets are cordoned off as it’s simply too dangerous to have traffic flow when masses of children are in the streets. When I look out from the window on Halloween night, it can be a bit frightening how many people are out front, but it’s an incredible tradition and I’m happy I brought it back. Some neighbors love it, some don’t. Out of courtesy to certain ones who asked me to one year, I tried to shut the whole event down. I even placed newspaper announcements and left off the lights—but people still came by. Now I embrace it."

Posted on October 31, 2014 at 12:43 PM in Holiday Hell | Permalink | Comments (0)