Craft Enabled, Domestically Disabled

Sewing does not a cook make

The reason why my craft blog is called what it is is because I may do a lot of crafting, but I am otherwise not domestic. (I'm gonna take forever to redo my kitchen, which I got forced to empty out over a week ago for roach cleaning. Like seriously, I look at all the dishes and go "God, I don't want to figure out how to put them all back in here. Or rewash ALL OF THEM. BY HAND.") I don't like cooking. I had a volunteer job with mandatory potluck once a week for years and most of the time I tried to bring anything I didn't make. Obviously I got forced to do more of that while locked up for a year, but I still don't like making food for others to eat. People are so judge-y about how your food should be like, edible, and actually tasty. I pretty much make stuff that's like, simple, five ingredients or less, that hopefully a moron won't fuck up too much, that hopefully I figured out alone. 

(Tonight's dinner: ramen omelet with potato chip toppings. So....yeah.) 

I did not learn to cook at home from my parents. Everyone got into fights over every damn thing in the house and to me, I associate cooking with screaming, and judging. I'm never going to LOVE to cook and make a meal for others to eat, and since I will be permanently single and alone my entire life, I don't HAVE to. One of the perks of being alone forever is skipping fighting in the kitchen. 

Unfortunately, this comes up as an issue if you aren't single. 

So I was listening to the Judge John Hodgman podcast, featuring a couple where one of them is an accomplished Renaissance Faire costumer but doesn't like cooking, exactly for the reasons that I don't like cooking, i.e. it was a stress bomb of shit growing up and rather traumatizing. 

"Ann-Elizabeth files suit against her wife, Tiffany. Ann-Elizabeth says that she doesn’t cook because she finds it too overwhelming. Tiffany says that because Ann-Elizabeth is such a talented seamstress, it’s surprising that she would have trouble with cooking. To Tiffany, the skills should be transferable. But Ann-Elizabeth says that’s not how it works! Who’s right? Who’s wrong?"

Tiffany, who does also sew but not as much as Ann-Elizabeth, and grew up in a household where all the kids learned to cook and things were sane and fine, wants to make Ann-Elizabeth cook and claims that if you can craft, you can cook. And I was all I MOST HEARTILY DISAGREE WITH THIS MADAM. Because if you fuck up your dress (something that does come up on the podcast as something Ann-Elizabeth has done), that's just affecting you. People do not like it if you fuck up the meal and/or waste the pancakes. Cooking is PUBLIC and affects others in a way that making an awesome outfit doesn't do in the same way. People get offended if your cooking sucks and they tried to eat it, 'nuff said. I get why you think it's similar, but it's not quite there.

Ann-Elizabeth puts it like this: "The materials, while being attached to each other, are not catalyzing one another, converting one another into a new substance.... You're creating a new chemical out of other chemicals. You can't just FIX IT, you have to throw it out and start over." You say it far better than I, madam. And "cooking was weaponized when I grew up." And there's some issues with regards to cooking and Tiffany's diabetes to complicate it if you eff it up, too.

 And Ann-Elizabeth admits she hates sucking at it. I hear ya, girl. I can pretty much count on one hand the number of people who have seen me cook anything in a long time, and those are people who are SUPER chill (and may actually read this, hello to a few of you). 

Anyway, in the end, JJH determines that yes, Ann-Elizabeth could if she wanted to, but also admits that (a) cooking together isn't always a romantic activity and (b) Ann-Elizabeth may rightly have some trauma about cooking around family members. In the end, JJH's suggests therapy/another instructor and the suggestion of her watching once a month cooking. Which....fair. 

That said, check out Ann-Elizabeth's webpage on costumes/RenFaireing/being a fool/phoole.

In other news, look, I updated this blog even though I haven't finished anything lately to photograph. I've been in plays. And had my house upset with roach spraying for roaches I don't even have, btw.

Stitches West 2022

Because this will go on forever, the pics will be below the spoiler cut.

This is URINETOWN! part 3

Continued from here:

I didn't do these, but you gotta share them anyway:

'

Here's the ticket, up in the sky:

The finished public amenity.

I hid some rabbits ("don't be the bunny!" is a song in the show) in the set.

And literal Easter eggs. The director said he wanted to remove them later, but never did, and here they are, muhahahah. He even called them out on the first night :) 

And I found a random "old lady" picture from The Producers of the choreographer, so now she's in the set. 

Oh look, a random murder happened on the set! Amusingly, the paper used to cover it up fell down, so now it's obvious, heh heh heh. (That was Sofia, not me.)

And finally....Sofia and I got credited for "scenic art" in the front, but here's our listing on the back. I'm so proud :) 

 

 

This is URINETOWN! part 2

Continued from here. 

I didn't draw this, but will carry it in the show.

I didn't do the graffiti either, but I love it.

????

I love it when someone manages to slip in an insult to the director! (Who would be into it.)

On a related note, other than gluing trash, this was my main project this weekend:

"This is URINETOWN! Your ticket should say URINETOWN! No refunds here at URINETOWN! We'll take that dough..." (actual lyrics.) A four second joke, but worth it. 

And then, there's the TOILET BRIGADE. I wasn't around for its construction, but holy shit, the graffiti.

Can't wait for the actress playing Tiny Tom to see that one.

"Roger Roosevelt, kept a cup beneath his belt," and here it is, up close. 

 

 

 

This is URINETOWN!

So I am in Urinetown, a dark comedy/parody of all things theater, taking place in a world where there's 20 years of drought and you have to pay to pee in public toilets. We have set construction EVERY WEEKEND on this one, I'm very tired. But I figured this show had enough entertaining things that I can show off the craft work I've done there.

The Secret Hideout sign, subtle like a trainwreck. Original design by the director, my execution, me and others painting.

The protest signs. I did "Protest Sign," "Do You Hear The People Pee," "Hi Mom," "Hell No We Gotta Go," and "Get Your Boots Off My Bladder." That one ended up with footprints on it, so I rolled with it.

Can I show you what I'm proudest of? The orphanage THE TRASHED SET, i.e. Public Amenity Number 9, the worst bathroom in town. I initiated collecting trash and gluing it to the set. I'm particularly proud of what I call "The Producers Shrine" on one side, as I've snuck in a few people's names from that show, the flier, and pictures left over from the show. I note that the little old lady is playing the mom in this show as well.

Here's my old unused parking pass from 2020, and another castmate. His wife is choreographing this show and I asked her what his reaction was to the photos she took. "Greaaaaaaaat," she said.

I found what appears to be some kind of...love letter note he wrote to himself? Anyway, it's in there. On the other side (which you can't see under the trash at this point), there's sheet music and script lines from the show.

Castmate looks even better with devil eyes spraypainted on him, doesn't he?

This was the first week's level of trash.

Next week, we added coffee cups with character's names misspelled, and a castmate had a great time decorating the cups and Chinese food containers with coffee, paint, and lipstick. And then came the spraypaint...

This is week 2' s level of trash. It's a real work of art. Other people have been adding on stuff like spraypaint, shoes (not in this shot) and Disney merch bags to the set. 

Lazy project with a bad word in it

I saw someone offering something like this, but fancier/more expensive, and decided to make my own, cheap n' dirty. Bad language is involved, so I'm putting it below the spoiler cut.

Going to Rocky Horror tonight

No, I'm not going as Magenta....more like Magenta Galaxy, hah hah. 

Didn't actually make any of this outfit, but it looks cool so what the heck. 

 

Another card making class

And then there's my favorite one. Too bad my dad's dead or he would be getting this one:

Possible Halloween costume brooding again.

Current ideas:

• My beloved Jen Psaki. 

Requirements:

• Red wig.
• Some nice colored businesswear.

Do I own any of that? No.

Reasons why not to do it: most people won't know who that is, not very costume-y, also a very 2021/dated costume a la the hanging chad.

• A member of Gagnamagnio.

Requirements:

• Knit my own sweater (doing it)
• Teal or black pants (already got).

Do I own/can get any/all of that? Yes.

Reasons why not to do it: most people won't know who that is, only slightly more costume-y.

• Mal from Descendants, which I'm watching at the moment.

Requirements:

• Purple wig (got it)
• Some sort of purple/black leather/accented green clothing outfit? I don't really like a lot of Mal's outfits so I couldn't replicate any of them exactly, but could probably put on a purple dress, black jacket, black boots sort of thing.

Do I own/can get any/all of that? Some of it, at least.

Reasons why not to do it: most people still won't know who that is.

• Gert from Runaways.

Requirements:

• Purple wig (still got it)
• Denim jacket--have some around the house.
• Dinosaur (uh......)

Do I own/can get any/all of that? Some of it, at least..

Reasons why not to do it: most people still won't know who that is, not super costume-y either. 

I feel like the theme of these costumes are "lazy," "not very costume-y" and "nobody's gonna know who they are." Sigh. I admit I feel lazy about costuming for 2021, but still.... 

I'm kind of obsessed with this Icelandic band

Both because I like the music, and they are clearly fun nerdy sorts, but also because of their sweaters with their faces on them. They used to sell the sweaters, but they are sold out. But you can still  make your own face on their website:

 

I kind of want to consider dressing up as someone in the band (with my own head, though, I suppose). Those heads on sweaters tempt me to design something. Which, as you know, I probably could. I haven't the faintest as yet as to what, if anything, will be going on at Halloween this year or if I want to bother knocking myself out for a costume or not, and god knows one of those sweaters would go great on Zoom.

 

However, the issues with this are that almost everyone won't know who I am referring to, and also I cannot for anything spell or pronounce the name of the band. 

 

Edited to add: okay, I'm gonna do a sweater with my head on it, regardless of whether or not I use it for Halloween. I have the face yarn around the house and I ordered more teal.

 

Icon I got off the website.

Head I just graphed out. I don't really know what hair color to do any more. I tend to think of myself as a blonde since most of the time I am one, but this year forcing me to go dye-free has been depressing. (Can't wait to someday get my hair done again...somewhere...) Probably gonna go blonde on this or at least some yarn color I have in the house.